Everything is so easy in fiction. They meet, they lock eyes, maybe they hit it off- maybe they don't. After a little time and a few event flags- BOOM! They're falling in love. Then one misunderstanding later and a brief explanation followed by a love confession in tears- MARRIAGE! But real life is nothing like that. My name is Eren Jeager and I'm a creative writing major in search of a summer internship. I've applied for random gigs at a few publishers but so far nothing's working out for me.
More important than a summer job- I'm almost twenty and I've never been in love or had a relationship. Yeah there's the passing high school crush but those never last long. My adopted sister Mikasa is a hit with the guys and girls but she's single by choice, my ace queen. Armin, my best friend who is a super nerd, has had a girlfriend and a boyfriend or two… Then there's me. I'm the romantic virgin of the century. There was that one time in freshman year, where I went to a party and people were playing spin the bottle…
Spin the bottle, for those of you who don't know, is an event flag. An awkward first meeting where everyone is a little buzzed or black out drunk. You lock eyes as the bottle lands on you and then you share a tender kiss that will lead you into the depths of love and happiness and internal angst. That shit didn't happen for me because it landed on Horseface Kerstein, or Jean. Now Jean was a handsome guy that night, only because I didn't know him. Here's how it went down. My first kiss, I had been hoarding for eighteen years was wasted on him. We kissed and it was cute and he was hot and then he didn't think anything of it!? He never asked me out or anything!? What a load of bull shit am I right!? Ok, I know it's not romantic fiction. But how great of a meeting story would that have been? Our first year of college, our first party, our first kiss, then boom- Marriage. Needless to say I avoided him like the plague after that. Damn Horseface.
Fiction makes everything look so easy and seamless… but that's just quality writings and memes. Why am I sharing this? I'm on the bus to the last publishing house on my list, sharing my musings. If this doesn't work out then I'm screwed. I need a job, maybe not paid right now, but after college I'll need a job that pays. Well, that or I find a sugar daddy willing to pay for my extravagant lifestyle. That's what happened to mom right? Way to go mom, you did what every girl secretly hopes to fall back on. Wait, I'm not a girl though? Curse you gender roles!
The bus stops a block away from a huge building, aka SCOUTING CORPSE LEGAMENT SHINGEKI SWAG BROWS PUBLISHING! IT'S LIKE A PERFECT BUTT, SHINING IN THE MAYHEM OF DOWNTOWN TOWNSVILLE WHERE I LIVE AND ATTEND COLLEG WITH TEMMIE. If you don't know, do you even internet?
As soon as I reached for the door handle it swung open and hit me in the face. I was knocked onto my beautiful butt. I was about to be mad but then I opened my twinkling green eyes and met sweaty crazed nervous blue ones. He was gorgeous to say the least. Blonde hear swept to the side like a wannabe dad. Bushy eyebrows like under the full moon he became the wolfman. A jaw line so defined he could cut cake with it and I'd eat it off his manly chin.
"Are you alright," he asked, trying to catch his breath.
"Everything is wonderful now that you're here," I said in a daze.
He slapped me across the face and looked serious, "get it together soldier. This is war. I recognize that naive grin, you're the applicant for the summer internship- Eren Jeager."
"He knows my name."
"Well, Eren Jeager, plans have changed. One of our best authors has basically died so we need you to serve your publishing industry. Are you in or are you a coward?"
"I am not a coward sir! Where you go I will follow! Be it Helm's Deep or the chapel- I'm your man!"
"Good, because where we're going is far worse than either of those places. We're going to the bachelor pad of LEVI ACKERMAN!"
My eyes bugged out of my head as the mysterious walking sex meat slung me over his shoulder and made his way to a Mercedes Benz, S Class. He tossed me into the passenger's seat and then took the driver's seat. He said Levi Ackerman right?
