Title: From England, With Love
Author: Valleri Lynn MoonStorm
E-mail: Rating: PG-13, for subject matter.
Spoilers: Nothing. At all. Well, maybe season two, because Mac has to be in the picture, but beyond that.
Summary: Mac returns home to face the consequences of her actions.
Classification: Drama, romance H/M
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I couldn't get that lucky.
Archive: I don't mind, but please e-mail me and tell me first.
Author's Notes: This is probably my best fiction ever, so I hope ya'll like it. I don't take credit for the sequel, because it sucks. Thanks to my awesome beta-reader and coven-sister, Adiline Star MoonStorm! I love ya girl!
As she sat in the airplane terminal, Mac's mind started to wander. Would they care about her? Would they even take her in when she had no home? She opened her eyes, praying everything would have just been a dream. But it wasn't. A tidal wave of mistakes stared back at her. How did she even know if he was still there? She closed her eyes, and drifted back off into a daydream she had created for herself over the past month. He would grab her up and take her in, forgiving all her mistakes and giving her the life she had always dreamed of. She slowly drifted back...
No! She had to keep awake. She was only going to rest for a short while, while she waited till they called her flight, but months of neglected sleep beckoned to overcome her. Slowly she started drifting away.
When she opened her eyes, she was in a freshly mowed lawn. She watched as her baby son played with the dog.
"Miss?"
Mac rubbed her eyes, trying to clear the haze from her head. "Harm?" she moaned.
"No dear, I'm not Harm," an elderly lady said, leaning over her, "I had just saw you were dozing and wanted to make sure you weren't on the flight they just called."
"1967?" she asked of the lady.
"Yes dear, now go get on the plane before you miss it." She said smiling.
"Thank you ma'am," Mac said stretching. She boarded the plane and quickly found her seat, next to the window.
The trip would take at least 8 hours. She could catch up with her sleep in that time. Trying to ignore the looks of disapproval from the baby-boomer seated beside her, Mac curled up against the window, and tried to sleep. When the plane started rolling down the taxi, Mac's stomach characteristically started churning. She moaned and opened her eyes to look out the window. She had forgotten about her airsickness. Hopefully her stomach would calm down soon. In the meantime, she looked out the window and sighed. She dreaded meeting up with Harm after this time. She knew he would be angry. She had, after all, just disappeared. But he had said things to her that she couldn't handle. What was she going to say to him? Eight months was a long time, long enough for him to have moved on. But still, Mac clung to the hopes that he hadn't moved on. After all, she hadn't. But then again, she had a constant reminder of what had happened between them. A reminder she woke up with every day, and fell asleep with every night. She would have to explain everything to him. Why she had left, why she hadn't said goodbye to him, why she had never told him of what had become of her.
Mac looked down at herself. She was thoroughly filthy. She had taken a bath before she had left, but walking, barefoot, to the airport gave her the appearance that she didn't even know what a bath was. Her soft green dress had gotten discolored from the dirt, dust, and sweat. She was in no condition to walk as far as she did, but she had to leave that horrible house. She had let her hair grow out, having no money to pay for it to be cut, and it desperately needed to be washed. But the worst of all, were the telltale signs of living with a drunk. The dark bruises and scars that ran down her legs, arms, and face. He had at least been considerate enough to not hit her in the stomach. Not that that counted for much, considering he had made it up by pushing her against walls and doors whenever he passed.
Mac shook her head. She had sworn to herself, never to let anyone treat her the way her father had treated her. And, yet, she had endured it for the six months she had lived with them. At the time, she tried to convince herself that, in this case, and just this case, it was okay, because if they let her live with them and eat with them free of charge, she shouldn't go against his method of discipline. She had gotten so good at lying to herself. At least she had left when she did. Things were starting to get worse, with him constantly drunk. Mac closed her eyes, and curled up against the window again. Soon she would be home, and, if nothing else, at least Harm would be proud of her for not falling off the wagon, despite the temptation. With that last thought, she drifted off into a dark, dreamless sleep.
The stewardess awoke her when the plane had landed at Washington National. Mac stretched in her seat and dizzily stood up. Walking off the plane, she wondered if she should call Harm and beg him to come pick her up, or call a cab. When she stepped off of the plane into the terminal, she briefly glanced around for a payphone, when she saw Bud. Wait! Bud? It couldn't be. But looking again, she saw that it was. Bud, Mic, and Harm stood talking, all in their dress whites, in a corner of the airport. She slowly walked over to them, scared of what their reaction to her present state would be.
"Hi..." she said timidly.
"Colonel!" Bud nearly screamed, "You're back! Oh my God!" He was standing between Mic and Harm, from where he reached over and hugged her, dirtying his dress whites. She managed to give him a little smile. She looked from Harm to Mic, not sure what to gather from their reactions. Mic reached over and gave her a hug, saying he missed her, while Harm just stood there staring at her as if she had grown a second head.
"Hi Harm..." she managed to get out.
