Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and I'm not sure I want to own that either. This was an experiment to see whether I could write a yaoi or not, I believe I failed miserably but I am often my worst critic. However I did it none the less and am posting it because I figure I'll learn from it. Hope you don't find it too bad and that you'll at least review to tell me where I went wrong.
Until You're Asleep
Trowa lay in his bed and tried to go back to sleep but couldn't, an unexpected annoyance. Looking up at his ceiling Trowa couldn't even figure out what had woken him or so well. A light sleeper it could have been anything but he heard nothing now and there was no sense of danger or something out of the ordinary taking place. Shifting up so that he was leaning up against his elbows Trowa looked around his room but saw nothing, everything was in its proper place and though little light came from his window he could make out enough to know that nothing was wrong inside. Laying back on his pillow Trowa closed his eyes and tried to will himself to sleep with no success, it was as if there was something he was forgetting or was suppose to do but for the life of him he couldn't think what. He was tired God dammit, he'd had a long day and yet his body refused to shut down and rest. One, two, three, four-damn, what am I doing Trowa thought to himself as he realized he'd been well on his way to counting sheep. That was something Maxwell would try, enough said. Maybe he just needed to eat something Trowa thought, grabbing a hold of the idea like a lifeline. He didn't feel hungry but he hadn't eaten much that day so maybe his body was refusing to co-operate because of lack of fuel. Of course logic dictates that it should be the opposite in that a body would shut down due to lack of food but Trowa was really too tired to think about it. Throwing back his forest green covers Trowa sat up and then twisting around set his feet down on the floor. That done figured he might as well go the rest of the way and moving off the bed stood up and throwing his blankets back into place sighed as he cursed his insomnia. Rubbing his hands over his eyes Trowa made his way from the bed to the door, not making a sound as he moved, carefully avoiding the obstacles from memory. Not that there was a lot of stuff in his room but there were a few items that would have been a bad idea to bump into.
Reaching the door Trowa opened it and was pleased that at least it didn't make a sound for once, a rarity that he appreciated. Closing it carefully behind him Trowa made sure it was shut before turning around to face the deserted hallway. Not that anyone should be up given that its after two in the morning Trowa thought darkly as he glared at the shadows, feeling foolishly better for it. Since his was farthest down the hall Trowa had to walk a bit before he hit the other occupied rooms which was by choice as he had deliberately chosen a room far away from the other pilots, preferring for his room to be a place of solitude. Hearing the sound of light snoring Trowa grinned slightly and he had to shake his head at Maxwell who he'd bet anything was making the noise. He'd overheard Hilde complaining to Duo about his snoring and he could see her point as Duo's door was solid oak but he could still hear something through it. Shaking his head at his braided friend Trowa had to give Hilde points for patience if she could put up with Duo, much less his snoring. Walking past Duo's room Trowa wasn't surprised at all that he could hear nothing coming from Heero's room, he was just surprised Heero hadn't attempted to shut his next door neighbour up permanently. Turning his head slightly Trowa could faintly make out the sound of chimes coming from Wufei's room and smiled at Wufei's creative way of blocking out Duo's snoring. No one could figure out why Wufei had bought wind chimes for his room of all places but Trowa was pretty sure that this explained it. I wonder what Quatre does to block it out Trowa wondered as he looked towards Quatre's door which was three door from where he stood. Probably listened to music or wore earmuffs Trowa thought with a grin, able to envision both easily.
