Gender Confusion

Summary: Mikan overhears a rumor that our little Natsume is gay. Completely oblivious to the word "gay" she consults a dictionary. She gets the wrong meaning and does what any other supporting friend would do to a gay man. Find him a boyfriend. EXTREMLY FUNNY ONESHOT. Please read and review.

Gender Confusion

DMPMG

Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Wake up sleepy head! Ring-ring!

Long auburn locks fumbled messily around Mikan's scalp as she desperately tried to get out of bed and wake up, but the soft supple feeling was much too inviting for a fragile girl. She slowly lifted her head from the strawberry scented pillow but miserably fell down again. She breathed in the sweet scent in total serenity but the alarm clock destroyed her serenity.

Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Wake up sleepy head! Ring-ring!

She grumbled a few times as her shoulders slumped and her head hung low. She got up slowly, grabbed the nearest thing she could get her hands on and threw it at that stupid alarm clock. She tried a trick her grandfather taught her to wake her up. She attempted some jumping jacks and it slightly woke her up, but not enough for her to open her eyes. She attempted running. It was working, well, she thought it was. Her body activeness started waking up and she jerked her eyes open and slammed against a wall. What a stupid girl.

Bam!

"Ouch…that hurts." She fumbled to herself and walked to her bathroom. She splashed on some cold water into her face and she was now fully awake. She stared at herself at the mirror. She had big innocent brown eyes with a tint of olive and long auburn hair that fell onto her waist. She had an oval shaped face with tight cheekbones and skin that glowed. Her eyebrows were even and her whole figure was shaped. She was, in fact, very pretty. Nonetheless, she tied her hair into high pigtails and slipped into her school uniform. She checked her alarm clock. Ten minutes until class starts…

Ten minutes…

Oh, okay…

Ten minutes????

Mikan hurriedly put on her socks and shoes, she grabbed her pre-made toast and gobbled it down quick and brushed her teeth as fast as her record can reach its limitation. She grabbed her bag and homework and ran down the halls to get to her first class. She ran and ran until, expectedly (For him), she bumped into her partner.

Bump!

She fell backwards and landed on her butt. Her head raced as she quickly got up to face the persons he bumped into.

Natsume Hyuuga. Also known as her classmate, her partner, and her compensation for evil doings. Raven hair and blood-red ruby eyes to match his lean figure. Six packed abs, but not so muscular you find it gross, hot smirk. Get the picture? He was the school's heartthrob, if only he wasn't such a cold-hearted bastard, according to Mikan-chan. He bore the Alice of fire.

"Ah…Sorry, Natsume-kun. I was in a rush to get to Mr. Jinno's class." She threw her arms in the air for body movement.

"Watch where you go, Polka-dots." He coldly threw at her.

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. She was trying to be nice. Was. You could say that, by name-calling, swearing, insulting and occasionally physical intentions are supposed to be for good friends, then they were as thick as thieves.

"Natsume, you pervert!" Mikan snapped.

"It's not me who shows my underwear to men." He smirked at her. But, deep down, he was glad it was just him who saw Mikan's undergarments or else they would be all over her. There was a slight tug in his heart, about the brunette.

"I do not show them to you on purpose!" She screams at his eardrums.

"Yeah?" He snorts. "What? You plan to show your bra next time?"

He knew the moment he said the last sentence, he had crossed the line, because she was fuming furious.

"Natsume!!! You are such a pervert! Die Hyuuga!" She screamed bloody murder at him, which just caused him to smirk.

She kept on rambling until she noticed the time, "Ack! I'm already five minutes late!"

"Great job, noticing." He sarcastically said.

She glared at him and ran off panting to class. When she arrived, she was greeted by Mr. Jinno with a hard, cold glare.

"Nice of you to join us, Ms. Sakura." He said, sarcasm in every word. She smiled sheepishly back. "Now take a seat, we are now discussing very important matters."

Mikan slid into her seat. Since Natsume was skipping class, Ruka Nogi was sitting still in his seat. Ruka was only a seat away from Mikan. Mikan slid into Natsume's seat so she could talk to Ruka.

"Good morning, Ruka-pyon." Mikan greeted him with a bright smile. Ruka flushed. "Good morning Sakura-san."

"What's with the formality? Please just call me Mikan."

"Oh…alright. Sakur—Mikan."

Mikan bid him a small smile and returned to her seat.

She tried to listen intently to the teacher but she couldn't help but stare at the Northern Forest. Her mind immediately went into dream mode. She imagined herself flying across the Northern Woods and wings spreading throughout her back. She smiled secretly to herself until she heard faint whispering. Her mind snapped and listened to the source of the faint whispering.