His shocked expression slowly turned into a smile as he reached out and hugged her. "I'm so sorry..." he whispered into her ear. Mac's eyes filled with tears at his apology. She hadn't expected it, and really didn't think it was necessary for him to say what he had. 'I'm so sorry' doesn't change the past, and it surely doesn't make her any less pregnant.
"Colonel," Bud began, when Mac had released Harm from her grasp. "Do you have a place to stay?"
"No, I don't, but Bud? I'm not a Marine anymore, so call me Mac."
Bud nodded solemnly, but continued, "Well, Harriet and I don't really have much room to put you up at our house, but you could stay with us, and I'll just sleep on the couch." Mac started to shake her head, declining his offer, when he continued. "At least come home with me and wash up. I'm sure Harriet would love to see you and then maybe afterwards you could come to the Headquarters to see everyone again."
Mac smiled at him, her first real one since she left, "I'd like that, Bud. I'd like that a lot."
Harriet walked up then, the three men's ride home. When she saw Mac, her jaw hit the floor, and she ran over to hug her. Bud told his wife about the offer he had extended to Mac, and she agreed that she should stay with them for a little. "Let's go get your luggage and head home, I'm sure the Commanders and Bud are exhausted."
Mac looked down at the floor, "I don't have any luggage. My stuff was stolen from me."
"Well, that's fine, one less stop. You're coming home with me anyways, and I still have my maternity clothes, so maybe we can find you something that fits." Harriet said, smiling brightly.
Mac smiled back at her, and the five old friends took off towards the Roberts' car.
"So, um, Mac, if you don't mind me asking, where did you go?" Harm carefully asked her. Mac tried to swallow her tears. There used to be a time when Harm didn't have to say things like 'if you don't mind'. But she guessed she had screwed that over.
"England," she responded.
"England!" Harm said, raising his voice, "Who the hell did you know in ENGLAND!"
Mac smiled at him. There was the old Harmon Rabb she knew. "No one. No one at all. That's why I went there. So I could get away from the people I knew." She looked over at him, afraid to hurt him, but needing to get this out. "So I could get away from you. I couldn't handle it, remembering that you had said you -"
Harm waived her to be quiet. He couldn't handle being reminded of what he had said to her. "I know..." he said softly.
"But it's okay now, Sarah," Mic's Australian accent caused her to break eye contact with Harm, "You're home, and you've gotten us. What else could a woman want?"
Mac looked up. She was home. She had to laugh, though, at the three goofy grins staring back at her. Harriet looked over at Mac, "I'm sorry," she said sarcastically, nodding to the three men. "Come on, ya'll, let's get home." The five settled down in Harriet's car, and the conversation turned to baby AJ's latest adventure.
"I don't have many maternity dresses, sorry," Harriet said, as she and Mac were picking through her closet. Harriet had called the Admiral, saying she had a surprise for everyone at the office, and could she please come in a little late. He had reluctantly agreed, and so, with Bud off to work, told to hold his tongue, and Mac bathed, she and Harriet tasked themselves with finding an appropriate outfit for Mac to show up in.
"That's okay, maybe I just shouldn't go..." Mac said, nervously.
"Mac?" Harriet asked, growing concerned. She sat on the side of the bed and motioned for Mac to sit beside her. When she did, Harriet continued, "Mac, why did you leave?"
Mac swallowed. She didn't want to confess, but Harriet was opening up her home, she at least owned this much to her. "Remember when Harm and I went to Florida, to work on that Hughlett case? Well... when we got there, Tiner had forgotten to book us a hotel. Every one was full up, except for one. It had one room. One bed..." Mac looked down at her eight month swollen belly. She almost jumped when Harriet took her hand.
"I understand. Does he know? I mean, that it's his?"
Mac nodded at her, through tears. "I'm so sacred, Harriet..." she looked back up into Harriet's eyes. "What will I say to everyone when they ask who's it is? When they ask why I left? When they ask where the bruises are from? When they ask where I was? What am I gonna do? I can't avoid the questions, and I care about them too much to lie."
Harriet reached over and took Mac into her arms. She couldn't say she understood, because she didn't. She couldn't say it would be okay, because she wasn't sure it would be. All she could do I hold her crying friend like her mother used to hold her. Then Harriet realized that Mac had probably never been comforted by a woman before. She had Harm, and before him, her Uncle Matt, but never a mother's touch. She ached for her friend, and prayed that everything would be okay.
When Mac calmed down, she and Harriet picked out a dress for her, and helped her cover the fading bruises on her face. She hoped no one would notice the bruises on her legs. Harriet then settled into her own clothes, and the two set off for the JAG Headquarters.
As the elevator doors opened, Mac forced herself to breathe normally. She followed Harriet towards the Admiral's office, blushing slightly at the astonished looks from the people who noticed her.
"Enter!" the Admiral said, responding to Harriet's knock. Harriet stepped just inside the door, not allowing Mac to enter yet. "Lieutenant. What was this surprise you said you were bringing?"
Harriet smiled at her CO. "My surprise is Sarah MacKenzie," she said, stepping to the side so Mac could enter.
