Summary: What do you do when your two best-friends are acting like idiots? Why, you help them of course.
Author's Note: Originally I had intended this fic to be a short, cute, fluffy little one-shot. It did not, however, turn out that way.
In addition, I'm normally a fan of the stronger, resilient Cloud, more akin to what you find in Final Fantasy VII and the latter part of Advent Children. I'm not saying I don't think the Cloud from Crisis Core is adorable, but he's not my favorite type as a protagonist. Oh well, Cloud in all his forms is wonderful and this story has been yelling at me to be written down ever since it came to me.
No one took notice of the blond in the corner of the study hall. His head was lowered to his chest in an attempt to hide his black eye which was already beginning to swell shut. The coppery taste of blood in his mouth let him know that his lip was split and would probably swell up as well.
He lifted a hand to gingerly assess the damage, wincing as his fingers made contact with his mouth and then his eye, the light pressure enough to send waves of pulsing pain through his face. His only consolation was that he had left the other two in much the same condition.
Life had not improved. Midgar Military Academy was simply more of the same. The microcosm that had been Nibelheim was reflected in the larger world of Midgar: the strong picking on the weak, 'survival of the fittest' being the rule rather than the exception. Cloud knew that he should have been inured to it by now but he had started out the fall semester with so much hope that life in Midgar would be different.
It wasn't. The city was simply larger.
Cloud picked up his books, keeping his head down to avoid unnecessary attention and made his way back to his dorm room. The quarters were cramped, four to a room with bunk-beds on either side and two desks with chairs. He allowed himself to relax as he flung himself down on his bed and tried not to dwell on how horrible his day had been. Really, it had been fine until he had run into them. Somehow they always managed to catch him alone.
Pretty boy. Little faggot. Fudge-packing queer.
Their words of hate swirled in his head against his will. He tried to shut out the voices, repeating phrases from Sun Tzu's The Art of War in his head and closing his eyes in order to ignore how much the right one was swelling.
It was ridiculous, really. Homosexuality wasn't even an issue in the Academy. There were plenty of openly gay men among the cadets, and quite a few more amongst the officers of SOLDIER. He had never even taken an interest in anyone, male or female, so it was a mystery to him that he should be singled out.
Never taken an interest in anyone. It wasn't exactly true but since his interest had little chance of ever being returned there was no point in dwelling on it.
"Hey, there you are."
He turned his face toward the voice and saw Zack Fair enter, filling up the tiny room with his presence. He flinched and turned his head away, not wanting the SOLDIER to see his swollen eye or busted lip, not wanting Zack to feel any sorrier for him than he already did.
"Cloud?"
He realized his mistake too late. Turning his face away like that had only made Zack more concerned.
He swallowed and faced him and watched the SOLDIER's turquoise eyes widen with concern before they darkened with barely hidden ire.
"Cloud, who did this?" Zack's chest expanded, as if the full weight of his anger couldn't be contained and it was struggling to be released. The tan skin of his arms was taut over straining muscle, his eyes glowing with mako until the blue was only a narrow circle around smoldering green.
Cloud said nothing but lifted himself up until he was propped back against a lone pillow. He lowered his head to his bent knees, wrapping his arms around them as he avoided Zack's gaze.
"Cloud?" Zack's tentative pronouncement of his name was spoken softly, as if he was speaking to some skittish forest creature rather than to a cadet in a famed military academy. Cloud flinched at the thought; fatigue, sadness, and anger melding together within him. But foremost was the perpetual weariness that came with the knowledge that he just wasn't strong enough and would probably never be.
"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Zack asked resignedly although his eyes still burned an almost solid green.
Cloud stirred on the bed, biting his lip in automatic habit and wincing at the resulting pain.
"We're going to the infirmary," Zack said firmly and Cloud shook his head once in negation.
"No, Zack. I'm fine. It's nothing that I wouldn't receive in one of my hand-to-hand combat classes."
"After hand-to-hand they give you a potion," Zack argued, making a sweeping motion with his hand that clearly indicated to Cloud that he wasn't about to budge on the issue. He reluctantly rose and came to stand beside his friend, his face lowered to the floor. The SOLDIER sighed, running his hands through his black mane of spikes before stepping away and gesturing to the door.
