Title: War of Nerves 1/2
Author: Athena.
Email: atheniandream@aol.com
Content Warnings: Angst, drama
Pairings: SJ
Spoilers. None I think
Season: Seven
Rating: PG-13 Maybe more.
Summary: The Floodgates are opening again...
Author's notes: Sorry not Beta'd.
Archive: Anywhere. I'm my own publicist.
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. I know this.
-------------------------------------------
War of Nerves
Of late, there's been too much tension and too much hate encompassing two individuals. Their job, as it states is one of which holds the largest amount of responsibility and therefore in order to obey the system and act in a professional manner and in accordance with 'the rules'; both sadly have had to resist and endure all that holds painful and suspended like a floating air around them-their emotions.
But now, after seven years of obliteration of self, finally they're starting to break. They are starting to falter, and *it*, that feeling when you realize a truth that you hold near your heart, is starting to erupt; it has started pour onto those around them, hatefully brandishing friends and loved ones who rise in their path. And the pain inside one Samantha Carter's chest is enough to break her will and banish her belief that heroes wishes are repaid. And one Jonathon O'Neill is growing grumpier and more hostile by the minute to points of conflict with in the ranks.
And most people have never dreamed of imagining what happens, when wishes aren't' granted, and passions aren't displayed and tension, isn't relieved.
So Colonel Jack O'Neill and Major Samantha Carter, are finally breaking? Well, It's comes as welcome news to jealous onlookers to regard their respect with non of theirs, and gossip unjustly about information and secrets passed around their noses, before both objects of discussion have caught a sniff of truth to read from.
Everybody knows it.
Both of them; they know it.
The eyes around them, known or stranger, know of it.
There's not a man or woman on the base who doesn't; but unfortunate for them, it's starting to become a problem.
And that's it. What is the problem?
--------------------------------------------------------------
Daniel Jackson was starting to get a tad annoyed of the man opposite him, who had been mumbling incoherent rants for the last half hour, and who was right now, choosing to scratch his nose and snarl at him with objectionable distaste at every comment that came from his mouth.
"Jack would you stop it?" He finally broke.
Jack looked up, refusing to change the reflection in his eyes, merely seeming high-pitched as he replied "What? Whatever Danny..." And then went back to his more appealing frown.
"I mean it Jack. You're being so...hostile at the moment," Feeling the edge of his comment draw to a tirade, he lifted a finger, knowing that he was the only one besides Teal'c that could bring the Colonel's current attitude to a halt; and so he continued, lessening his temper slightly. "Look Jack. Is there something you want to talk to us about?" He motioned his finger between Teal'c and himself as they watched for a reaction.
A reaction, which for some obvious reason (although less so at the moment) wasn't quite bubbling to the surface, and halting at his lips with objectionable dislike, producing a bitter-acid wrenching taste in his mouth.
"Nothing." Jack mumbled quickly of the leftover contents of his tray; and then assumed to get up, and with no word left the other two with absolutely no idea what had just gone on- leading to a slight frown and a squint on the part of Teal'c.
"Where's is Major Carter?"
Daniel didn't know the answer to Tealc's question, but he did know one thing. She better have the answers that Jack didn't...other wise they would wind up answering to more important people than their friends, that's for sure.
--------------------------------------------------------------
So they were ignoring NOT just each other but everyone else as well?
And again no one knew why, how, where or whether things would return to normal. An annoyingly long and flourishing plethora of questions, to which no answers had been place, not quite yet...
--------------------------------------------------------------
In the darkness of Sam's lab her head was still hurting. Her forehead felt as if it were banging suicidly against the corner of her workbench, but she knew that the wine (and vodka) she'd slung down her neck the night before was the more 'suicidal' cause. She stuck her tongue out, feeling the after effect that it was currently suffering; slight numbness and an acute distaste resembling sleep deprivation and alcoholism.
"Dammit!" She winced, feeling the small hammer in the hand collide with the thumb of the other, she clenched the end of her thumb as it reddened sore, and then started bruising quickly from the spark that had almost ignited her dying down on the end of the fuse she was holding. She instantly stuck the thumb in her mouth, sucking at the tip and tried to continue her work with one hand until the pain lessened. It had always struck her how childish people were over suck small and insignificant pain, and then when you finally get a staff blast in the stomach, you're in so much shock that you can't feel a thing. Janet had always told her that "The bigger the cut, the smaller the 'baby' ", and she was starting to see the resemblance.
