Set at the end of 4x15, enjoy...
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart"
―Helen Keller
Damon pov:
I find her posed on the sidewalk of Wickery Bridge. The dark cloak of the night surrounds us as she stands in the luminous spotlight of the moon. My eyes travel up the tight leather sheathed on her endless, slender legs emphasized by the razor-sharp heels encasing her feet. I briefly wonder whether it's Katherine. The doppelganger bitch who simultaneously destroyed and saved my life with a careless swish of her curls.
(Because if I'd chosen differently, I wouldn't have met you)
But then she turns to face me, our eyes lock together and my doubt is vanquished. "We thought you might have run away. Vampire Barbie's been pulling those blonde curls out and the Scooby gang are desperately forming a search party". My voice falters at the end as I fully digest the message Elena's eyes reveal. She's always had those expressive eyes.
Eyes that see deep into my soul.
(I think that you're hurt Damon)
Eyes that pull my heartstrings
(Be the better man, Damon)
Eyes that make me want to either break into fucking song about this 95-pound, doe-eyed package of pure love, humanity and strength or go on a killing-rampage to punish whoever placed this girl - who is concurrently an angel and devil to me – in my life.
For Christ's sake, focus Damon.
Anyway, I've seen her apologetic after countless rejections (I care about you Damon, which is why I have to let you go).
I've seen her angry, feisty, passionate, righteous and on rare occasions, even happy. Hell, I know this girl better than I know myself. But this...I've never seen this.
Elena is broken.
She blinks heavily, her chest heaves with the weight of unshed tears. The pain is slowly crushing her. Each of her breaths presses down on her more profoundly and I can almost hear her screaming inwardly, so high-pitched that it is only a matter of time before the fragile glass of her composure breaks.
My girl is devastated, distraught, anguished, inconsolable, grief stricken. My brain hurls adjectives at me and I disregard each, flinging them to the side and struggling to think clearly. My mind rejects any idea that nothing I do will comfort her. I also frantically attempt to ignore the voice in the distance, which incessantly babbles on.
"I'm starting to feel a little déjàvu. Wickery Bridge. Again? I get that it is extremely significant in your short albeit extremely dramatic life, but can we not turn it into the eighth world wonder? Either that, or maybe I should just permanently camp out here and wait for the next existential dilemma. And what's with the fancy get-up? Not implying that I don't appreciate the leather – though, it does serve as a reminder of the things we haven't done for way too long now. But, the outfit does remind me of a certain someone, and the problem is that the certain someone isn't you and –"
"Meredith has his body"
It takes the faint interruption of Elena to make me realise that the unremitting voice was in fact my own. The hoarse whisper of her voice jolts me back to reality and leaves my mouth agape as I gawp speechlessly.
Seemingly, for my benefit, she clarifies herself: "they took my brother. They just took him"
I grapple for words, poking each corner of my mind for a reply. Get it together, I chastise myself.
"Elena, they had to...he's dead. He's gone and I'm so sorry but I need you to accept that"
She stomps towards me and I flinch as each heel pounds against the concrete. When she is only a hairs breadth away from me, Elena pauses before raising her voice to ask, "Why are you lying do me?"
Fuck. I hear the hurt in her voice and inwardly groan. It is only now I realise the depth of her delusions. This isn't gonna be pretty.
"When have I ever lied to you? No matter, how ugly the truth is – and in this case, it's pretty damn repulsive – I have always been honest with you. Whilst our saint Stefan sugarcoats the truth, how many times would you come to me for the real situation."
(I wanted it to be real)
Elena starts to shake her head and I can see her start to block me out and push me away. Damn it. For the fifth time today, I curse Stefan. Why are the these jobs always left to me? Whilst Stefan combs his hero hairdo, I have to watch the love of my life shatter before me.
(I don't mind being the bad guy...I'll even let her hate me for it. But at the end of the day, I'll be the one to keep her alive)
"Listen to me, Elena. I saw it myself. I saw him myself. He's gone. Jeremy's dead. D-E-A-D. And in order to start healing, you need to acknowledge the truth. You need to accept it."
My voice is hard, and internally I'm cringing and berating myself for my callous words. But this needs to be done. I have to push her to the brink, watch her fall over the edge because only then do we have any hope of possibly bringing her back along with her sanity.
She recoils from me. I scrutinize her as she digests my words and predicting her reaction, I'm there to catch her when she falls. Feeling the weight of her in my arms, brings a certain relief to me that nothing else can. I begin to wonder whether Elena has fainted – do vampires even faint? - when she emits a gut-wrenching sob. My fist curls and uncurls around her, as I struggle to handle to utterly draining feeling of uselessness.