"After you," he said and Cloud grudgingly dragged his feet toward the infirmary with Zack a solid and protective presence behind him.
Zack was worried about Cloud. All day long his thoughts had revolved around the small blonde cadet, his anxiety mounting as the day passed. He had known that Cloud was struggling through his classes, especially the physical ones, but he hadn't realized the extent of the cadet's trouble until he had seen his bruised and battered face the day before. There was obviously more going on than he had thought.
He exited the offices of the Shinra building and looked around for Cloud, not surprised to find him sitting alone on a bench, his head bent over one of his text books. Cloud had reluctantly agreed to let Zack help him with his training in both sword work and hand-to-hand, although he had only consented after Zack had pointed out to him that Angeal had been his mentor through his own years as a cadet.
Despite the obvious signs that he needed help, Cloud was determined on making it into SOLDIER on his own, pride and stubbornness evident in the set of his jaw whenever Zack brought up the subject of tutoring him. It just made him that much more determined to see Cloud succeed.
Zack approached him and the cadet looked up, his blue eyes brightening and a small smile gracing his face as he spotted him. Zack felt the tension that had mounted within him through the day fade away, and an answering grin stretched his mouth.
"Hey, you ready to get your ass kicked?"
Cloud snorted and stood from the bench, shoving his textbook into his athletic bag before turning back around to face Zack. "Someday it's going to be you on your ass and then we'll see who's grinning."
Cloud's assertion made Zack's grin widen and he slung an arm around the younger boy's shoulders in easy affection. "Yeah, yeah, let's see if you can put your money where your mouth is, Spiky."
The corner of Cloud's mouth lifted in a small smile, his eyes twinkling with suppressed humor, and Zack could feel his own spirits rise. Every smile of Cloud's was like a gift and he was proud of the fact that he was the one who most often brought it about.
"Zack." The familiar voice came from the direction of the Shinra building. He felt Cloud stiffen beneath his arm, saw his smile fade and his face become visibly pale even under the descending shadows of twilight.
Zack turned around to face Sephiroth. The General's stare was fixed on Cloud, a slight frown on his face.
"Hey, Seph. What's up?"
Sephiroth's eyes narrowed slightly, either at the use of the nickname in front of a cadet or the casual manner of his greeting, Zack couldn't tell. Cloud was now completely frozen beneath his arm and he could feel his rapid pulse beating against his bicep.
"Did you turn in your mission report?" the General asked, his green gaze steady on the blonde before it narrowed on the arm Zack still had wrapped around the cadet's shoulders. Zack could practically feel Cloud wither under Sephiroth's stare.
"Um, no. Was that due today?"
Sephiroth lifted his eyes from Zack's arm to glance at his face, raising an eyebrow at his question before responding. "It's not homework, Zack. You're expected to turn one in directly after coming back from a mission. I know for a fact that Angeal has explained that to you."
"You do?" Zack's eyes were wide with feigned innocence even as his mouth quirked with amusement and the General shook his head slightly at the younger SOLDIER's antics.
Cloud suddenly stepped away from him causing his arm to drop from around his shoulders. The cadet was noticeably stiff with tension as he spoke. "Zack, I'm going to wait for you at the gym."
"But Cloud, it's not…"
"Sir." With a tight but respectful nod at Sephiroth, Cloud turned away, not meeting either Zack or the General's eyes as he left, and Zack's mouth hung open in surprise at the suddenness of his friend's departure. Sephiroth stood motionless as he watched Cloud's retreating form, an indefinable expression held within his gaze.
"I'm sorry, sir. Cloud's pretty shy." Zack didn't know why, but something about Sephiroth's expression made him feel awkward, as if he had done something wrong or caused some unnecessary hurt. He had no earthly idea why he felt that way and frowned in confusion over the reaction.
"It's no matter," Sephiroth murmured. "Be sure to have that report in by tomorrow morning." With that said he turned away, the creaking sound of heavy leather marking his withdrawal, and Zack watched him until he could no longer see the long sweep of his silver hair glinting in the fading light.
What just happened? Something about the last few minutes had left a bitter taste in his mouth and he wasn't sure why. Bewildered, he turned and followed in the direction that Cloud had gone.