"Hey, did you hear? Hyuuga-san is always gay around Sakura…"

'Gay…? What's gay?' Mikan thought…

Soon after class was over, Mikan headed straight to the library. Knowing Hotaru won't help unless money's involved, she decided to find out herself.

She went up to the librarian and asked "Excuse me, miss?"

"Yes, my dear?" She asked Mikan with a gentle expression.

"Where can I find a dictionary?"

"At the aisle two, section a-d." She replied kindly

"Thank you!" Mikan shot her a grin and ran off to the dictionary section.

On her way there, she spotted a blonde-haired boy with amber eyes. It was Yuu Tobita. Yuu Tobita was the class president and one of the class representatives. He was Mikan's reliable companion and good friend. He was always there for her and he wore glasses. He can make illusions of sorts.

"Hi Mikan-chan!" Yuu greeted her with a charming smile.

"Oh, hi Yuu!" Mikan greeted back. "Are you here alone?"

"Oh no. I'm here with Imai-san. We're doing something for the teachers."

"So don't bother us." A girl appeared behind Yuu.

It was none other than Imai Hotaru. Mikan's best friend. Hotaru would always find a way to snap Mikan back to her senses and she was always with Mikan since 3rd grade. Though, you may think that their friendship was one-sided, since Hotaru was always cruel to her. But, that's just how she is. Other than that, Hotaru Imai had jet-black short hair and violet eyes. She was always melancholy with her tone and she was a rare being. Also, she had a knack for inventing creative items.

"Hotaru!!!" Mikan screamed and motioned to hug her but she was instantly hit by her baka canon.

Baka! Baka! Baka!

"Ouch…Hotaru that hurt." Mikan cutely pouted.

"Then stop trying to hug me like an idiot." She said in her monotone voice.

"But I love you Hotaru!"

"So does my baka canon."

Mikan immediately shut up.

It was awkward silence for a while until the Librarian entered the scene---furious.

"I heard screaming. Who was that?" The once-gentle librarian snapped.

Everyone gulps.

Immediately, she smiled and said "Now, be gentle children".

Frea-ky.

"Well, Hotaru and Yuu, I'll be going now!" Mikan smiled at them as if nothing happened.

"Oh okay, Mikan-chan. Don't scream again, okay?" Yuu instructed her.

"Alright Yuu! See you Hotaru!"

Mikan pulled out a dictionary and looked for the word "gay"…

1st Meaning:

-adjective

Having or showing a merry, lively mood.

'Scratch that' Mikan thought, there were other meanings for gay, not just one.

2nd Meaning:

-adjective

A homosexual person. Usually male.

'What does 'homosexual' mean?'

She looked for the word 'homosexual'

1st Meaning:

-adjective

Sexually attracted to the same gender

'Does that mean Natsume like men? Eww…gross!! But, the first meaning means happy and lively, that isn't Natsume. And since he doesn't have a girlfriend and he is close to Ruka, then the meaning must be the 2nd meaning! He must be gay! He likes guys then. Oh wow. Maybe that's why he also is secretive. Maybe that's Natsume's big secret! Aww, I feel bad for him. I know! I'll study further into the world of "gay" and do my best to support him!' Mikan stupidly thought.

I smell trouble brewing.

So, let's fast forward. Mikan studied the word "gay" and the ones living in it. Apparently it had another word, a Filipino word, gay men are called "bakla". Pronounced, "Buck-la" with a Filipino accent. 'Funny word'

And the best way to help bakla men were to find them a boyfriend. 'So Natsume needs a boyfriend!'.

She made a list of all her options:

Ruka-pyon

Kokoroyomi-kun

Yuu

If all else fails as Tsubasa-senpai

It was lunchtime for the students at Alice Academy so Mikan made her way to sit beside her first option---victim. She saw Ruka sitting beside Natsume, and they were surrounded by hundreds of fan girls. Mikan pushed through the crowd and patted Ruka on the shoulder.

"Ruka-pyon, can we talk?" she innocently asked him.

Ruka's cheeks turned pink as he stuttered, "Ye—yes, Sakur—Saku---Mikna?—Eh, Mikan?"

"First name basis are we now?" A fan girl squeaked.

"Leave our Ruka alone!" Another screamed.

"Shut up." Natsume interrupted. Not loudly but a few words out of the flame caster's mouth was very rare so everyone heard it and immediately shut up.

From the crap that Mikan didn't know what she was reading, she followed the advice on the books she read about befriending gay men.

"Natsume-chan!" Mikan cooed in a high-pitched voice and tucked her elbows in her stomach and her knees together, lifted her right leg lowly and slapped Natsume on his shoulder playfully.

'I think I'm going to barf.' Natsume screamed in his head.

