Title: Awkward Silence
Author: Willow
Summary: Josh And Donna wait for Cliff to read her diary.
Episode: Post season 2, 'War Crimes'.
Characters: Josh and Donna
Rating: G
Disclaimer: They all belong to Aaron Sorkin, NBC, John Wells and many others who aren't me.
It was starting to get cold as they waited on the bench. Normally Josh would have put his arm around Donna, purely to keep them both warm of course. But tonight that just didn't feel right. "It's starting to get cold already," he commented but Donna just looked at him and then away. He put his arm on the bench behind her, but he didn't touch her, 'God this is too awkward,' he thought.
"How long is he going to be?" Donna asked.
"I gave him an hour," Josh replied.
They fell back into an uncomfortable silence. 'How did this happen?' Donna wondered. 'How can I feel uncomfortable around Josh of all people.' She pulled her coat closer and cast a sidelong glance at Josh. He was sat staring into the distance. From this angle she couldn't read his face, not that she was sure she wanted to know what he was thinking anyway.
Josh watched a couple walk past. They were talking and laughing like they didn't have a care in the world. Like he and Donna were, until this. 'Yes,' he admitted to himself, 'I was, well not jealous, but unhappy when Donna said she had a date, aren't I always? When she came and told me who he was and where he worked..... I know she thinks I was angry, but that wasn't it, to be completely honest I felt betrayed. I never thought Donna would make me feel that way.'
"Do we trust him?" Donna asked, interrupting Josh's train of thought.
'Trust,' Josh thought, 'she's asking me about trust.' He almost laughed out loud at that. He almost yelled at her that she was the one who slept with the guy, not him. Why was she asking him that? But something in her voice, a slight catch, made him stop. "We don't have any choice," he answered instead, though he knew his tone was slightly hostile.
"No," she replied miserably.
"It'll be okay. If he tells anyone about this, he's going to have to explain how he knew about the diary and why he didn't say anything at the time, during the deposition. Also we have 'his' entries," he added.
"Yeah," Donna said. "Thanks for letting me do the copying."
"I didn't want to see them," he replied a little too quickly. 'I don't want to read any of it,' he thought.
"Thanks anyway."
Josh sat still for a few more minutes until he couldn't hold the question in anymore. "Why'd you lie about it, Donna?"
"I told you, it wasn't a lie. I forgot about it. I just said 'no' without thinking. I didn't know Cliff'd seen it," Donna replied.
'okay, let's stay well away from how Cally saw a diary she keeps in her night stand,' Josh thought. "Do you write in it everyday?" he asked.
"Almost."
"Then how did you 'forget' about it?" he yelled. He regained control of his voice, if not his emotions. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout, it's just," he turned to face her, "what's in it, Donna? Did you write anything after Toby told you?"
"NO!" she said, lowering her voice as she continued. "There's nothing in there about the MS, Josh. I'm not totally stupid, how could you think that.....?"
"Then why?" he interrupted. "What's in it that you're so worried about Cally reading?"
Donna was quiet for a moment. She sat forward so Josh couldn't see her face. Just as he thought she wasn't going to reply she said, "You."
"Me?"
"Yeah."
"What about me?"
"I wrote about.... last Christmas," Donna replied without looking up.
"Oh. Why?"
"I was worried about you. I thought maybe it was just me. I didn't know then that Toby," she paused. "So I wrote it in my diary. I thought it'd help, but it just made me worry more." Donna looked at him and then away toward the cafe where Cliff was reading all the gory details.
"What exactly did you write?" Josh asked trying not to sound too worried. 'Well, you selfish bastard,' he thought. 'That Republican..... he's sat reading your best friend's deepest thoughts and worries, and you're only concerned about yourself!'
"I wrote..... everything. The Oval thing, the concert, Dr Keyworth, the window and..... I wrote about the PTSD." Donna put her head down. "Oh God, Josh, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." he said, and suddenly he realized that it was. "Donna, honestly, it's okay."
"No it's not, Josh," she told him. "How could I have been so stupid. He could tell the world, he could......"
"Donna," Josh interrupted. "What could he tell people? 'Hey I was reading my girlfriend's diary and guess what?' It'll be fine," he assured her, adding a silent, 'I hope.'
Donna shivered again and this time Josh put his arm around her. Twenty minutes later he saw Cliff walking toward them, he stood and went to meet him, ready to attack if need be.
"Everything alright?" Josh asked, trying to sound neutral.
"I skimmed through most of it. I only read anything she wrote about the president. There was no need to read anymore."
Josh couldn't tell whether he was lying or not, "And?"
"There's nothing relevant. I won't be mentioning any of it, to anyone." Cliff handed Josh the diary and looked toward Donna, who was deliberately looking away from him. "Tell her I'm sorry," he said, as he turned and walked away.
Josh walked slowly back to the bench and sat back down, handing Donna her diary.
"Well?" she asked.
"He says he only read things about the president, nothing else. There was nothing in it and he won't be mentioning it to anyone."
"Do you believe him?"
Josh considered that. "Yeah, yeah I do," he replied honestly.
"Good." Donna sounded happier than she had all day. "Let's go then."
They walked away in silence, back to the White House to collect their cars.
It amazed Josh that Donna put so much trust in his words. He wasn't angry over the diary anymore, how could he be after what she'd told him. Her sleeping with Cally, after she knew where he worked, that might take a little longer to get over.
Donna vowed that the first thing she was going to do was burn the diary. She contemplated asking Josh to help, but maybe not.
At least the silence wasn't so awkward now.
END