God, did she miss her.
Carter knew grievance more then well enough to know that the kind of healing she wanted would return-in time. The thing that was the most painful, more painful than trying to live without Janet was trying to live with the recognition that she would never again see her best friend. Hear her laugh, joke with her; poke fun and needles, mainly at her. But she HAD gained a little maybe, although marginally. Cassie was now living with her, and although due to Sam's frequent absences, she had no place to go, and had always sought comfort in Sam, thinking of her like a surrogate mother; and their bond helped to soothe their pain in a way. Besides, she was old enough (And ugly enough, by the Colonel's humored remark) to look after herself, and over the last week they had been managing well together.
So, in a way one little burn on her finger was a blessing against all the hurt and sorrow and had fled her life. Not that she was complaining, she wasn't one to remind others of her life, always choosing her father's 'road' by not saying anything at all. And right now...under certain circumstances that she' d rather not discuss, she'd taken the best option.
"Sam?"
Her head flickered toward the door, and she focused the slightly darkened silhouette. Look who it was...
"Daniel." she mumbled, trying to smile for him and settling on a frown. "You alright?" She asked politely, using her burnt thumb to carefully pick up the convenient cup of coffee beside her.
In his absolutely charming and 'Daniel-like' fashion he frowned boyishly, sighing. "I was going to ask you the same thing."
The Pensive strained look could already read a thousand words, so he needn't say anything... "What's going on with you and Jack?"
"Daniel..." She warned, putting down her cup, and instinctively scratching her neck. "...Don't. Not today."
"Look everyone's noticed that there's something wrong, and...Teal'c and I...look we know you don't want to discuss anything," He couldn't help but press the emphasis in the last of his words. "Much to our surprise."
Her eyes rolled at his sarcasm. She really didn't need this right with everything going on and Ja-
"But when it started to affect everything then it has to be sorted out. Sam, I'm not trying to pry, I just-"
"I know Daniel. I *know*." She blinked slowly and her lips pursed a little. The 'saga' playing in her heard was eating at her again...
So, maybe she out to-?
He waited a second or two for her to speak again.
"Not *here*. You fancy going for a walk?"
------------------------------------------------------------
The journey to the winding staircase flows,
And is too far-a-road to travel alone,
And in the blind sight of another, it grows,
You might hope to bask, if known,
In the glorified secrets of one other,
And behold them for your own...
------------------------------------------------------------
"We should appreciate the beauty on earth more."
Daniel mused over the view that they were getting. Gentle pastels gliding through the air, they walked along a ridged, trampled walkway through the forest that lined Cheyenne Mountain. Even though they'd encountered many forests like these, home was still frequently where the heart longed to be. Sam walked quietly beside him, flicking her feet out as she rocked gently in each step that they took, until they reached a bench among a small clearing.
"So, are going to tell me what's going on."
"Yea. But if anyone asks, you beat it out of me." She replied reluctantly with a hint of humor, she smiled slightly before turning to look away.
"I know what they're saying."
Her statement caused Daniel to frown instantly looking at her face for an explanation. "I must have slept with every member of the SGC by now."
Although it seemed a sentence out of the blue, he knew what she meant. "Its just jealousy, Sam. It happens to all four of us. They say it about Teal'c to." He added the last sentence, not sure if it would provoke the humor that Sam had been without of late.
"Well, from what I hear, Teal'c is very 'unmatchable' in they uh, 'Charms' department, if you know what I mean." She replied crudely, giving Daniel a slight smirk that soothed him to push for a little more.
"So. Go on."
"I wasn't dealing with Janet's death in the best way that I could, you know?"
"All too well."
"And, it was weird. All these changes, with Cassie and everything else-" She paused. " I cracked. I faltered and I regretted it."
"What to you mean?" He asked, an increasing frown playing on his forehead.
"I was working late, and I asked the Colonel to spend some time with Cassie, because I knew that once I got home I would have a mountain of his paperwork to do,"
{"Yes Carter?"
"It's only for a few hours Sir. I don't want her to be alone at the moment, but I can't get home right now." Her lips pressed into the phone, humming slightly on the receiver. "Please Sir, you'd be doing me a favor."