Cloud blew out a breath as he reached the gym, swallowing down the saliva that had flooded his mouth in his panic. The General's presence always tested his self-control and it became worse every time he was near him. Which wasn't often, thank Gaia. Still, Zack worked with Sephiroth, the end result being that Cloud periodically ran into him when he was with his friend.
It wasn't that he didn't like the General. Far from it. But every doubt he had ever had about his ability to make it into SOLDIER, every last flaw he possessed, every low grade from an instructor or jeer he had received from a peer swarmed him whenever Sephiroth was around.
General Sephiroth was perfection.
It merely made Cloud's defects that much more evident to be in his presence. Not to mention the General always stared at him like he was a bug beneath a microscope.
If only Cloud wasn't in love with him, life would be so much simpler.
A month later Cloud finished his last practical exam. The semester was finally over and his heart felt lighter than it he could ever remember it being. His sword work and combat skills had steadily improved under the tutelage of Zack and he knew that he had done his SOLDIER friend proud in his exams. His grades had risen progressively over the previous weeks and Cloud had gone into his finals not only sure that he'd pass, but confident that he would ace them.
His mood was brightened further by the fact that his last test had been in hand-to-hand combat and that his opponent had been one of the cadets who'd made his life hell throughout the semester. The bulldog-faced cadet hadn't even been able to lay a hand on him and Cloud had given him the pounding he so richly deserved. A small smile lit his face at the thought and his stride lengthened as he made his way from the gym toward his dorm room.
Without warning the sound of pounding footsteps came from behind him and he was suddenly knocked to the ground, his head crashing painfully into the concrete walkway as he fell.
"You think you're so fucking great now, don't you, motherfucker?" Cloud raised his head, feeling blood trickle steadily from his forehead into his right eye as he looked up at the menacing form standing over him.
Jenner, the cadet that he had just beaten in his practical exam, stood above him, his already ruddy face flushed with color and his heavy jowls quivering in barely suppressed fury. Two other cadets flanked him, their expressions equally threatening.
"Fags like you should learn their place. Don't worry, we'll teach it to you." Something in his gaze caused Cloud to flinch, something beyond the threat of a beating hard and barely hidden in his sneer.
Cloud made it to his knees before Jenner kicked him in the stomach, causing his breath to whoosh out of him in a great rush as he fell to his hands.
"Perfect," Jenner said, his tone laced with smug malice. "Stay just like that." His cronies laughed and Cloud knew that he was in trouble. He could barely breathe and his right eye stung painfully as blood continued to dribble into it from the wound on his head.
"You must really lack intelligence to pull something like this in full view of anyone passing by."
The voice came from Cloud's right and, although he could not see out of one eye, he heard a sharp crack and saw Jenner tumble to the ground, groaning as he clutched his arm which was bent at an odd angle. The other two cadets were frozen in place, their faces reflecting dawning horror as they looked up at the man who had caused their leader's pain.
"If you don't wish to suffer the same fate as your friend here, I suggest you pick up him up and take him to the infirmary. Then I suggest you make your way back to your dorm. Cherish your time there, because as of now you are no longer candidates for SOLDIER. If I have my way, and I will, you will be lucky to receive jobs as janitors within Shinra," Sephiroth said icily.
Cloud saw the two boys pick up their still-groaning friend, propping him up between them as they scrambled hurriedly away. Cloud managed to once again make it to his knees before he felt the sudden weight of a hand at his back and turned his head to see Sephiroth standing over him, his eyes burning green with cold anger.
"Here," he said. The word was spoken softly and Cloud felt disoriented at the difference between the icy rage in the General eyes and the gentleness of his tone.
Sephiroth tipped up his face and inspected the bleeding cut. "Does it hurt?"
"No," Cloud replied, trying to maintain a stoic expression even when the General's fingers probed at the skin around the wound. It was hard to breathe with him so close and his heart beat erratically and so hard that Cloud was afraid the General would notice.
Sephiroth chuckled and Cloud's eyes widened in surprise at his expression of humor. He had never heard the General laugh before. "Zack was right. You are hard-headed."
"I am not," Cloud protested. He blushed under Sephiroth's knowing stare, unable to believe that he had just disagreed so openly with the General.
