The Desians versus the Mary Sues.
Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia.
Disclaimer 2: This fic may contain spoilers for the game. You may not want to read it if you havent beaten the game yet.
"But, Mom, I dont wanna do my homework!"
Mary Susan Jones was, once again, having a petty argument with her mother over dinner. She really hated it whenever her mother lectured her about the benefits of a good education.
"But, Susan-pie," said Susans mother, Princess SparklyWind Jones, the most beautiful, sparkly-haired mother in the neighborhood. "If you dont get a good education, how are you going to get better at your writing? After all, your grade in language arts is pretty low."
Unfortunately, SparklyWind had forgotten about her daughters abnormally large ego. Susans pale face turned red with raging anger, and her muddy, brown eyes glowed a strange, sickly ruby-sapphire-emerald color. SparklyWind then realized the horror she had released, but it was too late. Susan shot out of her chair, wielding a pasta-covered fork.
"How DARE you say something mean about my beautiful writing!" screamed Susan. She then went on a horrible, screaming, angry review-leaving rampage. Her mother tried to stop her, but the horrible color of her daughter's eyes kept her at bay. The beautiful floral print wallpaper was torn off the walls, plates were thrown against the walls, the table was smashed in two, and, most of all, SparklyWind had began to pull her long, shimmering hair out.
"I cant take it anymore!" cried SparklyWind. I've had enough of your tantrums! Im going to call your father! He'll take care of you!" She then pulled her emergency cell phone out from under the ruined table and started dialing. Susan just scoffed at her mothers actions and walked out of the dining room (after she smashed the rooms ornate chandelier).
Susan stomped into her bedroom and sat on her tiny, twin-sized bed. Her bedroom was decorated floor to ceiling with all types of Kratos Aurion memorabilia. She had posters, figurines, plush dolls, and she even had the walls painted purple. In fact, she had so much memorabilia that her parents had forbidden her to buy anything purple or video game related for the rest of the year.
"My mom and dad are such big MEANIES," muttered Susan. "They make me do homework because they're jealous of my great writing skills!" Susan reached under her bed and pulled out a small, cute-looking Kratos plush toy. The toy had big, shiny plastic eyes, bushy, auburn hair-fake, of course-, and it had the purple outfit, complete with sword. Susan then squeezed the toy in an extremely tight embrace.
"Oh, Kratty-chan," whined Susan, as she squeezed the soft, cottony stuffing out of the doll. "I wish that you would come and end my homework-y suffering! Oh, sob! Oh, cry! Oh, ANGST!" Susan then started to gnaw on the toy's flat, round eye as if trying to dislodge it. After a few minutes of gnawing, the eye finally popped off and landed right on top of Susan's wide-screen television, which was also painted purple.
Suddenly, a large, glowing, bright blue circle appeared on the television's screen. The circle appeared to have words written below it. Upon closer inspection, Susan saw that the words read:
The Amazing Magitechnology Plot Contrivance Circle of Good Fortune!
Come experience a world of wonder and fantasy!
All of your dreams will come true!
Just close your eyes and touch the circle!
The makers of this wonderful piece of Magitechnology promises you that there are no monsters or Desians waiting for you at the end of your trip!
Susan couldn't believe her mind. She stared at the circle, completely oblivious to the fact that her eyes were burning up. She reread the circle's message in her head over and over again. At first she thought of the bizarre, almost stupid end sentence, but then she thought of another sentence. Another sentence that made her smile.
'All of your dreams will come true'
Susan let out the loudest fangirl squeal she could muster. So loud, in fact, that the television screen cracked slightly. When it did, the circle turned a dark, blood-red color and the words below the circle changed into a random jumble of nonsense. Then, without warning, a long, red beam of energy shot out from the ruined circle and wrapped itself around Susan. The energy beam actually burned Susan's skin and half of her OMG SPARKLY long hair, but Susan didn't care; she thought her life dream was about to come true.
"Finally," cried Susan, as the energy slowly dragged her towards the television. "Here I come Kratty-chan! I'm gonna live with you and leave my big, fat, stupid parents behind!"
With that, Susan was pulled into the television, and she left nothing but a large, smoking hole in the screen.
At first, Susan couldn't see anything at all. However, she could hear a myriad of soft, unintelligible voices, the sound of quick footsteps, and what sounded like water being splashed on the floor. Then Susan suddenly felt like she was falling. She a felt cold, stinging sensation, as if she was running against a strong wind in the middle of Winter.
And then...THUD. The girl felt a flash of massive pain and then she couldn't feel anything more. She remained this way until she started to hear voices...
"What is it?"
"Is that a human?"
"Is it dead?"
"Should we cut it open and see what's inside?"
