The day had finally come to die.
Master Roshi was calmly standing outside the Kame House, watching the waves swirl and push by as he looked on. He had been there for a few hours already, something that while could be normal for the old Turtle Hermit was still a sight to behold. It was the same look that had made so many underestimate him, after all.
"It's calm today, isn't it Turtle?"
At his side Turtle laid besides his long time friend, watching the waves with a relaxed expression.
"Yeah," he said, "Very gentle today. I haven't seen it like this in years."
Roshi nodded, not moving from his spot as the two continued to look on into the distance. After a long moment, Turtle spoke again.
"You're thinking about something important, aren't you?"
Roshi raised an eyebrow and glanced down at Turtle, the latter looking up at Roshi. The look they gave each other was one of knowing, an understanding between companions that had been harbored over centuries. It was a moment of complete clarity, and both of them knew that.
"Maybe." Roshi admitted, shifting his gaze. "Although I don't recall you liking my serious passions."
"Excuse me miss, but he is legally obliged to tell you…" Turtle started, only to get poked in the shell by Roshi's staff.
"Over a thousand years alive and you still can't get over it." Roshi scolded, though the tone was more amused if anything. "You need a woman, Turtle."
"Just as soon as I meet someone like me, sure."
"You've been saying that for the last two hundred years." Roshi pointed out.
"And how long have you been a pervert?"
Roshi laughed. "Just as long, if not more."
"Then don't criticize me about my life decisions when yours have consisted of groping and countless sexual harassment cases in court." Turtle said, a smile coming on the old creature's face.
"Hmm." Roshi replied before the two turned their gaze back to the sea.
"I think I'm gonna rest for a while, Turtle." Roshi decided, shifting his position until he was laying down on the sand, taking care to remove the shell on his back and place it to the side as he did so.
"Oh?" Turtle said, slowly turning his body to face Roshi again. "Why's that?" He asked, unsurprised.
"Meh, I just feel like it." Roshi replied, stretching and putting his arms behind his head. "Everything just seems so calm and soothing right now, as if the world itself has taken a breather. It's the perfect moment, I think."
"Hmm." Turtle responded, going silent as he watched Roshi close his eyes and lay still for a few seconds. "Does Korin know?"
"Yeah," Roshi said, "I made sure to tell him before I went to the Tournament."
"Good." Turtle said. After a long moment he continued, "You know, I never thanked you."
"For what?" Roshi said, opening one of his eyes. "Keeping you company for all these years?"
"That," Turtle said, "And for being a great friend."
Roshi nodded, putting a hand on Turtle's shell. "Well, you know how it is."
"I do."
Another pause, the sounds of small waves crashing being the only noise present in the afternoon sky.
"What are you gonna do after this, Turtle?"
Turtle did the best he could to shrug, lifting his arms up. "Dunno. Think I'll just stay here, keep an eye on Goku and all of them for a bit longer. I'm fine like this."
"You're gonna sell all of my porn, aren't you?" Roshi said.
"Every last bit. Once that's done, then I'll be at peace."
"Screw you, Turtle."
"Hey you said it not me."
Roshi closed his eye and turned his face to the sun, sighing as the yellowish-orange glow became the only thing in his vision. For one more time the two stood silent, both fully knowledgeable about what was happening. This was a conversation they had known would come for centuries now, and the grief that had once been there was instead replaced by acceptance. It was overdue, after all.
"Don't go doing anything stupid, okay?" Turtle asked, his tone serious like Roshi had always appreciated.
"Yeah yeah, I know." Roshi replied, breathing in one more time. "Take care, Turtle."
"You too."
And there, on that small sandy island that many had come to know and love and with the echoes of the sea escorting him with their song, Master Roshi passed away in peace.
…
The first thing Roshi felt was, per his expectations the painful feeling of a crystal ball being smashed on his head.
"You idiot!" Fortuneteller Baba said, hitting him again from her perch on ground. Despite her size her blows still hurt, and Roshi recoiled slightly as his sister went on a complaint spree.
"All these years cheating death, all these centuries and you finally kick the bucket without letting me know?" She chided, choosing now to slap Roshi on the face. "You're unbelievable, you know that?"
"Hey, don't blame me!" Roshi said, backing up and rubbing his head as he assessed the situation. "I don't get to choose when it's time to die!"
"Yes you do!" Baba said, anger boiling in her voice. "You literally just choose to die fifteen minutes ago!"
"Well it was a good moment." Roshi retorted, frowning as he looked around. "Where are we, Baba?"
Baba sighed and perched herself on her crystal ball, floating up as she allowed Roshi a better view of the area. There was nothing but yellow clouds around them and a long spiraling road.