She heard the loudest sight on the other end. "Carter, it's fine...go play with your toys."
"Thank you Sir, I owe you one."
"No Carter, you owe me ten. And don't work too hard."
She refused not to smile against the receiver. "Yes Sir." "Oh and Sir?"
"Yes Major?"
"Do not give her beer."
"Yes Mom."}
"He said yeah, and that gave me enough time to clear the work I had. I guess he understood what I was going through,"
"And?"
She paused, sucking in the bottom lip as if she'd forgotten something, and then remembering that she hadn't. "It was late when I got in, and they weren't there. I assumed that they were having fun like two little kids and so I grabbed a glass of wine and settled for the evening. I hadn't eaten all day, so I was tipsy in about five minutes. That was my first mistake, because it got me thinking...about Janet and other things, to which time, I heard her come in,"
{"Sam?" Cassie called from the kitchen, instantly cruising though the house.
Sam removed a tear that had settled on her cheek before Cassie entered the room.
"How was work?" She asked sitting on the sofa next to her.
"Okay. Where'd you go?"
"Only to a Bar."
Nearly swallowing her tongue, Sam fought a little to gain 'parental control' inside. "Excuse me?"
"Joking. Jack told me to say that, he thought it'd be funny."
"Oh. Did you have fun?"
"Yea, we saw a movie. Why is it, that people automatically think that when an older guy walks with a teenage girl that there's something 'law-breaking' going on?"
"Because the world is sick."
"Gotcha."}
"So, Cassie finally went to bed and I sat up for a while, still drinking, until I heard someone at the door,"
{"Who is it!" she called down the hall, and in her alcohol-induced state she narrowly missed the wall.
"It's O'Neill."
She opened the door to find a very sheepish Colonel. "Cassie forgot this." She dazed at the coat held under his arm. "Oh. Uh, thanks, she'll be moaning tomorrow if she thinks she lost it."
"That's what *I* thought."
"You wanna come in?"
"Aren't you busy?" His surprised face glanced along the hall.
"Ah, no."
"Sure."}
"That was my second mistake." She deepened the frown almost a wince as her head collided with her hands, muffling her voice. He'd never seen me drunk, I've always been 'Good little rule-playing Carter', and he shouldn't have seen it, not that night. He came in and I immediately put the kettle on, and then it hit me..."
{"How are you doing?" He asked her casually, and propped himself up against the kitchen side with his elbows.
"Okay." She lied, flinching a little, trying not to take defense at his seemingly innocent question.
Then she turned, staring at him, feeling something dry and burning in his eyes that pressed on hers for an inconstant moment, she had meant to say 'Sugar?' surely? But instead, she mumbled, "Not okay." Before returning his gaze. "I uh, I miss her,"
"I know. Me too." His tone, short and sharp, interrupted her sentence.
"I 'm not dealing very well, and I know what to expect, I just..."
"Miss her." A frank smile oddly appeared on his face, and in some strange kind of revelation, she smiled back.
Then came tears, like hot ash, burning silently with every blushed breath that she took. And in a mixture of fear and dismay, Jack neared to her, not knowing quite whether to place his arms around her back, but did so anyway. He distanced himself from her during Daniel's death, and it hadn't helped, which prevented him in his mind, from repeating it this time around.
But she didn't cry anymore, nor did she melt in to his embrace with a lusting conviction. On the contrary, she only stiffened even more, locking her back and losing feeling in her arms.
The only contact she made was her head, which rested, lolling on his shoulder, curving with the collar of his sweater.}
Daniel's eyes narrowed, as she continued.
"I couldn't move. I didn't know what to do, but I was grateful in way, for the affection. I never touch him anymore, not since everything's happened. Which is so strange, because it should be normal. People do it every day, Friends, Colleagues, and Family. But with him it feels unnatural. It felt weird, like it was wrong. To my own logic any way..."
{And then, her hesitation was swept away, as his heartbeat rumbled in his throat and through her ear, colliding with the rate of her own. What was this, what was she feeling...
Suddenly feeling tired, and over taken by the thick, mulling toxicity that overwhelmed her brain, she closed her eyes, curling her arms around his elbows to keep herself steady.
"Carter?" It had been several minutes since they'd spoken, and her chest had stopped wrenching, which only left his sweater damp where her face had been.
"Oh, sorry." She smiled lightly, picking at the damp sweater on his shoulder.
