I'm Sorry
Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha, or the song "I'm Sorry" by F-iv. I also have to credit the translation of the song "I'm Sorry" to
All translations by: Eebyul and/or Seo JungHee (also credit: )
Author's Note: You have to read the song (the lines which are centered) to understand the story, if you do not and do not understand the story, DO NOT blame me, thanks.
I'm not by your side, yet love goes on
--
It hurt, it really did. Her legs gave beneath her, and she sank to her knees on the cold, marble floor of her apartment, her hand still clutching the phone. "Kagome, are you still there?" She collected herself, and she brought the phone slowly up to her right ear. "Miroku? You don't… you are just… kidding right?"
When she heard the strained silence on the other side, she couldn't help but persist, "Please, Miroku, tell me your kidding, please." her voice began to crack, and she knew that she shouldn't beg, but she couldn't lose him, she just couldn't. "Please, whatever I am doing wrong, I'll change, don't leave me please, please."
--
At his condo, Miroku couldn't help but grit his teeth at her pleading voice. 'Doesn't she realize how much this hurts me, too. How much I love her?' He wanted to scream at her, and call her an idiot, a fool.
'Even after all I've done, why does she still want to be with me. I'm trying to help her, I just don't want to hurt her anymore.' He took a deep breath, and prayed to god his voice would sound convincing to her ears, and not sound as distraught as he was inside. "Kagome, let's not prolong this, or make this any more distressing than this already is."
I'm sorry for saying I'm leaving
I'm sorry for saying the way I felt had changed
I couldn't say it to say my life
It was right on the tip of my tongue
I went in circles around what I meant to say
I left "I'm sorry" unsaid
I loved you so much
I'm sorry; I really loved you
--
Miroku's calm, collected voice traveled into her ear. 'What does he mean, distressing, he doesn't even sound sad.' But then the rest of his words traveled to her ears, and her mouth opened in shock, tears formed, and began stinging her eyes. "I don't love you anymore, and that's it. Our relationship has never been truly stable, and I don't think we seem to match anymore." "No…" The crackled word left her mouth.
Tears fully running down her face. "Miroku, whatever I did, I'm sorry, I'll change, don't leave me. I don't care about all those girls, I don't. I'm sorry I yelled at you, and for all the things I said. I didn't mean them, please… Just don't leave me. Please…" she begged. Her mind yelled at her, harsh words ringing in her mind, 'Don't you have any dignity, any pride? The man says he doesn't love you, loud and clear. Don't you understand?' But her heart wouldn't hear such words. 'He does love me, I know it.'
She didn't care whether or not he would say he loved her, but she just needed him to be there with her, by her side. Because she knew, though it was stupid, she had to have him by her side, for she couldn't live without him. She tried one last time, for she knew her words were not changing his decision. "Miroku, please, just-" Her words were cut off by Miroku's snap.
I wanted you to understand but didn't say a word
You couldn't forgive me because I didn't apologize
I can't ever be your man
There's nothing else I can say for myself
I love you, but now it would be wrong to be together
Though I wanna be your man
I really can't help it
I let you suffer so much because I couldn't say
I'm sorry
--
Miroku was beginning to get tired of her pleas. They were tearing his heart into pieces. 'How can she still love me? I want to stay with her, I do. But I love her too much, to keep hurting her.' His heart wanted to scream out his true feelings but he knew that this way would only continue hurting her.
Every time he looked at a pretty girl passing him, or even as far as hitting on them, he knew it hurt her. She smiled it off, but sometimes she would break down and yell at him. He tried, but he couldn't help it. This way, she could move on, and be with someone who would not hurt her, and be faithful to her. He grinded his teeth at the thought of her with someone else, of her making love with someone else. He had been her first, and when they had finally made love, he had been so happy, so proud that he had an innocent girlfriend whom solely belonged to him.
That was during their first year together. When they had truly been happy, but things changed. This year had been horrible, his lingering attention constantly hurting her, and they began to fight on a regular basis. He wanted to change, truly, because he didn't want anyone but her. Still… he couldn't help it. 'Why does she keep apologizing? She has done nothing wrong. I am the one who is supposed to say sorry to her. I want her to stay exactly the way she is now, perfect. But then why can't I just stay happy with her.'
No one could light a candle to his Kagome. He shook his head, 'She won't be mine anymore. This is the only way.' "Stop it, Kagome. Things aren't working out and that's that. I… I want to say thank you. And that you shouldn't call me again. Our calls… we really have nothing to say to each other, goodbye, Kagome." And he clicked off the phone.
It kills me to say this, but don't call again
If you call again like this, you know you'll just have
to cry
I wanted it all, and I loved it all
You just have to leave me and try to forget, too
--
Kagome was speechless, her heart torn in half. When she heard the operator talk to her, she realized she had continued to hold the phone to her ear, listening to the dial tone, long after Miroku had hung up on her, hoping maybe he would miraculously call back. 'He won't call back, he won't ever come back.' She put the phone on the stand, and walked to her room in a daze. She laid on the bed, and curled into fetal position, doing the only thing she knew she could do, cry.