A/N: I was struck with this idea. Ebony meets Jo bekke meets cannon. Basically ebony and jo bekle come to Hogwarts… They fight for control. The final battle will begin! Yeah… That sounded lame. The worst fanfiction characters ever fight over Hogwarts. Goffs vs. surthurnurs! I'm putting up a pole to see who you think should win! Very interesting things ensue. This basically is just a generic year at Hogwarts, no specific year. And there's a bit of other fanfiction parody in here too. So as always, here we go!

Chapter 1: The Arrival ~ Part One

"Did you here?"

"What?"

"Who?"

"Two of them?"

Hogwarts had been buzzing with news. Apparently two new arrivals were coming to the school.

"So," Hermione said," looking up from her book, "When are they coming."

Harry and Ron, who were playing a game of chess, looked up. "We thought you knew," Ron said.

Hermione rolled her eyes and set her book down. "Honestly, I don't know everything!"

Harry and Ron glanced at each other and then laughed. "What?" she exclaimed.

"At least you admit it," Ron chuckled.

"I heard that!" Hermione said, playfully shoving him.

"Did somebody ask when that new girl is getting here?" Lavender Brown said, coming up behind them.

"I did," Hermione said.

"Well I heard that she arrived tonight, and was sorted into Gryffindor."

"But aren't there two of them," Harry asked.

"I heard the other got sorted to Slytherin."

"How did you find this out?" Hermione asked, skeptically.

"Well someone's got to know these things," Lavender said, "Otherwise the author can't make this story go anywhere!"

"So you're just a plot piece?" Ron asked.

"Pretty much."

"I hate being in fanfiction," Harry muttered.

Then they heard a loud voice coming from outside the portrait hole, "Wat do u meen da paswurd iznt YANKEES SUK!111111111111?"

"What?" Hermione exclaimed.

"do u knoe hoo I em?...::" the voice came again.

"That must be the new student..." Harry said.

Finally the portrait swung open, "Go annoy them, I'm sick of you!"

"I didn't think the fat lady was supposed to do that," Ron said, "Nest time, I'll just annoy her."

Of course, Ron didn't realize quite how annoying this girl could be.

She had long blonde hair and sparkly blue eyes. She waved a hand through her hair (no doubt so that she wouldn't trip on it), and captured the attention of several boys eyes. Until…

"IM JO BELKE POTER!111111111111 (Harry's face turned a ghastly color) And IF UR A NURTHHURNUR DEN U SUK, gwet ote ov her!"

"Excuse me," one student said.

"OR IF UR gae or blak or aneething other then me!111111111"

"Well I never," Hermione said.

Jo belke turned 2 them, "DONULD," she cried.

The trio looked at each other, since when did Gryffindor have a Donald?

She rushed at them, "I LURVBE U DONULD," she screamed. Then she wrapped her arms around him and began kissing him ferociously.

"Ah!" he yelled pushing her off.

"But darrel!11111111"

"How is she speaking in grammatical errors?" Hermione wondered aloud, forgetting to be annoyed that another girl had just kissed Ron.

"I'm not any Darryl or Donald!" Ron cried.

"NOOOoo!11111111111 ur mi bf!1111"

Ron jumped back as she tried to kiss him again.

"Excuse me," Hermione scowled, crossing her arms.

"HARMONEE!111111 ur lik, mi biggist fan rite!111111"

"I've never met you before in my life!" Hermione screamed.

"Who are you anyway," Harry said.

She turned to him, "HO CULD U nut no me im ur sister JO BEKKE PUTTER!1111111111111111111"

"I don't have a sister!"

"w8," jo bekke said, "wat happnd 2 ur awsum surthurn axnts?"

"We're from England!"

"Ya, but wer in surturn egland!11111"

"No dear," Hermione said, "We're not."

"Ugh, I knoe donuld relly luvs me!" she chased him out of the common room.

"We should go help Do- I mean Ron," Harry said.

Hermione nodded, and they followed jo bekke (or whatever her name is).

A/N: Hope you liked it! Next up: Enoby arrives in the Slytherin common room!