Summary: You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Characters/Ships: Rachel Berry, with Finn and Quinn
Author's Note: Originally written for the musical fanfiction contest (Prompt #3). The song used is "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. Also, there may be some spoilers sprinkled throughout the piece, but it's nothing that hasn't been featured in the previews for the show. Also, if you liked my story, make sure you vote for it during the challenge! Thanks for reading!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
She had convinced herself that she did not need anyone or anything.
She didn't need friends or popularity. She realized that having friends only got in the way of her career. Rachel remembered the time that her and her best friend both auditioned for a community production of "The Wizard of Oz" in second grade. Rachel had been cast as Dorothy and her friend had been cast as a munchkin. Her friend stopped talking her, and though it hurt at first, Rachel got over it as she skipped all over the stage in her ruby slippers and she was crowned a "Star-to-Be" in the Ohio Tribune.
She realized that school was not a place to make friends, but a place to learn. She knew that if she was ever to give a well-rounded interview on the red carpet one day, she would need to be educated and articulate. And if she wanted to be the first choice for Juilliard or NYU, her grades needed to be exceptional. One flaw in her GPA could be end of her career.
She figured that all the bullying and hazing from her peers was strictly out of jealousy.
After all, Rachel was a star.
She didn't need a boyfriend. She was far too busy to put up with the games and drama that came with dating in high school. Rachel had a career to focus on, and couldn't also focus on a needy boyfriend.
She thought that maybe one day she could eventually have a boyfriend and date, but that time was not now. Maybe one day, when she was in her dressing room after an awe-inspiring performance as Elphaba or Christine, George Clooney would stop by and ask her to marry him. She'd say maybe in a couple months, because she needs to focus on her career right now.
She had never had a boyfriend or gone a date, so she wasn't necessarily sure of what she was missing out on. But she assumed that since she had gone this long without one, they must not be very important.
She had almost convinced herself that she didn't family. Her two dads, though wonderful, had no connections that could further her with her career. Therefore, she had no use for them. But then she thought about that one time when Quinn and the Cheerios stole her clothes after she had dressed-out for gym class and she had to go the rest of the day in her gym uniform. She came home in tears and her dads immediately cheered her up and called them "fugly little bee-otches". And though Rachel did not condone name calling, she couldn't help but agree with her fathers.
She figured that if by some twist of fate Angelina Jolie beat her out for that Oscar one day, she would need two gay, loving shoulders to cry on afterwards.
As time passed and as the Glee club progressed and became stronger, her previous assumptions had changed.
Maybe it was okay for her to have friends.
And maybe it was okay if she had a boyfriend.
After all, she did have a strong foundation for a career.
Rachel thought about Finn. He was particularly handsome and was equally talented. And though he had a girlfriend that never stopped Rachel from starring at him during practice or hinting to him that co-stars often end up dating in real life.
Everything in Rachel's life was going according to plan. She was the star of the Glee club, had spectacular grades, and had friends that also acted like family.
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out
It had to have been a nightmare.
Things as terrible as this only happened in petrifying dreams after watching a scary movie.
She had to have been dreaming. Rachel would wake up any moment, with little droplets of sweat on her face and moisture under her eyes from tears. She would creep to her parents' room and crawl in bed with them until morning, then tell him of this horrible dream.
She blinked several times and tried to steady her breath.
There was Quinn and her Cheerios.
In Glee club.
Singing "Don't Stop Believing".
With Quinn singing Rachel's solo.
"Well, it's not like we couldn't have used the extra members. It will only help us when we go to regionals to have the extra talent," Mr. Shuester explained to the club.
She watched intently as Finn and Quinn wrapped their arms around each other and spun in a circle. Rachel couldn't help but notice the way Finn looked at Quinn. The way he genuinely smiled at her and how he was truly happy to see her in the club.
He loved her.
And that sucked.
Rachel sat out for the rest of rehearsal, as Mr. Shuester taught Quinn and the other new additions the choreography and lyrics.
