The past Halloween episode means that Catherine has been gone for like half a year. I really hope she comes back, though I highly doubt it. :( Maybe she can guest star in the future. I just hope that Ellie isn't Steve's new love interest. Or else I'm going to stop watching the show. Or I'm only going to watch for Kono and Adam.
Also, the hundredth episode. Wow. That was a rollercoaster ride. The whole Wo Fat thing was a little too desperate to wrap up the Wo Fat arc, but the components – acting, directing, editing, cinematography – were really strong. The writing, ehhh. I fangirled over the mention of Catherine though. And the snippets at the end when they added some of the past scenes with Michelle Borth.
Still, she could've been there.
Also, loved how they added in old characters too.
P.S: This author's note was written a couple of months ago. And this has been in my hard drive since forever, I just needed to get everything right before I posted it.
P.P.S: (Inside Job) Steve and the rest of the team wouldn't just forget about her like that. Or toss her aside like that. The writers need to get their shit together. And so do the execs. Michelle Borth is justified in what she tweeted in reply. People shouldn't get punished just because they speak the truth.
P.P.P.S: I really hope that Steve and Ellie don't get together. But I know that my wish is futile. :'( Plus, they promised us closure on Steve and Cath's relationship and as much as I despise it, I expect closure because Catherine would never just leave Steve like that. The hell?
Anyways, enough of my rambling. Let's get this started. Enjoy~
Disclaimer: I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or the characters.
It's about 5:30 in the morning and he's standing barefooted on the shoreline of the beach behind his home as he looks into the horizon – the sun slowly creeping its way up to the surface revealing a palate of color within the sky.
He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.
He can feel the Earth's rotation beneath his feet and he's in love with this feeling. It's amazing and indescribable and he usually can't get enough of it, but tonight….
Tonight is distracting and unnerving and broken and all he wants to do his scream at the world at how unfair it is, but he's not because all he can see is her. And he doesn't want to see her because she is currently breaking his heart and shattering it into a million pieces.
He's been in the Navy for almost his whole adult life and has dealt with various methods of torture, sometimes for days or weeks at a time, but this – whatever this is – is more painful than he's ever encountered. He was trained to be tough and to never let emotions compromise his being, but that's impossible to do because she smashed the brick wall that he built two times over around his heart and set up permanent base there.
He's lived alone most of his life and he's never been dependent on anyone but himself. But when he was with her, he didn't mind having someone by his side; someone that knew him better than he knew himself and accepted him. Flaws and all.
Frustratingly, he kicks the wet sand underneath his feet repeatedly until he sees a large shell in the hole he unintentionally dug. He plops down on the sand and picks up the shell that's shown itself through his ministrations. He pries it open with his and finds a small little pearl – it's glassy and beautiful - on its soft body. He closes the shell and tosses it back into its rightful place in the ocean. He fingers the pearl between his callous fingers and it reminds him of her; small, beautiful, and delicate, but in the end, so much more.
He can't give up. He's never given upon anything in his life, so why start now? McGarretts aren't quitters.
He contemplates calling her, but quickly decides against it. Instead, he grabs his car keys and stuffs the pearl into his pocket in hopes to clear his head.
.
Work had been slow. No new cases meant old paperwork. Lots of old paperwork. And Steve wasn't the paper pushing type. He was more of a doer; a go-getter. He rubs his eyes with his index finger and thumb with a sigh as he slowly comes to a stop at a red light.
Every second that wasn't occupied with something had him thinking about Catherine. That's why he had dived into his work. As of late, he was the first one to arrive at Five-0 headquarters and the last to leave. Danny had asked him about it, but he had just made an excuse saying that he wanted to get all his paperwork done on time. He knew that Danny saw right through it, but he really didn't care.
He stayed as late as he could because he didn't want to go home to an empty house. Going home meant solitude. And the solitude that his house offered him always resulted in him eventually associating everything in him house to Catherine and that fact that his house wasn't home anymore. Home had been anywhere as long as Catherine was by his side. All that had changed now.
His eyes drift to the picture sticking slightly out from between his truck's ceiling and the sun visor. Slowly, he slips it out of its snug place and holds it delicately in his hands. Seeing no one coming up from behind him in his rear view mirror, he put his car in park.
Right in the middle of the street and stopped at a red light.
He had taken it impulsively and without warning. He had sat on one of the Adirondack chairs on the beach behind his home and watched as Catherine took her morning surf. She was coming out of the water clad in a purple bikini with her surfboard tucked underneath her arm, the tail being dragged across the sand, and her hair wet from the waves. She was looking off somewhere else, probably at the sky, and she looked beautiful – as always.
