@-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;---
** SPOILERS FOR ENTIRE SERIES UP TO OVA 2-5 **
@-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;---
Forgiveness
By Moonsong
tsukinouta@yahoo.com
The sky was cloudy, as it had always been. For those who
inhabited this place, sunlight was a hazy dream, not a reality-
at least to the only one who vaguely remembered what sunlight
was. Outside the trees glistened, their leaves frosted white;
the icy ground glinting in the perpetual morning gloom.
Kouran stepped out onto her front porch, broom in hand. A faint
smile touched her pale lips as she inhaled the soft winter
breeze. Her once abundant hair, now shorn close to her scalp, was
bundled underneath the towel she customarily wore over her head
as she went about her daily chores.
Several cats, of varying shades of black and white, materialized
from shadowy corners to wind around her slim ankles. Purring and
mewling, the furry shapes circled the legs of their chosen
mistress, ever-mindful of the sweeping broom she wielded. One
gray-striped kitten crept a bit too close and got a face-full of
dust for its pains. The little creature sneezed, shaking its
adorable whiskers in puzzlement.
Laughing, she petted his furry head fondly and put away the
broom. She didn't really know why she swept anymore- no one
hardly ever visited- and she doubted the cats would care about a
little dust. Still, it was something to do- and part of the
routine she had grown accustomed to. The task was comforting and
familiar, in this strange place she had yet to feel at home in,
though she had been here for several years.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The day passed uneventfully, as it always did in this place, and
night had fallen. Oh, it had been peaceful enough- playing with
the cats, tidying the small house, knitting, sewing- she managed
to keep herself occupied. During the warmer months, there was
also the tiny garden outside where she grew several vegetables
and fruits; and a small stream behind the cabin that supplied
enough fish for her and the cats.
During winter though, when the chill winds froze the stream and
her garden was blanketed with snow, she usually ran out of things
to do. Many nights were spent gazing at the stars, particularly
one constellation which seemed to call to her time and time
again.
Chichiri.
She could almost see his loving eyes shining in the depths of
those stars that were his namesake. Tears blurred her vision. How
could she even mar his memory by thinking of him still? She
wasn't fit to look up at that wonderful gaze. Not after what she
had done.
-----------
~ Is that her? ~
~ Yes. ~
~ What has she done with her hair? ~
~ It was part of what she had to go through. She did it herself
right after she died. ~
~ But... why? ~
~ I suppose because she felt she no longer deserved to be
beautiful after what she had done. ~
~ She didn't do anything! Nothing that happened was her fault! ~
~ Apparently, she doesn't feel that way... ~
----------
That day should have been one of the happiest days of her life.
Her beloved Houjun had been running about excitedly for weeks,
rambling on and on about a surprise he had in store for her. He
had been evasive whenever she had questioned him, his eyes
shining with mirth and love. Even his best friend, Hikou, their
best friend really- they had all known each other since
childhood- had not said a word, a forced smile and a wistful
expression crossing his face whenever she had pressed him for
information.
Finally, the long-anticipated day came. She was waiting rather
impatiently at her mother's house for Houjun who had set off for
the village earlier that morning for her surprise. Little did she
know that what awaited her at the house would shock her more than
anything Houjun could have ever done.
With aching remorse, she remembered Hikou's revelation, his
pledge of love, and the kiss they shared- but most of all,
Houjun's hurt face when he had returned only to find her in
another's embrace.
Slow, fat tears blurred her vision and her throat thickened with
the bitter taste of self-loathing. She should have never tempted
Hikou that way. She didn't know what she had done to provoke him,
but it had to have been her fault. She allowed herself to be
kissed by another man. Disgusted with herself, she had rejected
Houjun and had used the chaos caused by the floods to escape and
hang herself.
Her body was found several days later by neighboring villagers
and given a proper burial, assuming it had been bandits that
caused her death and not suicide. Frustrated, she could only
watch in spirit as her despised body was given an honorable
burial. It took every ounce of her energy not to go and dig up
the new grave, had she possessed enough power to do so. She did
not deserve that honor. Crying, she had wandered until she had
arrived at this place, where no one would see her, would know of
her crimes against the heart. This was her refuge. She was not
fit to be granted anything more than a life of loneliness.
