The Title: White Picket-Fence
Summary: Matt's gay and Mello's not sure how to handle it. It's a good thing Near knows magic.
Warnings: Very OOC Mello (it's crack), homosexuality, Near being mischievous, mild swearing and adult references.
Cast: Matt, Mello, Near, Aizawa, Roger. Cameos from Gevanni, Hal, Matsuda, and an angry shopkeeper.
There is a day, Near has faith it will arrive, where Mello will really think of him, once, without the fire of jealousy and competition spurring him on. He will call Near and want to spend time with Near. They will make small talk over hot chocolate and kiss under the stars. They will marry and somehow have two beautiful children. Near ceases his fantasies before he envisions a white picket-fence, though.
Because that would be Weird.
Nevertheless, Near has faith this day will arrive.
It's not today, however.
Someone is calling- "It's Mello..." Halle says, hushed and ever-so-slightly concerned at the inexplicably triumphant expression on Near's face. He nods smugly and tells her to put the call through.
Young Mihael Keehl stands agitatedly on a street corner; mobile phone in hand, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and glaring fiercely at anyone who should dare look at him. He slumps in relief when his call is answered.
"Mello?"
"Near... I didn't know who else... it's Matt's...he's...he's..." Mello discovers he can't quite muster up the strength to say it- his voice cracks, and he stares into nothingness. He knows, deep down, that he shouldn't blame himself.
"Mello- are you in danger?"
"N-...He's...He's..."
"Mello..."
Mello whispers a response eventually, and his voice sounds both despairing and astonished, Mello chokes a little as the phrase falls from his lips, as though it pains him greatly, simply to utter the two words: "He's... gay"
It sounds suspiciously like someone is snorting in the background- and Mello is answered with a bemused "Yes... he is."
"But...?" Near knew. He knew, and had thus far done nothing to save Matt. Poor, poor, innocent Matt.
"Mello...have you taken anything- do I need to call an ambulance? Wha-"
"Oh...Oh god..." Mello gasps and clutches his rosary.
He can hear Near sigh "What's the matter?"
"I...I touched his bare flesh..."
"Are you intoxicated?"
"What if he's infected me?! What do I do? Do I need to cut the limb off?!" He hears a faint sigh in the background- presumably from Near.
"Oh, no..." Near says, and it sounds as though he is reaching a decision. Which is partially true; it's his first taste of Trouble in a while, after all; and he can feel it tingling in the tips of his fingers. One can taste a gift from the gods like this in the air. And it's going to be fun.
(Gevanni is compelled to take a step back- he's never seen Near grin quite like that before )"I don't know if there's a cure, Mello." He replies at length.
Pure, unadulterated panic is what next greets him in the form of an unintelligible, strangled cry.
"But- but Near- you've had experience with... with...these people, before- what do I do?!" – Mello's voice sounds astonishingly like a thirteen year old girl's.
"Where's your rosary?"
"A- Around my neck, like always..."
"Oh... Oh, that's bad. Oh, dear..."
"What? What?!"
"Well, I mean... it's been... infected, too, Mello." Near explains. "I'm sorry." He adds by way of apology to the extremely hysterical choking noises on the other end of the line. "But it's alright. Do you have access to Holy Water?"
"Um..."
"And a pack of cards?"
"I could-"
"And a lock of Matt's hair? Tied to a teaspoon?"
"I- I..."
"Mello, this is essential."
"Yes. I- I can do that."
"Good- once you have all of those, you'll know what to do."
"I- wait, what?"
Near doesn't answer, and a moment later, Mello hears an ominous beeping...
He's dimly aware that there is no longer anyone on the other line- but he continues to talk for another half hour. Just in case. Eventually, a small boy asks him if he has a home, and without answering, he sets his jaw, slings his hastily snatched backpack over his shoulder, and marches to the local chapel.
The Priest has a gun. He runs out, screaming, a heartbeat later.
Promptly after leaving Mello with the meaningless and meaninglessly cryptic message; Near turns to face a silent, but hysterical Gevanni.
"Don't tell Hal." He commands in a whisper, pointing to the woman who had busied herself making coffee at the other end of the room. "She'll ruin it." Unable to speak, Gevanni splutters and nods as he wipes at the tears of mirth streaming down his face.
"Tell me what?" The blonde, with apparent super-hearing asks suspiciously, depositing a coffee at Gevanni's desk.
After a short, awkward silence: Near, entirely straight-faced, blows a raspberry.