Continuing his walk down the dark hall Trowa came to a stop in front of Quatre's room thinking that he'd heard something but shaking it off he was about to move when he heard it again, ever so faintly. Standing perfectly still outside the door Trowa tuned out everything around him and straining his ears could faintly make out a faint sound coming from Quatre's room. But what was it Trowa wondered, the door muffling the sound so much that he couldn't make it out enough to identify it. Did Quatre snore too Trowa wondered, thinking that maybe that was it. But then why was his heart beating so rapidly Trowa realized, a cold chill working its way down his spine. Something was wrong here, he didn't know what it was but something wasn't right. Was Quatre is trouble Trowa wondered, a hard look coming into his eye. There was only one way to find out. Reaching out Trowa placed his hand on the doorknob and carefully drew open the door ever so slightly. Quiet as a statue Trowa listened for any more sounds and for a moment there was nothing then a muffled cry that sounded like a whimper of pain. Quatre, Trowa thought and opening the door far enough to slide in he did so, getting into a defensive crouch as soon as he was in the room. His eyes adapting to the dark room quickly now that his survival instincts had kicked in Trowa scanned the room, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. His gaze landing on the bed he could make out the shape of someone sleeping on it and once again the room was silent. Was he imagining things Trowa wondered, as he stood upright, his eyes snapping back to the bed milliseconds later as he caught the sound again, coming from the bed.
"Quatre?" Trowa called out softly but there was no answer, as well there was no movement at all. Thinking that maybe Quatre was ill Trowa was almost to the bed when Quatre began to shift around the bed, his covers twisting with him as he seemed to be struggling to wake up as he lay flat on his back. Really getting concerned Trowa moved quickly to the bedside, just barely able to see Quatre's platinum hair in the darkness. About to reach a hand out Trowa withdrew it quickly as Quatre shifted again, the blanket that had been blocking his face from view moving away to reveal Quatre's face which allowed Trowa enough view to know that his friend was too pale, white in the darkness. Laying a hand on Quatre's forehead Trowa knew right away that Quatre was too warm, sweat bathing his forehead. Thinking to cool him down Trowa pushed back the covers on Quatre's bed and leaning over his friend placed hands on Quatre's shoulders, intending to wake him up so that he could see if Quatre had taken anything for whatever was wrong with him before Trowa tried anything. Shaking Quatre lightly Trowa frowned when Quatre refused to wake; getting more concerned by the moment. As though to worry him further Quatre began to try to toss and turn again, Trowa's hands the only thing keeping him in place. Quatre was muttering something under his breath as well and Trowa strained to make it out with no success. All set to wake up the guys to help him take Quatre to Sally's Trowa stopped when Quatre's eyes suddenly opened, staring blindly around him. "Quatre, are you awake?"
"Trowa?" Quatre's voice asked from the darkness, his eyes still not focusing on anything as he turned his head every which way as though he were looking for Trowa despite the fact that Trowa was right by his side, in grabbing distance.
"I'm right here." Trowa said calmly, trying to hold back his anxiety. Letting go of Quatre's shoulders Trowa placed a hand on either side of Quatre's face and gently turned his friend face so that Quatre was looking up at him. "Right here, Quatre."
"You're not dead? I didn't kill you?" Quatre asked weakly and Trowa stared at him before he realized what was going on. Quatre wasn't sick, he'd been having a nightmare, possibly about the time he'd almost blew him up while under the Zero system's influence. Letting out the breath he hadn't even been aware he was holding Trowa moved away from the bed and turned on the lamp beside Quatre's bed, the light switching on, illustrating the room and the people in it.
"See, I'm here, Quatre. I'm not dead remember?" Trowa said walking back over to the side of the bed, noting that Quatre had not taken his eyes off him since the light had come on. Sitting down at the side of the bed Trowa looked Quatre right in the eyes and waited for his words to sink in. The colour slowly returning to Quatre's face Trowa watched a hesitant smile come across Quatre's features, a bit stretched and faint but there none the less. How long had Quatre been having these nightmares Trowa wondered as Quatre closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again, barely and sign of anxiety in their blue depths, the only sign of his former fear the sweat on his forehead and the colour of his skin. "Feeling better, Quatre? Do you want me to get you something?"
"No, I'm fine, Trowa. Don't tell me you could hear me all the way from your room?" Quatre said with a weak smile though Trowa could hear more then a hint of worry in his friend's voice. How long had this been going on Trowa wondered, becoming more and more sure that this was not the first time this had happened. He himself had occasional nightmares but it had never occurred to him that Quatre might have them, which was stupidity on his part. Quatre might not have done as much as Trowa had but he'd done more then anyone his age should have had to do.
