It was a typically rainy day in Forks; the clouds covered the sky and the rain consistently dribbled down. On this day Jacob and Bella could be found sitting in Billy Black's garage. Jacob was fiddling with his latest project and Bella was content to simply sit and watch. This was also a typical way that Jacob and Bella would spend an afternoon. Tomorrow it would be a year since Edward left and Jacob and Bella had settled into a routine. Barely a day would go by without them spending some time together, if not they would at least have talked on the phone. They would ride their motor bikes around the streets, wander up and down the beach, watch a movie or just hang out and talk. Bella, on the outside at least, seemed to be dealing with Edward's departure well. If it weren't for the fact that she couldn't listen to music, watch any sort of romantic comedy or even think about anyone in a romantic way, Bella was basically back to normal, as long as she didn't think about him, which she didn't...not anymore.
"So are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?" Jacob asked Bella when he'd stopped for a break.
"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it," Bella replied.
Both Bella and Jacob knew perfectly well what tomorrow signified but neither of them mentioned it. Bella didn't because she just simply didn't allow herself to think about it, Jacob because he was very ready for Bella to move on. Jacob had waited a year since Edward had left, sacrificing his own mental health by spending hours and hours every day holding her hand but knowing full well she wished he was somebody else. He watched her cry and then eventually become numb due to her unrequited love for someone who was not him. When the smiles and the affection came it was worse. It would have been so easy for him to let himself believe that Bella was completely happy and that he, Jacob, could make her happy when she smiled at him like she did. But he knew her too well to allow himself to be completely fooled. When he touched her and hugged her he had to try so hard not to show her how he felt because he knew she belonged to someone else and that it would only hurt her to know that she was causing him pain.
But tomorrow would be different. A year, Jacob decided, was long enough to move on. He didn't expect her to be cured; she still had to wrap her arms around herself really tight whenever the tidal wave of emotions threatened to break loose, but he would be good for her, he decided. In fact a romantic evening with a person she trusted and felt safe with could be just the thing to start her on a new path. One where she could be happy.
"Alright I think I'm done for the day," Jacob said as he got up and stretched.
Bella's heart rate sped up just like it always did when faced with the prospect of leaving Jacob and being alone, but she told herself she was just being silly. She hadn't had a break down in six months and she's wasn't about to start having them again.
"Walk me out?" Bella asked, smiling up at him as she did.
Jacob's heart throbbed.
"Don't I always?" he replied, grabbing her hand.
They walked around the side of the house towards Bella's truck.
"Bye Billy," Bella called as she passed an open window.
"Cya Bella, say hi to Charlie for me"
"Ok Bells, don't forget, I'll pick you up at 7:30 tomorrow," Jacob said when they were outside her truck.
"I won't forget Jake, you've only told me a thousand times"
"Ok, just making sure," Jacob laughed and he bent down to give Bella a hug. Bella leaned into Jacob, as always finding comfort in the way his strong body enveloped her so completely and made her feel safe. As he was pulling out of the hug Jacob placed a slow kiss bellow Bella's jaw line. Time slowed down for Jacob as he pressed his lips up to that sensitive spot, inhaling her scent, imaging and believing that this is how their relationship could be. Bella froze, not expecting the more than friendly gesture, but made sure she composed her face into a carefree smile before Jacob could look at her.
"Night Bells, see you tomorrow"
Jacob waited for Bella to climb into her truck and drive away before going inside.
"You two looked awfully cosy out there," Billy commented as Jacob headed straight for his room.
"Stop spying on me, Dad," Jacob said as he closed his bedroom door, but he couldn't force himself to sound annoyed at his dad's comment and he certainly couldn't stop the smile from forming on his lips. Yep, he thought as he lay down on his bed, tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Bella woke up that morning and went about her business as if everything was normal. She cooked breakfast for Charlie, cleaned the kitchen, tidied up her room, had a shower, cleaned her teeth and finished off her homework with such all consuming concentration and energy that she barely had a second to think until she was finished. She had trained herself over the last year to not look at the time unless it was entirely necessary because otherwise she would find herself watching and waiting for each an everyday to come to an end, hoping the next day would be easier. Today however, already exhausted by the energy it took to not think about what day it was, Bella found her eyes drifting towards the clock. It was only Twelve o'clock. There was still seven and a half hours until Jacob was coming to get her and the house was sparkly clean and her homework was done. She decided to call Jacob.
