Ash vs. Predator
Ash's Journal:
I'd defeated the Army of Darkness and I was finally able to go hom; the only thing I'd wanted to do. I never even wanted to end up wherever the hell I was in the first place. All I wanted to do was go home, relax, maybe get some painkillers and take a nap. But no, I can't do that, after all, I'm supposedly the warrior sent from the Gods to protect the village from the Deadites. That's probably true. I probably was there to protect them from DEADITES. Not skeletons with swords. Aside from that, they had to give me all that shit about me being one of Henry's men. I'd have put a shell in the guy's face had I not been short on shells.
After it was all over and the dust had settled, something dawned on me. I realized that if I were to take the Necronomicon with me, the proffessor in the woods would never have found it and I'd never have to put up with any of this shit. I'd still have Linda, and my hand.
So I took the Necronomicon in my bag and rode off into the sunset as they cast the spell to send me back to my own time. But there was something I didn't know about. Something, that had I known about, would have made me leave the Necronomicon right where I found it.
As they cast the spell, their magic got tangled up in a web or something with magic being emitted from the Necronomicon. Lucky me, I know. So, one thing led to another, some demon chanted, bright lights flashed, sparks flew, a horse screamed, and I was back in my time. Back in 1993. Only thing was, I was sent a little further than the cabin. A couple million miles over it roughly...
Ash opened his eyes and found his face smeared in blood. He raised his head instantly and found a puddle spreading from beneath his nose. He got to his knees and looked around.
He was in some sort of space station. It looked like something he'd seen on the discovery channel before. Only, it wasn't. The technology on the walls alone was nothing that could ever have been on Earth. The government, he thought. This must be the anal probing place.
He got to his feet, his back coughing up a loud, muffled crack. Ash moaned and slightly bent over backwards, clasping his hand to his lower back. Just as he leaned back, a bright green laser shot past his face, its scortching heat sent him falling back. The chainsaw clattered at his side when he hit the floor. He looked back to an enormous, smoking hole in the back wall, then turned to its firing place.
He found himself looking at nothing but a wall which held hundreds of gadgets and gizmos, that for some reason, gave him the impression that they were weapons. He flushed the idea in an instant. The last thing he wanted to think about was the possibility that the Deadites had mastered technology.
A moving figure caught his eyes. Green rays of light waved up and down, outlining a seven foot tall figure. Other auras flopped lifelessy behind the head, like dead snakes hanging from a helmet.
In one second flat, he had the boomstick held in front of him, directed to the moving figure of green light. The blast echoed through the strange room.
Sparks flew from the center of the man shaped creature, the returning shot was that made by metal hitting metal. He'd shot some sort of shield. The camoflauge began to fizz, like static on a television, as the green lights grew brighter. Ash moved his finger from the right trigger, and pulled the left.
A green liquid darted from the figure, followed by a few sparks.
The figure was revealed. It stood seven feet tall. It wasn't a man at all. It was far from it. It was an enormous monster, heavily built with enormous muscles that bulged from its light green skin which was bound in thick, steel plates of armor. The creature was wearing a helmet that covered its face, allowing it no facial features at all.
He made a fist with its right hand as two, one foot blades shot from a large shell on its forearm. Jagged edges riddled the sides of the blades.
Ash jumped to his feet, tucking his boomstick back into its holster. He tugged at the string on the chainsaw and its engine burst into a loud, vigorous roar as the chain began to spin. Ash raised the chainsaw over his head and stepped one foot forward, standing like a swordsman in a duel. The predator slighly tilted its head in confusion.
"Bring it, baby," Ash declared, giving the go for the creature before him. The predetor stepped forward, pulling back its arm, the blades glistening over its head as it moved. When it approached Ash, it brought its arm flying down. Ash slid to his right, missing the blades. He shoved the chainsaw against the blades. The two weapons screamed as they were held together. After a few seconds, the built up force was released, knocking back Ash's arm.
The blades on the Predator's shell were unharmed. Ash looked back and forth from the blades to the Predatr's mask in terror. The Predator drew back its blades and swung them around from the left, slicing Ash deeply across his abdomen.
"Shit!" he screamed as he stumbled back, throwing his hand to his wound. He quickly managed to ignore the pain and jumped forward again, colliding the chainsaw with the very top of the Predator's forearm, just below it's elbow where the shell had stopped. Green blood spit from the Predator's flesh like a sprinkler as Ash cackled menacingly, an evil smile rushing across his face as haze began to wash over his pupils. The flesh of his face began to shrivel up as the corners of his mouth were pulled down and his teeth grew long and sharpened.
By the time the Predator had knocked Ash away with his other clawed hand, the chain had already cut three quarters into the bone. The Predator looked down at its own mutilated arm. It's face was expressionless because of the mask, but Ash knew he was looking at it in disapproval. The creature laced its fingers around its wrist, and with one rough jerk of its elbow, snapped of the remnants of its forearm and tossed it to the side, the blades retrieving into the shell in mid air.
Evil Ash got to his feet, still laughing like a madman. He revved the chainsaw twice more, re-animating the sleeping engine. He ran forward, holding the chainsaw out in front of him like a knight on a horse. He ran the tip of the chainsaw into the chest of the Predator's chest plate. The Predator stepped backwards as Evil Ash pushed deeper and deeper with his weapon.
The Predator made a fist with its remaining hand, and shoved it into Evil Ash's face. He was thrown across the room, the chainsaw falling from the stump on his wrist where his hand had once been. As he soared backwards, blood fell from his shattered nose.
When Ash landed on the ground, he had no recollection of why he was there, or why his chainsaw was spinning in circles on the floor with the chain still going.
The Predator closed in on him, blood spilled rapidly from its elbow. Ash crawled backwards across the clean floor. He took his chances when he stopped to rech over his shoulder. Just as he retrieved his boomstick, the Predator stood before him, grabbed it by the barrel, and hurled it across the room. It skidded across the room. It grabbed him by his collar and lifted him high off his feet. With one toss of its massive arm, Ash was thrown agaisnt the far wall of the room. When he hit the ground, he found the the Predator's severed forearm on the fround in front of his head. He grabbed it just as the Predator grabbed him by the back of is shirt and lifted him off of his stomach and onto his feet.
Ash held the forearm behind his back and fumbled his thumb over the shell, looking for a button. The Predator hissed as it looked him up and down. Ash's thumb ran over a thermal sensor, signalling the weapons. The massive blades shot from the shell and were both plunged deep into Ash's right buttock.
He screamed almost as loud as he had when he'd lopped off his hand. He saw that the Predator had heard the sound and recognized it. He had to act quicky. With disregard for his own pain, he pulled the blades out of his ass, raised them over his head, and shoved them deep into the Predator's helmet; penetrating the steel and sending the blades far into the Predator's skull and through its brain.
The Predator dropped to the floor, releasing Ash's shirt from its tight grip as well. They lay on the floor side by side for a few minutes, the Predator dead, and Ash mourning for his ass.