She had called him about two months ago. She had told him that she might not be able to reach him for a while, that she had found a lead on Najib, and to not worry about her. He had told her he'd try and she had told him that she loved him. He had told her he loved her too with a Cheshire cat smile unbeknownst to her. A few weeks later, she had called again and Steve had been nervous and excited all at once; expecting her to say that she finally found Najib and that she was coming home.
Half of that had been true.
When she had told him that she had found Najib, he had been ecstatic. It felt as if a million pounds were suddenly lifted off of his shoulders.
She was coming home. Cath was coming home and they would finally-
"Steve, I'm not coming home." She had said. And then all of his enthusiasm had suddenly disappeared in a moment's notice. A feeling of dread, confusion and despair washed over him like a stormy wave. Suddenly, his throat clenched and he wasn't able to speak. He wasn't able to breathe either. His stomach felt like a bottomless pit. It was as if time had stopped. His heart lurched in his throat as she said her next words, "I found my place here, Steve. It's where I belong."
When he didn't say anything, she explained further, trying to add reason into her decision, "I'm protecting the village. I'm protecting it so that this sort of thing doesn't ever happen again. Najib's father is dead, Steve. I can't let any other kid here go through what Najib and his mother did." He had imagined her smiling when she said, "I'm teaching them math and science and English; I'm making a difference." Little did she know, Steve's heart was being shattered to a million pieces as she talked. It still broke, even now when he knew that he was never going to see her again.
And just like that, she had admitted, "It's not forever, but I'm going to be here a while. I-I think it'd be best if you move on, Steve." He had heard her voice crack.
'She still loved him. He could argue with her that this was insane. That she should come back home; come back to him.'
After a few very long moments, he had finally mustered up all his strength to say something, albeit it was pathetic. "Come home."
"Steve-"
Suddenly, he had found his voice again. "Cath, please. I need you here. I-I don't know how to be me wi-without you."
"Steve…" Catherine voice had trailed off and he could hear the crack in her voice that she was desperately trying to hide.
"Catherine, please." He begged her. He needed her.
For a moment, she had been silent, but just as quickly, she found her voice. The next words out of her mouth had broken his heart even further.
"You're Steve McGarrett, 'smooth-dog'; ladies' man, Navy SEAL, top of your class at Annapolis, head of the Governor's task force in Hawai'i. And an all-around bad ass. You're you all on your own; you don't need me, Steve; you never have."
He had replied almost pleadingly, "You don't seriously believe that."
When she didn't respond, he kept talking in hopes to convince her that she was making a mistake, "How can you say that? You were the thought that kept me from losing my mind while I was stuck in those god-awful places during missions – you brought me home. Your voice was the one that was in my head when I wanted to give up. You were always the one to encourage me to do my best. You were the one to console me when my father died; – you were always there – you make me who I am."
After another moment of silence, Steve had continued on, "You're all I have Catherine – you're the only one I have. And the only one I need."
The other end of the line was still silent. He though she had hung up on him. "Cath?"
She had quickly responded back, her tone more reverent this time. "I love you, Steve. With all my heart, I love you, but I can't go back. I can't go back knowing that I could change these kids' lives. Steve, you're the only one I have ever loved and as hard as this may be, I'm going to be gone for a long time. All I wish for you is your happiness, Steve. And if you can find happiness with me of all people, you can find it with someone else."
Steve had been shocked at her words and he still was. "How could you even say that?! You're the most beautiful, intelligent, courageous, and genuinely caring person I've ever met in my life, Cath. How do you think I can just replace you? You're irreplaceable, you're the love of my life, Catherine. You're-"
She had cut him off quickly, "Aloha, Steve. Malamo Pono."
"Cath. Cath!" He had tried calling out to her, but the sound of the click on the other end of the line told him that she had hung up. "Catherine!" Steve had called out again, desperately.
He had tried to call her back again, but it hadn't gone through. He had lost her.
Forever.
The sadness he had kept bottled inside him over the last few weeks finally got to him. He stared blankly at the picture in his hands as a single tear rolled down his cheek. He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath as he let it out slowly.
He stuck the picture back into the sun visor and started the car. It took him a while to sink back into his own reality, but it was too late. Before he knew it, the driver's side window was bashed in – glass spraying on him – and the door was yanked open. He was forced out of the car as he grasped at anything in his car. He tried to reach for his gun, but a sting on his neck left him dazed. His vision became disoriented and in a few seconds, he was slack in his captors' arms. The picture of Catherine laid rest on the car's floor of the driver's side with glass splayed all around the car and blood splattered on the inside of the door.
A/N: I have already written up to chapter 4, so updating for the next couple of days shouldn't be a problem. :D Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please a leave a review/critique; it would mean a lot!