"Hey Jake, how are you doing?" Bella asked when Jacob answered the phone.
"Uhh good," he replied sleepily
"Did I wake you up?"
"Yeah, I was out all night on wolf duty, but it's fine. What's up?"
"Oh nothing," Bella replied, feeling guilty for waking him up, "I'm sorry, get some sleep Jake, I'll see you tonight."
"Oh ok," Jacob said, still drowsy, "bye"
But as soon as Bella hung up Jacob remembered tonight and all the hopes he placed upon it and felt he was no longer tired, but quite looking forward to the rest of the day.
Bella however was painfully aware of the fact that it was only ten past twelve and she couldn't stop her thoughts for much longer.
Bella managed to make it to 7:30 without going completely insane, or even actively thinking about how much today hurt her and how after a year he was surely never coming back. She was strung out and a little jumpy but as soon as she opened the door to see Jacob there her face split into a heart stopping smile. He was wearing a nice pair of jeans and a button up, light blue dress shirt. He was also holding out a bunch of flowers.
"Aww thanks Jake, wow you've even put a shirt on, how nice," Bella exclaimed cheekily.
"Only for you Bells," he joked, "you look beautiful," he said, a little more seriously.
She was wearing a light blue dress that hugged her waist and chest and flowed down her sides.
"Thanks," she smiled, slightly embarrassed, "So are we going to go or what, I'm starving"
Bella and Jacob enjoyed a nice drive to Port Angeles, conversation was light and jokey. Maybe even a little bit flirtatious, Jacob allowed himself to hope. Everything was going perfectly until they arrived at the restaurant. Bella tried not to completely break down and curl up in a ball on the floor when she realised Jacob had taken her to the very same restaurant that Edward had taken her that fateful shopping trip where he saved her from the men on the street. She composed herself well enough but she was no longer able to stop the painful memories from pouring in. Jacob noticed the change in Bella's mood but had no idea why she was suddenly distant and distracted and try as he might, he couldn't draw her back to the present. They talked a little bit over dinner but the night did not turn out nearly as Jacob had hoped.
On the drive home Bella was silent. Jacob tried desperately to repair the night but to no avail. He took his hand from the steering wheel to place it on Bella's hand but she barely noticed his presence. She had one arm wrapped around her chest to keep her heart in one piece; a gesture that was not lost on Jacob. He had put the pieces together, knowing that today was a year since Edward left, but he didn't know how to comfort her.
As they pulled into the driveway Jacob made one last attempt to comfort Bella.
"Well, I really had fun tonight, we should do it again sometime," he said lamely.
"Yeah, Thanks Jacob," Bella managed to say, forcing a feeble smile.
Jacob was so angry that after all this time that blood sucker was still sucking the life out of Bella. He wanted her so badly to move on for her sake as well as his, which is why he made his next move. He held Bella's eye for longer than necessary, reached his hand forward and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. She froze. Jacob either didn't notice or didn't care. He leaned his head forward so it was an inch away from Bella's. He paused before closing the gap and lightly placing his lips on hers. He waited for her reaction but upon getting none he kissed her again, this time with slightly more force. He slid both his hands up to cup her cheeks her parted her lips with his. Bella allowed her mind to go blank and decided to let Jacob's kiss consume her. She ever so slightly kissed him back. It was all the response Jacob needed. He deepened the kiss and pulled her body towards his. He left one hand on her cheek but let the other travel down to her lower back. Bella wrapped one arm around his neck and placed the other on his warm chest. She let the kiss go on for a minute or two, and then a picture of Edward flashed into her mind. She froze again. Jacob froze too. She pulled away and felt for the door handle. As soon as the door opened she jumped out of the car and walked, without a backwards glance, into her house.
