Sometimes life is harder than you thought. Sometimes life is harder than dreams because, sometimes life looks more like a nightmare. And sometimes, some bad times, it seems that the nightmare is never going to end.
Life is made of choices, is made of regrets too, for the choices you never had the chance to make. And it hurts, a lot. This is worse when you are young because the pain never goes away, and it's harder to breathe on special occasions like Christmas or birthday parties. It's harder to see the happiness in people, when you are young and already damaged.
Sometimes life is harder than you thought. Sometimes life is a bitch, sometimes she gets away your tears, makes you all dry inside and angry at the whole world. And sometimes she makes you wanting more for yourself than the misery you are in since the day you have died a little. A part of what you were, but are not anymore.
Life is made of choices, is made of goals too, for the dreams you'd like to be real. And it hurts, a lot. This is the worst because you know that your dreams will never gonna be true, until you bring peace to your heart. But you don't know what peace is anymore. You can't spell it, spill it on your tongue. It hurts to be in peace when you know there is no end to this. That no one has been punished, no one paid for the life you've lost. And the life you're trying to get back. Yours.
She have nightmares these days. She wake up in the middle of the night, all sweaty and her heart pounding like she ran a marathon. One night she dreamt of her mother, she dreamt she was alive. In her bed she was smiling of course, making up for the lost time. She was walking with her, arm in arm on a wood bridge. The sun was up in the sky, she saw the sparkle in her mother's eye. She missed her, so much.
That's when her heart start beating a little harder. She stoped walking, suddendly aware of the impossibility and the absurdity of the situation. Even if it felt so real. She stoped and she knew that if her mother was here, something was wrong in another place.
That's when her heart beat faster. She stoped looking at her mother, because she knew she'll be lost in her eyes if she didn't. And then the sun was dead and it started to rain. In the storm she knew that it wasn't something but someone who had replaced her mother in the sky.
That's when her heart missed a beat. She knew that someone was him, she knew that he was dead with the sun. Because he was her light.
That's when she woke up. That's when she cried for minutes or maybe hours because the pain was too hard, because the choice she had to make was still here, tearing her heart, like the phantom of her biggest fears.