Rachel had been replaced.
That sucked more.
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now
The next day, Rachel told Mr. Shuester that she needed to take a break from Glee.
She told him that her grades had begun to slip from trying to juggle school and the club.
Mr. Shuester said he understood- school did come first- and that she would be missed while she was away.
She was surprised Mr. Shuester didn't see through her excuse. She was Rachel Berry. She could handle anything.
She isn't sure how long she would have stayed away, but one night Finn called her and told her that Glee wasn't the same without her and that she totally should audition for the "Defying Gravity" duet because she's so amazing and has worked so hard for it.
She takes no time to think about it and happily agrees to come back.
She practices her song everyday up until the audition. She's going to sing "Take Me or Leave Me" from Rent and hopes that Mr. Shuester picks up on the fact that both songs were originally sung by Idina Menzel. After all, if she is going to be a legend, she better follow in the footsteps of one.
The day of her audition, she's confident she's done a good job. She's brought the sass and spunk of Maureen to life and showed off her belt nicely. After she performs, Mr. Shuester smiles and says "great job", as Quinn gets on stage to audition. She's singing "Tomorrow" from Annie. Rachel scoffs. She sang that song for a recital in the first grade. In no way is this song appropriate to sing for this audition, she thinks.
Rachel can't really remember why she once felt so threatened by Quinn joining the club. Quinn had her place on the football field and owned the school, but this was Rachel's place. Performing was her forte and she was the star here. Rachel wasn't going to let anyone take that away. Especially not Quinn.
The next day Mr. Shuester posts the list displaying what song everyone will be singing. Rachel quickly scans the list.
Defying Gravity...Quinn Fabray and Tina Cohen-Chang
She can't wrap her head around what's going on. She's clearly a better singer than everyone in the club and she isn't being overly confident. Her eyes begin to feel wet and glassy. And maybe she's being melodramatic- it is only one song- but she wants to lock herself up in a room and cry. "It was a really tough decision, Rachel," Mr. Shuester says, as he walks away.
Rachel will never know, and even if she did probably wouldn't understand, that it had nothing to do with who was the better singer. What it had to do with was what was best for the club. Coach Sue had threatened Mr. Shuester into giving Quinn the song and every song after that to her or she would make it her mission to make sure Glee was canned.
Rachel stared at the list for a minute or two. She blinked trying to keep from crying. She wasn't to going to let people see she had been defeated.
Quinn had gotten the song she wanted, was dating the boy she liked, and was slowly taking over Glee.
All Rachel could do was accept the one or two songs she was assigned and the fact that throughout year she would be dealt the same shitty card every audition.
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
However, there was one time when things worked in Rachel's favor.
Finn and Quinn had been assigned to sing "You and I" by Ingrid Michaelson together for their next competition. It was a cute, little sappy song about love and sometimes Rachel liked to imagine it was her and Finn singing it.
It never was, but it was nice to dream.
A few days before the competition, Quinn ends up catching the flu and Rachel is assigned to take her place. She can't remember a time when she's been this satisfied and happy, but she knows it's the hardest it's ever been to hide it.
Rachel needs no time to learn the material, for she already has all the lyrics memorized. But when it comes time to perform the song during a rehearsal with just her and Finn, she realizes it's more daunting then she realized. She knows she's a good- no, great- performer, but there's something about standing onstage with just Finn watching her that's more terrifying then that dream you have where you are onstage naked. "Don't you worry, there my honey/We may not have any money/But we've got our love to pay the bills," She sings, her voice shaky.
"Maybe I think you're cute and funny/Maybe I want to do what bunnies do with you/If you know what I mean," And she has to advert her eyes from Finn to keep from blushing. It's a little too honest, even for someone as blunt as she is when it comes to expressing her feelings.
"Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France/Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance/Let's get rich and build a house on a mountain," Her voice cracks and she thinks that if she ever runs into Ingrid Michaelson she's going to punch her in the face for making those notes so high.
