Listening to: 'Fallout' ~ Alter Bridge
Had somebody told me a year ago that I'd be where I am right now, I honestly wouldn't have believed them.
Would I have hoped? Sure. The prospect of a good change is enough to instill hope within anyone, even if they are already not unhappy with their lives.
Some changes are more jarring than others - I'm even more aware of that now. That doesn't make them any less of a blessing; sometimes it might even make them better.
There are some out there that may try to shame me for what I've done - for what I'm doing, but I don't care. I deflect their opinions like I am made of armor. I have gone too far to go back where I was, to who I used to be. I don't want to go back. I barely remember that person I used to be. I pity her. I have healed her.
She is me now. Every twisted part of her.
Who's to say there's anything wrong with twisted, anyways?
It was getting windier by the minute; a direct result of the storm brewing in the sky. The breeze was cool, contrasting with the warm, dry air. Typical with the season change in Texas in early May, it was going to storm. Something she was very much looking forward to.
A storm in her mind much like the ever-growing one out here, she stood in the middle of the empty stretch or highway. The distance was lighter than the clouds hanging over most of the land, showcasing the beauty of a Texas sunset even amongst the grey of the sky. She had her eyes on it all, taking a deep breath in of the smell of impending rain. It was a scent that made her reminisce about certain moments in her life where everything had been so easy, making her feel both peaceful and somber at the same time.
Things were very different now. She wanted to go back to how it had been.
For now, she tried not to think about that. She tried to live in the moment; to be right here under this big, wide, cloudy sky, waiting for the rain.
The first rumble of thunder breezed in from the distance, and the wind seemed to pick up again with the low sound. She knew she should probably be getting back to her car; standing as the tallest thing on a bare stretch of highway in a storm wasn't smart. Sighing out one of her many breaths of fresh air, she turned and started a slow trek back to the little Honda pulled over on the side of the highway. The only car on the road right now, but even still, distinguishable by the broken windshield with spider-web cracks reaching across the glass. That had been from a half full bottle of moscato being thrown at it. A lovely memoir. It was something she knew she'd have to get fixed at some point, but at the moment, she didn't have the money. Recently, she was also out of a job, as well, so it would have to wait even longer.
In her pocket, her cell buzzed, Eric Church blaring out of the speakers, indicating that someone was calling her. Walking a little faster at another rumble of thunder, this one sounding closer, she pulled it out of her sweatshirt. "Hello?" She pulled her car keys out of her other pocket with her free hand, feeling the first few drops of rain falling onto her bare hands.
"Renee, bitch where are you?!" came a shrill from the other end, the connection crackling from being out in the middle of nowhere.
"I'm-" She yanked the door open just as the sky opened up "-driving, where are you?"
"Waiting for you, ho! Get your ass over here!"
While the voice on the other end sounded abusive to someone on the outside, this was actually a form of misguided affection coming from one of her friends. One of her only friends, at this point.
"Kim," she said idly while she was buckling her seatbelt, "I still have another hour."
"No, it's seven, we agreed on seven. That's what I told Tony!"
"Well, that's not what you told me," Renee started the car as the rain pelted down hard, and she prayed her windshield wipers would do a good job of keeping most of the water out of the cracks.
"It is, I swear!"
Truly, it wasn't. But Renee knew no matter how much she argued, her friend was not going to agree, even if she was wrong.
"Fine, whatever," She moved her car onto the highway, rain coming down on her hood sounding like a machine gun going off, "I'm on my way now."
"'Kay, Tony just pulled up so we're here waiting!"
Thunder rumbled around her, even through the barrier of the car. "Alright, see you soon."
"Byeeee." Kim squealed in the background, probably cheering the arrival of their mutual friend Tony, before she hung up noisily. Any other time, Renee would've joined in on the joy; she and Kim were the type that could always make each other laugh, could always bring out the best in each other. That was then.