----------
~ Taiitsukun, I cannot bear this! I must go to her! ~
~ Chichiri, do you know what you're asking? Do you understand the
consequences if you do go to her? She is filled with guilt and
remorse. Unless she forgives herself, she will not be re-united
with you. ~
~ But Taiitsukun, don't you see? Without her, heaven would be
hell for me. At least this way, we can be together. ~
~ Chichiri, if you go to her, you may not be able to return to
me. I know you haven't completely forgiven yourself for hers and
Hikou's deaths, yet you possess enough strength to overcome your
doubts. In her world, you may succumb to your demons and be
unable to fight them. ~
~ I understand. ~
~ Chichiri... she may reject you. She doesn't believe she's
worthy of you. ~
The former seishi gazed up at her, his single eye glittering with
determination. For a moment, his symbol flared, his ki shining as
brightly as his stars.
~ That's why I have to go. ~
He offered her one last smile and tipped his kasa in farewell.
~ Sayonara, Taiitsukun. ~
With a heavy heart, she watched her beloved pupil disappear into
oblivion.
~ My prayers go with you, Chichiri. May you find what you seek. ~
----------
Someone was knocking on the door. Self-pity momentarily replaced
by the aching need to see a friendly face, Kouran dropped her
knitting excitedly and ran to the mirror in the bathroom. In all
her time here, this would be her first visitor. And though she
wasn't looking for a suitor- the memory of Houjun too painful to
even think about- she still should make the effort to look at
least presentable.
It wasn't until after she had finished tying a bandanna around
her cropped hair that she realized how incredibly lonely she was.
Oh sure, she had the cats and her pointless chores to keep her
occupied but she missed having someone to talk to. Tossing aside
her grief, however momentarily, she bounded to the door and threw
it open...
Only to slam it shut again. Heart hammering madly, she threw
herself against the wall, breath coming in harsh gasps. 'No, not
him... anyone but him...'
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chichiri's heart dropped to his feet. Though Taiitsukun had
warned him about this, he was still unprepared for the force of
the despair washing over him.
'What if she never understands? What will happen to us? Am I
doomed to live the same bleak existence as she, in one of these
abandoned villages, shunning the ones I love?'
He almost turned away right then and there. If he gave into the
despair now, both of them would be lost. Fighting those thoughts,
he concentrated instead on the days before the accident. He
remembered her laugh, her beautiful smile, and most of all, her
loving heart. Surely, two people who loved each other as much
as they did would be destined to be together, right? And Suzaku
was the god of love. If he made it possible for Miaka and Taka to
be together, wasn't there a chance that one of the other seishi
could find happiness as well? He had to give it one more try.
"Kouran?" he called gently. "Please open the door. I just want
to... talk to you."
Seconds stretched into minutes, minutes became hours. Or at
least, that's how he felt staring at her door for what seemed
like eternity. Finally, he heard a footstep on the other side and
the door opened.
"Please forgive my rudeness, Chichiri-sama. Please come in."
His heart sank through the floorboards only to be crushed by the
unforgiving ground below. Chichiri-sama? She had never called him
that, even after they'd found out he was a seishi. Oh, both she
and Hikou would tease him about it but to hear her addressing him
so formally tore him apart.
'Am I ready for this? How can I be strong for her when my chest
feels like it's about to burst? Maybe Taiitsukun was right. I
can't do this...'
Head bowed, he stepped inside and followed her into the darkened
house, knowing this could be the end- for both of them.
They sat in the sitting room silently, neither meeting the
other's eyes. After a pregnant silence, she finally spoke.
"I am sorry Chichiri-sama," she began, still refusing to look at
him. "I do not get many visitors any more and was surprised by
your coming. Please forgive me."
Chichiri was stunned. Forgive her? She who had done nothing wrong
was asking him, he who had killed his best friend just to save
his own miserable hide, to forgive her?
Without a second thought, he threw himself at her feet, hot tears
leaking out of one mournful eye.
"Kouran, Kouran, how can you even think that? It is I who should
be asking forgiveness, not you!"
It was her turn to be stunned.
