Business Ethics 101
A Breath of Fire comedy by Father Hulk
"Ah, Prima!" exclaimed the bipedal, clothes-wearing fish creature named Gobi, as he and his five companions entered the bustling underwater city, which was famous for commerce.
With him traveled Ryu, the destined warrior of the Dragon; Nina, fair princess of Winlan and master healer; Bo, the famed huntsman of Tantar; Karn, the expert thief and master of disguise; and Ox, the mighty metal smith.
They had just been given a mission by the sleeping sorceress, Bleu, who dwelt in the wayward city of Wisdon, deep in the heart of the Aradian desert: Drop an old, fragile egg into a very warm place. Well, there was certainly no warmer spot than Mt. Dormir, the underwater volcano located a half-kilometer north of Prima.
"God, I love this city!" Nina swooned, as she looked around at all the little huts and shops. "It's so romantic!"
"What's romantic about it?" Karn sneered. "The whole place smells like fish."
"Ahem, ahem," Gobi coughed. "We are not fish, we are Manillos, I'll thank you to get it right."
"Oh, I'm ever so sorry!" Karn said sarcastically, bowing.
Not getting the sarcasm, Gobi closed his eyes and said, "You are forgiven. But be mindful, since one day the Manillos will control all world trade."
"Not if a grizzly bear finds them first," Karn muttered under his breath as the group walked further into the city.
"Okay guys, we're just here to buy Herbs and Tri-Marbles, and then we're going to the volcano." Ryu said. "I don't think those Dark Dragon ships are going to wait for us."
"Why do we need Tri-Marbles?" Ox asked, scratching his head. "Why don't we just fight everything that comes?"
"Because we are in a great rush," Ryu answered. "I'm sure some of us can live without gold for a while," His gaze drifted to Gobi as he said this.
"I beg your pardon!" Gobi said indignantly, "Are you accusing me of being obsessed with money?"
"Kid, you just got done telling us that Manillos will control all world trade someday," Bo said, annoyed. "I think your entire clan is obsessed with money."
Gobi snorted. "So there's a few bad apples. So what?"
They arrived at the item shop in the northwest corner of town.
"Hey, you guys buy the goods, I'm going to talk to the guild leader," Ryu said, looking to his right.
"What for?" Bo asked.
"Just to tell him what we're doing," Ryu said. "It's his city that's in danger, after all.
Gobi and the others disappeared into the item shop, and Ryu strode down the lane and entered the guild leader's hut.
The Leader of the Guild of Commerce was like a larger version of Gobi, except that his skin was red instead of orange. He was busying himself at his desk when he saw Ryu walk in.
"Ah, if it isn't the warrior of the Dragon!" he said in a rather bubbly voice, and he got up and approached Ryu. "So, what news from the sorceress? Is she going to help?"
"Yeah, we're about to leave for Mt. Dormir, we're going to drop an egg in there."
The Guild leader seemed genuinely confused, so Ryu continued.
"Something about hatching a typhoon… I don't know."
Before the Guild leader could comment, a green-skinned Manillo burst into the hut.
"Sir! Sir! I have great news!"
"What is it, then?" The Guild leader asked.
"The Dark Dragon navy has run out of fuel for their boats! See, they used to get all their fuel from Gant, but that was before they decided to attack them! Now they have to drill in the Aradian desert for crude oil before they can move out!"
"Really?" the Guild leader exclaimed. "That's fantastic! It will give us time to form battle plans. And Ryu," he turned to the blue-haired youth, "You have time for a bit of a break, I'd wager."
"A break… yes, of course…" Ryu murmured. "Thank you, Guild leader!" And with that, he turned and left, and went to see if his friends were done at the item store.
He was just in time to hear a deep voice bellow, "You will not tell me how to conduct business! Be gone!" and to see Gobi scurrying quickly out the door of the item shop, with the others hot on his heels.
"Let me guess," Ryu said, annoyed, "You tried to weasel your way into getting a bargain, and you ticked off the store owner."
"I was doing him a favor!" Gobi protested. "If he brought the price of those Herbs down to 4 GP each, people would come in by the droves to buy them. It would pay off in the long run."