Sighing through her nose, Renee continued to drive carefully down the rainy road. She really didn't know why she had agreed to go tonight; she didn't want to. She wanted to sit and wallow, maybe drown her sorrows in some rum and Coke... not that any of that would help either. The utter emptiness in her heart weighed heavy on her; made her not want to do anything, but also not want to do nothing, either. She'd been a good girl her whole life. What had she done to deserve this?
With a start, she noticed red brake lights in front of her. She'd been cruising right along in the zone, not even paying attention. She stepped on her own brakes, praying the car wouldn't skid across the slick road and end up crashing into the stopped person in front of her. They were just stopped dead in the middle of the highway; Renee figured they were probably having car trouble. Really, she knew nothing about cars other than make and model, but she would've felt bad if she just kept on driving while they were stuck in the rain. Especially with this storm going on.
Pulling her hood up over her head, putting her hazards on, she took a breath and opened her door, stepping out into the wall of rain.
"Hey!" she called, not seeing anyone standing outside, but in case they had their window down for whatever reason. There was no visible response. Shutting her own door completely, Renee jogged up to the idling vehicle before her. "Hello?" This was the part, she was aware, in most horror movies where she would be kidnapped and taken to some torture dungeon in the middle of nowhere. She was also aware of how little she cared. That aspect frightened her much more than any other factor at the moment. Right now, she was more dangerous to herself than anything else was.
Still, she prepared herself as the other car's driver's side door opened, not knowing what would await her. "I'm alright, it's fine-" Came a male voice with a thick, southern drawl. "Y'all can keep on driving, everything's-" When he stepped out of the car fully, he paused at the sight of her, and she also paused at the sight of him. A big smile crossed his weathered (no pun intended) face, and he had to shout to be heard over the rain pounding on the concrete, "Little NaeNae!"
"Hi, Uncle Hoyt," Renee raised her voice as well, stepping closer to embrace the man in the Sheriff's uniform as another flash of lightning and crash of thunder came from around them. Still standing, fairly close so that they could hear one another, Renee cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, "Everything okay?"
Nodding, water coursing off the tip of his hat, Charlie 'Hoyt' Hewitt replied, "Yes darlin', everything's fine, just waitin' out the weather; my old eyes ain't what they used to be!" Another crash of thunder, closer this time, came from the left of them. "Ya best git on home now girl, don't wanna be caught in this shit with all your defenses shot!"
"Sure you don't want a ride?" She pressed. There was no telling how long these things could last; it could end in the next five minutes or the next two hours. She wouldn't want to sit and wait it out, no matter how visually impairing rain this heavy could be.
"Naah, honey it's all good," Hoyt glanced over into the field to his right briefly before turning back to Renee. "You go on, I'll be seein' ya real soon. Mama's gon' be calling ya, we're tryin' to plan a shindig soon as this damn weather lightens up!"
"Sounds great!" Renee answered, taking backward steps towards her idling car on the side of the road. "See you soon!" Hoyt waved cheerfully despite the heaping rain, and they both crawled back into their warm, dry vehicles.
Renee tossed her hood back off her head, noting that it hadn't done anything to keep her hair dry in this weather. When it rained this hard, it practically seeped into one's bones. If she'd had a bar of soap, she could've just showered out there! Turning off her hazards, she slowly maneuvered around what she could now tell was Hoyt's police cruiser, and onto the road once again. She honked her horn twice in passing, her car crawling on down the road back towards the small town she called home. She went at practically a snail's pace for her own safety, glancing back in the rearview mirror to look at Uncle Hoyt's car still parked on the road. His lights shone bright through the pouring rain, even as she drove away.
In the distance, she saw a large, dark mass coming from the field to the right of the road, lumbering towards the parked police vehicle. Tommy. Not wanting to let them see that she was stopping, she kept her same pace, but her eyes were looking back the whole time. The large shape neared the idling vehicle, in no rush despite the rain, and he appeared to be carrying something in his right hand. Renee couldn't tell what it was from her increasing distance from the pair, but it looked heavy, swinging low in his hand.
The lights of the car got dimmer and dimmer the farther she drove, as did the shapes, and she watched in the rearview mirror until they disappeared completely.