Susan opened her eyes and saw strange, blurred, humanoid figures around her. She did not know who they were, nor did she know where she was. All she knew for sure was that none of the figures were her "beloved" Kratos. To the dismay of the strange people surrounding her, Susan sat up and looked around. However, her vision was so blurry all she could see was tan-colored walls and nondescript, oblong objects. When she looked down, she saw that she was sitting on a round, dazzling, red circle on the floor. She also saw the blurred figure her Kratos plush doll lying at her feet. She picked it up gently and stared at the strange creatures surrounding her.
"Wh-where am I," said Susan. "Who are you people? Where's Kratty-chan?"
The peculiar-looking beings gasped at the sound of Susan's voice. They started to back away in fear, whispering among themselves. Susan just stared at them in confusion. She rubbed her eyes in an attempt to clear her vision. She then saw that she was in what she believed to be some sort of cafeteria. There were rows of five foot long tables, all of them bare. The floor around her was stained with multicolored food stains and puddles of water. After she scanned the room a second time, she took another look at the whispering people that had backed away from her. And then, she screamed bloody murder. Now that her vision was clear, she saw that she was surrounded by twelve Desian foot soldiers that were clad in blue uniforms, some of which were holding brushes and buckets of water. Without thinking, Susan stood straight up and pointed at the group accusingly.
"You guys are a bunch of bastards!" screeched Susan, her eyes glowing the strange sickly color again. "You messed up Kratty-chan's life!"
The foot soldiers stared at each other, and then at the strange girl. They never heard of "Kratty-chan" before in their lives, but they did know that they did not like being called bastards by random little girls with eye problems. The intimidating group slowly walked towards the enraged, confused girl, growling and muttering angrily. In desperation, Susan brandished the Kratos plush toy like a soft, adorable knife.
"Back! Get back, you MEANIES!" snapped Susan, as she mindlessly waved the doll in the air, trying to look frightening. The Desians stopped and stared at her. Some of them were shocked and disturbed, others were snickering quietly.
"I like this...thing," said a short, buck-toothed soldier. "It says funny things. Can we keep it?"
"Oh, come on, Dave," said a slightly taller one. "Don't you remember what Lord Kvar said about making friends with..."
"Excuse me," interrupted Susan, who had obvious anger in her voice. "Did you say 'Kvar'!"
"Yeah, I did," replied the taller Desian. "What of it?"
Susan suddenly dropped her plush toy on the icy, solid floor. She started to shake violently and she looked like she was about to have a heart attack. Her blank expression transformed into a look of pure insanity. She bent down on her knees and held her head in her hands.
"I...HATE...that stupid jackass!" screamed the hysterical Susan. The crazed girl then reacted in the best way she could: by trying to type an angry, all-caps rant. However, there was no computer or keyboard in sight, so she just resorted to pounding her fists loudly on the wet floor. This, of course, shocked and surprised the Desians.
"What should we do!" cried Dave. "If Lord Kvar hears this racket, he's gonna be pissed!"
"The same thing we do to every rampaging moron," replied a foot soldier named Robert. "We restrain her, and pound her head on the floor until she dies!"
"No," shrieked Susan. "I'm not done typing yet!"
"What in the name of Lord Yggdrasill is that bothersome noise!" came a voice from seemingly nowhere.
All of a sudden, the automatic doors behind Susan opened and an ominous-looking man walked into the chamber. The man had gray, unkempt hair, pointed ears, and pitch-black eyes. He was wearing an unique, complex-looking, dark blue suit complete with black pants. Susan stopped pounding her bloody fists on the floor, stood back up, and turned around.
"Ohhh no..." groaned Robert as the strange, annoyed man glared at the eccentric girl standing right in front of him. "Lord Kvar, sir, I, er, we can explain..."
"It's four in the morning," said Kvar, his face twisted in an expression of irritability. "And you fools are having a conversation with a stranger."
Kvar walked past Susan and began to lecture the small group of minions about the importance of the night shift and why incompetence is frowned upon. Susan became infuriated at the sight of the Desian lackeys listening to the Grand Cardinal instead of her. She felt the intense flame of anger, jealousy, and her inflated ego grow inside her until her eyes began to water. After five minutes of listening to quotes from the Human Ranch Maintenance manual, she lost it...again.
"Hey, you big, evil...um...Kratos hater!" exclaimed the big-mouthed teenager, with a slight quiver in her voice. She let out a small, barely audible fangirl squeal and threw her Kratos plush toy at the back of the ranch master's head. "Pay attention to me! And let me kick your ass!"
Kvar turned and faced the annoying, toy-throwing stranger. He crushed the doll under his foot and kicked it back to Susan.
"Well," he said in a cold, sarcastic voice. "It looks like we have someone with an attitude problem in our midst."
To be continued...
( A/N: That was chapter one of my first fic. Chapter two might take a while to write, so you'll just need to wait. Thanks for reading, and review if you want!)