"You can't just tell folks what to sell their stuff for, kid," Bo said. "You'll never become a business man yourself if you're always trying to control the businesses of others."
"What do you know? You kill animals for a living!" Gobi snapped.
Bo stepped back and raised his hands. "Whoa, Mr. Attitude."
Hoping to break up this little squabble, Ryu said, "Guys, I got good news at the Guild. The Dark Dragons are short on fuel. They can't move out for at least a day or two."
"Yes, they were very stupid," Ox grunted. "We gave them fuel. But now we don't."
"Obviously," Karn agreed.
"So what does this mean?" Nina asked.
"It means we have some free time," Ryu said. "And I for one know what I'm going to do with it."
"And just what might that be?" Karn asked.
Ryu looked at each of his friends, smiled, and said, "Take a nap." And he began to walk towards the Inn.
"You're just leaving us here?" Nina cried.
"You'll be fine," Ryu called over his shoulder. "Just… don't leave the city." And he was gone.
There were a few minutes of awkward silence as the five of them stood there, looking aimlessly about. Finally, Gobi spoke.
"Well come on, you guys, I know how we can spend an afternoon."
"Oh really?" Karn asked, eyeing Gobi over dubiously. "And how is that?"
"There's a booth at the flea market that's always open," Gobi said. "I'm going to teach all of you how to truly conduct business!"
"Oh no, no no no no," Karn said, raising his hands. "Knowing you, we'll wind up with half the gold we have now, or less."
"What, don't you trust me?" Gobi said, spreading his arms in innocence. "Come on, it'll be fun. Just some friendly bartering."
"I'd actually like to see this," Bo said. "Just to see him make a fool of himself."
"That would be quite fun," Karn agreed.
Nina rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine… just don't sell any of my equipment."
They began to walk towards the tarp-covered flea market, when Ox said, "Hey, nobody asked me what I thought!"
"Oh, you don't need to think, Ox," Karn said, patting the metal smith on the back. "You're big." Ox simply scratched his head.
They entered the flea market, which was filled with the noise of cash registers and Manillos of all kinds shouting prices and making bargains. And yet, true to Gobi's word, there was a small booth at the very end that was vacant.
"Come on back," Gobi said, and ushered the rest of the group into the space behind the counter. Then he himself went in and set up a cash drawer. "Watch and learn," he said with a smirk.
It wasn't long before a blue Manillo scurried up to the counter.
"How may I help you?" Gobi asked.
"I will sell you a Fire Stone," the Manillo offered. "It's the real deal, I got it in Gant for twice what I'm offering you: 25 gold!"
"Hmm…" Gobi said, taking the round, red object and examining it. "It looks legit… but how about you sell it to me for 18?"
"What?" the Manillo screeched. "I shelled out 50 gold for that thing! I'm doing you a favor!"
"Okay, okay, how about 20?" Gobi offered. Karn smirked.
"I don't think so," the Manillo sneered. "You know, I could really be a jerk and sell it to you for 30 or 35."
"Excuse me, but they sell Fire Stones at the shop up north for almost half that, so who is doing who a favor here?" Gobi snapped. "I don't need this Fire Stone, you know. I can use magic myself. I can cast Ebb and Ebb X. What the hell do I need this for? I'm being a nice guy and trying to take this off your hands!"
"Gobi, maybe you should let it go…" Nina said soothingly, coming up behind Gobi, but Gobi waved her off.
"Oh that does it," the Manillo snorted. "Now you're not getting this at all. Give it back."
"Oh really?" Gobi said, his eyes narrowing. "Well I'll tell you what. I don't think this is worth anything anyway, because it looks like a rock you dug up outside of Gramor!" He tossed the rock to the floor, but it burst into flames just like it should. "Now get out of my face!"
"Damn, Gobi," Bo said after the blue Manillo had left, leaving Gobi standing there huffing and puffing in his rage. "It wasn't that big a deal."
"You guys just don't understand business ethics," Gobi snarled. "I'm only trying to help those who don't know, so you guys should really be taking notes! …Or something."
He was interrupted by a tapping on the counter. "Um, hello?" called a voice. Gobi turned to see a pinkish Manillo standing there.