"This is the Otherworld," Baba explained, "The place between Heaven and Hell and where all spirits go after their passing. Haven't you been here before?"
Roshi nodded. "I have," he said, "Just couldn't tell where we were with your huge head blocking the way."
This earned another slap from Baba and Roshi cackled, coughing a bit as he got his humor out of him. When he was done, Roshi checked his hands and back to see he was fully equipped, the turtle shell and his staff back with him. There was also a halo visible on his head, shining faintly in the bright light of the Otherworld.
"Looks like I'm all set." Roshi said. "Where are you gonna take me, Baba?"
Baba nodded down the pathway. "You'll see." she replied.
Roshi knew better than to question his sister's mindset when it mattered and so the two began down their way, slow but steady.
"You know," Baba said after a while, "I'm glad you're finally here."
"What, you missed my voice?" Roshi questioned, laughing as Baba looked at him angrily again. "You always were a sucker for being annoyed."
Baba shook her head, turning her attention back to the path ahead of them. "No, I'm just glad you're finally here." She said. "Now I can know that you're finally at peace and done with all of that fighting."
"Who said I was done fighting?" Roshi said, "Being dead certainly doesn't stop that!"
Baba rolled her eyes and they came to a halt in front of a small yellow door. "I wouldn't count on it." she said, motioning Roshi forward.
From Roshi's limited knowledge on the Otherworld, to have a door randomly at the end of a pathway was definitely abnormal. Upon opening the door he was met with an even stranger sight.
"Welcome," Baba said, "To the Sacred World of the Kais."
The land around Roshi was a lush green, with a cool purple sky filled with moons and trees appearing every now and then throughout the area. As Roshi stepped into the grass Baba closed the door behind them causing Roshi to lift an eyebrow in confusion. Baba smiled and pointed, of which Roshi turned and saw a very similar figure standing idle before him.
"Old Kai!" Roshi said, grinning as he made his way over to his friend. "It's good to see you again."
"It's been a while, hasn't it Roshi?" Old Kai replied, smiling as the two took a moment to hug as well as two old men could.
"Not too long." Roshi said, "Only a few years since the Tournament. Have you been keeping an eye on that Shin?"
"Eh, he doesn't need me anymore." Old Kai said, "He's adapting well to everything and he finally got over being a wuss. All I have left to tell him is a bunch of old information he probably won't ever need. He's still naive though, so I guess there is still room for improvement."
"Kids these days." Roshi said, shaking his head. "Can't tell a good idea from a stupid one."
"Don't I know it…" Old Kai agreed, motioning towards a tree. "Care to sit down?"
"Of course." Roshi replied, turning to Baba. "Although I'm not sure why I'm here."
"Oh, I told Baba that if you wanted you could stay here with me." Old Kai responded.
Roshi jumped back in shock. "Here, on the Kai's Scared World? I don't think I belong here."
"Oh hush." Old Kai said. "This is hardly a Kai's Scared World anymore, more of a retirement home for me and some others if anything. Besides," he looked to Roshi with a lecherous smirk. "I've heard that you have some good stuff up for sale now and I'd certainly be interested in that."
Roshi got the message and stood up to attention, bowing swiftly. "Then I accept!" Roshi replied, steam coming out of his nostrils.
"I knew you would." Old Kai said, turning to Baba. "Thank you for bringing him here, Baba."
Baba crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Hmph, at least now he'll be with his own kind."
Roshi and Old Kai laughed and said their farewells to Baba as she left through the way they had come in, muttering about her brother being a moron all the way until the doorway vanished behind her. Once she was gone, Old Kai and Roshi turned to the tree the former had pointed out further and rubbed their hands together.
"Ready?" Old Kai prompted.
Roshi nodded, his glasses shimmering. "Always."
And so, the greatest porn collection ever organized was created, and both men enjoyed a happy friendship for the rest of time.
Author's Note: What, you thought I'd make this sad? This is Roshi we're talking about, dude's gonna be happy.
Wrote this short fic in a few hours on a whim, completely improvised. I'm happy with how it turned out, especially since this ending not only makes sense (Two old pervs being united for eternity in their quest for porn) but it also brings an honorable end to the man who has been making us all laugh since Dragon Ball first came out. I really hope Roshi doesn't die anytime soon, though with how Dragon Ball Super is aiming his character development I think it's coming. Hopefully it won't happen, but if it does: We love you, Roshi. Stay awesome bud.
Story wise updates (you can always check my profile for these as well): Next chapter of Succumb is coming in a few days, I'm gonna take a while to refine it. I'm also gonna try and get out a Caulifla fic and possibly a Nier Automata fic before the month is over, no promises though. One thing's for sure: I'm excited for Episode 100.
Please R&R, check out my other stories and I'll see you all soon!
-Caulifla