Disclaimer: I don't own HP :(
Clear my mind
I've been having the strangest dreams lately; I can barely remember them though. They flow through my consciousness with great ease and yet when I grasp out to reach one; to understand, it's gone. A soft mist remains fogging my mind. However over time I seem to remember faces and feelings that have no place in reality. Those are the dreams I am most anxious to hold in my grasp. Whilst the nights remain still a mystery to me the days are clearer than the most cloudless of skies. Those days however do not give me any solace from my dreams as they hold memories too; Memories of the cold, of the light and the darkness, memories of a man that has come to pass. I'm not sure which is better to have these memories devour me during the day or to have them vanish into foggy nothingness during the night. I want to hold them close and yet push them away.
Everything here is tainted in his being, making it impossible to forget. Even the light that passes through his murky bedroom window reminds me of him. The warmth in my heart is covered with a layer of tough, brutal leather. The memories that come to me are not all together pleasant; sometimes they leave me trapped in a nightmare. Trapped in a time where I can't stop the blood pouring from his wounds, from a time where I can't stop the falling sensation that overwhelms me. And yet I welcome this pain as it gives me something to feel, something of him for just a moment. It gives me something to measure my everything against. How do I know that a memory is a good one if I have nothing to compare it to?
The other feelings are a blessing I believe, for when I'm gifted with these dreams of soft touches and slight kiss or two, I feel completely at ease, lost in my mind. The remembrance is dangerous at its best, I cannot forget. For he forever haunts me. I can no longer tell reality from this dream. I imagine things would be different if he were still here.
It's then that I wake, blinking slowly to adjust to the bright morning light. A warm body is curled around me, I smile if only for a moment because it's all wrong this isn't the body I remember, not the one from my dreams, no it's too light too feminine. I hate myself for remembering. She muffles a snore in her pillow and it's all too much. I don't remember how these things came to be and I don't want to. Sitting up in this nightmare that is my reality I see him, the shadowed outline of my dreams. It will be okay now I'm safe with him, he steps closer until he's a mere foot away and bends to press his lips against mine. It's only then that his face becomes clear; the long locks scrawled in the darkest ink of black and those deep steely grey eyes of his that seek mine out in a second. "Sirius" I whisper, he smiles in return. Things will be okay now that I am not alone. The question however running through my mind is asking "have I lost it". I reason with myself, it doesn't matter anymore even if I have, Sirius is with me again and for that everything in the world is right once more.
Madness is but the next great adventure, tis it not.
AN: Hey guys here's another one-shot, a product of my boredom at school, hope you enjoy and I apologise for the overuse of commas or any other grammatical errors there not really my thing but please enjoy regardless and don't forget to review :)