"Making everybody look like ants from way up there,/You and I, you and I," She finishes quickly, as if to apologize for her terrible performance.
This wasn't Rachel. Rachel was confident onstage and never got nervous, especially not in front of a boy. Even if she was madly in love with him and actually did want to do what bunnies do with him. "I don't know the choreography from here," She adds.
And with that, Finn hops on stage and places both her hands around his neck and wraps his own around her waist. "Okay, just sway now. Like you're dancing at homecoming or something," And she's not going to tell him that she's never been to a homecoming or slow danced with a boy before. She's performed pas de deuxs from "Swan Lake" and ballroom numbers that would put Fred and Ginger to shame, but never has she been a part of a dance that has felt so intimate and special. "Well you might be a bit confused/
And you might be a little bit bruised/But, baby how we spoon like no one else," Finn sings and Rachel giggles. And God, could she be any dorkier?!
"So I will help you read those books/If you will soothe my worried looks/And we will put the lonesome on the shelf," They sing together and wonders if she's heard a more beautiful sound in her life then when there two voices combine.
And now it's Rachel turn again and she's worried about if she's moving her feet in the right way. And did his hand just graze her butt a little? And can she hit that note? "Oh, let's get rich-" Her voice quavers and she quickly clears her throat before trying one more time. "-and buy our parents homes in the south of France," And she can't do it. She sighs heavily, disappointed with her once perfect self.
"Hey, hey, it's okay," Finn says trying to reassure her. "Why are you so nervous?"
"I-I'm-I," And can't recall a time she's ever stammered this badly.
"Relax, Rach. You are a rock star. You can do this. Okay?"
"Okay," She says with a smile. He smiles back. And she can't help but notice that it's just like the one he gave Quinn that one day, but maybe even more genuine.
"Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France/Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance/Let's get rich and build a house on a mountain/Making everybody look like ants from way up there,/You and I, you and I," They sing, as they dance around the stage together. And she's not worried about whether or not she's hitting the right the notes or what Madame Guyleava, her dance teacher, would say if she saw her dancing so horribly.
The song is done, but they're still just standing there, holding each other, as they rock side to side. There faces are inches apart from one another and her heart's beating a little faster than it should. "You know you can kiss me if you want to," She says audaciously.
His body tenses and tightens his grip a little bit on her, though not enough that it would hurt. She's afraid she's offended him or crossed a line, but then he starts to move his face closer to hers and there lips are barely touch. He pulls her closer to him, so there hips are touching now and he leans forward so there closer to each others height. The kiss becomes deeper as her bottom lip becomes sandwiched between both of his. His hands wander up the back of her shirt and she gets tingles up and down her spine. She gingerly teases his bottom lip with her tongue, as he grabs underneath her legs to lift her up. The kiss continues and she can't help but think that this kiss totally kicks the ass of the kiss from "The Notebook". As her feet begin to return to the ground and he gives her one last feverish kiss, she takes one final note of the suppleness of his lips, the warmness of his hands, and the softness of his face.
They stand there breathless for a moment. He caresses her cheek and smiles and she smiles back. "I should go," He says softly, as he lets go of her.
She watches him pack up his belongings. They don't say anything; nothing really seems appropriate to say right now. He gives a small wave and smile as he leaves.
Rachel leaves the school shortly after he does and heads home. She goes traight to her room and lies on her bed, with her textbooks splayed all around her. She's not too worried about getting her trigonometry homework done or uploading that video to myspace. She just lays on her bed thinking about what happened today and how cliché, and wonderful at the same time, it was.
That weekend they have their competition. Finn and Rachel sing their song and there's a new-found honesty to the lyrics. Her voice never cracks when she approaches the high notes and he never steps on her little toes with his massive feet. They take first place and Finn runs over to her to congratulate her first. He gives her a huge hug and a modest kiss on the cheek. "We did it!" He exclaims, beaming down at her.