Back on the street, Mello smiles hopefully to himself as he crams a newly-purchased Rubik's Cube into his trusty backpack. As it turns out, you can't buy Holy Water at a toy store; but he's sure this is an adequate replacement. He swings the bag over his shoulder once more, with a swish of his hair, and dons his newest pair of aviator sunglasses. The last pair weren't complementing his skin tone the way he wanted, so he shot them. With a sexy pout at his reflection in the shop window, and a little hop-skip of excitement; Mello, the, erm... anti-gay extraordinaire is on his way.
Matt doesn't often receive phone calls.
Although the bizarre phone calls have been occurring more frequently since Mello waltzed back into his sad, little life; they're usually from crazed mafia bosses, one of Mello's "bitches", or worse, telemarketers. They're usually abrupt conversations that end in Matt passing the phone to Mello with a roll of the eyes. They're usually easy to deal with, easy to understand, and not completely out-of-this-world bizarre.
More to the point: they're not usually from concerned members of the public, swearing to any God that Matt may or may not believe in that they just saw a young, blond man face-off with a gun-toting Catholic priest while brandishing a Rubik's Cube, and that they have his phone, now, because he is curled into a ball muttering something about 'screaming benders – someone called "Near"- teaspoons, Holy water, and rainbows' and thinking that maybe Matt should come and pick him up before he hurts himself.
Matt can do nothing more than sigh, and look for his keys.
He's a mild soul, Mail Jeevas; doesn't ask much of anyone, and rarely gives much back (with the exception of Mello), he lives each day as it comes, and lives them as anonymously as possible.
Except for the internet. On there, he's a fucking star.
Online, he can strut his stuff, pwn the competition with his powahz. Hell, Ma77's l337 hax0rz skillz R 53KuND 2 nun- lolololol- and he is, effectively, the ruler of all things ones and zeros; a cyber superhero, of sorts. Put him in the outside world, however, and he becomes the pint-sized, gay, lazy-arse, best friend of a lunatic; a lunatic who paradoxically wears impossibly tight leather and a rosary; a lunatic who, apparently, now brandishes a Rubik's Cube as a weapon.
Fortunately for Mello: Matt's blog followers will never believe this tale.
Matt rolls his eyes as he pulls up and hears the decidedly Rubik's Cube-like "thunk" against the bonnet of his car, and the decidedly Mello-like howl of rage and terror that follows.
"Calm down."
"BACK AWAY, HEATHEN!"
"Mello, just... just get in the car, okay?"
"No! I know how the virus works, Matt! I can stop it, but I mustn't come into contact with you!"
"Virus..." he repeats slowly, then began speaking as though to a distressed two year old, "Have you been smoking my special cigarettes again? Mells, you know what they do to you... come on... remember what happened last time? With the tea cosy? And that phone bill that I had to pay?"
"No, I have not. But you know what I did do, Matt? I found some things- some literary material- and it was under your bed. And it- it- it..."
"Oh... for fuck's sa- Get in the car!"
"You'll infect me, too! Near said I had to go through the ritual to- to"
"I promise you're not infected. Look! I'm even wearing my gloves... just- just get in the car, please!" They have drawn a crowd. Matt loathes crowds. He clicks his tongue and pets the passenger's seat. "Come on, now. I'm your best... your only friend. Would I lie to you?"
"You didn't tell me about your... your... affliction!"
"You didn't ask. Get in the car."
Matt notices the glares of the public around them. One woman stares down her pointed nose at Mello as though he is something she stepped in. "Disgraceful behaviour" she declares with a derisive snort.
Matt raises his eyebrows and answers brightly "Oh, I'm sorry. I'll just slit his throat." To which she can find no response.
Tentatively, Mello glances around him at the growing numbers of people, and slides into the back seat. He presses himself against the leather, as far away as physically possible from Matt. Matt rolls his eyes as he notices Mello trying to breathe out the window, and throws a U-turn.
"So does it hurt?" Mello breathes when they enter the apartment.
"Does what hurt?"
"You know... being Turned"
"What?"
"When you become...what you are..."
"And what is that?"
"..."
Matt (who is gay) takes this opportunity to breathe down Mello's neck eerily; "Say it."
Mello shudders and frowns, turning to look (gay) Matt straight in the (gay) eye. Determined to see the (gay) man within the (gay) Beast, the V-... Wait... "Gay!"
"Are you afraid?"[1]
"NO! Be serious!"
