AzuTalk
Note that I do not own anything except the character Kazuhiro Okami.
AzuTalk is filmed before a live studio audience.
(Static)
(Intro begins to play, showing clips of Azumanga Daioh episodes)
ANNOUNCER: WELCOME TO AZUTALK, THE SHOW WHERE THE CHARACTERS OF AZUMANGA DAIOH DISCUSS SUBJECTS GIVEN BY YOU THE FANS! TODAY WE DISCUSS AZUMANGA FAN FICTION PAIRINGS. THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE DOWNRIGHT UGLY. IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE ON AZUTALK!!
(Spy Hunter Theme by Saliva plays)
ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR MASTER OF CEREMONIES, MR. KAZUHIRO OKAMI!!!!!
(Audience applauds and cheers as a burgundy and black 1953 Indian Chief smashes through a wall in the back of the sound stage, the motorcycle roars up to the stage and pulls over. Kazuhiro jumps off and cheers, giving high-fives to the audience.)
Kazu: THANK YOU!! OK! Welcome to the first episode of AzuTalk, I'm Kazuhiro, your host. So, today we are going to be discussing fan fiction pairings. But I can't do it alone, so welcome the discussion panel! The cast of Azumanga Daioh!!
(Raucous cheering and applause)
Kazu: Chiyo Mihama!
(Chiyo enters and waves)
Kazu: Tomo Takino!
(Tomo runs out, jumping around, blowing kisses to the crowd)
Kazu: Sakaki!
(Sakaki walks out and shyly waves, accompanied by wolf whistles)
Kazu: Koyomi Mizuhara!
(Yomi walks out and waves calmly)
Kazu: Ayumu Kasuga also known as Osaka!!
(Osaka walks out, spaced as usual)
Kazu: Kagura!!!
(Kagura also runs out waving wildly, wolf whistles intensify)
Kazu: And finally, Kaorin Aida!!
(Kaorin appears, nervous as can be)
(All of them sit down)
Kazu: OK, so today's topic is fan fiction. Tomo, we'll start with you.
Tomo: It's hot.
Yomi: God, her perverted side is out again…
Tomo: No, seriously it's hot. What, Kazu? You don't have air conditioning?
(Scattered laughter)
Kazu: No, it's on.
Tomo: Oh, I guess it's just me. (Wink)
Yomi: I knew it…
Tomo: (Pats Yomi on the back) You just wish you were as hot as me.
Yomi: (sigh)
Kazu: OK, back on topic. Chiyo, what do you think?
Chiyo: I think it's a great way for people to express their ideas about their favorite shows, movies or even books.
Kagura: Or video games.
Chiyo: Or video games.
Kazu: OK, Kagura, your opinion?
Kagura: Well, it's interesting. Some of them are really good…
Tomo: And some of them are HOT and STEAMY! (Stands up and thrusts her hips)
Kagura: What ARE you talking about?
Tomo: Here, read this!
(Kagura grabs the stack of papers and begins to read. Her eyes grow wide.)
Kagura: You people are sick.
Sakaki: What?
Kagura: Look at this. They wrote a fanfic about us.
(Sakaki takes the papers and reads. She blushes madly)
Sakaki: I…I…
Kagura: Gross, isn't it?
Kazu: And there are more like this all over, most worse than this!
Kagura: Worse?
Kazu: Yeah.
Tomo: (whispers to Kazuhiro) Don't show these to Kimura.
Kazu: (whispers back) Right.
(Laughter)
(Mr. Kimura walks onstage)
Kimura: DON'T SHOW WHAT TO KIMURA??
Kazu: Will you get off my stage?
Kimura: But…
Kazu: OFF!
(Kimura slowly walks off)
Kaorin: Whew! That was close!
Yomi: No lie.
Kazu: Anyway, I agree with Chiyo that this is a great expression of enjoying a media program, but some people just take it too far. We'll be right back after the break!
(Commercial begins; Tomo is standing next to a girl crying)
Tomo: Are you recovering from a nasty break-up? Will your douche bag ex not leave you alone? Come to Tomo's Relationship Counseling and we'll straighten you BOTH out! (Cracks knuckles)
(Show returns, applause)
Kazu: We're back! OK, now we will be discussing some of the pairings we've seen in Azumanga Daioh fanfics. Lower the screen if you will…
(TV screen lowers from the roof)
Tomo: OK… That's cool.
Kazu: Indeed. First, a very popular one.
(The word "Toyomi" appears onscreen)
Tomo: (Looking confused)
Yomi: What the hell is "Toyomi"?
(Laughter)
Osaka: Is that like a milkshake or summin'?
(Laughter and applause)
Kazu: (Looks at Osaka, then Tomo and Yomi.) Um… Tomo? Yomi?
Both: What?
Kazu: That's you two…
(They slowly look up at the screen, then at each other)
(More laughter)
Both: OH…MY…GOD…
Tomo: I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!
(Laughter)
Yomi: Oh, don't even think about it!
Tomo: Come on! You love me and you know it!
Yomi: Dear God, no.
Tomo: You know you want some of this!
Yomi: You have no idea how much I wanna hit you right now?
Tomo: Damn right you wanna hit this! (Rubs her ass)
(Wild laughter and wolf whistles)
(Uppercut)
Yomi: That actually felt pretty good.
Kazu: Glad you're feeling better. We're gonna take a commercial break while we try to wake Tomo up. We'll be right back.
(Commercial starts)
(Kagura walks out of a pool in a bikini)
Announcer: Do you want a smoking hot body like this? Then order the Awesome Gym now and get a body that will REALLY turn heads
Kagura: If you ask me, the Awesome Gym is the best way to get a slim body in a limited amount of time. Wow. It really is that good. Just call the toll free number below. You'll be glad you did.
(Commercial ends)
Kazu: Oh, cool… Ohcrap! Um, we're back and our subject is still fanfic pairings.
Yomi: Sick freaks.
Kazu: Our next pair is…
(The screen says SakakiXKaorin)
Kaorin: THERE IS A GOD!!
Sakaki: (blush)
Kazu: OK, this is new.
(Kaorin scoots her chair closer to Sakaki.)
Kazu: MOVING ON! The next pair often seen is…
(Screen says SakakiXKagura)
Kagura: …
Sakaki: …
Kaorin: Must…resist…urge…to…punch…Kagura!
Tomo: Wow…
Yomi: I know…
Tomo: SAKAKI! YOU DIRTY GIRL!!
Sakaki: What?
Tomo: Gettin' freaky with the jock! Way to go!!
Sakaki: But…we…
Tomo: Oh, come on! Don't be shy! How far did you get?
Sakaki: I…didn't…
Kazu: OK, then… Next!
(Screen says KaguraXTomo)
(Silence)
(Kagura and Tomo stare at each other)
Kazu: (High pitched) Awkward…
(Laughter)
Yomi: Not one to talk now, are you?
Tomo: Umm…
Kazu: I knew they called her the Wildcat, but this is just ridiculous.
Chiyo: I'm just confused now.
Kazu: (Pats Chiyo on the shoulder) You're not alone. OK, we'll be right back! Saliva is here!!
(Commercial)
(Kazuhiro is sitting on his motorcycle)
Kazu: Do you want tickets to the next episode of AzuTalk? Just call the toll-free number and pick up your ringside seats now. Be there.
(Commercial ends)
Kazu: Thank you all so much!! We'll see ya next time, on AzuTalk!!!
(Cheering and applause)
See you next time! Read and Review!!