"I couldn't hear it from my room, I was on my way to the kitchen when I heard something coming from your room." Trowa said carefully, not wanting to upset Quatre by worrying him. "I doubt anyone heard you, they're too busy blocking out Duo's snoring to notice."
"Yeah, he is pretty bad huh." Quatre said with a smile that was a bit more spirit in it. "I'm sorry I bothered you, you can go now."
"I really just couldn't sleep, want me to stick around for a while longer?" Trowa asked carefully, not wanting to sound like he thought there was a reason he should stay. When it came to emotions he was pretty much in the dark but his instincts were saying that his friend needed him now, for what Trowa had no real idea. If he were to guess he'd think that Quatre would want support from one of the girls or Duo but since he had a feeling Quatre would protest against both Trowa figured that it was up to him.
"You don't have to, you must be tired after today. Plus you're in you're boxers, you must be freezing right about now." Quatre said with his usual easygoing smile, as though he was perfectly all right and in control. Too bad Trowa could read him like a book.
"Why don't you try to get some sleep, I'll stick around till you fall asleep." Trowa said with a stubborn look that Quatre knew all too well. Trowa wasn't going anywhere until he was good and ready to do so, cold or not.
"You don't have to, Trowa. I'm fine." Quatre said with a hopeful look, which died a quick death at the look in Trowa's eyes. "Fine, but you really don't need to do this." Quatre said as he gave an exaggerated yawn. Settling back under his covers Quatre smiled at Trowa before making a big show of closing his eyes. Watching Quatre Trowa had to smirk at the way Quatre was playing up to this and wondered when Quatre was going to realize that he wasn't leaving the room till he was sure Quatre was asleep and doing so peacefully. He sat on the corner of the bed for ten minutes before Quatre's eyes popped open, zeroing in on Trowa. "You're still here."
"You're still awake." Trowa responded easily, crossing his arms in front of his chest, no intention of moving until Quatre was fast asleep. It was rather cold out but Trowa ignored the slightly chilly air, blocking out how warm his bed would be right about now. His best friend needed him and that was that.
"You know you don't have to stay, think what the guys would say if they saw you coming out of my room this late." Quatre pointed out then went the shade of an extremely overripe tomato as he realized the other way Trowa could take that. He'd meant the guys would ask questions about why Trowa and himself were up talking but it could be taken the other way in that....
"Quatre?" Trowa asked, wondering why on earth Quatre was going such an interesting shade of red. What had he missed?
"I didn't mean that the way it sounded, Trowa. Honest I didn't." Quatre said as he began fiddling with his covers his eyes everywhere but at Trowa. What on earth Trowa wondered, carefully thinking back to what Quatre had said. Oh Trowa thought a very slight hint of pink appearing on his cheeks though in the dim light it wasn't noticeable. Of course the other guys would never think such a thing but if they were in a different setting with people who didn't know them well-they might very well jump to such a conclusion, not that it was an accurate one but most civilians tended to jump to conclusions with only the minimum information to go by.
"I know you didn't, Quatre. Now go to sleep." Trowa said with a set look and still as red as a tomato Quatre settled back down, opening his eyes every once in a while to see if Trowa was still there. Slowly but surely his eyes opened less and less often until finally his breath slowed down and his face relaxed, indicating he had fallen asleep. Sitting there for several minutes without moving Trowa decided that he could go now, Quatre didn't appear to be having a relapse. Deciding to make sure Quatre wasn't just a really good faker before he left Trowa shifted on the bed and leaning forward was about to head out when Quatre's arms suddenly shot out, grabbing him around the waist which pulled him down so that Trowa was sprawled on top of Quatre who still appeared to be quite asleep. Too shocked to do anything for a second Trowa quickly tried to get up but found that despite his friend's smaller stature he had quite a grip and didn't seem to have any intention on letting him go. Unsure what the hell to do Trowa stared straight ahead, trying to ignore exactly what position Quatre had put him in. His friend was asleep and didn't even realize what he'd done; he'd be embarrassed as hell if Trowa were to wake him up. But there was really no way to get out of this without waking Quatre up. What was he supposed to do?
