Title: Dead Hearts
Artist: Stars
Eli came home, slamming the front door once it he made it over the threshold. Every inch of his body hurt. He felt weak, his legs seeming to give right as he stepped into the house. Eli dropped to the ground without any intentions of getting up soon. He stayed down, curling himself into a ball and wept. It was not his finest moment, no, not by a long shot. Nonetheless tears streamed down his face. He attempted to clear them away but they fell faster than he had means to keep up with. He soon gave up on the effort, allowing the tears to roam freely down his face. This pain was far too much. The pressure in his chest was paralyzing. Eli clutched the collar of his shirt as he closed his eyes tightly, hoping to catch a his breathe. It was evident it was a lost cause. The walls were closing in on him quickly. He could see them moving closer. He watched them with anxious eyes begging them to stop. But they wouldn't cease. Faster they caved around him. Eli closed his eyes. He didn't want to see this. Right before he drowned underneath it all, Eli's eyes popped open and he sat upright.
Eli knew he couldn't trust his legs just then. He leaned his back against the wall as he sat in the foyer. His breathing was heavy and labored. He still clung onto his shirt. Beads of sweat rolled down his face, his cheeks feeling flushed. Eli swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. He felt weak as his shoulders slumped over. His body was sore and his mind was overcrowded. The anxiety attacks had been kept at bay as of late. Eli had actually forgotten the last time he took his medication. He had been doing well without it, or so he thought. He had gotten his writing back on track, a gift he thought he lost for good. But at what cost? What price did he truly pay for the momentary release? Now as he sat alone in his dark home, Eli was left contemplating what next to do with his life. He never saw this life for himself. Never did he think he'd have to rely on medicine to enable him to make it through the day but here he was. Eli licked his lips as his hands shook. He wiped the sweat of his face and let out a deep breathe. Slowly he rose to his feet, never daring to move too quickly. Once standing, Eli placed a hand on the wall to steady himself.
He turned his head and looked at the staircase. It seemed like such a daunting task. The staircase seemed to mock him, daring him to journey up the fourteen steps up to his room. Cautiously Eli sauntered towards the stairs. His feet dragged as he clambered up the stairs, taking his time. He gripped the banister for extra support as he finally reached the last step. He sighed, feeling a slight sense of accomplishment for making it all the way. Eli pushed open the door to his room, his body leaning heavily against the oak door. His heart raced and Eli felt sick as he started thinking about her again. Of all the nights, why did he have to see her today? He wanted to speak to her, but on far better terms. The look in her eyes was something he could not shake. Eli felt drained as he moved over to his dresser. He opened the third drawer and dug up the clothes there. Somewhere buried underneath piles of tees, was his vial. Eli grew frustrated as he was unable to find it. He extracted the clothes, throwing them on the ground in his haste. Finally his fingers made contact with the orange tube he was searching for. A sinking feeling shot through him. He had come such a long way. Disappointment washed over him.
Eli bit down on his lower lip as he took in a deep breathe. Did he really want to revert back to this? Eli caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. The rims of his eyes were a severe shade of red. His green eyes held nothing; not sadness, not hurt, just emptiness. Eli's brows furrowed together as he took in his reflection once more. What was he becoming? Gone was the boy, now was merely a shell. Eli clenched his jaw. He wanted to turn back into his former self. The guy who would laugh and smile, who could feel joy and love. That boy was gone. His spirit was shattered and he never really stood a chance. Tears fell down his face silently. Eli didn't make any attempts to clean them away. What difference does it make?, he thought bitterly to himself. What difference does any of this really make?, he questioned further. He clutched his vial tighter. Eli frowned and looked down, reading the prescription. He sighed as he read his name. What other sixteen year old required this? None that he knew, that was for certain. He looked away and back again. He could see her all to clearly in his head. Her blue eyes were filled with tears and hate, all because of him and all directed towards him.
Angrily, Eli flipped the top of the vial and left his room. He paced outside in the hall for a bit before opening the door to the bathroom. His footfalls seemed to echo in the quiet space. Eli turned on the tap, allowing the water to run from the faucet. He allowed it to turn as cold as possible before cupping his hands and splashing water on his face. It didn't do much to help his resolve but he still needed something to help combat the growing anxiety. He looked bitterly at his vial as it sat perched on the side of the sink. Eli picked it up and shook out a pill. Without much thought, he popped it into his mouth and swallowed it. He closed his eyes as it travelled down his throat. Not so bad, he thought to himself. Eli pursed his lips and took out another pill, then another, and one more for good measure. His mind felt fuzzy as his eyes seemed to drift a bit. Did you ever love me at all, You're manipulating me, you scare me, Eli. All words she spat at him. Why can't she just love me?, Eli wondered. He turned to the bathtub. Eli twisted the knobs and let water fill the tub. His eyes were halfway shut as he stepped inside, fully clothed. His body dropped, a loud sound was made but Eli didn't feel the pain he should have. He didn't feel anything.
He sat upright but soon his body was to lower. Soon water was right at his chest, his neck, his chin and his nose. Moments later, Eli was completely submerged. His eyes flickered open for a moment. The color before him soon started to fade. The silence pierced his ears but he welcomed it. For the first time in what felt like forever, the world was finally quiet. Solitude was finally his. With one last look, Eli closed his eyes, sinking further into the darkeness.