"It's okay." Was as he could say. Mixed up in his own mind, his face stilled, not really looking at her, but not looking away. Even though she was upset, the pale, feminine, weak side of the Carter that was looking back at him, appealed. And in a second of male dominated thoughts within his brain, he'd liked it. Hungered for it even...}
Her eyes narrowed, obviously replaying the events in her head to the rhythm of her speech.
"And that's when it happened."
{Neither of them even took in the next few events, and how swiftly it had overcome them. In some jolt of electricity, like the flick of a switch, a rush overcame her inside, shivering through her eyes they blackened, reflecting his with the same intensity. She lifted her head, titling it as her lowered his, not noticing why she closed her eyes, drawing the most important breath of her life. It was slow, and not vicious or passionate, but simple...beautifully and affectionately simple. Her lips curved, narrowly missing the corner of his, and he could taste the salty tears that she wept before.
They didn't speak, and they certainly didn't think of their events quick enough to stop. She could taste the mix of coffee, wine and tears mingling together as they collided on her tongue as it entered his mouth. She didn't wait for a breath, and panted silently, her hands traced their way to his chest, almost as an insurance against letting him overcome her. She had to protect herself, not matter how drunk and insistent he was.
Finally wanting more, his thumbs sensually curved round the top of her stomach, feeling the fine hairs stand to attention, as they towards her back, wanting her nearer to him.
Eyes lidded, and breath ragging, they fastened, insisting and longing, and testing the waters, holding drew nearer to tugging and-
"Oh my god. Jack?" Immediately stopping, but not disconnecting, they turned to the sound of the voice of Cassie, her eyes shining and a stupid, lamb-faced grin on her lips, she looked away, putting a hand up preventing her from having to look. "Sorry. You know what? I'll have my snack later. G'night."}
"Oh my god, Sam." was all Daniel could say. Anything else would have annoyed her, at this stage.
So they had kissed. Know doubt, he'd expected it sooner, and in a strange admiration, he felt sorry for them. At least they had the strength to wait this long. Had he been in Jack's position, he would have found himself less able to shelve his feelings in a constant state of limbo.
"And that, was mistake number three."
TBC
Author: Athena.
Email: atheniandream@aol.com
Content Warnings: Angst, drama
Pairings: SJ
Spoilers. None I think
Season: Seven
Rating: PG-13 Maybe more.
Summary: The Floodgates are opening again...
Author's notes: Sorry not Beta'd.
Archive: Anywhere. I'm my own publicist.
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. I know this.
-------------------------------------------
War of Nerves
Of late, there's been too much tension and too much hate encompassing two individuals. Their job, as it states is one of which holds the largest amount of responsibility and therefore in order to obey the system and act in a professional manner and in accordance with 'the rules'; both sadly have had to resist and endure all that holds painful and suspended like a floating air around them-their emotions.
But now, after seven years of obliteration of self, finally they're starting to break. They are starting to falter, and *it*, that feeling when you realize a truth that you hold near your heart, is starting to erupt; it has started pour onto those around them, hatefully brandishing friends and loved ones who rise in their path. And the pain inside one Samantha Carter's chest is enough to break her will and banish her belief that heroes wishes are repaid. And one Jonathon O'Neill is growing grumpier and more hostile by the minute to points of conflict with in the ranks.
And most people have never dreamed of imagining what happens, when wishes aren't' granted, and passions aren't displayed and tension, isn't relieved.
So Colonel Jack O'Neill and Major Samantha Carter, are finally breaking? Well, It's comes as welcome news to jealous onlookers to regard their respect with non of theirs, and gossip unjustly about information and secrets passed around their noses, before both objects of discussion have caught a sniff of truth to read from.
Everybody knows it.
Both of them; they know it.
The eyes around them, known or stranger, know of it.
There's not a man or woman on the base who doesn't; but unfortunate for them, it's starting to become a problem.
And that's it. What is the problem?
--------------------------------------------------------------
Daniel Jackson was starting to get a tad annoyed of the man opposite him, who had been mumbling incoherent rants for the last half hour, and who was right now, choosing to scratch his nose and snarl at him with objectionable distaste at every comment that came from his mouth.
"Jack would you stop it?" He finally broke.