Cloud was unsure whether or not he should apologize but his thoughts were interrupted by the sudden wash of green that erupted from Sephiroth's hand still resting on his forehead. The glow of the cure spell caused his head to stop throbbing and the blood that had steadily trickled into his eye came to an abrupt end although the fluid and metallic smell still remained.
As soon it was finished Cloud struggled to his feet. While the cure had done away with all of his pains, the sudden fatigue caused by the last few stressful minutes abruptly overwhelmed him and he had to will himself to stand erect in front of the General, to shake off his weakness and try to salvage some dignity.
Something in Sephiroth's gaze let him know that he wasn't fooling him.
"Come with me."
Cloud stared for a moment at his retreating back, confused by the General's command and unsure about what he had in mind. Sephiroth turned toward him and lifted an eyebrow and Cloud hesitantly moved to follow.
Five minutes later they arrived at the Shinra apartments. Cloud was familiar with the building only because Zack occasionally invited him over to dinner after their sparring sessions. Most of the higher ranking SOLDIERs and executives lived there but the thought of going into Sephiroth's apartment had him trembling slightly in nervous anxiety. He had no idea what to expect, and the thought of trying to maintain his aloof demeanor over an extended period of time caused his tension to skyrocket.
The elevator ride to the General's floor was both agony and ecstasy to Cloud. Anticipation and apprehension warred within him, the tug between the two causing butterflies to take wing in his stomach and his heart to jump into his throat at odd moments. Sephiroth said nothing to him but every now and then Cloud would look up to catch him staring. Cloud felt once more as though he was beneath a microscope, a trapped and colorless beetle pinned in place under the General's intent glance.
He led Cloud down a long wide hall until they reached his apartment and Cloud's heart once more jumped into his throat as Sephiroth opened the door. The apartment was immaculate, a black leather sofa and loveseat surrounded a low coffee table. Blinds were pulled back from floor to ceiling windows and the last dying rays of the sun filtered into the room casting a radiant orange glow.
Cloud was drawn to the mantel over the fireplace where two framed pictures sat. In them were all three of Shinra's Generals; Genesis Rhapsodos and Angeal Hewley along with Sephiroth. In one of them all three were smiling, although Sephiroth's expression was reserved and Genesis's was haughty. Only Angeal managed to beam naturally, one hand placed on Sephiroth's shoulder, the other arm wrapped around Genesis. In the second photo none of them were smiling and Cloud felt sad to see it.
"That was taken on campaign in Wutai," Sephiroth said, coming to stand beside Cloud. The cadet flushed, unhappy to realize that he had forgotten where he was and who he was with for a moment, drawn by the evidence of the General's past and wanting to know more about him. Sephiroth took no notice of his discomfort, simply stood and stared at the picture alongside Cloud.
"Sir?"
"We were ambushed that day. Four 1st Classes, twelve 2nds, and twenty-two 3rds were killed. Forty-two SOLDIERS were heavily wounded." The General's face was inscrutable and Cloud couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"Wh-why do you keep it then?" Cloud asked uncertainly. It seemed wrong in that moment to address him formally. Sephiroth wasn't speaking to him as a superior to a cadet but merely as someone confiding a memory to an equal.
"To remember," Sephiroth replied softly and he turned his gaze slowly away from the picture to look down at Cloud.
He could feel his pulse begin to race at the General's expression. Something in Sephiroth's eyes held him spellbound and he was unable to look away, caught as surely by his gaze as he had ever been, although this time he didn't feel pinned down, but held aloft and floating above himself.
Moments later as Sephiroth turned away Cloud felt himself crash back to earth and he swallowed down the protest he wanted to make at the abrupt change. What was wrong with him? Someone like Sephiroth would never take an interest in a cadet, especially one as small and untalented as himself.
"You may use my shower. I know that the cadet showers are communal so this should serve you one better. If you give me your clothes, I'll have them sent out for cleaning."
Cloud could feel himself gaping. Sephiroth had brought him here for this? Not that he'd had any idea why he was here in the first place but he would never have suspected that he, an unknown cadet, would ever be in the Silver General's apartment, invited to use his shower and—
"Strife?"
Cloud shook himself from his amazement. "Yes, sir. I'd really appreciate that."