"Yes, what can I do for you?" Gobi asked, switching his smile back on.
"I'm interested in buying that bundle of 9 Acorns you have," the Manillo said.
"Make me an offer!" Gobi said enthusiastically.
"Gobi, no!" Nina hissed. We need those Acorns!"
"Be quiet," Gobi hissed back.
"I'll pay 95 gold." The pink Manillo said.
"Deal!" Gobi said, and the trade was made.
"Well, I hope you remember this when you run out of AP," Nina snorted. "Because there won't be anybody to save you."
"Relax, doll," Gobi said, scooping the coins into a small sack. "With this, you can buy twice as many Acorns."
"Not really the point, kid," Bo said. "Now we have to first go shopping again."
Gobi's eyes bulged and he waved his arm around. "Hello? We're at a flea market!"
"Forget that," Karn spat. "After this, I'm never shopping here again."
Another Manillo approached the counter.
"What can I do for you?" Gobi asked.
"Lookie here," the Manillo said, reaching into his pouch. "9 brand new Acorns, for only 115 gold!"
"I'll take them!" Gobi said, and the transaction was completed.
"Gobi!" Nina cried, aghast. "What the hell was that? You're losing us money!"
"Okay, I have had just about enough!" Gobi stormed. "Let me explain to you, very carefully, what you seem to be forgetting about business. Firstly, it isn't always about profits! It's about the long term benefits! Secondly…"
"Excuse me?" called a voice from the counter.
"What?" Gobi roared, wheeling around to face the counter.
"Um… I'll buy the Light Key for 400 gold?"
"Whatever, whatever!" Gobi snorted dismissively, and then turned back to the group. "Like I was saying, you need to realize that…"
"You stupid fool!" Ox roared. "You just gave away the Light Key!"
"Gave?" Gobi scoffed. "He got ripped off."
Karn smacked Gobi hard. "Do you have any idea what that was?"
"It was just a key," Gobi said with a shrug.
"That was one of the Goddess Keys!" Nina shrieked. "If we want to save the world, we need that! And you sold it!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Gobi said, "Save the world? I don't know about that. I'm just with you because…"
"We know, we know!" Karn snarled, grabbing Gobi by his collar. "Because you want to make money! We all know that! Well guess what, mister, you are going to get that key back for us if it kills you!"
"Isn't that a bit severe?" Ox asked.
"Oh, right, right," Karn said, releasing Gobi and patting his shoulder. "I might kill you first."
"That's enough, Karn!" Nina said sternly. "Now come on, we have to chase after that Manillo. What color was his skin?"
"It was bright yellow," Bo said. "I'd never forget that."
"Shouldn't we get Ryu for this?" Ox asked.
"No!" Gobi shouted. "Ryu'd never forgive me! I can do it before he wakes up!"
"Good," Nina said. "Now let's hurry! He could be anywhere in this city by now!"
The group quickly left the flea market and gazed about them.
"I don't see him!" Gobi said.
Suddenly, Bo's keen hunter eyes saw a flash of yellow near the town square. "There! There he is!" he said, pointing.
"Hurry!" Nina said, and they dashed over to where Bo had pointed, only to see the yellow Manillo transform into a fish before their eyes and swim out of Prima.
"Hey, you!" Gobi called to one of the idle Manillos in the square, "Help us! We have to catch that fish!"
"Hm, I don't know… it might cost you." One of them said dryly.
"Okay, how about…"
"Oh for the love of God!" Karn moaned, and he dumped the group's entire gold purse in the Manillo's arms. "Now go!"
"You got it! Hop on!" and he turned into a huge fish. The rest of the group got on his back, and he took off at top speed after the rapidly departing yellow fish.
The yellow fish looked back and saw the others gaining on him. Fluttering his tail, he picked up extra speed and began moving away from them.
"He's going too fast!" Bo complained. "We have to slow him down!"
"Right!" Gobi said. "Shoot him down! Use your poison bow!"
"Yeah, right, underwater?" Bo smirked. "How about you use one of those spells you always boast about?"
