Eli lied to her, Adam kissed her, what next? Was Drew going to come out of the closet, after all of the craziness of today she wouldn't be surprised. An now to top it all off, she had to have this conversation with Eli, she knew this had been long over due, but that didn't make it any easier. Eli pulled up a few minutes later and even though he wouldn't be able to see her she had a unobstructive view of him. Riley was shocked, he looked has torn up as she felt. The cynical side of her couldn't help but wonder if, it was her leaving, or if it had been him seeing Clare so happy and pregnant. She swallowed, suddenly even more nervous as he closed the car doow and headed towards the trail for the swings. Riley was actually surprised that Eli seemed to know where he could find her.
Eli knew she'd be at the swings. He also knew alot more about Riley then she or really anyone else gave him credit for. To say he was nervous was a understatement, he was in all honest terrified. Losing Riley would be like losing a part of himself, that he couldn't live without. Hell Eli would admit that it was a rather jack-ass move not to realize this until now, but he was hoping, maybe better late then never would work out for him this once. They'd never had the conventional type of relationship to start with , and truthfully Elil had been the only person to not like Riley when Adam had started bringing her around.
But he was man enough to admit that it was jealousy that led to the dislike. After Riley and Adam had become friends, it was like he had lost his bestfriend over night. It also hadn't helped that during this time had been the start of the downward spiral of his and Clare's relationship.
But over the course of a few months things started to change and they had become some what friends. In the end though when Eli was at one of the darkest points of his life it had been Riley who had stayed buy his side. At first after the break up, the guys had been supportive, but after a couple of weeks, tons of bars and countless women whose names he couldn't even remember, if he's known them at all, they'd given up on him. An in the end it had been Riley who took him home from the random bar and women, who held his head over the toilet and cleaned him up night after night. She made sure he got to rehersal's on time and never missed a show, or apperance, by the time he started to live again she'd became his best friend. But the most important thing that she'd ever done was love him enough until he could love himself. She had held his hand thru the first AA meeting, stood by him when he told his story, and walked him out of the last meeting he had to attend. So he was hoping that maybe, just maybe she'd hadn't given up on him yet, and this time he could be the one showing her how much she meant to him.
Riley was silent as Eli walked up and sat in the swing next to her. They sat there in silence except for the occasional squeaking of the chains.
"I'm sorry" he whispered draggin his swing to stop it's motion so he could turn and face her.
" I know"she replied, still swinging, she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Not just yet, she was still worried when she did she would lose all the willpoaer she was barely hanging onto. " But saying it and meaning it are two diffrent things Eli, and well after awhile the words become completely meaningless."
" I know Riles I know. I've been a complete tool, and I know that I deserve, nothing, hell I deseverve less then nothing. But I'm still here begging for the chance to just explain everything. Please Riley you've never given up on me before, please don't start now. Just let me talk and then if you still want to walk away I'll never bother you again, I swear Riles." Eli leaned over and placed his hands over Rileys, and when she didn't pull away, he laced their fingers togethher and then pulled their hands into his lap.
Riley glanced over at their interlaced hand and slowly looked up at his face, When she seen his usually bright green eyes so dull and lifeless, she had to quickly remind herself that he had brought this on both of them.
"Ok" she finally replied "But I'm not making any promises, other then that I'll listen and thats only because for some insanely stupid reason I'm in love with your asshole ..Eli, this better be fucking amazing"
Eli glanced down and the intertwined hands in his lap, squeezing her hands he held them to him like a security blanket. Eli took a few deep breathes, and tried to remember the speech he had repeated over and over in his mind on the drive to the park.
"Umm..well..um" he stuttered.
"Ok," he said clearing his throat." I had this whole speech in my head,and it was fucking amazing. but I dunno it just doesn't seem to be enough. Honestly I don't think that anything I would come up up with would be enough." Eli paused looking into the insanely blue eyes of the woman in front of could seriosuly stare at them for hours,and he honestly couldn't think of what he'd do if he never got to wake up to them he brought her hands up and kissed the inside of her palms, before placing them on either side of his face. he always did this when he was nervous, for some odd reason it calmed more then anything else.
"I love you are my everything. I know I have completely failed at being the guy for I can swear,that noone will ever love you more then I do. Babe I know it's taken way to long to realize everything you mean to me. Just..If you gave me one more chance I would spend everyday of the rest of my life making it up to you. There will never be a day when I don't tell or show you in someway how much you and us mean to me Riley. I know I can't promise to never hurt you again, I won't promise something I'm not one hundred percent sure of, and I know one day I will probably slip up and say or do something wrong, so instead of promising though I can promise that I will be there to dry every tear you cry. That every frown is made up for with a thousand smile. That every mean word, is made into a million reason why you amaze me..I know I can't promise perfect but I can promise that you're it for me Riles. You make everything in my life better and brighter. I know it sounds cheesy but your everything to me. I want to fall asleep next to you , and wake up with you in my arms. I want to watch you smile and see how your nose crinkles when you laugh. To be the guy who holds you when you're sad, and tell you how beautiful your eyes are when you cry. I want to fight with you, and make up with you,I want to do everything with most of all Riley, I just want more then anything for you to be happy. I'd kill to be the guy that makes you happy, but if I'm not I won't stand in the way. I know I've been a complete suckass at this whole relationship,and as much has I don't deserve it, i'm still here begging for one more chance, Please Riley." Eli was in the sand on his knee's infront of Riley but the end of his speech. "Please Riles' he whispered burying his face into her lap.
Riley had tears pouring down her face, there were so many diffrent thought running through her mind. "Could she believe him?", "Was he over Clare"? But the main one was if it was her he wanted or was it just a replacement for Clare. She knew how much she loved Eli, but would she be happy with him, or happier without him? " I'm so confused"she said lifting his head from her lap, so she could get out of the swing. Carefully she slipped out of the swing and into the sand next to Eli, letting him wrap his arm around his shoulder and pull her close to his side.
"I love you, I really do Riley" He said.
"I love you to Elil,thats never been a issue for sometimes love isn't enough of a reason to keep people together. I just don't know if I can trust you anymore, and thats what kills me. You knew that I wouldn't have cared if you talked to Clare, hell I've tried to get you to talk to her. So instead of telling me, and trusting in the fact that I wouldn't have cared, you took a simple situation and let it blow up into a huge problem. An now I just..I don't know if I can be with someone who I don't trust completely and who obviously doesn't have the same trust in me."
"Riley I swear, I'll earn every bit of trust back, I just need the chance baby"
"Thats the thing Eli, I don't know if I can give you that.I just need to figure this all out I'm not saying no, I just need tme to sort through all of this,can you atleast give me that much."
"Anything Riley, whatever you want." He said, he stood and slowly pulled Riley up with him. "Thank you Riles, I know you haven't given me the chance, but you haven't just told me to go to hell, so thank you" Eli buried his face in her hair and breathed in the smell of her vanilla shampoo.
Riley pulled back and looked into Eli's eyes, she was shocked by the love she seen in them, she had to hold herself back from throwing all caution to the wind and taking him back right there."I love you" she whispered and couldn't stop herself from placing a soft kiss on his lips. She quickly pulled away and walked back down the path towards their cars.
Eli stood and watched her until she disappeared from his sight..Slowly he walked over and sat back on the swings,placing his head in his hands, he let out all of the tears he'd been holding in. He knew that this could be the last time he held Riley, and thats what scared him most, this was all out of his hands now. All he could so was pray that she still loved him enough to give him one more chance.