Jack looked up, refusing to change the reflection in his eyes, merely seeming high-pitched as he replied "What? Whatever Danny..." And then went back to his more appealing frown.
"I mean it Jack. You're being so...hostile at the moment," Feeling the edge of his comment draw to a tirade, he lifted a finger, knowing that he was the only one besides Teal'c that could bring the Colonel's current attitude to a halt; and so he continued, lessening his temper slightly. "Look Jack. Is there something you want to talk to us about?" He motioned his finger between Teal'c and himself as they watched for a reaction.
A reaction, which for some obvious reason (although less so at the moment) wasn't quite bubbling to the surface, and halting at his lips with objectionable dislike, producing a bitter-acid wrenching taste in his mouth.
"Nothing." Jack mumbled quickly of the leftover contents of his tray; and then assumed to get up, and with no word left the other two with absolutely no idea what had just gone on- leading to a slight frown and a squint on the part of Teal'c.
"Where's is Major Carter?"
Daniel didn't know the answer to Tealc's question, but he did know one thing. She better have the answers that Jack didn't...other wise they would wind up answering to more important people than their friends, that's for sure.
--------------------------------------------------------------
So they were ignoring NOT just each other but everyone else as well?
And again no one knew why, how, where or whether things would return to normal. An annoyingly long and flourishing plethora of questions, to which no answers had been place, not quite yet...
--------------------------------------------------------------
In the darkness of Sam's lab her head was still hurting. Her forehead felt as if it were banging suicidly against the corner of her workbench, but she knew that the wine (and vodka) she'd slung down her neck the night before was the more 'suicidal' cause. She stuck her tongue out, feeling the after effect that it was currently suffering; slight numbness and an acute distaste resembling sleep deprivation and alcoholism.
"Dammit!" She winced, feeling the small hammer in the hand collide with the thumb of the other, she clenched the end of her thumb as it reddened sore, and then started bruising quickly from the spark that had almost ignited her dying down on the end of the fuse she was holding. She instantly stuck the thumb in her mouth, sucking at the tip and tried to continue her work with one hand until the pain lessened. It had always struck her how childish people were over suck small and insignificant pain, and then when you finally get a staff blast in the stomach, you're in so much shock that you can't feel a thing. Janet had always told her that "The bigger the cut, the smaller the 'baby' ", and she was starting to see the resemblance.
God, did she miss her.
Carter knew grievance more then well enough to know that the kind of healing she wanted would return-in time. The thing that was the most painful, more painful than trying to live without Janet was trying to live with the recognition that she would never again see her best friend. Hear her laugh, joke with her; poke fun and needles, mainly at her. But she HAD gained a little maybe, although marginally. Cassie was now living with her, and although due to Sam's frequent absences, she had no place to go, and had always sought comfort in Sam, thinking of her like a surrogate mother; and their bond helped to soothe their pain in a way. Besides, she was old enough (And ugly enough, by the Colonel's humored remark) to look after herself, and over the last week they had been managing well together.
So, in a way one little burn on her finger was a blessing against all the hurt and sorrow and had fled her life. Not that she was complaining, she wasn't one to remind others of her life, always choosing her father's 'road' by not saying anything at all. And right now...under certain circumstances that she' d rather not discuss, she'd taken the best option.
"Sam?"
Her head flickered toward the door, and she focused the slightly darkened silhouette. Look who it was...
"Daniel." she mumbled, trying to smile for him and settling on a frown. "You alright?" She asked politely, using her burnt thumb to carefully pick up the convenient cup of coffee beside her.
In his absolutely charming and 'Daniel-like' fashion he frowned boyishly, sighing. "I was going to ask you the same thing."
The Pensive strained look could already read a thousand words, so he needn't say anything... "What's going on with you and Jack?"
"Daniel..." She warned, putting down her cup, and instinctively scratching her neck. "...Don't. Not today."
"Look everyone's noticed that there's something wrong, and...Teal'c and I...look we know you don't want to discuss anything," He couldn't help but press the emphasis in the last of his words. "Much to our surprise."
Her eyes rolled at his sarcasm. She really didn't need this right with everything going on and Ja-
"But when it started to affect everything then it has to be sorted out. Sam, I'm not trying to pry, I just-"
"I know Daniel. I *know*." She blinked slowly and her lips pursed a little. The 'saga' playing in her heard was eating at her again...
So, maybe she out to-?