"Iie!" Wonderingly, she cradled his soft face in her gentle
hands. His beautiful visage was marred, not only by the painful
scar that distorted his eye, but by the grief etched in his
expression. Her heart went out to him.
"Oh, my Houjun, how much you've suffered," she whispered, tears
mingling with his. "No one should ever have to go through the
kind of pain I see in your face."
With a small smile, he took one of her hands and kissed her palm
tenderly. "And you," he murmured, one hand rising to finger the
roughly shorn ends of her once beautiful hair. "You shouldn't
have to live with your pain either. For whatever you think you've
done, I forgive you. And you must forgive yourself as well." He
released her hand and looked up at her, his other hand dropping
to cup her face. "Shall we take the next step together?"
Encouraged by the light dawning in her eyes, Chichiri offered his
hand to her and waited.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kouran stared at the outstretched hand a thousand emotions
warring in her tortured mind. Part of her wanted- no, needed to
believe that he had forgiven her, that she was capable of being
forgiven, and loved after all. However, the other part knew that
she didn't deserve such an honor. In fact, she was probably
imagining this entire episode, the man in her sitting room a
figment of her over-taxed imagination. She had been living alone
after all for some time. Didn't the mind start playing tricks
after years of isolation?
Yes, that had to be it. There was no way possible that Chichiri,
her Houjun, legendary warrior of Suzaku and Konan, would be in
her living room, begging for her forgiveness and offering his in
return. The very idea was preposterous. This man was probably the
devil himself, trying to lure her into betraying what memories
she had left of her beloved.
Surging with anger, she slapped the hand away forcefully and shot
the demon a glare that would melt the tallest snowcaps in Hokkan.
"Iie!" she screamed, her eyes flashing fire. "I will not fall for
your lies! Get out of here this instant! Get out!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chichiri faltered, whatever determination he had being worn away
quickly in the face of her assault.
"Kouran..."
She clenched her eyes shut and refused to look in his direction.
"Kouran," he pleaded, "do you remember that day by the river? It
was the last day of harvest and I made that necklace for you with
the polished stones..."
----------
"Houjun!"
Her laughter echoed back to him, the delicious peals ringing
above the harsher sound of the river. Smiling, he gave chase and
bounded after her, his lower tenor mingling with her lighter
tones, their laughter creating a music all its own.
He caught up to her by the willow tree; actually, she had stopped
running. With delicate hands, she had parted the soft fronds, an
expression of wonder settling on her fair features.
"Oh!" she whispered as he skidded to a stop beside her. Panting
a bit, he forcibly slowed his breathing and peered into the gloom
under the willow... and gasped.
----------
"Yamete!"
Chichiri's concentration shattered, the half-hearted spell
falling in shards onto his feet. She was crying. Face buried in
her hands, she had collapsed to the floor, sobbing as if her very
heart would break. Maybe it had.
Her sadness crashed into him, smashing him to the floor beside
her. He hadn't wanted to hurt her- to make her remember her
painful past. But if there was a chance, any chance he could
remind her how much they loved each other, and how happy they had
been, he would take it. He would do anything for her.
The moment she felt his touch on her arm, she ripped free and
faced him, fists clenching so hard her knuckles turned white.
"Stay away from me!"
Something inside him shattered. "Kouran..."
But the eyes that met his were no longer sane. They were tinged
with anger, fury, and no little pain. The intense gaze tore into
him, trapping him in their tortured depths. It was then that the
determination holding him up crumbled to ashes, leaving his heart
and mind in ruins. A pale shadow was all that remained, a hollow
shell of a man. Defeated, he slumped to the ground.
The action only seemed to infuriate her further.
"Get out."
The cold tone acted as a bucket of icy water, piercing the fog
that held him frozen, its iciness piercing what was left of his
tattered soul.
Chichiri raised his head slowly, his tormented eye meeting her
fury once again.
"I said GET OUT!" Her cry ended in a tortured scream, echoing
through the room- or maybe it was just in his mind. She advanced,
one hand rising as if to strike him. Nodding once, his eye slid
shut and he faded into nothingness, his cheek barely feeling the
slap aimed at his face.