"Good thinking," Gobi said, "Although I don't know how well I can cast them while moving." He raised his arms and tried to cast Ebb X. Out of nowhere, a massive school of fish appeared and began hurling themselves towards the yellow Manillo. But the yellow one was fast, and he dodged the attacks of the school effortlessly.
"Damn it!" Gobi grumbled. "Wait, Nina! Use Hold on him! Freeze him in his place!"
"I can try," Nina said, "But he's awfully far away."
"It's our only chance!" Gobi said.
Nina raised her hands and unsteadily whispered the incantation for the Hold magic. An electrical burst shot from her hands, but it hit a wandering octopus instead, and he plummeted like a rock to the ocean floor, all 8 arms stuck straight out like a star.
"Um… I'm sure he'll be all right," Ox remarked, looking downward.
"You guys, I'm starting to get tired," the fish they were riding on said.
"Don't worry, we're coming to the reef," Gobi said. "He's got nowhere to go!"
Indeed there was a rather tall coral reef directly in front of them. They watched as the yellow fish swam right up to it, then made a 90 degree turn and began swimming vertically upwards.
"No way!" Karn cried.
"That's it, you guys," their ride said. "I'll put you on the land, but then I have to rest."
"Fair enough," Nina said.
Their ride swam upwards, and they surfaced at the shores of a small island, just in time to see the Manillo revert back to normal form and scurry inside a cottage.
"Good luck," their ride said, and he swam off, leaving them on the island.
"Well?" Karn said, pushing Gobi forward. "Go get it!"
"Don't touch me!" Gobi snapped. "I'm going, I'm going." He began walking towards the cottage, and then turned and said, "Aren't you guys coming along?"
"Nah, we'll wait here," Bo said. "After all, you've got nothing to worry about, being an expert businessman and all."
Gobi spat in Bo's direction, then walked up and knocked on the door of the cottage.
"Who is it?" asked a raspy voice from the other side.
"Um… It's Gobi. I'm a merchant from Prima, we made a transaction earlier that I wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh yes. Come in, the door's not locked."
Gobi pushed the door open and immediately had to shield his eyes: there was an overwhelming golden light inside the little room.
"It's good to see you again, master merchant," the yellow Manillo said. Gobi noticed he was now wearing a pair of dark sunglasses. "You may call me Sardi."
"What is this light?" Gobi asked, squinting.
"Oh, it's my collection of shiny things!" Sardi said proudly. "Do you like it? I know I do. I just love shiny things!"
"I gathered that," Gobi said.
"And I must say, your little jewel… or rather my little jewel now, is the crowning touch. Look!" He pointed upward, and Gobi looked up to see the Light Key dangling from a hook in the center of the ceiling.
"Yeah, about that little jewel," Gobi said nervously. "I kind of… need it back."
"Well, I can't do that," Sardi said simply. "We had a deal."
"Yeah well, I can pay you double what I sold it to you for. Even triple. It's just that, that's a really, really important key. I'll do anything to get it back."
"Anything, eh?" Sardi said, stroking his chin. "All right then. Come with me." He led Gobi to the back of the cottage, and he pointed to a small tank that contained a very shiny fish.
"That there is a prized Fighting Sole," he said proudly. "It's worth billions."
"Ah ha," Gobi said.
"I'll make a bet with you: We take it to Prima, and we each set up a booth at the flea market. We each have it on display for an hour, and we see how high people are willing to pay for it. At the end of your hour, you keep your highest bidder on hand, then I'll go. Whoever gets the very highest bidder wins the bet. If you win the bet, you'll get your key back."
"And if I lose?" Gobi asked nervously.
"Then you, Mr. Gobi, will pay me retail price for this fish."
Gobi gulped, but said, "Fine, it's a deal."
"Excellent. Then I will make ready to transport my prize."
Half an hour later, the group was back in Prima (having been graciously transported by Sardi at lightning speed), and were setting up their booths at the flea market.
"I'll give you the honor of going first," Sardi said, placing the Fighting Sole tank on Gobi's counter. The fish thrashed in its tank, driven crazy by the smell of so many other fish. "You have one hour."
Many Manillos were immediately attracted to the gleaming fish in the tank, and bids came in at anywhere from one million to 5.25 million.