He waited a second or two for her to speak again.
"Not *here*. You fancy going for a walk?"
------------------------------------------------------------
The journey to the winding staircase flows,
And is too far-a-road to travel alone,
And in the blind sight of another, it grows,
You might hope to bask, if known,
In the glorified secrets of one other,
And behold them for your own...
------------------------------------------------------------
"We should appreciate the beauty on earth more."
Daniel mused over the view that they were getting. Gentle pastels gliding through the air, they walked along a ridged, trampled walkway through the forest that lined Cheyenne Mountain. Even though they'd encountered many forests like these, home was still frequently where the heart longed to be. Sam walked quietly beside him, flicking her feet out as she rocked gently in each step that they took, until they reached a bench among a small clearing.
"So, are going to tell me what's going on."
"Yea. But if anyone asks, you beat it out of me." She replied reluctantly with a hint of humor, she smiled slightly before turning to look away.
"I know what they're saying."
Her statement caused Daniel to frown instantly looking at her face for an explanation. "I must have slept with every member of the SGC by now."
Although it seemed a sentence out of the blue, he knew what she meant. "Its just jealousy, Sam. It happens to all four of us. They say it about Teal'c to." He added the last sentence, not sure if it would provoke the humor that Sam had been without of late.
"Well, from what I hear, Teal'c is very 'unmatchable' in they uh, 'Charms' department, if you know what I mean." She replied crudely, giving Daniel a slight smirk that soothed him to push for a little more.
"So. Go on."
"I wasn't dealing with Janet's death in the best way that I could, you know?"
"All too well."
"And, it was weird. All these changes, with Cassie and everything else-" She paused. " I cracked. I faltered and I regretted it."
"What to you mean?" He asked, an increasing frown playing on his forehead.
"I was working late, and I asked the Colonel to spend some time with Cassie, because I knew that once I got home I would have a mountain of his paperwork to do,"
{"Yes Carter?"
"It's only for a few hours Sir. I don't want her to be alone at the moment, but I can't get home right now." Her lips pressed into the phone, humming slightly on the receiver. "Please Sir, you'd be doing me a favor."
She heard the loudest sight on the other end. "Carter, it's fine...go play with your toys."
"Thank you Sir, I owe you one."
"No Carter, you owe me ten. And don't work too hard."
She refused not to smile against the receiver. "Yes Sir." "Oh and Sir?"
"Yes Major?"
"Do not give her beer."
"Yes Mom."}
"He said yeah, and that gave me enough time to clear the work I had. I guess he understood what I was going through,"
"And?"
She paused, sucking in the bottom lip as if she'd forgotten something, and then remembering that she hadn't. "It was late when I got in, and they weren't there. I assumed that they were having fun like two little kids and so I grabbed a glass of wine and settled for the evening. I hadn't eaten all day, so I was tipsy in about five minutes. That was my first mistake, because it got me thinking...about Janet and other things, to which time, I heard her come in,"
{"Sam?" Cassie called from the kitchen, instantly cruising though the house.
Sam removed a tear that had settled on her cheek before Cassie entered the room.
"How was work?" She asked sitting on the sofa next to her.
"Okay. Where'd you go?"
"Only to a Bar."
Nearly swallowing her tongue, Sam fought a little to gain 'parental control' inside. "Excuse me?"
"Joking. Jack told me to say that, he thought it'd be funny."
"Oh. Did you have fun?"
"Yea, we saw a movie. Why is it, that people automatically think that when an older guy walks with a teenage girl that there's something 'law-breaking' going on?"
"Because the world is sick."
"Gotcha."}
"So, Cassie finally went to bed and I sat up for a while, still drinking, until I heard someone at the door,"
{"Who is it!" she called down the hall, and in her alcohol-induced state she narrowly missed the wall.
"It's O'Neill."
She opened the door to find a very sheepish Colonel. "Cassie forgot this." She dazed at the coat held under his arm. "Oh. Uh, thanks, she'll be moaning tomorrow if she thinks she lost it."
"That's what *I* thought."
"You wanna come in?"
"Aren't you busy?" His surprised face glanced along the hall.
"Ah, no."
"Sure."}
"That was my second mistake." She deepened the frown almost a wince as her head collided with her hands, muffling her voice. He'd never seen me drunk, I've always been 'Good little rule-playing Carter', and he shouldn't have seen it, not that night. He came in and I immediately put the kettle on, and then it hit me..."