She laughs. And she can't help but notice that this feels a whole lot like they are boyfriend and girlfriend.
But it's not, as she later learns at rehearsal on Monday.
Finn and Quinn are still together. Quinn's still singing Rachel's songs. Quinn still rules Glee.
Rachel isn't surprised they're still together, but maybe hurt by the fact that they are.
However, she is flabbergasted to see that Quinn has actually left a constructive response to one of her videos on myspace and is actually taking Rachel's advice on songs. It's truly shocking when Quinn invites Rachel to get smoothies one day after rehearsal and even drives her home from practice another. She can't help but think that the Chronic Lady has something to do with it.
It's like this for months and Rachel still can't get used to the strangeness of it all. Quinn and her Cheerios continue to include Rachel in sleepovers and trips to the mall, without any cliché teen movie hazing where the dorky girl gets invited to a sleepover and the popular girls end up torturing her. They even manage to find Rachel a date to the spring formal! A boy named Jeremy, with blonde hair, green eyes, and a chiseled stomach hidden under fitted Abercrombie tee shirts.
Quinn even comes to pick out a dress with her and her dads. It's a little Betsey Johnson dress that's teal and ivory with a ruffled skirt and a strapless top. She feels the prettiest she's ever felt in the dress and can picture Jeremy being completely speechless when he sees her in it, and even imagines Finn checking her out for a second, hoping Quinn wouldn't notice his wandering eyes.
The next day, Rachel and Quinn go shopping for shoes and accessories, and after an hour or two of shopping settle down in the food court of the mall, to neat salads and diet cokes. "So, are you excited for the formal?" Quinn asks, as she carefully drizzles exactly two tablespoons of low-fat dressing on her salad.
"Yeah. I've never been to a dance before,"
"Really?" Quinn asks, trying to hide how shocked she is. Rachel blushes. Why is she such a loser? "Well, I just assumed since you're so pretty and all like, every guy in school would ask you."
She blushes a little and smiles, because she doesn't want to say anything. She's seen "Mean Girls". She's isn't going to fall for that trick.
It's silent for a moment, while they munch on their salads. "Look, there's been something I've wanted to get off my chest for awhile now," Quinn says.
"Okay, shoot," Rachel responds nervously.
"So, Finn told me about what happened between you guys. You know the kiss?"
"Oh," She answers taken back.
"Yeah, well, I just wanted to let you know that I don't care. I mean, I was really hurt by it an all and especially shocked. Like, you aren't his type at all. He was clearly slumming," Rachel is hurt, but she hopes it doesn't read on her face. "But I'm over it now. It's water under the bridge. And besides, it's not like I've never hooked up with a guy behind his back."
"Oh, okay," Rachel says confused. She wonders if Finn knows about what his girlfriend is doing behind his back. She figures it's doubtful.
It's the night of the Spring Formal and Rachel is buzzing with anticipation and nerves. She's sitting on the couch waiting for her date to arrive promptly at 7:30. Her hair is curled, her make-up is done, and her dress hugs every last inch of her petite frame. Her fathers tell her how pretty she looks and argue that it was clearly their sperm that created their beautiful baby girl.
It's 7:45. And she's trying to not to appear worried that Jeremy is 15 minutes late.
At 8:00, there is still no Jeremy.
At 9:00 she's wondering "wherefore art thou Jeremy?" Which she knows actually translates into "why are you Jeremy?" which she constantly reminds her peers in English class when they make that mistake.
At 9:30 she receives a text message and she's praying that it's Jeremy telling her that his arm got cut off in a tragic lawn mowing accident, but he will be there shortly.
It's not. It's Quinn.
Still no Jeremy?
Hmmmm, bet that will teach not to kiss someone else's boyfriend.
xoxo
Rachel's a perfect mixture of hurt and anger. As a matter of fact, the only time she can recall being this angry was when she lost the part of Marian the Librarian in the "The Music Man" to Lisa Kranik, because her mom was sleeping with the director.
