Chapter One
A/N: Well, this adventure started (emphasis on started) as me attempting a SwissLiech kind of thing, but merged itself in an UsUk/Franada thing. Good luck! And uhm, reviews are great.
(also, I apologize for the not entirely too spectacular summary, I have no idea where this is going to wind up to be honest)
"Three years! Three fucking years, and now this!" I mutter, pacing back and forth around my room, fingers pulling at the hair on the sides of my head, the fuck is wrong with me! Hadn't I learnt the first two years how hard this was to hide? My eyes flick over at the little red lines on my wrist.
I could do this. I could hide it.
It only took a few days for them to heal... Or was it weeks? I breathe in heavily and sigh. There are only a few days until school is over, then it would be easier. Until then, what in hell could I wear?
It's almost summer time, so wearing sweatshirts is out of the question. Maybe this would have been easier if I had done it on my ankle like I thought I should have. But.. I pull off my glasses and rub my eyes with the palm of my hand. What would Arthur say about this? I mean, it's not like I can avoid him or anything. School council duties, and the fact that... we have.. all the same classes... together. Fuck. Then again, its not like he would have any reason to be interested in my life or anything. It isn't as though we're dating or anything. Or that he likes me. No matter how much I want those things, they won't ever happen. And I am painfully aware of this.
Anyways, I could make this work. I glance over at my alarm-clock. 7:45 am.
"Shit!" the student council meeting is scheduled to start in fifteen minutes, and here I am standing around in my underwear. I go over to my laundry basket, pulling out bits and pieces of my uniform. White, long-sleeved button up shirt; coal grey slacks and dull golden-yellow sweater vest. I trip and fall over my messenger bag twice while trying to pull on my pants. Finally, ankle socks. Fancy shoes. Dressed.
I grab my keys, phone, and bag, making my way to the door, pausing to stare at myself in the stand up mirror. Messy short dusty blond hair with a stubborn cowlick sticking up at the front, blue eyes stuck behind rectangular glasses, tall and lean (in a muscular way), with long arms and legs. That's me. I don't look any different than I did yesterday. It feels like it though.
oOo
"Alfred! Alfred are listening to me?"
I look up from my doughnut right into Arthur's scowling face. Arthur Kirkland. Student council president and (in my opinion) the handsomest boy in school. His arms are crossed and emerald green eyes filled to the brim with early morning frustration.
"I... Yes." No. I was too busy thinking about what it would be like to go out on a date with him. Too busy getting my hopes up.
"Do you have the papers I asked you for?"
"The ones with the figures for next year's budget?" His eyes narrow down at me, clearly saying What other papers could I be asking for you git?
I clear my throat nervously, glancing down the table towards my friend Kiku, who's looking at me with eyebrows raised and an amused expression.
"Yes, I have them. Wait a sec... please." Whilst digging through my bag looking for the folder with all the student council stuff in it I can hear our secretary Feliciano Vargas, asking about the cooking classes next year. Something to do with the words "ve" "pasta" and "Lovi".
Lovi... Where have I heard that name before? While trying to figure out where exactly I had heard that name before, a pair of black shoes nestled under coal grey slacks enter my vision. Quickly followed by two very large green eyes. "Are you having trouble finding them Alfred?" I gulp.
"Er-n-no, they're in here somewhere..." I mutter trying to hide the red flush spreading across my face. A few seconds later I produce a thin, green folder with the words STUDENT COUNCIL STUFF written across the front. I sit up quickly, smacking my head into something hard and bony.
"Ouch!"
"Jones you git!" I look up to see Arthur rubbing his jaw, which is turning bright red and looking like a nasty bruise would magically appear at any second. My face is starting to burn it's so red. I'm tempted to get up and run screaming down the hallway, getting as far away from this giant quagmire I created as is humanly possible but I can't. Not until I get the papers to him. I stand up and practically shout "The papers are in here sir! I just realized I had something very important to do just this second it's very urgent and I have to go right now!" I push the folder to his chest and turn around nearly sprinting down the hallway. Holy fuck. What in the name of all that is holy, is wrong with me? Right when I thought I had made some progress with getting Arthur to like me I messed it up. I jump during my inward nightmare when my phone goes off in my pocket.
Mattie: what did you do this time? Francis just texted me saying you pretty much sprinted out of the student council meeting.
Alfred: I fucked everything up okay?
Mattie: where are you?
I look up to find myself in the commons, had I really gone that far?
Alfred: I'm in the commons
Mattie: On my way
Dammit! Now Mattie was getting involved. I mean, he's my brother and he's cool and as great as a brother can be but, really this is something I did to myself. Why oh why can't I just be a normal person? Sometimes, being Alfred Jones really sucks. I sigh, and look around. School feels different at the end of the year. I mean, it just feels so.. empty. I take in a deep breath and sigh for what feels to be the one hundredth time today. I'm leaning up against the wall when I finally hear Mattie's footsteps coming from the math class hallway.
"Alfred?" his voice is quiet, and kind of soft like he's testing the waters.
"Over here Mattie." I watch him as his head perks up and he starts to walk over to me, looking sort of.. sad. I don't know why he would, I mean, this is my mess. Unless he feels bad for me but no, he wouldn't. He couldn't. Looking into his eyes, which are a violet kind of blue, it's really quite obvious that he's worried about me. He really does look exactly like me, which makes me feel bad sometimes, since he's constantly being mistaken for me. My poor shy, quiet, little brother. I really don't understand how people get us confused, Mattie's quiet, shy and sensitive and his eyes and hair are almost completely different. His eyes being darker, and hair being longer and straighter. As opposed to me, I mean, I'm loud, and energetic and maybe sort of kind of conceited... Plus, he's skinny in a different way than I am. He's just sort of.. skinny. I'm not saying he isn't strong, I mean he beat me up in a bunch of fights when we were little. Silly Canadian.