The last thing he received from his one and only love.
----------
Chichiri opened his eye wearily, his gaze resting on an old
familiar face. A sigh ended on a choked sob as he sat up and
buried his face in his hands.
"She didn't come, Taiitsukun. She didn't want... to be with me."
For a moment, the old woman looked annoyed. "If you really
thought that, you wouldn't be here," she scolded softly.
He didn't look up. "Hai, I know. She wanted to be with me but
didn't think she was worthy. Why?"
Taiitsukun remained silent.
"Doushite?" he repeated brokenly. A soft breeze blew sending
dried leaves skittering past the grave.
Chichiri raised his face to the unheeding sky, grief pouring out
his remaining eye. "DOUSHITE?!?!"
His anguished cry echoed through the small valley. The wind
didn't answer.
"Taiitsukun, there has to be another way," he pleaded, his entire
body taut with desperation. "Onegaishimasu, I'll do anything..."
"Chichiri..."
His grief-stricken gaze dropped to the grass under their feet.
"Onegai..."
The old woman remained silent.
----------
Kouran hadn't slept in days. She hadn't eaten, hadn't even risen
from bed.
'I'm already dead and I still feel like dying,' she mused
bitterly.
All she could think about was him. His pain, his eyes- it must
have taken him an incredible amount of courage to come here- if
that really had been him. She still had her doubts but they were
fading by the millisecond.
He had spoken of that day, by the river- her throat contracted at
the memory but she forced herself to continue. That was the day
they had pledged their love to each other- in their special place
under the willow tree. It was the first time they had kissed.
Tears flowed unheeded down her pale cheeks. Oh, why had she
doubted him? He had vowed, that day, to be with her forever, even
after death. The memory of his loving hands, his soft lips as he
touched them to hers ever so briefly, washed over her like a
wave, taking with it any lingering doubts.
He had returned for her, she was sure of it now. Somehow, he had
broken though the barriers that separated the living from the
dead and kept his promise to be with her. But, she had rejected
him.
The words fell into the raging currents of her mind, stilling its
turbulence.
She. Had. Rejected. Him.
Full realization dawned and her anguished howl carried through
the empty night, aided by a chilling wind.
//Knock. Knock.//
The unfamiliar sound pierced through her despair. The last time
she had heard it, HE had been behind the door. Was she being
given a second chance?
Excitement flooding her veins, she hurried into the sitting room.
Slowly, she opened the door.
"I heard a scream, are you all right?" a familiar voice asked.
"Houjun!" she squealed, throwing herself into his arms. It was
him! Suddenly, all the pain and guilt she had suffered melted
away as she burrowed into his embrace. They were together again.
Nothing else mattered. They were together.
~*~*~*~*~*~
OWARI?
Author's Notes: *sigh* I think I thoroughly despise Kouran. She
was annoying me so much I wanted to make her suffer more! But, oh
well. Comments and feedback onegai!! tsukinouta@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters belong to Watase
Yuu. Rights are also held by Flower Comics, Shogakukan, Bandai,
TV Tokyo, Movic, Studio Pierrot; US rights by Viz Communications
and Pioneer.
A lot of the ideas behind this were inspired by the movie "What
Dreams May Come" starring Robin Williams. I just tweaked things a
bit to suit my purposes. I like doing that. ^_~
A huge *glomp* to Quicksilver and Socks-chan who went over this
with a fine toothed comb. It might not have turned out as
expected but I think it still works. Maybe in Part 2, ne? ^_~
Hugs also go out to Lyra, Arion, Gerald, Night~Mare, and
Stormlight for putting up with my ranting and raving and
threatening to slow-roast Kouran over a slow fire.
And all my threats are meaningless before any of you get the
wrong idea. It was just hard to write her, that's all. Now that
it's done, no hard feelings, ne? *ducks a fwap from Kouran's
rolling pin* Eep!
No copyright infringement is intended. This story was written
purely for the entertainment and enjoyment of other fans and I am
not making any profit from it. I do ask, however, that my
permission be obtained before posting this somewhere else.
"Forgiveness" Copyrighted © September 25, 2000 by Moonsong.
All rights not previously claimed by the above are reserved.