Rachel begins to cry. Her fathers enter the room and she begins to tell them that Jeremy isn't going to be taking her to the dance tonight. She remembers seeing this happen to someone on "90210" and begins to feel guilty for laughing at the storyline, because this was the worst feeling in the world. "Aw, my poor baby girl. I'm going to kill those nasty little-"
"Daddy, stop," She pleads in between sobs.
"Hey, why don't we go out tonight? We can go see that new movie 'Down'?"
"It's called 'Up', daddy. And I'd rather just go to bed right now, anyway," She responds wiping her eyes. "But you guys go."
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
And she runs up the stairs to her room, not interested in hearing what words of comfort her parents have to offer. She feels inconsolable and just wants to cry until her eyes are dry. She lies on top of her bed and just lets everything she is feeling spill out, as big, fat teardrops roll down her cheeks and her black mascara stains her pillowcases.
About an hour later, there's a knock on the door. "Yes?" She manages, not lifting her head off her pillow.
And from the hall emerges none other than Finn Hudson.
She quickly gets up and smoothes her crinkled dress and walks over to her mirror to fix any black smudges under her puffy eyes. She doesn't want Finn to see her like this. "Hey, how was the dance?" She asks meekly, looking down at the ground.
"Rach-"
"Did they have it in the gymnasium or the cafeteria this year?" She adds quickly, cutting him off.
He just looks at her. "You look really pretty," And she breaks down crying, feeling pathetic and exposed. She knows he's just saying that to make her feel better because of how jacked up her hair looks right now and the fact her face is red and swollen from crying.
He comes over to her and envelopes her in a warm embrace and she just cries.
And he just stands there.
And that's enough.
He picks her up in his arms and carries her over to her bed. He carefully sets her down and sits down next to her. She leans her head on his lap, as he strokes her hair softly. He shifts uncomfortably and it dawns on Rachel how her positioning breaks a few touch barriers between them and how romantic it may appear. But she doesn't really care; she's too upset to care. "Sh, sh, Rachel, it's okay,"
"No, no, no, it's not okay. I deserved this. I hurt Quinn so bad," And she's not sure when she became the bad guy. Granted, she did kiss her boyfriend, but Quinn had said everything was okay between them.
"No one deserves to feel the way you're feeling right now, Rachel. Especially not you,"
Rachel sits up to face him and he wipes away a tear falling down her face. There's a knock at her door again. "Come in," She says, wiping her tears.
"Hey, we were going to head out now, but we just wanted to see if you wanted to come?" She shakes her head no. "Well, we'll be back in a few hours." They look at Finn.
"Yeah, I should probably get going, too," Finn adds awkwardly.
Her dads close her door, as Finn gets up to leave. She grabs his arm. "No, don't go. Stay, please?"
And he sits back down. "I'm so sorry this happened,"
She feels stupid. Pure, unadulterated, stupidity.
Finn places a hand on her cheek and kisses her forehead, maybe keeping his lips on her head longer than he should. They press their foreheads together and touch noses. He moves into kiss her lips softly and tentatively. She kisses back and soon she's on her back and he's hovering above her body. She runs her fingers through his hair, as his hand gently runs up and down her thigh. Bravely, she reaches for his suit jacket and pulls it off of him. She begins to unbutton his shirt and he runs his hands underneath her dress. And oh boy, are they moving fast. He finds the waistband of her underwear and begins to pull it off. Finn awkwardly finds the zipper to her dress and unzips it and haphazardly tosses the garment to the ground of her immaculate bedroom. Before she realizes it, their naked bodies are pressed together on top of her sheets. Her eyes flutter shut and she hears him moan out of satisfaction. He explores every last inch of her body, lavishing kisses on each part. He's inside her and it hurts in the faintest of ways, but it's nothing akin to what she was feeling before he arrived.
And when it's all done, they just lay next to each other.