"Colonel, it's a good thing you came back when you did, you were getting awfully short on personal leave," the Admiral told her, not showing any surprise at her appearance.
Mac blinked nervously. Personal leave? "What are you talking about?"
"I was amazed to see when you left that you had never taken a day off for personal leave. You had almost nine months worked up. In fact, I think you only have about a month left."
Now it was Mac's turn to be surprised, "But what about my resignation?"
"You had better start siring me, Colonel, I never turned it in." As the realization of his words sunk in, the Admiral smiled at her, "Welcome back, Mac."
Mac ran over to the Admiral and hugged him, then realized what she had done and shrunk back. He smiled at her. "You can start today. I tried to keep everyone out of your office while you were gone, but Bud has been using it some, so if you'll excuse his mess, you can kick his six to the curb, then get Commander Rabb to fill you in on the Hoppenworth case you two will be working on. That'll be all."
Harriet clicked to attention in front of her CO, but had a hard time not laughing at Mac's reaction when she realized what was going on. Mac clicked to attention, the Admiral dismissed them, and they headed back into the bullpen where news of her return and pregnancy had already spread like wildfire.
Mac smiled and did her best to avoid her questioners, heading towards Harm's office. She entered and sat in one of his visitor's chairs in front of his desk. He looked up at her, surprised at someone just walking into his office, then smiled, realizing who it was.
"What can I do for you?" he said.
"Well, since you can't turn back time, and change everything, I guess accepting my sincere apology for running off from you like I did would be nice. And I am sorry."
He smiled at her, "Forgiven. Next?"
"Alright, Father Rabb," she said teasingly, "I don't know why, but the Admiral never put my resignation through, and has been submitting me as being on personal leave for the past eight months. I never realized how much I had. He said that I am now working with you on some Hoppenworth case, and you are supposed to fill me in."
"How about this?" Harm supplied, "How about if I fill you in on the case, then you'll come home with me tonight and fill me in on your life since you left mine?"
"Deal," she said, and they shook hands.
With pizza on the way, and the sheets on his bed changed so she could sleep there, Harm sat next to Mac on the couch. He knew that this was going to be hard for Mac to say, so he decided the best thing to do was for him to start, "When you left, I had no idea where you were. I started doing crazy things, I'm not even sure why. Like I'd go out and buy a half and half pizza like we always would, and your half would go to waste. I poured all of the alcohol in my house down the drain. I would stop by Beltway Burgers on the way home, and pick you up some food, expecting you to be there when I returned. I guess you kinda became my obsession. That was five months ago. I eventually came to my senses and stopped acting all crazy, and I threw myself into my work. I would always have dreams about you. They were just as crazy as I was. Sometimes I'd just dream of working on a case with you. Sometimes I'd dream of flying in Sarah with you. Sometimes I'd dream of marrying you. Most of the time, though, I'd dream of that night, in Florida."
Mac sighed, "I guess that's my cue." Harm nodded at her, and Mac continued, "When I found out I was pregnant, I knew it was yours, and I remembered how, afterward, when we got back from Florida, how you had said you didn't want a serious relationship. I got scared, and did the only thing I felt at that time that I could do. I ran. I resigned my commission, and flew to England. I started going by Sarah, as if that made me a new person. I lived in a hotel and eventually became friends with a lady there named Tabatha. When I ran out of money, Tabatha offered to let me live with her, for free. I moved in with her and her husband, Johnathan." She looked down at her lap. "John was abusive, and beat me around. His wife threatened to kill him if he ever hit my chest or stomach. She knew about the baby. When it became obvious that I was pregnant, he slacked off, and didn't beat me as much or as hard. Everything calmed down and seemed pretty good. Then one day he came home and he was wasted. I haven't seen someone that drunk in years. I was in my room, avoiding him, and he came after in. He walked over to me, and started hitting on me. He had done it before, when he got really drunk, so I wasn't worried. Then he walked over to me, pulled my dress up, and grabbed me. I guess I turned back into Mac then, because I started kicking him and hitting him with everything in me. The baby made it hard to fight though, and he eventually won over me." Mac saw Harm shiver at what he knew was coming. Mac tried not to cry, but her voice still started cracking. "He ripped off my underwear and put his mouth between my legs." Mac started shaking, remembering what had happened. Harm pulled her close to him, and let her finish. "That's when Tabatha walked in. She had heard my screaming, and came as fast as she could. She came in with the shotgun, thinking he was hitting my stomach, and prepared to fulfill her promise to him. When she saw him, she quickly aimed, and shot him in the leg. She told me to leave, and I ran. I left everything I had there. It took me three days to walk to the airport. I didn't know where else to go. You were the only close friend I ever had
Harm held her close. "When I said that I didn't want a serious relationship, I lied. I was scared to have a serious relationship with you, for fear of losing you. By saying that, I did lose you. I still am scared to have a serious relationship. But that doesn't mean that I won't be here for you. For you and our baby. You're everything to me Mac."