I don't know what it feels like. You know to be happy. I feel things, sure.
I used to feel sad, disgusted you name it, I felt it. I mean how could I not? I was fat and ugly. They called me horrible mean names. My nose was all wrong; the most common saying was, 'Lucy Caboosey can't move without squishing someone half to death.'
All I could do was look in the mirror and point out what was wrong with me. I felt horrified every time; I could see every zit, every flaw. It wasn't fair.
Why couldn't I look like Frannie? She was so pretty. She was all that my parents wanted. All they cared about was themselves. How much money they had, how pretty they were, how well Frannie was portraying the Fabray family name. They didn't pay attention to me though. Not until I got pretty.
My dad got a raise from his work right around the time I decided that I needed to stop just sitting around and feeling sorry for my pathetic self and go to the gym.
It had been going really well, I had lost about 10 lbs. in the first week and kept losing more. I was beginning to imagine a life where I could be loved and happy. Maybe I could make my parents proud of me.
When my dad got his raise it was like a gift from god. I asked him for a nose job. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was asking him he really loved me. Real love is unconditional.
I knew I shouldn't have gotten my nose fixed as soon as I woke up from the surgery. I felt worthless. More unloved than I had before, and that was saying something.
When I got home I had another 'present'. My mother had gotten me Proactive for my acne. I felt numb on the inside. Hollow. But I plastered a huge smile on my face and hugged her.
My family decided that it would be best if I was home schooled after my nose job. You know, so people wouldn't bully me even more. At least, that's what I told myself. I knew they didn't want to put me into another school until I lost all of my extra weight.
About a year later I had lost all of my unnecessary fat. Frannie was gone; she finally went if to college and was dating some Christian man. Since my parents no longer had Frannie they decided to try to make me her.
I came home after one of my daily runs; you know the ones that kept me from going back to Lucy Caboosey. I knew something was wrong as soon as I put my foot in the front door. My mother was practically jumping from excitement. She had booked me an appointment with our hair dresser; I was going blonde.
When my hair was losing its auburn colour my mother kept calling me Lucy. Over and over and over.
"How do you like this Lucy?"
"You are so lucky to get this chance Lucy!"
"I think that blonde hair is going to suit you so much better Lucy!"
I had had it.
"Mom!" I shouted, "Just call me Quinn, please?"
She stopped talking immediately.
"Why of course we can!" she beamed.
Once I saw her huge smile I felt horrible. Of course she wouldn't mind calling me Quinn. There isn't a horrible nickname made up for that name.
About a month later my mother finally told me it was time for me to go back to school. I was going to be a junior in high school; an upperclassman. My mother told me that I had two options of school to go to; we lived in-between school districts. McKinley High or Carmel; my two choices, I had heard good and bad things about both schools. Before I made my decision I decided to check both of them out. I decided that I would go to McKinley High School first. I decided to go by myself so my parents couldn't influence my choice, because I knew they wanted to me to go to McKinley. Not because it was the better school, but because they had an award winning cheerleading team, and they were in the market for a head cheerleader.
I was walking down the long hallways and observing what was going on around me. Since it was orientation for the Juniors I didn't blend in very well. People kept looking at me and pointing, and all I could think was that I had gotten a huge zit and everyone was laughing at me.
Of course I didn't though, because my Proactive took care of that for me. I turned a corner and BAM. Something cold and icy was burning my eyes; I wiped some of the icy concoction out of my eyes and saw that someone had thrown a blue slushy on my new shirt. I just stood there struggling not to cry. I couldn't cry, that was something Lucy would do, but then I was pulled into the girl's bathroom by a tall blonde student.
"Hi! My name is Brittany S. Peirce, but I'm not Brittany Spears and I think that you are really pretty!" the girl smiled.
"Uh... Hi, my name is Luc-Quinn. My name is Quinn." I introduced myself.
"Awesome! Oh well I guess we should get you cleaned off Quinn!"
"That would be nice thank you. Oh, who was that that threw that drink on me?" I asked while she cleaned the drink off of me.
"Oh that? That was Puck. He didn't mean it. That's his way of telling you that you are hot. It sucks though; he kept doing that to me freshman year until Santana went all Lima Heights on him and he stopped."
"Oh." I said, because really? Someone thought I was hot? That was weird… but flattering at the same time.
"Yep," Brittany said, "hey, you look kind of familiar, are we neighbors?"
"I don't know, I moved here last year and have been home schooled ever since. I live between districts; I am considering going to Carmel as well."
"Oh cool! I live in between districts as well but Lord Tubbington told me to come here. So I guess we are neighbors! Lord Tubbington is my cat." She said noticing my confused expression.
"Oh that's very… nice, if Lord Tubbington hadn't told you what to do which school would you have picked?"
"Oh, I think I still would have picked this one because my friends go here, and I get to dance on the Cheerleading team."
Another girl entered the bathroom, she was just as pretty as Brittany was but she seemed a little scary.
