This is bitter dreams reposted. I've changed and made some changes to it to
make it (hopefully) a little better than last time. Also before I go,
thankyou to BlackTangledHeart for inspiring me to rewrite and fix it all
up.
*~
There are some times, beneath the smoke and sweat and behind the shadowed flames that I feel I could just get up and walk away from everything I've ever known.
I would walk until I reached that place where the sun meets the earth. The little strip between the world and heaven where dreams are created ready to be given to innocent hearts. I would journey until I came upon that broad spectrum, thin as paper, where angels dance in spotlights of starlight. The place where falling in love is just like hesitant whispers escaping from nervous lips.
I would walk until I reached that place where the sun meets the earth. The little strip between the world and heaven where dreams are created ready to be given to innocent hearts. I would journey until I came upon that broad spectrum, thin as paper, where angels dance in spotlights of starlight. The place where falling in love is just like hesitant whispers escaping from nervous lips.
Would I ever make it to the place I barely dare to think about? The place I've grown to hate to think about? But still deep inside wish I was there.
Outside the curtain of the Underworld I would run to that sunlit arena where rain falls like silver diamonds and lands in pools of tears that taste as sweet as honey on a gloomy day. It's that unreachable region that I so secretly long for, where sins are washed away and forgotten. The place that holds what I've always wanted;
Truth
To look at me, you'd never think, that I would think such thoughts. I barely believe it myself. I thought I'd forgotten how to dream.
I know what it looks like, it's a silver and gold castle standing free upon a cloud. If I discarded every underworld rule and let loose every dark place of my being, I could build a ladder and climb up to stand inside those castle walls just for one moment at least and feel the warmth of its sandy floor in-between my toes. I would reach out and touch the smooth marble of the huge fountain in the centre of the courtyard, relishing in the cold water that would meander a river down my arm. I would embrace the oncoming gentle breeze that washes over from the sea, like cascading sheets of invisible silk wrapping me up safe and sound. I'd indulge my eyes in the scene before me for what it truly is;
Beauty
But I am not insane enough to build a ladder, the dark places of me would not let loose no matter how hard I tried. Instead reality comes along and blows away those thoughts I was foolish enough to dream.
The Moulin Rouge is my home. The smell of cigarettes and absinthe is entwined in my soul, the dust of kohl is forever settled on my face, the smears of thick lipstick and mascara stain my fingers and sleeves for eternity, the feel of tight corsets hugging my waist suffocate me day and night and the dampness of my tears on silk pillowcases over new bruises to my body haunt me.
I could be like a little butterfly, trapped in a foggy glass jar. My wings are crushed and burnt, with all their beautiful silky colour drained away leaving outlines and fragile structures of their skeleton frames. A butterfly crushed beneath the hands of confinement is what I'm doomed to be.
Perhaps I could weave a new cocoon, to encase my withered body inside until I die and am reborn. Reborn as a vibrant firefly, quick and sharp, keen and witty, no longer doomed to a life of imprisonment, but privileged to live the life I've always wanted;
Freedom.
My heart is black; I am a horrid moth, not a butterfly. I am a demon of the night that cowers back from the sunlight and delights in the darkness and doings of the bordello, sentenced to await the next life with the devil himself.
I dance every night with all the fury in passion imaginable. The dancehall is the domain, which I rule over as the merciless queen of the damned. In the can can my legs reach higher into the air than any other and in the tango I can set fire to the very floorboards my heels touch. Dancing is my one release, the one glimmer of light my demon does not cower away from, the one creation in this world that opens a doorway before me. The doorway that takes me into every single world I've so secretly longed for. The castle upon a cloud, the land between the world and heaven.
With every turn upon the floor I feel the gentle sea breeze, with every click of my heal I feel the sand between my toes, with every touch I feel the marble fountain, with every splatter of sweat upon my arms I feel the cold water meandering down my arms. Dancing is my saviour on earth that takes my spirit into the worlds that give me the one thing that I've never had;
Love.
*~
There are some times, beneath the smoke and sweat and behind the shadowed flames that I feel I could just get up and walk away from everything I've ever known.
I would walk until I reached that place where the sun meets the earth. The little strip between the world and heaven where dreams are created ready to be given to innocent hearts. I would journey until I came upon that broad spectrum, thin as paper, where angels dance in spotlights of starlight. The place where falling in love is just like hesitant whispers escaping from nervous lips.
I would walk until I reached that place where the sun meets the earth. The little strip between the world and heaven where dreams are created ready to be given to innocent hearts. I would journey until I came upon that broad spectrum, thin as paper, where angels dance in spotlights of starlight. The place where falling in love is just like hesitant whispers escaping from nervous lips.
Would I ever make it to the place I barely dare to think about? The place I've grown to hate to think about? But still deep inside wish I was there.
Outside the curtain of the Underworld I would run to that sunlit arena where rain falls like silver diamonds and lands in pools of tears that taste as sweet as honey on a gloomy day. It's that unreachable region that I so secretly long for, where sins are washed away and forgotten. The place that holds what I've always wanted;
Truth
To look at me, you'd never think, that I would think such thoughts. I barely believe it myself. I thought I'd forgotten how to dream.
I know what it looks like, it's a silver and gold castle standing free upon a cloud. If I discarded every underworld rule and let loose every dark place of my being, I could build a ladder and climb up to stand inside those castle walls just for one moment at least and feel the warmth of its sandy floor in-between my toes. I would reach out and touch the smooth marble of the huge fountain in the centre of the courtyard, relishing in the cold water that would meander a river down my arm. I would embrace the oncoming gentle breeze that washes over from the sea, like cascading sheets of invisible silk wrapping me up safe and sound. I'd indulge my eyes in the scene before me for what it truly is;
Beauty
But I am not insane enough to build a ladder, the dark places of me would not let loose no matter how hard I tried. Instead reality comes along and blows away those thoughts I was foolish enough to dream.
The Moulin Rouge is my home. The smell of cigarettes and absinthe is entwined in my soul, the dust of kohl is forever settled on my face, the smears of thick lipstick and mascara stain my fingers and sleeves for eternity, the feel of tight corsets hugging my waist suffocate me day and night and the dampness of my tears on silk pillowcases over new bruises to my body haunt me.
I could be like a little butterfly, trapped in a foggy glass jar. My wings are crushed and burnt, with all their beautiful silky colour drained away leaving outlines and fragile structures of their skeleton frames. A butterfly crushed beneath the hands of confinement is what I'm doomed to be.
Perhaps I could weave a new cocoon, to encase my withered body inside until I die and am reborn. Reborn as a vibrant firefly, quick and sharp, keen and witty, no longer doomed to a life of imprisonment, but privileged to live the life I've always wanted;
Freedom.
My heart is black; I am a horrid moth, not a butterfly. I am a demon of the night that cowers back from the sunlight and delights in the darkness and doings of the bordello, sentenced to await the next life with the devil himself.
I dance every night with all the fury in passion imaginable. The dancehall is the domain, which I rule over as the merciless queen of the damned. In the can can my legs reach higher into the air than any other and in the tango I can set fire to the very floorboards my heels touch. Dancing is my one release, the one glimmer of light my demon does not cower away from, the one creation in this world that opens a doorway before me. The doorway that takes me into every single world I've so secretly longed for. The castle upon a cloud, the land between the world and heaven.
With every turn upon the floor I feel the gentle sea breeze, with every click of my heal I feel the sand between my toes, with every touch I feel the marble fountain, with every splatter of sweat upon my arms I feel the cold water meandering down my arms. Dancing is my saviour on earth that takes my spirit into the worlds that give me the one thing that I've never had;
Love.