Sephiroth smiled. "It's no problem. In Zack's absence I feel the need to take some responsibility. After all, it's partly my fault that he's not here right now."
Zack was in Junon sorting out an administrative mess that General Sephiroth was supposed to have attended to. Unfortunately for Zack, the General had been called to an emergency meeting of the executives that he couldn't get out of, and Zack had been forced to take Sephiroth's place.
Still, an ache had settled in Cloud's chest that the only reason he was here was because Sephiroth felt responsible for him in Zack's absence. But really, what else could he have expected?
"I understand, sir," Cloud said quietly.
The General's smile faded as he examined Cloud's expression and his face tightened. He looked displeased for some reason and Cloud began to feel tense. Why couldn't he be more like Zack? Someone who was able to put everyone around him at ease.
"Follow me," Sephiroth finally said and began to walk toward the back of the apartment. Cloud followed behind him slowly, watching the sway of silver hair, the easy and graceful manner with which he walked.
Sephiroth opened up a door to what was obviously his bathroom, inside which was the standard sink and shower but with one noticeable difference—a very large bathtub, big enough for at least ten people.
The General noted where Cloud's gaze was directed and he tilted his head. "I'd offer you the use of the bath but the tub takes a while to fill. I don't know if you're willing to wait that long."
Cloud shook his head, unable to speak. The thought of taking a shower with Sephiroth in the vicinity was overwhelming enough. Making use of the bath—Cloud was fairly certain that he'd just embarrass himself. There would be too much time to fantasize about the man in front of him, to envision himself as Sephiroth's lover.
He had to clear his throat before speaking. "No, sir. The shower's just fine."
The General inclined his head. "Very well. There are towels in that cupboard over there and you may choose one of the bathrobes on the hooks next to it to wear until your clothes are ready."
Cloud swallowed and nodded. The idea of being clad in only a bathrobe and having to converse with Sephiroth in the meantime was enough to make him certain that his shower was going to be long. Very, very long.
Half an hour later Cloud emerged from the bathroom. He had managed to behave himself, to not do anything in the shower that would cause him embarrassment on later reflection. Besides, jerking off in Sephiroth's shower seemed—wrong. No matter how wired he felt.
He exited the bathroom tentatively, feeling vulnerable in the bathrobe and uncertain what to expect. He walked down the hallway and any relaxation he might have felt from his time in the shower dissolved. His heart began to pick up speed as he approached the living room but when he reached it he discovered it was empty.
"In here," Sephiroth's voice called and Cloud made his way hesitantly toward a swinging door which opened up into a kitchen. A six-seat dining set sat in a corner and to the right was the cooking area, surrounded by a breakfast bar with three stools.
Cloud approached one of the stools and sat down, noticing for the first time that Sephiroth was making sandwiches. He once again had to struggle not to gape.
Sephiroth noticed his expression and smirked. "Yes. I eat."
"I didn't mean—"
"It's alright. I'm not very good in the kitchen. I have a housekeeper/maid who comes in and cleans and cooks three times a week. The rest of the time I order out. Sandwiches are about the limit of my culinary abilities. I hope you like turkey."
Cloud swallowed, suddenly realizing that he hadn't eaten anything at all that day and he was starving. "Yes, I like turkey very much."
Sephiroth's lips quirked slightly as he handed him a sandwich. He then walked around the bar and pulled out the stool next to Cloud, taking a seat as he began to eat his own meal.
Cloud watched the General take a few bites before he began to eat his own. He couldn't remember ever eating anything better.
They ate in comfortable silence for few minutes and then the General got up and made one more. Cloud wanted to protest that he needn't bother but Sephiroth shot him a look. "I'm more than aware of how big a teenager's appetite is. Eat."
Cloud complied with a smile, savoring rather than wolfing it down as he had the first.
Five minutes later he was done and he took his plate and placed it in the sink. Through it all Sephiroth watched him silently. Cloud was once again beginning to feel like an insect beneath a microscope but then he dared to look up and meet the General's eyes. They were locked on him so intently that Cloud felt his stomach drop, as if he had suddenly been pushed off the edge of a large building.
He couldn't look away. Once more he felt hypnotized and overwhelmed. The General approached him and Cloud couldn't find the will or the strength to move. Surely he was mistaken about what Sephiroth wanted?