** SPOILERS FOR ENTIRE SERIES UP TO OVA 2-5 **
@-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;--- @-;---
Forgiveness
By Moonsong
tsukinouta@yahoo.com
The sky was cloudy, as it had always been. For those who
inhabited this place, sunlight was a hazy dream, not a reality-
at least to the only one who vaguely remembered what sunlight
was. Outside the trees glistened, their leaves frosted white;
the icy ground glinting in the perpetual morning gloom.
Kouran stepped out onto her front porch, broom in hand. A faint
smile touched her pale lips as she inhaled the soft winter
breeze. Her once abundant hair, now shorn close to her scalp, was
bundled underneath the towel she customarily wore over her head
as she went about her daily chores.
Several cats, of varying shades of black and white, materialized
from shadowy corners to wind around her slim ankles. Purring and
mewling, the furry shapes circled the legs of their chosen
mistress, ever-mindful of the sweeping broom she wielded. One
gray-striped kitten crept a bit too close and got a face-full of
dust for its pains. The little creature sneezed, shaking its
adorable whiskers in puzzlement.
Laughing, she petted his furry head fondly and put away the
broom. She didn't really know why she swept anymore- no one
hardly ever visited- and she doubted the cats would care about a
little dust. Still, it was something to do- and part of the
routine she had grown accustomed to. The task was comforting and
familiar, in this strange place she had yet to feel at home in,
though she had been here for several years.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The day passed uneventfully, as it always did in this place, and
night had fallen. Oh, it had been peaceful enough- playing with
the cats, tidying the small house, knitting, sewing- she managed
to keep herself occupied. During the warmer months, there was
also the tiny garden outside where she grew several vegetables
and fruits; and a small stream behind the cabin that supplied
enough fish for her and the cats.
During winter though, when the chill winds froze the stream and
her garden was blanketed with snow, she usually ran out of things
to do. Many nights were spent gazing at the stars, particularly
one constellation which seemed to call to her time and time
again.
Chichiri.
She could almost see his loving eyes shining in the depths of
those stars that were his namesake. Tears blurred her vision. How
could she even mar his memory by thinking of him still? She
wasn't fit to look up at that wonderful gaze. Not after what she
had done.
-----------
~ Is that her? ~
~ Yes. ~
~ What has she done with her hair? ~
~ It was part of what she had to go through. She did it herself
right after she died. ~
~ But... why? ~
~ I suppose because she felt she no longer deserved to be
beautiful after what she had done. ~
~ She didn't do anything! Nothing that happened was her fault! ~
~ Apparently, she doesn't feel that way... ~
----------
That day should have been one of the happiest days of her life.
Her beloved Houjun had been running about excitedly for weeks,
rambling on and on about a surprise he had in store for her. He
had been evasive whenever she had questioned him, his eyes
shining with mirth and love. Even his best friend, Hikou, their
best friend really- they had all known each other since
childhood- had not said a word, a forced smile and a wistful
expression crossing his face whenever she had pressed him for
information.
Finally, the long-anticipated day came. She was waiting rather
impatiently at her mother's house for Houjun who had set off for
the village earlier that morning for her surprise. Little did she
know that what awaited her at the house would shock her more than
anything Houjun could have ever done.
With aching remorse, she remembered Hikou's revelation, his
pledge of love, and the kiss they shared- but most of all,
Houjun's hurt face when he had returned only to find her in
another's embrace.
Slow, fat tears blurred her vision and her throat thickened with
the bitter taste of self-loathing. She should have never tempted
Hikou that way. She didn't know what she had done to provoke him,
but it had to have been her fault. She allowed herself to be
kissed by another man. Disgusted with herself, she had rejected
Houjun and had used the chaos caused by the floods to escape and
hang herself.
Her body was found several days later by neighboring villagers
and given a proper burial, assuming it had been bandits that
caused her death and not suicide. Frustrated, she could only
watch in spirit as her despised body was given an honorable
burial. It took every ounce of her energy not to go and dig up
the new grave, had she possessed enough power to do so. She did
not deserve that honor. Crying, she had wandered until she had
arrived at this place, where no one would see her, would know of
her crimes against the heart. This was her refuge. She was not
fit to be granted anything more than a life of loneliness.