Laughing could be heard throughout the whole cafeteria. Not minding what they were laughing about, she switched her attention back to Ruka.

Mikan giggled and pulled his hand. "In private, Ruka-pyon!".

The room temperature suddenly dropped and heat was spread. "Uh…sure."

Hand in hand, Mikan forced themselves out of the crowd and into a nook outside the cafeteria.

"Ne, Ruka-pyon, I have a question to ask you." Mikan started.

He gulped.

"Would you please be the boyfriend of Natsume?" Mikan asked brightly.

Ruka nearly choked on his saliva. He didn't expect this. Far from what he expected. In fact, almost crazy.

"Mikan-chan, are you okay?" he asked coughing.

"I'm very okay!" Mikan protested.

Ruka thought a while of what to say to Mikan. "Err…Mikan, how'd you get an idea like that?"

"I thought of it myself! I overheard a rumor that Natsume is gay. So, I just want to help him." Mikan cooed.

'I think I'm going crazy or did Mikan just ask me to be Natsume's boyfriend? I think that explained her ahem past actions previously' Ruka thought recalling the playful, weird slap of Mikan.

"Please, Ruka-pyon! Be Natsume's boyfriend!" Mikan pleaded.

Ruka, being the good-hearted person that he is thought of a good answer to give to Mikan.

"…Mikan…I don't really see Natsume as…more than a friend." He practically choked on the words.

Mikan's face fell. "Oh…I see. Thanks anyway." She managed a small smile and looked away.

"On no, Mikan! It's just that, I like somebody else." Ruka blurted. Mikan gave her full attention to him.

"Who?" She asked curiously.

Ruka nervously looked around him and spotted the first person he saw,

"Mr. Narumi!" He blurted. 'Damn it! I just said I like Mr. Narumi! To hell with that!' Ruka thought.

"Ruka, could you possibly be gay too?" Mikan asked taken aback.

"No, oh no!" Ruka screamed in protest.

"Then why did you say you liked Mr. Narumi?" Mikan asked.

"I don't like him. It's just---I saw him passing by and I…I…" Ruka trailed off.

"But do you like a boy or a girl?" She asked finally.

"I like a girl." He said slowly.

"Oh…well, thanks anyway Ruka-pyon! I have to go and ask other people to be Natsume's boyfriend!" Mikan waved and ran off.

'I have to warn the guys.'

Meanwhile, Natsume was fully aware that Mikan---his Mikan was going to talk to Ruka, alone. He felt mad and sad and…jealous? That was the last thing he wanted, to feel jealous. I mean, it could've just been a favor or she just wanted him to help her find something or maybe she would confess that she loves him---Damn it. He was jealous. Didn't Mikan ever feel the spark between them? I mean, Natsume likes her and just annoys her so she will notice him, but didn't she ever think that maybe he loves her? Natsume decided to go confront her and ask her what she wanted with Ruka.

Mikan asked everyone on her list but nobody seemed to want to be Natsume's boyfriend. She was tired and useless. She sat down under her usual hang out spot, the Sakura tree. She gave a sigh of relief.

Then, on cue, Natsume jumped down from the tree. Mikan wasn't the least bit surprised. She was too distracted.

"Hey Polka-dots." Natsume approached her.

"Yeah, Natsume?" she sighed too look at him.

"What's wrong with you? Are you on crack or something?" He snorted at his own comment. How lame.

"It's alright Natsume. I know your secret." Mikan said out of the blue. Natsume gulped. He knew he liked her?

"I know you're gay."

Natsume nearly laughed his own ass off.

"Why'd you think that, little girl?"

"Well…you don't have a girlfriend. You're close to guys. The dictionary said so. I even asked Ruka and the others to be your boyfriend." Mikan smiled a small smile at him.

'So that was the reason she was pulling guys to her' Natsume thought stupidly.

"I'm not gay, stupid girl." I shot at her.

"Really? Then why does it seem like?" She asked.

"I do not seem like it. Look at Ruka, he also does not have a girlfriend and her is close to the guys. Same with every guy." Natsume pointed out.

Mikan fell silent for a while and thought. "You're right!" She said standing up. "Thanks Natsume!"

She ran off again and I chuckled to myself. "What an idiot…and that's why I love her."

FIN

Author's Note: Okay, that was one random fic. Kind of stupid too. Mikan is not just dense. She's downright stupid. I don't know if I copied anyone's idea, but I'm sorry if I did. I don't think I'll get more than three reviews, unless I review myself. I'm thinking of changing this into a chapter. What do you think? I hope the fic wasn't so cliffy and bitin. Kudos to who reviews. Made this fan fiction because I thought it would turn out well, but not really what I expected. Oh well.