And she feels a little emotionless.
Quinn had taken Glee and made Rachel feel an inexpressible amount of pain and foolishness.
But now she had taken something from Quinn.
And it was hers to keep.
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
On Monday, she doesn't see him in class or in the hallways or at Glee. Rachel assumes he must have a cold or something and he's at home resting. She calls hi after school to tell him what he missed in Biology, but he doesn't answer.
The next day, he's at school but still doesn't show up for Glee at the end of the day. When he comes by the choir room after school to tell Mr. Shuester he can't stay today, he makes eye contact with Rachel, but then quickly darts his eyes to the ground and leaves swiftly. She knew things would be awkward between them after they slept together, but she didn't realize he would avoid her at all costs.
On Wednesday, he still isn't talking to her or showing up for Glee. Rachel is at her locker putting her books away, when someone from behind grabs her by the shoulder and twists her around. Her back hits the locker with a resounding thud. "So, that's how you get revenge?" Quinn asks vehemently.
"W-wh-what are you talking about?" Rachel stammers back.
"Oh, save it, skank. Finn told me that you guys slept together the night of the dance. So, you get your feelings hurt and suddenly it's okay for you to be a backstabbing slut and have sex with my boyfriend?"
"That's-" Rachel says, trying to defend herself.
"Just shut up!" Her voice raising enough so it even catches Quinn off guard when it's said. "I was nice to you. I included you in everything that I did with my friends and this is how you repay me?"
"I'm sorry, Quinn," Rachel says softly looking at the ground. Her eyes are full of tears that are ready to fall.
"I hate you. You're a dumb slut. Never talk to me again and never talk to Finn. You're pathetic," Rachel looks up in time before Quinn leaves to see that she's crying too.
Everyone's staring at Rachel, as she stands dumbfounded at her locker. And normally she loved having everyone's attention on her, but at the moment she just wanted to crawl under a rock and hide forever.
Rachel knew she was about to enter a world of hell when Quinn walked away. Every day since then, she had food thrown at her during lunch, her wallet and cell phone stolen from her locker, and her car had been keyed. However, she never cried or complained. She knew what she had done to Quinn was immoral and had been raised better than to do something as low and as skanky as sleeping with someone's boyfriend was. Granted, her intentions were never to get even with Quinn or hurt her, but she had anyway. She figured it was a punishable enough offense, whether she tried to hurt Quinn or not.
The harassment continued for months. Yet, it had never hit home.
Rachel awoke one night to several thumps hitting her window. She jumped out of bed and scurried downstairs where her fathers already were. She grabbed their hands and walked outside to see that egg yolks and shells were completely covering their home and yard. In the distance, Rachel heard people hollering and honking their horns as the drove away. And to add insult to injury, they threw one more egg in their direction and it landed perfectly between Rachel's feet. "Sweetie, were those kids from school?" She nods, trying to hold back tears, but losing the battle.
"We should call the cops. This is ridiculous,"
"N-n-no, please don't. I don't want to give them anymore reason to hate me," Her back is turned towards her dads.
She feels an intense pang of guilt in her gut. She hurt Quinn. Probably Finn, too. And now she was dragging her perfectly good fathers into this mess. Great. "Let's go back inside, love. We'll deal with this mess in the morning,"
The three of them walk inside and she slams the door shut. She likes to think she's closing the door on all the bullying she has encountered within the last few months and hopes that tonight was the last encounter she'd ever have with him.
But Rachel knows it's not and that when she returns to school on Monday they will have already come up with a new kind of agony to inflict upon her.
She hardly sleeps that night, since she is afraid that if she does close her eyes they'll be back to torture her some more. She heads downstairs and sees her fathers are already dressed and ready for their day ahead of them. "Hey, Rachel you didn't need to clean up that mess all by yourself," One of her fathers says, as she enters the kitchen to pour a glass of orange juice.
"What?"