----------
~ Taiitsukun, I cannot bear this! I must go to her! ~
~ Chichiri, do you know what you're asking? Do you understand the
consequences if you do go to her? She is filled with guilt and
remorse. Unless she forgives herself, she will not be re-united
with you. ~
~ But Taiitsukun, don't you see? Without her, heaven would be
hell for me. At least this way, we can be together. ~
~ Chichiri, if you go to her, you may not be able to return to
me. I know you haven't completely forgiven yourself for hers and
Hikou's deaths, yet you possess enough strength to overcome your
doubts. In her world, you may succumb to your demons and be
unable to fight them. ~
~ I understand. ~
~ Chichiri... she may reject you. She doesn't believe she's
worthy of you. ~
The former seishi gazed up at her, his single eye glittering with
determination. For a moment, his symbol flared, his ki shining as
brightly as his stars.
~ That's why I have to go. ~
He offered her one last smile and tipped his kasa in farewell.
~ Sayonara, Taiitsukun. ~
With a heavy heart, she watched her beloved pupil disappear into
oblivion.
~ My prayers go with you, Chichiri. May you find what you seek. ~
----------
Someone was knocking on the door. Self-pity momentarily replaced
by the aching need to see a friendly face, Kouran dropped her
knitting excitedly and ran to the mirror in the bathroom. In all
her time here, this would be her first visitor. And though she
wasn't looking for a suitor- the memory of Houjun too painful to
even think about- she still should make the effort to look at
least presentable.
It wasn't until after she had finished tying a bandanna around
her cropped hair that she realized how incredibly lonely she was.
Oh sure, she had the cats and her pointless chores to keep her
occupied but she missed having someone to talk to. Tossing aside
her grief, however momentarily, she bounded to the door and threw
it open...
Only to slam it shut again. Heart hammering madly, she threw
herself against the wall, breath coming in harsh gasps. 'No, not
him... anyone but him...'
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chichiri's heart dropped to his feet. Though Taiitsukun had
warned him about this, he was still unprepared for the force of
the despair washing over him.
'What if she never understands? What will happen to us? Am I
doomed to live the same bleak existence as she, in one of these
abandoned villages, shunning the ones I love?'
He almost turned away right then and there. If he gave into the
despair now, both of them would be lost. Fighting those thoughts,
he concentrated instead on the days before the accident. He
remembered her laugh, her beautiful smile, and most of all, her
loving heart. Surely, two people who loved each other as much
as they did would be destined to be together, right? And Suzaku
was the god of love. If he made it possible for Miaka and Taka to
be together, wasn't there a chance that one of the other seishi
could find happiness as well? He had to give it one more try.
"Kouran?" he called gently. "Please open the door. I just want
to... talk to you."
Seconds stretched into minutes, minutes became hours. Or at
least, that's how he felt staring at her door for what seemed
like eternity. Finally, he heard a footstep on the other side and
the door opened.
"Please forgive my rudeness, Chichiri-sama. Please come in."
His heart sank through the floorboards only to be crushed by the
unforgiving ground below. Chichiri-sama? She had never called him
that, even after they'd found out he was a seishi. Oh, both she
and Hikou would tease him about it but to hear her addressing him
so formally tore him apart.
'Am I ready for this? How can I be strong for her when my chest
feels like it's about to burst? Maybe Taiitsukun was right. I
can't do this...'
Head bowed, he stepped inside and followed her into the darkened
house, knowing this could be the end- for both of them.
They sat in the sitting room silently, neither meeting the
other's eyes. After a pregnant silence, she finally spoke.
"I am sorry Chichiri-sama," she began, still refusing to look at
him. "I do not get many visitors any more and was surprised by
your coming. Please forgive me."
Chichiri was stunned. Forgive her? She who had done nothing wrong
was asking him, he who had killed his best friend just to save
his own miserable hide, to forgive her?
Without a second thought, he threw himself at her feet, hot tears
leaking out of one mournful eye.
"Kouran, Kouran, how can you even think that? It is I who should
be asking forgiveness, not you!"
It was her turn to be stunned.