(You're not dead. You're not dead)
What has this girl done to deserve all this shit? The loss of two sets of parents, multiple parental figures, friends and now her brother. The curse of the doppelganger. Elena, of all people. Yeah, she is definitely not perfect, but she has the biggest heart I've ever encountered. A girl who would think of a homeless man before herself. A girl who would rather sacrifice her own happiness than to see anyone else suffer. A girl constantly drowning in her own grief yet refuses to stop treading water. My warrior princess, with an unrivalled passion within her. Yet I feel that passion slowly seeping away. A rising fire ignites within me and I feel overwhelming ire on her behalf.
The rampant flames of fury within me are doused out by the whisper of her voice. "Please don't tell me that I'm all alone. Please don't tell me that I don't have anyone anymore. The pain – it consumes me. I can't..." Helpless sobs overwhelm her as she is unable to finish.
(You want a love that consumes you)
After 170 years of scepticism, I find myself appealing to God. Give me some of her pain. I'll do anything. She deserves so much more than this life.
(You would have gotten to grow up and have the life that you wanted, the life you deserved)
For a while, we just sit there, on that god-forsaken bridge. Enclosed in my embrace, she weeps and I hold her close. I've worked to protect her from all surrounding danger but I have no idea how to protect her from herself.
After what feels like forever, Elena speaks, "I know you don't believe me because of the sire bond, but I love you. You wanna know why? You make me laugh. No-don't interrupt, I need to get this out. I love you because yeah, you've done things to hurt me – which I have never forgotten but will always forgive. No matter how my mind tries to rationalise why I should stay away from you, my body – my heart – has always stopped me from being able to. You've always been there to earn my forgiveness despite my stubbornness. I think it's because i know that even once I've gotten over it, I know you never will. You have the lethal combination of an impulsive brain and an overpowering conscience. Who am I to judge you anyway? I've done so many things to hurt you as well, including choosing Stefan because i was too scared to start a relationship with you when I had never finished one with him"
"I love you because you're so convinced that you are "the Bad Brother". I remember saying to Stefan once that I really believe that everything you have ever done, every move that you've made has been for love and I think that is still true.
"You've always been there for me when I needed you and even in the darkest periods of my life you have made me smile. You've made me laugh and you have made me happy. And the sire bond has nothing to do with that.
My mind struggled to process her words. "Elena, I don't..."
Again, she interrupts, "Please let me finish." At my nod of consent, she continues: "A while ago, you promised you'd never leave me and though you've kept that promise, I need you to break it now. I need you to leave me."
Despite my noise of disagreement, she persists and raises her voice to say, "I bring misery to everyone I am around. I bring death. Look at my track record, for Gods sake Damon!" She breaks free of my arms and we both rise. Standing up, we face each other. She stares at me with stubborn resignation and I glare back with anger and frustration. The scene is reminiscent of one from our past.
(Get your ass out the door before I throw you over my shoulder and carry you out myself)
"Elena, stop being ridiculous and listen to me. You're overcome with grief right now, you're not making any sen-"
"Damon, my head has never been more clear! Listen to me, stay away from me."
Turning away, she walks a couple of steps further away from me. God, I hate loving this girl. Staring at her back desperately, I try again, "Elena, please don't do this..."
We stand in silence for a moment, realising we have reached an impasse until Elena breaks the fragile quiet.
"You know Kol warned us about Silas. Kol told us not to awake him or we'd all be dead. And you know what we did? We killed him. Him along with his whole vampire bloodline. And look at me now. Jeremy's gone. And I'm left here all alone. Karma really is a bitch." Her tone is bitter as she spits out each word.
"Is this what this is about Elena? You feel guilty?!"
She doesn't reply for a while. I watch the rise and fall of her shoulders as I debate walking closer towards her. Just as I take one step towards her, she speaks again.
"No Damon, I don't feel guilty."
She turns her whole body to face me.
"I don't feel anything."
I almost gasp as I stare into her eyes. Those eyes which have expressed joy, anger, grief and frustration are blank. Emotionless.
With a brief mirthless smirk, she twirls around and begins to walk away with a casual, uncaring sway of her hips.
For a minute or so, I watch in shock. And then, slowly recovering, I follow her.
So, after Thursdays episode, I sat, cried and have been in a state of depression since! I feel so bad for Elena, words can't even express. Anyway, before I go off on a tangent about how soulless the writers have to be if they don't bring Jeremy back, let me just say that I have a couple ideas for a few chapters of this fic - Damon dealing with a noHumanity!Elena, her point of view etc - but am unsure whether to leave this as a oneshot.
So if by any chance, anyone is reading this, I'd appreciate a review with your opinion? Thankyou:)