{"How are you doing?" He asked her casually, and propped himself up against the kitchen side with his elbows.
"Okay." She lied, flinching a little, trying not to take defense at his seemingly innocent question.
Then she turned, staring at him, feeling something dry and burning in his eyes that pressed on hers for an inconstant moment, she had meant to say 'Sugar?' surely? But instead, she mumbled, "Not okay." Before returning his gaze. "I uh, I miss her,"
"I know. Me too." His tone, short and sharp, interrupted her sentence.
"I 'm not dealing very well, and I know what to expect, I just..."
"Miss her." A frank smile oddly appeared on his face, and in some strange kind of revelation, she smiled back.
Then came tears, like hot ash, burning silently with every blushed breath that she took. And in a mixture of fear and dismay, Jack neared to her, not knowing quite whether to place his arms around her back, but did so anyway. He distanced himself from her during Daniel's death, and it hadn't helped, which prevented him in his mind, from repeating it this time around.
But she didn't cry anymore, nor did she melt in to his embrace with a lusting conviction. On the contrary, she only stiffened even more, locking her back and losing feeling in her arms.
The only contact she made was her head, which rested, lolling on his shoulder, curving with the collar of his sweater.}
Daniel's eyes narrowed, as she continued.
"I couldn't move. I didn't know what to do, but I was grateful in way, for the affection. I never touch him anymore, not since everything's happened. Which is so strange, because it should be normal. People do it every day, Friends, Colleagues, and Family. But with him it feels unnatural. It felt weird, like it was wrong. To my own logic any way..."
{And then, her hesitation was swept away, as his heartbeat rumbled in his throat and through her ear, colliding with the rate of her own. What was this, what was she feeling...
Suddenly feeling tired, and over taken by the thick, mulling toxicity that overwhelmed her brain, she closed her eyes, curling her arms around his elbows to keep herself steady.
"Carter?" It had been several minutes since they'd spoken, and her chest had stopped wrenching, which only left his sweater damp where her face had been.
"Oh, sorry." She smiled lightly, picking at the damp sweater on his shoulder.
"It's okay." Was as he could say. Mixed up in his own mind, his face stilled, not really looking at her, but not looking away. Even though she was upset, the pale, feminine, weak side of the Carter that was looking back at him, appealed. And in a second of male dominated thoughts within his brain, he'd liked it. Hungered for it even...}
Her eyes narrowed, obviously replaying the events in her head to the rhythm of her speech.
"And that's when it happened."
{Neither of them even took in the next few events, and how swiftly it had overcome them. In some jolt of electricity, like the flick of a switch, a rush overcame her inside, shivering through her eyes they blackened, reflecting his with the same intensity. She lifted her head, titling it as her lowered his, not noticing why she closed her eyes, drawing the most important breath of her life. It was slow, and not vicious or passionate, but simple...beautifully and affectionately simple. Her lips curved, narrowly missing the corner of his, and he could taste the salty tears that she wept before.
They didn't speak, and they certainly didn't think of their events quick enough to stop. She could taste the mix of coffee, wine and tears mingling together as they collided on her tongue as it entered his mouth. She didn't wait for a breath, and panted silently, her hands traced their way to his chest, almost as an insurance against letting him overcome her. She had to protect herself, not matter how drunk and insistent he was.
Finally wanting more, his thumbs sensually curved round the top of her stomach, feeling the fine hairs stand to attention, as they towards her back, wanting her nearer to him.
Eyes lidded, and breath ragging, they fastened, insisting and longing, and testing the waters, holding drew nearer to tugging and-
"Oh my god. Jack?" Immediately stopping, but not disconnecting, they turned to the sound of the voice of Cassie, her eyes shining and a stupid, lamb-faced grin on her lips, she looked away, putting a hand up preventing her from having to look. "Sorry. You know what? I'll have my snack later. G'night."}
"Oh my god, Sam." was all Daniel could say. Anything else would have annoyed her, at this stage.
So they had kissed. Know doubt, he'd expected it sooner, and in a strange admiration, he felt sorry for them. At least they had the strength to wait this long. Had he been in Jack's position, he would have found himself less able to shelve his feelings in a constant state of limbo.
"And that, was mistake number three."
TBC