"Levi Ackerman, as in… LEVI ACKERMAN!? THE FAMOUS ROMANTIC WHO HAS BEEN TOUCHING THE HEARTS OF WOMEN ALL OVER THE WORLD WITH HIS DELICATE AND SENSITIVE CHARACTERS AND MEN MORE MANLY THAN RYAN GOSLING! HE'S HUMANITY'S HOPE FOR DECENT MEN ALL OVER THE WORLD! PICTURES OF HIM ARE SO RARE, MEETUPS EVEN RARER, BARELY ANYONE KNOWS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN YOU HEAR RUMORS LIKE HE'S ACTUALLY SUPER HOT! HOTTER THAN RYAN GOSLING AND RALPH FIENNES COMBINED!"
"Ralph Fiennes?"
"You know, he played Voldemort in Harry Potter. But he's been in tons of other stuff. He's maturing extremely well, if you catch my drift."
"So you're into older guys, then this will be perfect."
"Umm who are you and I'm totally fine being kidnapped by you but I have to wonder why you picked me up to help you would with LEVI FREAKING ACKERMAN- sorry. Me and my mom love him. But like, I was never interviewed or anything?"
"My name is Erwin Smith and I consider myself a good judge of character. Just looking into those virginal puppy eyes I knew one thing was for sure. You are a potential muse for Levi. He's been having trouble coming up with his next novel. He's been wanting to branch into more serious works, you see. That's why I need you."
"He wants me to be his artistic muse?"
Images of me in a sheet being fed grapes on a cloud flashed through my mind. If Levi is as handsome as the trees whisper then this might work out. If Levi isn't handsome then spending more time with Mr. Smith won't be too much a problem either. I win both ways.
"I was his muse before, now I won't be enough. I believe you will be a suitable replacement. Just as a warning, he may try scenes out on you without your knowing."
Romantic scenes right from Levi Ackerman's books? This must be a dream. I raise my hand to my mouth and bite down on its side, where the thumb joints to the rest of my hand. It hurts. I'm awake.
"What was that?" He asked.
"I was just checking if I was awake."
"Couldn't you just pinch your arm?"
"Then what would you have to do?" I winked.
"Cheeky, yes you will be good for Levi. Ah, we're here."
We pull up to a less than glamorous estate or apartment building. Levi Ackerman is a worldwide best selling author, surely he can afford better than the ghetto?
"Levi likes to live where his work will flourish best. He used to live near the rose garden uptown."
"I see," I nodded, "I guess I missed out."
"Not really, Levi is prone to extravagant trips for work or his own interests. Usually I'll have to come along. If he likes you enough, you'll be invited too."
"Seriously!"
"Yes, but Levi hates people. So you'll have to work very hard, do you understand?"
His smile was so poisonous like a blue twix bar but I just wanted to eat it up, "ok."
We walked up to the grungy building and then up the outside stairs. It was a truly crap building, one of the stairs caved in under me. Luckily Mr. Smith caught me. Maybe this building isn't so bad. Erwin Smith smells like peppermint and pomade. I get a good look at his mouth and notice the maticulous blended chapsticks. One of them is for women, slightly tinted pink. That confirms he is at least metrosexual and might be open to men… because I am one hundred percent man with my one chest hair.
He knocked on the door and we waited. No one came. He knocked again and we waited. No one came. I looked up at Mr. Erwin Smith and saw him smiling pleasantly. He raised his hand once more. This time he took the door knob. The door was locked. Something changed in his expression as he lowered himself to the door knob.
"I'll just need to pick the lock," he smiled up at me.
My eyes went wide. What the hell is going on? Then he pressed his mouth to the keyhole and started sucking on it. He moaned a little. Seriously, what the hell am I looking at? He finally moved his face away from the keyhole and spit. He twisted the knob again, it actually opened.
"Still got it, I'll show you sometime," Erwin smiled at me standing up, "after you."
I took my first step into the dark apartment. He smelled weird, like copper and corn flakes, a little bit like my room after some me time. Take that as you will. I noticed then how clean the place was, almost in a serial killer way. The door slammed behind me and I couldn't see a thing.