"Cloud," Sephiroth said, and he only vaguely realized that it was the first time the General had ever called him by his first name.
Sephiroth walked toward him until he was directly in front of him and Cloud had nowhere to go. He was still standing with the sink at his back and now Sephiroth was a hard, hot wall in front of him. And he was hot—Cloud could feel the heat from his body coming off him in waves, heating his own body to a dangerous level.
"Cloud," he said again, his voice even lower than before and Cloud had to lock his knees so he didn't melt into the floor at just the sound of his voice. He was already leaning heavily against the counter behind him.
Cloud could feel his breathing speed up as Sephiroth's green eyes came closer, the fall of his silver hair now touching Cloud's arms, surrounding him in a curtain of moonlight.
"I—"
Whatever Cloud was going to say was cut off abruptly as Sephiroth leaned forward and captured his lips in a kiss. The General didn't waste any time with preliminaries, with teasing, or tentative brushes, but pushed his tongue immediately past the boundary of Cloud's lips, thrusting it into his mouth and stroking at his tongue. Cloud gasped, the feeling electrifying. He could feel it all the way down his spine, in the pit of his stomach and down to his groin.
Sephiroth seemed to feed at his mouth, eating at it the way you'd lap at something deliciously sweet. And that was how the General tasted, like everything good Cloud had ever eaten—like chocolate, and strawberries, and vanilla ice cream.
Cloud was moaning in the back of his throat, a constant series of humming sounds that enticed Sephiroth into pulling Cloud close. He could feel the General's erection high against him on his stomach. Cloud moved into the hardness, shuddering at the feeling and his moans became higher pitched as Sephiroth pulled him even tighter against his body.
A sudden knocking at the door caused Sephiroth to pull away. Cloud only barely registered the interruption. He was gasping for breath and he could feel that his face was flushed. He knew that he had an erection. It was noticeable, even behind the thick terry cloth of his robe.
Sephiroth stepped away, his eyes molten green with his own arousal. He caressed Cloud's cheek with an apologetic smile before he left to answer the door.
Cloud was still trying to catch his breath when Sephiroth came back with Cloud's clothes folded in his hands. He stared silently at the General, not sure how to react or what to say. He felt overwhelmed and slightly scared. Not anywhere but in his deepest, most cherished dreams had he ever imagined this, and now that it was here he was at a loss.
Whatever Sephiroth saw on Cloud's face caused him to move toward him cautiously, and for the first time since Cloud had met him, he looked faintly awkward. "Cloud—"
Sephiroth's PHS cut him off and he scowled slightly down at the phone before picking it up. His voice was curt when he answered.
"Yes."
He listened for a second but then his face noticeably tightened. "Yes, Zack, I understand. That won't be necessary. He's right here."
Cloud was brought back to reality as he realized who was on the other end of the phone.
"No, he's quite all right. I knew you were gone so I invited him over to my place for a late lunch."
Cloud could feel his stomach lurch when Sephiroth finally looked over to stare at Cloud. The General's gaze was empty, any last traces of heat swept away as if they had never been.
"Yes, you can talk to him. I'll see you tomorrow." Sephiroth handed Cloud the phone, exiting the kitchen before Cloud could say anything. He felt his heart sink and his throat tighten. What had just happened?
"Zack?" Cloud said into the phone.
"Cloud? I can't believe it. How did you end up over at Seph's place? I knew you were already out of your exams and I've been trying to get ahold of you for over an hour. I started to get worried when you didn't pick up."
"I'm all right, Zack. It's just like the General said. I got out of school and he saw me and invited me over to celebrate the end of exams since you weren't here."
"Wow. I would never have expected that from Seph. I mean, he can be really great sometimes but to invite you back to his place—Man, I'm jealous! Sephiroth doesn't even invite me over. Wait, did he actually cook for you?"
Cloud had to smile. "No. But he made sandwiches."
Zack laughed. "Man, wish I'd been there. I am so going to bug him into making one for me. He owes me after the week I've had."
Cloud could feel himself beginning to relax although he still felt a heavy sinking sensation in the region of his heart. Still, talking to Zack never failed to make him feel better. "He makes good sandwiches. Get him to make you turkey."