"Iie!" Wonderingly, she cradled his soft face in her gentle
hands. His beautiful visage was marred, not only by the painful
scar that distorted his eye, but by the grief etched in his
expression. Her heart went out to him.
"Oh, my Houjun, how much you've suffered," she whispered, tears
mingling with his. "No one should ever have to go through the
kind of pain I see in your face."
With a small smile, he took one of her hands and kissed her palm
tenderly. "And you," he murmured, one hand rising to finger the
roughly shorn ends of her once beautiful hair. "You shouldn't
have to live with your pain either. For whatever you think you've
done, I forgive you. And you must forgive yourself as well." He
released her hand and looked up at her, his other hand dropping
to cup her face. "Shall we take the next step together?"
Encouraged by the light dawning in her eyes, Chichiri offered his
hand to her and waited.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Kouran stared at the outstretched hand a thousand emotions
warring in her tortured mind. Part of her wanted- no, needed to
believe that he had forgiven her, that she was capable of being
forgiven, and loved after all. However, the other part knew that
she didn't deserve such an honor. In fact, she was probably
imagining this entire episode, the man in her sitting room a
figment of her over-taxed imagination. She had been living alone
after all for some time. Didn't the mind start playing tricks
after years of isolation?
Yes, that had to be it. There was no way possible that Chichiri,
her Houjun, legendary warrior of Suzaku and Konan, would be in
her living room, begging for her forgiveness and offering his in
return. The very idea was preposterous. This man was probably the
devil himself, trying to lure her into betraying what memories
she had left of her beloved.
Surging with anger, she slapped the hand away forcefully and shot
the demon a glare that would melt the tallest snowcaps in Hokkan.
"Iie!" she screamed, her eyes flashing fire. "I will not fall for
your lies! Get out of here this instant! Get out!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Chichiri faltered, whatever determination he had being worn away
quickly in the face of her assault.
"Kouran..."
She clenched her eyes shut and refused to look in his direction.
"Kouran," he pleaded, "do you remember that day by the river? It
was the last day of harvest and I made that necklace for you with
the polished stones..."
----------
"Houjun!"
Her laughter echoed back to him, the delicious peals ringing
above the harsher sound of the river. Smiling, he gave chase and
bounded after her, his lower tenor mingling with her lighter
tones, their laughter creating a music all its own.
He caught up to her by the willow tree; actually, she had stopped
running. With delicate hands, she had parted the soft fronds, an
expression of wonder settling on her fair features.
"Oh!" she whispered as he skidded to a stop beside her. Panting
a bit, he forcibly slowed his breathing and peered into the gloom
under the willow... and gasped.
----------
"Yamete!"
Chichiri's concentration shattered, the half-hearted spell
falling in shards onto his feet. She was crying. Face buried in
her hands, she had collapsed to the floor, sobbing as if her very
heart would break. Maybe it had.
Her sadness crashed into him, smashing him to the floor beside
her. He hadn't wanted to hurt her- to make her remember her
painful past. But if there was a chance, any chance he could
remind her how much they loved each other, and how happy they had
been, he would take it. He would do anything for her.
The moment she felt his touch on her arm, she ripped free and
faced him, fists clenching so hard her knuckles turned white.
"Stay away from me!"
Something inside him shattered. "Kouran..."
But the eyes that met his were no longer sane. They were tinged
with anger, fury, and no little pain. The intense gaze tore into
him, trapping him in their tortured depths. It was then that the
determination holding him up crumbled to ashes, leaving his heart
and mind in ruins. A pale shadow was all that remained, a hollow
shell of a man. Defeated, he slumped to the ground.
The action only seemed to infuriate her further.
"Get out."
The cold tone acted as a bucket of icy water, piercing the fog
that held him frozen, its iciness piercing what was left of his
tattered soul.
Chichiri raised his head slowly, his tormented eye meeting her
fury once again.
"I said GET OUT!" Her cry ended in a tortured scream, echoing
through the room- or maybe it was just in his mind. She advanced,
one hand rising as if to strike him. Nodding once, his eye slid
shut and he faded into nothingness, his cheek barely feeling the
slap aimed at his face.