"Uhhh Mr. Smith?"
There was no response. I quietly made my way deeper into the apartment.
"Mr. Ackerman?"
Still nothing. I noticed on the floor trails of red fluid. oh my god, is that blood? It lead into the bathroom. What!? I followed the trail and saw the bathroom door was locked. Someone was inside. It sounded like a baby was crying? How strange. I knelt down to the door knob and gingerly began sucking at the keyhole. I did so until my mouth was filled with some weird fluid. Okay, what the hell kinds of doors are these? I spit and tried the door again. This time it opened.
There was smashed glass and goo all over the floor and it smelled like pickled cabbage. In the toilet was a bloody fetus. It was crying. Oh my god. I heard something shift behind the curtain that lead to the shower/bath. I lightly walked over to it and then quickly moved the curtain. The bathtub was full of blood. I went to throw up in the toilet but the baby was in there so I opted for the nearby trash can.
A ripple. I turned around and slowly emerging from the blood filled bath was a man with a knife.
"You're next," he whispered.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I ran off screaming as loud as I could. He chased me down the hallway. I went to the front door to escape but it was locked. No! It was behind held shut from the outside.
"MR. ERWIN! ERWIN SMITH PLEASE! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!"
I slowly turned around and there he was, a short but terrifying blood soaked man. He was going to kill me. This was going to be the end of it. He and Erwin are working together. I'll never see my mom again.
…
…
Suddenly I snapped. I went charging straight for him and pinned him to the ground and took the knife right out of his hands. He didn't see me coming. That's what she said.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!" I screamed.
"ERWIN! ERWIN QUICK!"
The door swung open the the hallway was filled with light, Erwin only laughed, "he's tougher than I thought."
"WHat!?" I swung my head around to look at him and the man below me took my by the shirt collar and flipped us so I was under him.
"Let me go," I squirmed and cried, "let me go."
"Yeah, not bad. But not good enough," the man said, "alright kid. You're free to go."
He got up and I stared at the two of them, "hold on…"
I remembered how it felt to hold the knife… it was plastic. It was a toy knife. I smelled the blood on my clothes. It was corn syrup.
"... Who are you," I asked the corn syrup soaked man.
His expression didn't change, "I'm Levi Ackerman. You were a great help today."
After that he went back into the bathroom and came back with clean feet and a mop. He started cleaning the bloody footprints on the floor. He looked at my feet.
"Take your shoes off, what are you an animal?"
I looked at Erwin, "He's a bit of a clean freak. Also, his newest novel is going to be a horror/thriller."
"So when you said he was going to try out some scenes on me…"
"You provided ample feedback," he looked behind me to Levi, still scrubbing the floors, "When you've cleaned yourself up we can all go out for dinner."
Levi groaned, "oh, and I was going to go out like this."
"He's joking," Erwin assured me.
Levi left shortly after that and I heard the shower turn on.
"Hey Erwin, I don't think I can do this job. I was hoping for more of a coffee fetcher's job or maybe assistant to an assistant editor or maybe-"
The shower turned off and Erwin gestured for me to turn around. The bathroom door opened again and through the mists of a steamy shower emerged a man. He wasn't just any man. He was around five foot three with naturally black hair, short on the sides, long on the top. He was pale with long slender fingers and big buff man arms. His eyes were a steely grey and his abs were so hot I could fry an egg on them. As he walked across the hallway to another closed door I caught a peek at his back. Holy shit. I looked down his gorgeous muscles and caught a peek at that butt. That was a butt. He slammed the door behind him and Erwin used his fingers to gently close my mouth, with had been hanging open. I hadn't noticed.
"So when do I start," I asked.
This originally started off as a serious fic… as they often do… I don't think I'll really continue this one. It was just an idea I had and I hate writing in first person but it was the best way to make Eren's thoughts visible. Hope you liked it. Peace out.