"Hey, hey, earth to Alfred, what are you thinking about?" I shake my head and properly look at him.
"Oh, I was just thinking about how you used to beat me up when we got into fights as kids."
Mattie sighs in his my-brother-is-so-hopeless-sometimes way and looks me straight in the eyes, "Why would you be thinking about that?" I look down at the mismatched tile floor and back up at him again.
"I was wondering why people keep getting us mixed up is all. The people around us must be stupid or something. I mean, we're nothing like each other." I smile at him, the smile is kind of fake and really forced but oh well. Matt smiles back, looks around for a moment and says in a voice barely above a whisper "Come on, let's grab a snack and go out to the field to talk about what happened."
oOo
"Really!? And you just ran out of the room, just like that!" Matt sounds amused at the horrors of this morning. He shakes his head and laughs at me.
"Hey! It wasn't funny! It was really embarrassing! All the progress I had made with Arthur gone! In like, several seconds! So totally not awesome." Matt looks at me and says in a mock shocked voice "Alfred Jones, hero of the world, has declared something as not awesome! Oh me! Oh my! Hell must have frozen over and heaven fell from the sky above!" I punch him, but can't help but laugh. He can become really funny and extroverted when we're alone talking about stuff away from other people.
"Ha ha really funny you jokester." Matt goes quiet and looks at me over his sandwich, violet-blue eyes wide, he looks the same as when we were little kids playing in the woods.
"You really like Arthur don't you?" I look over at him, stunned at his words. Did he know? That I was, am well, y'know. It's like he can sense what I'm thinking. "So, the great Alfred Jones has fallen in love. With a boy no less." I look over at him ready to say something sarcastic but, can't bring myself to say anything. He looks genuinely happy for me. Sighing, I open my mouth and look at the sky.
"Well, my dear little brother-"
"Hey! Only by a couple of minutes!" I laugh at his frustration.
"Still older. Anyways, as I was saying. What is your current situation with you and your little froggy Francis Bonnefoy?"
A cute little blush, makes its way across Mattie's face. He opens his mouth and closes it, just to open it again and say in a barely audible voice, "Well, you see, h-he and I, well, uhm, I like him but, I-I.. I'm not sure if he likes me. It seems like it, b-but he kind of flirts with everyone."
"So I've noticed." I mumble. "It's not fair that he does that to you y'know, maybe I could-"
"Alfred. I don't want you to do anything, this is my problem alright? Any way, we're both idiots aren't we? Skipping school just to talk about the people we can never have."
I fall back into the grass and sigh, looking up into the glorious blue sky. "Well, m-maybe... It's good to be an idiot sometimes." We sit in silence for a while just staring at the sky, it's been so nice out lately. I wonder.. why haven't we gone out to this place before? We used to go all the time when we first came but recently, we never go. I hear Mattie sigh. Not about me, but just a sigh about life I guess. After a moment he lays down next to me, and laughs. "Welp, it looks like we're just two peas in a little pod. Oh! Remember that one birthday cake we had? The one that was half American flag, and half Canadian flag?" I roll over, Matt looks as though he's kind of far away remembering something dear to him.
"Yeah, what about it?"
"Remember what you said after the first bite of your half of the cake?" I think for minute. I remember, very well, but I let him tell me anyways.
"No, I don't. Tell me Mattie." He laughs and looks over at me.
"You took one bite and yelled 'This tastes like freedom! I'm free!' then, you took a handful of cake and smeared it all over my face." I laugh with him this time.
"Oh Mattie, how could I forget, you yelled at me and pushed me face first down in your half and yelled: 'Taste my free health care!' What were we, five?"
That really was a great day. We didn't really know what the free health care thing meant at the time but it didn't matter. Matt gets quiet again and murmurs,
"Yeah, we had just turned five. I still have pictures of our faces covered in frosting. I stole them from Mom after they were developed. She got all angry about it, but blamed it on the camera." I laugh, so that's where those went. I look up at the sky, we must have been out here all day for it to be getting dark like this.
"Hey Mattie..." I get quiet for a minute trying to choose my words carefully. He turns and looks at me ardently, waiting for what I'm about to say. "I, well, you see, yesterday, I was by myself and well, uhm..." I pull up my left shirt sleeve and thrust it over towards his face, covering my eyes with my right arm. In a voice barely above a whisper I say "I'm not proud of it.. I well, I erm.." I sigh and push the words out with one breath. "Ikindofcutmyselfagainit'snotlikeI'mproudofitorany thingitjustsortofhappened."
A finger gently rubs across the little marks. "Well, let's not tell anyone else about this." I sit up staring down my brother. He looks so calm.
"Aren't you going to yell at me? Tell me what I did was bad?" Matt shakes his head. He sits up, leaning against his palms and says gently,
"As long as you're not proud of it, and remember why you stopped in the first place then, you'll be alright."
Those words. You'll be alright. I sigh and cover my wrist back up.
"Only if you say so, but, if you're wrong I'm totally going to kick you ass." Matt laughs.
"You'll see Alfred. You're going to be just fine." We look at each other and shake our heads laughing.
"We should definitely come out here again and have another one of these icky mushy-gushy girly bonding moments."
"Definitely."
A/N: I didn't think it would become so ungodly long. Hurrah for angst and unrequited love! I'm not sure if I'll keep this going or not but! I will try. Anyways! Reviews are great! And I will read them all.