The last thing he received from his one and only love.
----------
Chichiri opened his eye wearily, his gaze resting on an old
familiar face. A sigh ended on a choked sob as he sat up and
buried his face in his hands.
"She didn't come, Taiitsukun. She didn't want... to be with me."
For a moment, the old woman looked annoyed. "If you really
thought that, you wouldn't be here," she scolded softly.
He didn't look up. "Hai, I know. She wanted to be with me but
didn't think she was worthy. Why?"
Taiitsukun remained silent.
"Doushite?" he repeated brokenly. A soft breeze blew sending
dried leaves skittering past the grave.
Chichiri raised his face to the unheeding sky, grief pouring out
his remaining eye. "DOUSHITE?!?!"
His anguished cry echoed through the small valley. The wind
didn't answer.
"Taiitsukun, there has to be another way," he pleaded, his entire
body taut with desperation. "Onegaishimasu, I'll do anything..."
"Chichiri..."
His grief-stricken gaze dropped to the grass under their feet.
"Onegai..."
The old woman remained silent.
----------
Kouran hadn't slept in days. She hadn't eaten, hadn't even risen
from bed.
'I'm already dead and I still feel like dying,' she mused
bitterly.
All she could think about was him. His pain, his eyes- it must
have taken him an incredible amount of courage to come here- if
that really had been him. She still had her doubts but they were
fading by the millisecond.
He had spoken of that day, by the river- her throat contracted at
the memory but she forced herself to continue. That was the day
they had pledged their love to each other- in their special place
under the willow tree. It was the first time they had kissed.
Tears flowed unheeded down her pale cheeks. Oh, why had she
doubted him? He had vowed, that day, to be with her forever, even
after death. The memory of his loving hands, his soft lips as he
touched them to hers ever so briefly, washed over her like a
wave, taking with it any lingering doubts.
He had returned for her, she was sure of it now. Somehow, he had
broken though the barriers that separated the living from the
dead and kept his promise to be with her. But, she had rejected
him.
The words fell into the raging currents of her mind, stilling its
turbulence.
She. Had. Rejected. Him.
Full realization dawned and her anguished howl carried through
the empty night, aided by a chilling wind.
//Knock. Knock.//
The unfamiliar sound pierced through her despair. The last time
she had heard it, HE had been behind the door. Was she being
given a second chance?
Excitement flooding her veins, she hurried into the sitting room.
Slowly, she opened the door.
"I heard a scream, are you all right?" a familiar voice asked.
"Houjun!" she squealed, throwing herself into his arms. It was
him! Suddenly, all the pain and guilt she had suffered melted
away as she burrowed into his embrace. They were together again.
Nothing else mattered. They were together.
~*~*~*~*~*~
OWARI?
Author's Notes: *sigh* I think I thoroughly despise Kouran. She
was annoying me so much I wanted to make her suffer more! But, oh
well. Comments and feedback onegai!! tsukinouta@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters belong to Watase
Yuu. Rights are also held by Flower Comics, Shogakukan, Bandai,
TV Tokyo, Movic, Studio Pierrot; US rights by Viz Communications
and Pioneer.
A lot of the ideas behind this were inspired by the movie "What
Dreams May Come" starring Robin Williams. I just tweaked things a
bit to suit my purposes. I like doing that. ^_~
A huge *glomp* to Quicksilver and Socks-chan who went over this
with a fine toothed comb. It might not have turned out as
expected but I think it still works. Maybe in Part 2, ne? ^_~
Hugs also go out to Lyra, Arion, Gerald, Night~Mare, and
Stormlight for putting up with my ranting and raving and
threatening to slow-roast Kouran over a slow fire.
And all my threats are meaningless before any of you get the
wrong idea. It was just hard to write her, that's all. Now that
it's done, no hard feelings, ne? *ducks a fwap from Kouran's
rolling pin* Eep!
No copyright infringement is intended. This story was written
purely for the entertainment and enjoyment of other fans and I am
not making any profit from it. I do ask, however, that my
permission be obtained before posting this somewhere else.
"Forgiveness" Copyrighted © September 25, 2000 by Moonsong.
All rights not previously claimed by the above are reserved.