"Come on Britts, we got to go, or else Coach Sue's gonna blow her top off."
"Yay! I want to see that!" Brittany exclaimed.
"No Brit, she's going to be really mad."
"Then come on San we got to go! Bye Quinn!"
"Bye Brittany." I said weakly.
The girl named Santana left without a word, but looked at me curiously when I weakly smiled and waved at her.
Well, I don't think I am going to like McKinley so much. Yes I have made a new friend maybe; I thought to myself thinking of Brittany, but I did just get a slushy thrown on me.
Sighing I walked out of the bathroom; right into another slushy. This time it wasn't because someone thought I was hot, it was because someone recognized that I was a loser.
"Welcome to your worst nightmare loser." A big guy said.
"Oooohhh, Karofsky we might not want to write this one off so quickly! She's hot, like Santana and Brittany hot. Let's have some fun with her."
Both guys grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the janitor's closet. They grabbing my shirt and trying to take it off. I was terrified; completely helpless. I kicked and screamed and tried to bite them but they were too strong. One of them started kissing my neck and the other one held my arms and roared with laughter. I landed a lucky shot and hit the one holding my arm in the groin. He screamed with pain. While the other one, I think Karofsky was his name shoved me against the wall and started yelling, telling me I was just a stupid stupid girl and that he was going to make me pay. Before he could do anything to me though I landed another lucky groin shot and he went down.
I scrambled out of the closet shaking. I ran out of that horrible, evil, good for nothing school and back into my car. I looked at my hand and it was trembling violently; I just wanted to go home. But I knew I couldn't because my parents expected me to go to both McKinley and Carmel today. So I bit my lip to keep from sobbing and drove to Carmel.
When I got there I was so close to crying that I didn't look up at any of the buildings, I just went straight to where they were holding their junior orientation. I looked around at the school and there were no big jocks anywhere that I could see so I relaxed a little bit. I started wandering around the school and went into a medium sized room; it looked like the choir room. I sat on one of the seats and it hit me. I was almost raped in a janitor's closet. I finally burst into tears. This was the very first time I had cried since I started losing weight. I wasn't just crying for what almost happened at McKinley. I cried because no one wanted me. I was just a trophy now, pretty to look at, but really just a waste of space.
I heard a large group of voices heading toward the room that I was in. I looked around, panicked; there was no place to hide. So many of my future classmates where going to see me cry (there was no way I was going back to McKinley). A loud male voice was just outside of the door complaining that summer was almost over. The door handle turned and I was looking at the most handsome male I had ever seen, his hair was wavy and brown, his eyes were gorgeous, and he looked like he had a nice body.
His eyes widened when he saw me there. Who blames him? I looked a mess, my hair was messy and I was crying. He turned around in the doorway and looked at the group of people behind him and spoke to them.
"You guys go back to orientation and preform that number that we have been working on for the other students."
"But Jesse," An annoying female voice whined, "what about you? Aren't you coming?"
"No, I'm staying to work in something that Shelby told me to do." The guy named Jesse said. "Now go! I am the leader if Vocal Adrenaline so you have to do what I say."
The group of people left grumbling. Not one of them had seen me, besides Jesse.
Jesse came closer to me, he looked wary, for a good reason, it's not every day that you walk in on a random girl crying her eyes out in a choir room.
"Hello," he said softly, probably trying not to freak me out. "I'm Jesse St. James, what's your name?"
"Qu-qu Quinn" I hiccupped.
"Well Quinn, why are you crying in a school choir room? Also, why is your shirt blue?"
I didn't want to tell him my sob story so I just shrugged, and winced; my arms really hurt from where those guys grabbed me, but I could power through it. I had had much worse before.
"Quinn, your arms are bruised, what's wrong did someone hurt you? You have…" Something lit up in his eyes. "You just got here from McKinley didn't you? That explained the slushy, but not the bruises, what happened?"
I didn't meet his eyes. I didn't want to tell him. He seemed so nice, he would think badly of me if he found out what happened. I just stopped crying and told him it was nothing. I could see in his eyes that he didn't believe me, but he didn't push me for answers.
"Quinn," he said, "I'm going to take you home okay? You can come back and get your schedule another day."
"Okay," I said shakily. "That would be very nice, thank you. But you really don't have to. I can go home by myself."
"Are you sure? I can take you, it's no problem really."
I just shook my head and ran out of the room, crying again. He seemed so nice and cute but if my dad knew that I was talking to a boy as cute as Jesse he would be horribly angry, I couldn't have that. I needed to keep my dad happy for my sake, and my mothers.
A/N: Okay, so this is my first fiction EVER so if it sucks I am sorry. I am open to ideas on what to do with the plotline so Review? Please? Also, for the sake of this fiction Quinn and Jesse are both juniors, so is everybody at McKinley, there will be other differences as the story progresses. (And obviously no baby Beth)