"Are you kidding me?" Gobi asked to a bidder who offered 2 million. "Do you have any idea how much this fish is worth? Like, 20 times what you're offering me!"
"But I don't have that much!" the Manillo protested.
"Then what am I talking to you for?" Gobi sneered. "Next!"
"You'll never pull it off," Karn hissed. "You're going to bankrupt the lot of us!"
"Don't worry, I have a plan," Gobi whispered.
"Five minutes, Gobi," Sardi said from his booth.
"Anyone? Anyone for a rare Fighting Sole!" Gobi called out to the crowd. Another Manillo approached and offered 7 million.
"I'll give it to you for six," Gobi said.
"What?" Nina cried. "You're offering it for less?"
"Watch and learn," Gobi said reassuringly.
"That's time!" Sardi declared, and he walked over to Gobi. "What's your highest bid?"
"Six million," Gobi said proudly.
Sardi laughed. "Hah! Victory is as good as mine! Give me that tank, will you?" He seized the tank and placed it on his counter. "Now watch a real merchant at work."
Bids immediately began coming in in the billions.
"You lost," Karn growled. "Happy now?"
"Not yet," Gobi chuckled, and he left his booth and got down on his stomach and began crawling over towards Sardi's booth.
"What the heck is he doing?" Ox wondered.
As Sardi continued to barter, Gobi cast a small Ebb spell, and a school of fish appeared and charged forward into the Sole tank, shattering it.
"Look out, it's loose!" Gobi cried, standing up and acting like he had just seen it now. Manillos screamed and ran for cover, for there was no escape from a Fighting Sole.
"Damn, damn, damn!" Sardi roared. "Get back here, you!" He grabbed wildly for the glittering fish, narrowly missing it several times. It was then that the Sole turned around and dove towards Sardi, attempting to bite him.
"Aaaagh! Get it off! Get it off!" Sardi wailed, flailing as the fish continued its assault on him. He finally managed to grab it around the middle, and he threw it to the floor and began to stomp on it. Finally, the fish stopped moving, and Sardi's eyes widened.
"Good Lord, what have I done?" he whispered.
A Manillo crept up to where Sardi was standing. "I can pay you one gold piece?" he offered.
"Ha, ha!" Gobi laughed with triumph, striding over to Sardi. "I thought you were actually intent on winning this contest!"
"Why, you!" Sardi snarled. "You're still going to pay me for this fish, Gobi!"
"What for?" Gobi retorted. "You killed it."
"Yes, but… but…!" Sardi sputtered.
Gobi nodded. "That's what I thought. Now, I'll take the Light Key back, if you don't mind."
Sardi glowered, but reached in his pouch and removed the Light Key, which he handed to Gobi. "May all your merchandise be eaten by Dogfish," he spat, and he turned into a big fish and swam away.
"Nice work, kid!" Bo said as the rest of the group came over. "I never expected you to get the key back!"
"Yes, it's true that you got it back," Nina said, "But the way you did it was dirty and underhanded."
"You see?" Gobi said proudly. "That is how you conduct business! Any possible way you can!"
"So it's true!" Karn said. "You are all crooked."
"Call it what you will," Gobi said dismissively. "I got the Light Key back. That's all that matters. Now, shall we go?"
He turned and began walking out of the flea market, and the others begrudgingly followed him. It wasn't long before they bumped into Ryu, who was walking towards them.
"Hey guys!" Ryu said, running his hand through his azure hair. "What are you doing?"
"Oh, nothing," Gobi said with a chuckle, looking back at the others. "Hey Ryu, look! It's the Light Key!" He took the Light Key out and waved it in front of Ryu. "Aren't we so lucky to have the Light Key? Isn't the Light Key great?"
"Um… sure?" Ryu said uncertainly.
He glanced over at Nina, who was making silent hand and mouth movements to indicate, "It's a shiny thing… I don't know."
"Right, well, why don't you put that away, Gobi, and we'll go to that volcano now."
"Sounds good, boss!" Gobi said enthusiastically.
"Although I was wondering… you know that Power Sword they sell in that one weapon store here? Do you think you can try to get me a discount on it?"
"NO!" the rest of the group shouted.
THE END!