Zack laughed and the sound was so contagious that Cloud couldn't help but laugh as well. "You got it, Spike. Listen, I'll be back tomorrow and we'll do something to celebrate then, okay?"
"Yeah, sounds great, Zack."
"I love you, choco-head," Zack said happily and Cloud smiled.
"Love you, too. Idiot." And with another laugh Zack hung up.
Cloud closed Sephiroth's PHS, silently trying to come to terms with the last ten minutes. He felt as if he had been on a very rough roller-coaster ride.
He made his way slowly into the living area where Sephiroth was standing. The General had his back to Cloud and didn't turn as he stepped fully into the room.
"Sir?" He wasn't sure how to address the General now but it seemed presumptuous to call him by his name without permission. It was better to be safe than sorry.
Sephiroth turned to face Cloud. He didn't know what he'd been expecting to find, but it wasn't the icy stranger who stared at him with barely concealed disgust. "Your clothes are in the bathroom. You are free to leave once you are dressed."
Cloud could feel something inside of him break at the cold look in Sephiroth's eyes, could feel that last ray of hope that maybe something wonderful had happened fade away. He wasn't good enough. And Sephiroth had come to his senses in time to realize it.
"Yes, sir." Cloud said quietly, determined not to let his despair show until he was back in his barracks. Only then would he give in. He didn't look back as he headed toward the bathroom.
A week later Cloud sat across from Zack in a little diner under the Plate. He hadn't spoken much to his SOLDIER friend since he'd come back from Junon. Cloud had managed to beg out of every invitation Zack had offered until he had finally gotten fed up and pretty much dragged Cloud out of his dorm room by the hair in order to get him to talk.
The new semester began the following week and Cloud was dreading it. He hadn't seen or talked to Sephiroth since that disastrous day in his apartment. He was mortified and bewildered by what had happened and he was positive now that the General hated him.
"Alright, I've had enough. Tell me what the hell is going on! Sephiroth has been walking around the office like a ticking bomb ever since I got back. All the secretaries have taken to ducking and covering whenever he's around and don't get me started on how he's been treating me."
"Wh-why are you so sure that I would know?" Cloud asked hesitantly. He had been avoiding Zack for exactly this reason. The idea of having to explain, to relive his own stupidity by recounting what had happened made him feel physically ill.
"Don't treat me like I'm stupid, Cloud," Zack said quietly. "Both of you were fine before I left but I come back and my best friend won't talk to me and my superior officer, whom I also count as a friend, will barely look at me. And when he does…" Zack shivered visibly. "So, let's start again. What happened?"
Cloud swallowed. Hard. He could barely get the words out over the thunder of his heart and the lump in his throat. "Sephiroth, I mean, the General, he…" Zack looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish. "He…kissed me," he finally managed to whisper.
"What?" Zack looked stunned, unsure whether or not he had heard Cloud correctly. "What did you say?"
"Please, Zack. Don't make me say it again," Cloud pleaded.
Zack just stared at him, unsure of how to take the news but then a wide grin began to spread itself across his face. "Really? I can't believe it. That's great! How did it happen? Was it when you were at his apartment? Was it good?"
"No, it wasn't good!" Cloud spat out hotly. His face felt like it was on fire, either in anger or shame he didn't know. "It was a disaster. Afterward, he looked at me like I was a bug that needed to be scraped from his shoe! The man hates me—hates me! He practically shoved me out the door!"
Zack looked simultaneously confused and concerned. "Okay, okay, Cloud, calm down. Let's just talk this out. There has to be a reason."
"I know the reason," Cloud said, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice.
"You do? What is it?"
Cloud stared at him in disbelief. "Look at me, Zack! Just look at me! I'm a cadet who's barely making it through my classes! I'm short, average, and boring, and I'll be lucky if I last the rest of the year. Forget about the next three years." Cloud was panting now in his fury, disgusted that Zack had made him state what was so patently obvious.
When he finally looked up to meet Zack's eyes he was startled to see that they had greened up in anger.
"Now you listen to me, Cloud. I'm sick of this bullshit. I chose to tutor you for a reason."
Cloud opened his mouth and Zack held up his hand to stop him from interrupting.