"Trowa." Quatre said on a sigh as he snuggles closer and Trowa just about had a heart attack when he realized that maybe Quatre had known in his sleep what he was doing. Feeling as though he'd been knocked upside the head with a Gundam Trowa looked at Quatre's peaceful face and tried to comprehend that maybe, just maybe Quatre thought of him as more then a friend. Could it possibly be that Quatre, his best friend cared about him the way that Noin cared for Milliardo and Relena for Heero? But that was impossible, Quatre had never done or said anything to indicate that he felt that way but then again-would he have? Confused and not liking the feeling at all Trowa looked closely at Quatre and felt a pull he never had before. He'd never been interested in anyone the way he was thinking now, didn't even know what it felt like to care for someone in that way. He cared a great deal for Catherine, quite possibly loved her as the sister he thought of her as. If what he felt for Catherine was love then he felt it for Quatre as well though in a different way. Quatre treated him much like Catherine did, always ready with a hug and a smile, overly affectionate around him. Was it possible that the love Quatre showed him was not the love someone felt for a brother but instead felt for a lover? Impossible, Quatre was just recovering from a nightmare and being himself Quatre had simply turned to the closet person for comfort.
"Quatre." Trowa whispered into the darkness, not knowing what else to say or do. He was in unfamiliar territory and didn't understand the rules or how to play. What was he to do and how was he going to be able to handle something he knew so little about. Feeling Quatre shift under him Trowa closed his eyes and prayed to be let go. Instead Quatre simply tightened his grip, moving his head so that he was practically nose to nose with Trowa. "Oh God." Trowa said, his face so close to Quatre's that his breath caused Quatre's bangs to shift with each exhale. What was he supposed to do? Well at least there were covers between them Trowa thought with a smirk not even wanting to think about how that would complicate matters. However the longer he was in this position the more he began to feel that strange pulling, as though there was something he wanted to do but couldn't phantom what it was. Not wanting to look or think about the pull to closely for some reason Trowa decided that he was getting off the bed one way or another. Or at least that was his intention until Quatre raised his head slightly, his lips eerily finding Trowa's.
Still as a statue Trowa lay there, his arms braced on either side of Quatre, all set to break from Quatre's hold, only one thing holding him there. He didn't want to move anymore. Feeling as though he'd been hit upside the head again Trowa could think of absolutely nothing but what Quatre was innocently doing in his sleep. Trowa had never been kissed on the lips before except for friendly pecks from the girls he and the rest of the pilots hung out with. He knew that a person's first real kiss was supposed to be really special and now he had his-from Quatre. Blanking everything else from his mind Trowa concentrated on this new experience as Quatre kissed him so carefully, as though he were afraid to do more. Quatre's grip on Trowa waist loosened but Trowa didn't even notice as he hesitantly returned the kiss, gently as if Quatre would break if he wasn't careful enough. It was only when Trowa sought to change the angle of his body that he realized that Quatre's arms had ceased his tight hold on his waist and that the hands were simply resting there, the only thing holding him there were Quatre's lips. He didn't want to get out of it but he had to Trowa thought, easing away carefully, not exhaling till he was off the bed and standing at its side, looking down at Quatre who'd slept through it all, his arms now at his sides as he slept on, unaware of what he'd done. Oh God what kind of Pandora's box have we opened Quatre Trowa wondered as he stared down at Quatre. Of course Quatre didn't answer, Trowa hadn't expected him to. Quiet as a cat Trowa left the room and out into the hallway. He didn't stop until he reached his own door, opening it and closing it behind him with unusual speed. Walking over to his bed Trowa got under the covers but didn't close his eyes. He didn't want to go to sleep, he didn't want to think, but he wouldn't do what he felt like doing either. Instead he stared up at the ceiling and waited for morning to come.