Life
By, Kristie
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters of the ER. I also don't own "Don't let the Sun go Down on Me," by the ever wonderful Elton John.
A/N: this is JC/AL, of course because they rock. So, if you don't like them, don't read it. I'm not sure if I should continue or not.
That is where you come in, you wonderful person you. =)
Reviews are a girl's best friend.
I hope you like the story. Abby's POV for now.
---
Life.
A simple word, yet the most complex thing that I have ever faced. It's like a puzzle, too many pieces needed to be put together. My puzzle pieces are so completely scattered that it is difficult to see which one I should start with.
I've thought many times to myself, what would happen if I ended it? Right here, right now, I could take the pills. I don't even have to do it slowly, dump the entire thing in my mouth, and just get it over with. It would be as simple as that. Get rid of all of my pain, tears, and overall problems. It wouldn't be difficult to do, and as quickly as I took the pills, I would be gone.
But I can't do it.
Why can't I? I've come to the conclusion it's my heart. Although I would like to believe I don't go for all the mushy love crap, I'm truly a sucker for it. I want so badly to fall in love. I don't want it to just be those deep feelings.
Deep feelings can go away, love can't.
I think that I've fallen in love before. A long time ago, I don't know why, and I don't understand why it was him. I just want it to be someone else, but he was the chosen one. He's the one I can't get off my mind, every waken moment I think of him. I want just a friendship, nothing more, that's all we could ever be.
Okay, I know I've fallen in love before, and I'm still in love.
It wasn't the boy next-door story or the serendipitous kind, it was just me falling in love, with him. It was just us. It was just a story of love. Of an every lasting craving for one another, never able to get enough of each other, or taste enough. I wanted him and he wanted me. It was the feeling that you never thought you would get in your entire life and you just know it will stick. We just knew it was right.
It was that simple.
Or was it?
Of course it wasn't, life just isn't that easy and fair. Because if it was, I wouldn't be sitting here, thinking about him, and wanting his arms around me. I wouldn't long for him every night to kiss away my salty tears and I wouldn't have to imagine him, because he would be here.
With me.
And no one else.
We were perfect. But now were not. Everything in the entire world seems to be against us. I never gave fate or destiny that chance I should have because now they won't give it to me.
I know, we're so wrong for each other in so many ways.
But, it feels so right.
---
I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life
Too late to save myself from falling
---
I go to work. It is the best part of my day and also the worst. Why do I still work there? I ask myself this question everyday. But then I catch a glimpse of him. Of his smile, and it gives me this new energy to my step.
Stop doing this to yourself, stop.
But the truth is I can't control it. That's just it, you can't control love and it's possibly the worst feeling you'll ever have in your entire life. Yes, it is great in so many ways, but when you can't have it and you know it, you feel lower then low.
And that's the problem, I can't have his love.
I know his heart doesn't belong to her, it belongs to me. I wonder to myself, does he spend every waking second thinking of me the way that I think of him? And I know the answer, because if he did he wouldn't be the person he was. He wouldn't smile the way he does, his eyes wouldn't fill my heart to with complete and total trust if he felt the way I did.
But there's that one part of me that says you need to have faith. You have to believe that there is a chance.
The smallest chance.
But the most important.
I wish I could tell him everything, explain my life, explain my heart. I can't, he used to be my best friend. He is, or so he thinks, or so I wish. No, I wish he was mine. I wish I could make him feel the way he makes me.
Actually, I don't.
Never would I want him to have the pain that I feel all the time because I love him too much.
I love him.
That's the simplest, yet most complicated way to put it into words. I wish that he would come towards me, take me in his arms, and whisper into my ear, "I'm yours."
But he doesn't.
He walks pasts me, winks, and flashes me that million-dollar smile that makes me go weak at the knees. And my heart wants to melt and tear in half all at the same time, but somehow his smile gives me hope. Hope that I will be his and he will be mine some day. Some day far off in the future.
But, some day.
---
I took a chance and changed your way of life
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light
Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me
---
My friends often seek me for some kind of help or support. Usually not verbally, but a place to stay, a shoulder to cry on, a person to laugh with, and I'm always there with open arms.
But I can't express the thoughts running through my mind. Those thoughts run through my mind as if I was a secretary typing a thousand words a minute. No, I was never good at expressing my feelings, ever. That's what drove him away, maybe that's why he went to her. But I don't know why I couldn't be open. Tell him.
And yet he was always there.
At night he would kiss away the tears of deception, the tears of pain, the tears of fear, and just hold me, and say, "We're going to be okay."
Oh how I wish we were.
But somehow I get this feeling were not.
He was my special someone. The one my heart chose. Why, why can't this pain and misery go away? Why can't he just come back? Why do I spend every wake less moment thinking of him? Why won't these tears go away.
I wrap my arms around myself, and sit her. On a chair. A blanket wrapped around my body and my head in my arms, tears pouring out of my eyes. I'm not the type to get all-emotional, but he can make me emotional.
I've never cried for someone.
I'll cry for him.
Whether it's my choice or not, I will cry for him. And I hear a knock at the door. I yell, one minute.
I hurry into the bathroom and dry my tears. I whiten my face so it doesn't looked so flushed and I go to open the door. I hope it's someone who will listen. I hope it's someone that I can express my problems to.
But when I open the door it's him.
I'm not sure how surprised I was to see him. That's how all the stories go, but this one was different. We weren't a story, we were, are, real.
He asks me if he can come in and I nod leaving the door open.
---
I can't find, oh the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way I feel
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal But losing everything is like the sun going down on me.