"Do not tell me it's because I felt sorry for you. That is not true. If I had just felt sorry for you I would've given you a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and sent you on your way back to that podunk little town in the mountains. I chose to train you because I saw you had potential. Yes, you're small but there are a lot of things you can do to make up for that. As for you being boring…" A chuckle escaped him even though his eyes had not yet bled back to their normal turquoise. "You are anything but boring. You're smart, funny, sweet, and determined. The only thing you lack is confidence. So let's start over again and this time, explain to me everything that happened."
Cloud's mouth had fallen open at Zack's diatribe and he knew his face was lobster red in embarrassment. Had Zack really meant all of that?
"I-I—"
"You what?" The glint in Zack's eyes told Cloud that he was teasing and he couldn't help grinning reluctantly back.
"I'm sorry. You're right. I never realized that by putting myself down I was putting you down as well since you chose to train me."
Zack nodded his head. "Go on."
Cloud told Zack what had happened in Sephiroth's apartment beginning with the attack on him by his classmates. His voice was monotone during the recitation but his eyes spoke volumes about how he felt. Zack just nodded encouragingly, listening intently as he finished.
"Okay, I think I understand how it went. What I don't understand is how you really feel about it, or more accurately, how you really feel about him," Zack finally said, looking at Cloud questioningly.
Cloud felt his face flush red but he sat up straight and met Zack's eyes when he answered. "I love him. I've always loved him. He's the reason I decided to join SOLDIER in the first place and that I didn't wither up and die in Nibelheim."
Zack tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "Do you really love him, Cloud?" He paused for a second before continuing. "A lot of people see Sephiroth and they admire him. They see how beautiful he is, or how powerful, how strong, and they want to be close to him. They want to bask in his glory, to revel in being with someone extraordinary. But that's not love. Love is recognizing that person is human with all the faults the word entails and loving that person despite them. No, because of those faults."
Cloud was unable to speak as his friend continued to stare at him with narrowed eyes.
"So, I ask again: Do you love him—really love him? Knowing that he's just human, that he gets cranky when he hasn't had coffee in the mornings, and that he can be short-tempered, abrasive, and condescending? Because that's the reality."
Cloud really thought about it. He remembered the magazine articles he'd read about the General as a child, the newspaper clippings and posters he had tacked to his wall, probably still hanging in his room back home. He remembered the times he'd been with Zack, the stories he had told Cloud about working with the General, some of them funny, some not.
Cloud had seen Sephiroth snap at his subordinates when he was obviously tired and he remembered that last look he'd given Cloud before he'd practically shoved him out the door—the coldness of it. But most of all he remembered Sephiroth's expression when he'd stared at the picture on his mantelpiece. He remembered the loneliness he'd seen in his eyes, the world-weariness of it.
He realized in that moment that he'd been wrong all along. Sephiroth wasn't perfection as he'd thought. He had many faults.
Cloud also realized that he loved every one of them simply because they made Sephiroth who he was—a man he respected, admired, and yes, loved. He was already looking forward to knowing more. "Yes, Zack, I love him. I really, really love him."
"Alright then." Zack nodded decisively and patted Cloud on the shoulder. "I'm not sure what happened or why Sephiroth chose to act that way, but there is a reason. I'm also pretty certain he won't tell me what it is. Not with the mood he's been in. I'm going to try to talk to him anyway because it won't hurt, but just in case that doesn't work here's what we're going to do…"
After half an hour of explanation Cloud's eyes were wide in disbelief. "I can't do that! It's crazy! You will have to pull my dead carcass off the end of Masamune! Cloud Strife shish kabob will be on Sephiroth's dinner menu."
Zack smiled but his tone when he spoke was serious. "Do you want him or not?"
Cloud swallowed down the butterflies that had suddenly begun to chew at his intestines and set his mouth into a determined line. "Yes. Yes, I want him."
Zack's smile was that of a cat who'd just eaten a particularly delicious canary and Cloud couldn't help but shudder at his expression. "Good."
I'm intending this as a two-shot, but we'll have to see. Like I said, the original intent of this fic was for it to be short. Now it's kind of grown into a monster. BTW, the next chapter of Practice to Deceive should be out by the end of the week. Writing both Idiot and PTD at the same time throws into sharp relief how different the characterizations are but oh, well. Such is life.