"Well that was.... interesting," Jacob muttered to himself.
Jacob couldn't sleep. He was too excited by the kiss. He thought it was a good sign, even if she did freeze up in the end. He was just lying contently on his bed, listening to the rain fall down soothingly onto his roof. He heard a noise outside. He walked over to his window, looking out, only to find Bella standing there, drenched in the pouring rain with her arms wrapped around her. Even though the rain was washing them instantly clean Jacob could tell she had tears streaming down her face. He rushed to the door to let her in. She fell into his arms as soon as she opened the door. They just stood there in the doorway, Jacob holding Bella as tight as he could so she wouldn't have to hold herself together anymore. After some time Jacob realised Bella was shivering. Even with Jacob's warmth she couldn't stop the cold from the rain setting in. Jacob half led, half carried her to his room, grabbing towels on the way. The tears streaming silently down her face showed no sign of stopping and Bella showed no signs of wanting to talk so Jacob silently wrapped the towels around her and rubbed her arms to dry her. Jacob was in extreme amounts of emotional pain, both because he couldn't bear to see the girl he loved in pain and also because the pain she was in was caused by her love for someone else. Even after all this time her heart still so completely belonged to him. Jacob felt the memories of their kiss shatter in his mind as he realised she could not have feelings for him if she was still so in love with Edward.
Jacob sat down on his bed and pulled Bella onto his lap, her head in his chest. After what felt like a long time to both of them Bella stopped crying. Jacob thought she had fallen asleep. He lifted her chin up only to see she had her eyes open. She held is eye contact for a long time before breaking it, only to lean forward and kiss him. He was shocked at her sudden change of heart. By the time he could react she had turned around so that she was straddling his lap. She had her arms around his neck. She kissed him again, this time waiting for his reaction. He began kissing her back and she immediately opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. He ran his hands down her back from her shoulders to her bum. He pulled her tight into him and she made a soft moaning sound. Jacob groaned at the realisation that he caused that sound. He lifted his hands up under her dress and ran light patterns along her bare skin. She moaned again and broke the kiss to pull off his shirt. She reached back for him straight away; it hurt her to not be kissing him. He pulled away from her to run kisses down her neck. He moved his hands to the front of her to feel her stomach and placed his hands just under her bra. Bella began to pull the straps of her dress off her arms when Jacob suddenly stopped her. He pulled her arms away and onto her wrists.
"Bella," he said in a hoarse voice, "you don't want this..."
"you don't want me," he added, hating every word he said
Bella struggled to pull her wrists free. Jacob let them go as soon as he realised. She put her hands on his chest and moved them up and down, leaning in to kiss him again. Jacob groaned as he kissed her back, once again wrapping his arms around her and pulling her as close to him as she could go.
"Wait," he said, his breathing ragged, "I know you're only doing this because you're upset and you don't want to think about...." he trailed off, not wanting to say Edwards name.
Bella leaned in to kiss him again but he didn't let her start this time. She pulled away, wincing with the pain of rejection, and went to get off his lap.
"Bella," he said, holding her onto him, not allowing her to get up, "look at me"
After a few seconds she did
"You're driving me crazy here and I want to so badly let you do this and believe it's me you're thinking about, but I don't want to take advantage of you and I don't want you to regret this tomorrow"
She leaned in and placed a light kiss on Jacob's lips and traced kisses down to his ear.
"Please," she whispered softly
Jacob groaned and let his head drop into her shoulder where he kissed her collar bone gently.
"I don't want you to regret this tomorrow, but if you keep asking me I'm not going to be able to say no"
"Please, Jake," she said, this time looking into his eyes.
He groaned in defeat and began kissing her again, all the original frenzy and desire increased. He slipped her dress over her head and began kissing down her chest. He gently laid her back down on the bed, engulfing her in his warmth and resigned himself to going all out for her. He was going to enjoy and memorise every second of this night, knowing full well that it was going to hurt tomorrow.