"How?! How can I be serious when you're being so irrational?!" He giggles and returns to his well-established arse-groove in the couch, and his PlayStation. He burps loudly and pets the seat next to him with a satisfied smile, inviting Mello to sit. Wringing his hands awkwardly, Mello hesitates a moment before fetching a bowl of chocolate from the refrigerator, and perching stiffly on the very edge of the seat, as far away as possible from Matt- who glances over and smiles; smiles in the same way Matt always has; with his big, reassuring eyes and the shy curve of his mouth (and Mello almost thinks that things are no different, or that maybe that that smile is a little nice); before Matt once again locks his eyes on the game.
Mello has all of three seconds to become exasperated at Matt for ignoring him before he finds himself smothered by the ginger's shirt in some sort of ... gay death-embrace... his chocolate becomes airborne as he flails for freedom. It's a hug, he realises shortly. A hug from a gay man. Who is gay.
"AUGH! Oh... Oh my GOD! Stop! Ack- stop it! Fuck you!"
"You'd love that" Matt chuckles, before releasing him.
"Wait. No! I didn't- I didn't mean... I...I... AUGH!"
It appears Matt decides he's close enough to tears to be left alone for the time being. "Look, I'm sorry" he chuckles, "Is there anything you want to ask? If it'll make you more comfortable- and prove to you that I'm still the same person..."
"Well, I do have... one question..." Mello considers, nervously.
"Okay, shoot."
"...Do you...have a gaydar?"
"Are you serious?" if Matt's eyebrows rose any higher, they'd disappear.
"Yes."
"No!"
"But... how- how do your people-"
"Oh, my god!"
"- find each other?" Mello asks concernedly.
"When we're single, we travel the world clad in nothing but rainbows"
Mello nods his understanding, "But where's your rainbow? I've snooped through your room..."
"A comforting thought"
"It's how I found the... the... -"
"Literary material..."
"Yeah- but I didn't see any rainbow clothes..."
"No, it unfurls from my arse when I clap three times." Matt responds, completely straight-faced.
"So... does that mean you're seeing someone, because you don't wear arse-rainbows?"
"No. I'm not seeing anyone." Matt answers quickly, with a listlessness that even Mello doesn't miss.
"But you're not-"
"I'm- ah... unavailable."
"Why?"
"Because I'm hardcore." He says with a wave of his hand and a very deliberate avoidance of eye-contact, "Wanna play MarioKart?"
Mello lies awake that night, thinking a lot.
Rather, nibbling on chocolate and thinking a little.
Regardless of the amount, his thinking leads him to the idea that for Matt, being "unavailable" must be very lonely. He is a nineteen year old man-boy after all; and everyone needs affection.
(Except for Mello, that is. Mello needs no one).
(He does enjoy the occasional, erm, "hug", however. )
And he wonders when Matt's last "hug" was, if ever. Mello finds himself concerned at the thought that he may have never had a "hug". As a result, he finds himself concerned that he is concerned about that. And doubly concerned that he feels... slightly sorry for Matt.
He then, in an epiphany that leaves his hands gripping the sides of his face, and his mouth in a massive, shocked, almost cartoonish gape that leaves him looking somewhat like The Scream, realizes that he actually cares about Matt.
And if he cares about Matt...
That means, on some level...
He loves Matt.
It's then that something else hits him.
Matt: dear, hapless Matt, has always been there; through thick and thin. He waited five years just to see Mello's sorry face again. Matt took Mello, Mello's baggage, and Mello's numerous disasters in with open arms. He never asks questions, but he'll always be there for those days when the weight of always, always being second, and the fears that his job entails become too much, and Matt is there with a block of chocolate and an awkward man-hug and a tactful manner of half-ignoring, half-drying Mello's tears; even though he's never once so much as heard the words "thank you" cross Mello's lips.
Matt loves him, too.
Somewhere in Japan, a young police officer by the name of Matsuda Touta awakens to the sound of a distant, high-pitched scream.
He dismisses it as Light having one of his "moments", and promptly falls back asleep.
[1] Guess which loathsome series this dialogue is from?
There you have it, folks. Part one of a fabulous twoshot I've been working on for several months.
I haven't posted all that much, I know. I have fits of inspiration; and they're not coming to me at the moment. Whine, whine, whine... etc; etc; Too much work to do... friends, problems, love life, etc; etc; etc;
Although facts about my life: the above sentence was complete rubbish. Honestly? I'm just lazy.