"Well, all the eggs and stuff are gone. It must have taken hours for you to clean up,"
"I-I-I didn't..." Her voice trails off and she goes to open her front door. She's shocked to see that her front yard that was once covered in egg yokes and shells is back to its pristine, green lushness and the shutters and windows of her home have been cleaned off. "I don't get it," She says to herself. She's honestly confused and begins to think that maybe she dreamed the entire thing.
At school on Monday, she walks to her locker before her first period. When she gets there, she sees in bright red paint the word "slut" scrawled all over the beige front. She comes a little closer to the vandalized locker and takes a good, lengthy look at it. She hears a group of girls- probably Quinn and her cheerios- snicker as they walk pass her. Under ordinary circumstances, she would not have just accepted being branded a "slut" in front of the entire school. Rachel would have stormed her way to Principal Figgins' office and slammed opened his door, even if the secretary told her she needed an appointment to meet with him. She would have demanded that whoever did this be discovered and be severely punished.
But as she looked at the letters on her locker, she felt like a slut. She slept with someone else's boyfriend and if that wasn't slutty, she didn't know what was.
She deserved this.
She does her best to avoid her locker all day and when the school day is done, she goes to the custodial office and asks for a sponge and a bucket of soap and water. She has to miss Glee club, but she feels that she must serve her punishment.
Rachel's been scrubbing at the "s" for about ten minutes, when she hears footsteps coming towards her and a bucket of water being sloshed around. She looks to the side to see who it is.
It's Finn Hudson.
When he gets to her locker, he begins scrubbing at the "t". They don't speak to each other or look at one another. "I really don't think we should be seen associating with each other," Rachel says timidly, as she dunks her sponge in to her bucket of water.
"So, I see Quinn has you on the same punishment as I do?" And she thinks how that could have been funny if things were different.
They work for thirty more minutes in silence when Rachel asks, "You were the one who cleaned my house after it was egged, didn't you?" She's looking at him now.
He looks down at the ground and thinks about his answer for a second. "I just didn't think it was right how they were treating you,"
And she figures that's about as direct as his answer will be and they continue to scrub her locker.
About an hour passes. The "s" and "t" have both disappeared, but the "l" and "u" have only faded to a light pink. They assume that's all that's going to come out of their hard work. She takes a step back to look at the finish product, while Finn cleans up the supplies. She's beginning to think that maybe she doesn't deserve all this.
She didn't deserve to have to miss Glee.
She didn't deserve to lose her friendship with Finn.
She didn't deserve whatever hell was to come.
Rachel began to cry looking at the locker. Finn looks at her and then up and down the hallways and sees no one is around. He figures it would be okay to hug her. And okay to kiss her forehead. And maybe, for one last time, to kiss her lips.
They stand their holding each other for several minutes, before he pulls away, still holding on to her shoulders. "You going to be okay?" He asks.
She nods her head and dries her tears. She takes a deep breath before speaking again. "I'm really sorry," She apologizes.
He pulls her in for one more hug. "I don't regret a thing," He says with a smile, as he pulls away. He grabs their buckets and sponges and takes them back to the custodians.
Rachel knows her friendship with Finn is over, but hopes that maybe in the future they could start over.
As the year comes to an end, she realizes that things are back to the way they used to be when the year started.
Finn is still with Quinn and they aren't allowed to socialize with each other. Rachel tries not to think about the fact that he never talks to her now or how he never waves or smile to her in the hall or how he never saves her a seat in Biology class like he used to. She does her best to not think about all that, but she can't do anything to help prevent feeling his absence.
By the end of the year, she still doesn't have a boyfriend and she's lost the friends she's made this year. The Glee kids stopped talking to her when Finn left the club, because they felt it was her fault that they lost their strongest male singer.
Rachel leaves the club, too. The club just isn't the same without him.
Her previous assumptions had been proven as true: She doesn't need a boyfriend or friends.
But she sure the hell wants them more than anything.
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along
Fin.