---
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters of the ER. I also don't own "Don't let the Sun go Down on Me," by the ever wonderful Elton John.
A/N: this is JC/AL, of course because they rock. So, if you don't like them, don't read it. I'm not sure if I should continue or not.
That is where you come in, you wonderful person you. =)
Reviews are a girl's best friend.
I hope you like the story. Abby's POV for now.
---
Life.
A simple word, yet the most complex thing that I have ever faced. It's like a puzzle, too many pieces needed to be put together. My puzzle pieces are so completely scattered that it is difficult to see which one I should start with.
I've thought many times to myself, what would happen if I ended it? Right here, right now, I could take the pills. I don't even have to do it slowly, dump the entire thing in my mouth, and just get it over with. It would be as simple as that. Get rid of all of my pain, tears, and overall problems. It wouldn't be difficult to do, and as quickly as I took the pills, I would be gone.
But I can't do it.
Why can't I? I've come to the conclusion it's my heart. Although I would like to believe I don't go for all the mushy love crap, I'm truly a sucker for it. I want so badly to fall in love. I don't want it to just be those deep feelings.
Deep feelings can go away, love can't.
I think that I've fallen in love before. A long time ago, I don't know why, and I don't understand why it was him. I just want it to be someone else, but he was the chosen one. He's the one I can't get off my mind, every waken moment I think of him. I want just a friendship, nothing more, that's all we could ever be.
Okay, I know I've fallen in love before, and I'm still in love.
It wasn't the boy next-door story or the serendipitous kind, it was just me falling in love, with him. It was just us. It was just a story of love. Of an every lasting craving for one another, never able to get enough of each other, or taste enough. I wanted him and he wanted me. It was the feeling that you never thought you would get in your entire life and you just know it will stick. We just knew it was right.
It was that simple.
Or was it?
Of course it wasn't, life just isn't that easy and fair. Because if it was, I wouldn't be sitting here, thinking about him, and wanting his arms around me. I wouldn't long for him every night to kiss away my salty tears and I wouldn't have to imagine him, because he would be here.
With me.
And no one else.
We were perfect. But now were not. Everything in the entire world seems to be against us. I never gave fate or destiny that chance I should have because now they won't give it to me.
I know, we're so wrong for each other in so many ways.
But, it feels so right.
---
I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life
Too late to save myself from falling
---
I go to work. It is the best part of my day and also the worst. Why do I still work there? I ask myself this question everyday. But then I catch a glimpse of him. Of his smile, and it gives me this new energy to my step.
Stop doing this to yourself, stop.
But the truth is I can't control it. That's just it, you can't control love and it's possibly the worst feeling you'll ever have in your entire life. Yes, it is great in so many ways, but when you can't have it and you know it, you feel lower then low.
And that's the problem, I can't have his love.
I know his heart doesn't belong to her, it belongs to me. I wonder to myself, does he spend every waking second thinking of me the way that I think of him? And I know the answer, because if he did he wouldn't be the person he was. He wouldn't smile the way he does, his eyes wouldn't fill my heart to with complete and total trust if he felt the way I did.
But there's that one part of me that says you need to have faith. You have to believe that there is a chance.
The smallest chance.
But the most important.
I wish I could tell him everything, explain my life, explain my heart. I can't, he used to be my best friend. He is, or so he thinks, or so I wish. No, I wish he was mine. I wish I could make him feel the way he makes me.
Actually, I don't.
Never would I want him to have the pain that I feel all the time because I love him too much.
I love him.
That's the simplest, yet most complicated way to put it into words. I wish that he would come towards me, take me in his arms, and whisper into my ear, "I'm yours."
But he doesn't.
He walks pasts me, winks, and flashes me that million-dollar smile that makes me go weak at the knees. And my heart wants to melt and tear in half all at the same time, but somehow his smile gives me hope. Hope that I will be his and he will be mine some day. Some day far off in the future.
But, some day.
---
I took a chance and changed your way of life
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light
Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me
---
My friends often seek me for some kind of help or support. Usually not verbally, but a place to stay, a shoulder to cry on, a person to laugh with, and I'm always there with open arms.
But I can't express the thoughts running through my mind. Those thoughts run through my mind as if I was a secretary typing a thousand words a minute. No, I was never good at expressing my feelings, ever. That's what drove him away, maybe that's why he went to her. But I don't know why I couldn't be open. Tell him.
And yet he was always there.
At night he would kiss away the tears of deception, the tears of pain, the tears of fear, and just hold me, and say, "We're going to be okay."
Oh how I wish we were.
But somehow I get this feeling were not.
He was my special someone. The one my heart chose. Why, why can't this pain and misery go away? Why can't he just come back? Why do I spend every wake less moment thinking of him? Why won't these tears go away.
I wrap my arms around myself, and sit her. On a chair. A blanket wrapped around my body and my head in my arms, tears pouring out of my eyes. I'm not the type to get all-emotional, but he can make me emotional.
I've never cried for someone.
I'll cry for him.
Whether it's my choice or not, I will cry for him. And I hear a knock at the door. I yell, one minute.
I hurry into the bathroom and dry my tears. I whiten my face so it doesn't looked so flushed and I go to open the door. I hope it's someone who will listen. I hope it's someone that I can express my problems to.
But when I open the door it's him.
I'm not sure how surprised I was to see him. That's how all the stories go, but this one was different. We weren't a story, we were, are, real.
He asks me if he can come in and I nod leaving the door open.
---
I can't find, oh the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way I feel
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal But losing everything is like the sun going down on me.
---