Disclaimer: I am losing my mind, but that's ok cos it's mine to lose, yet I still remain owning nothing and no one.
She is rolling off of his still quaking body, legs sliding over his thighs and waist to collapse at his side. A huffed relief and growl leave her lips as she falls and he fights to manage his breathing.
Sex with Beckett is...intense.
Fast.
Long and slow, and she does things with her mouth and fingers that she should arrest herself for. He catches her hand as she trails his chest letting her slide through his loose grip, until they fall separately, shoulders brushing.
He breathes in the heat and silence of the bedroom, stuttered lightning flashes catching at the walls and windows, her skin. His eyes trail her leg, knee bent and bare as she presses her heel into the mattress and slides higher so she can rest her head on his pillows. Another flash of lightning breaks the darkness and does nothing to calm his ragged breathing and racing heart.
Lightning and sex make her glow.
Castle turns almost tentatively and finds her staring back, liquid chocolate eyes, wide and smiling a hand dragging through her wet hair and...
Post sex Beckett is...Hot.
Beautiful but really really hot.
Messy, dishevelled and delightfully, scarily still Beckett. The vulnerability in her eyes is overpowering, breathtaking and the intensity behind it...the force of her conviction...
"I just want you."
It stuns him all over again.
Confusion starts to the mar the tenderness of her pupils and Castle reaches for her to assure her he's fine.
And she reaches for him.
Their hands lifting in a mimicry of each others movement and it makes them both look down at their own fingers. Their palms meet when their eyes lock again and they both smile, soft, as it all lingers between them.
Kate threads her fingers through Castle's, tugging him towards her and her face settles. Finding some kind of peace, contentment, in the touch of their hands. Or maybe it was the fact that they moved towards each other at the same time, the same inclination...to be close.
But questions poke at the back of his mind, making themselves known every time he replays her words, or retraces her whispered pre dawn confessions.
Knowing nothing of how she felt made him sad, petulant as he wallowed in his own misery, it hurt.
Hearing her words, her bitten cries of passion, it makes him crave it all again, it makes him needy.
"What's better wanting or needing?" He asks quietly a little taken aback as the words spill from his mind straight into the room and colliding with their blissful haze.
Oh god what did he just do?
Her eyes narrow and the smile fades.
Kate slides onto her elbow, "I just rolled off of you, literally and you want to have a philosophical debate?" She groans and covers her eyes, "This is not going to work for me."
He has her pinned under him fast, arms away from her face and it's necessary if she's thinking...
But her eyes drink him in, languid and too knowing pools of sarcasm and really Castle?
He shakes his head catching on, "You're not..."
Her hands slide up, comforting as she grazes his scalp with her nails, "Leaving? No." Kate strokes his face as he relaxes slowly on top of her. "I meant after sex. The debate..." She rolls her eyes, "For future reference anything that requires thinking...after that, does not work for me."
So many thoughts bombard his mind at once he can't quite focus on which one is more important...
After sex...
For future reference?
After that ...is she implying...?
Did he steal her ability to think coherently? Is that what she means?
Her nails skim the soft flesh of his ear in warning, and Castle realises he's smiling, gloating maybe, he doesn't care. He kisses her, feels her fingers tense before they weave through his hair again and she opens herself to it, giving in, surrendering, rising to meet him.
Kate hooks a heel to his thigh, dragging him nearer. Silk and velvet, the slide of cotton, the smell of rain and sweat.
The taste of her lips.
Castle braces himself on an elbow, leaning away as her eyes open. "What does work for you?" He questions and she grins.
"Silence."
"Liar," He puffs, wanting to roll his own eyes, maybe even pinch her ear a little. He settles for biting down on her lower lip, sucking it into his mouth and catching the wet line with his teeth.
Her long drawn out moan reverberates through his chest, echoing around the cavern of his mouth until once again he's meeting it with his own. Her high pitched keen snaking around the low rumble of pleasure that spills into her when her legs fall apart. Ankles kissing the base of his thighs, Kate leaves him with no doubt about how very close she wants him.
"If that was true we wouldn't be here," He smiles slowly, but she grins, understanding, if all she ever wanted from him was quiet he wouldn't have made it past that first week.
Way back when.
"We say a lot in silence." She counters, her eyes blazing through his like fire and he doesn't miss her meaning wouldn't have missed a second of the way they look at each other. The years spent in secretive communication, but...
"We can say more with words." He replies softly.
"Actions speak louder." And as if to prove it, she rocks her body tonguing his stubble. Letting it graze like sandpaper over her tongue, remembering the same feel over her inner thigh. Kate stutters on the images and his hands as they snake her sides, tracing the curve of her hip and dip of her spine.
"Still..." He waits her out, mouth gentle as it rests against her skin.
He craves the words like she covets the quiet and together they are finding a balance. A new kind of normal.
"Needing is..." She sighs, giving in not at all reluctantly, "uncontrollable it's inside, it coils and lurks and it can be...painful," Her hand trails his chest, sits over his heart when memory surges and she forces it aside, staying in the here and now, the brilliance of having and not the feelings of what if?
"Wanting is a choice." Kate states firmly, because that's what she did, she made a choice. "It's a conscious thought or decision, it's mulled over and pondered." She smiles, "and you play with the scenarios of how wanting and having can play out if you actually get to possess..."
"Possess?"
"That which you truly desire."
"Truly...desire?" His eyes dance, heart tripping over itself with intensity, her fingers draping themselves around his neck and pulling him closer, "You...truly desired...me?" Castle grins and waits but her eyes stay steady, no rolling, no lip biting, she just holds his gaze.
Then she shrugs.
"Eh, maybe I was just cold, wet and horny." She wriggles, tries to claim his mouth, wanting to drown out the words with unnecessary gestures, lace the tease and humour into his wonderful mouth with the press of her tongue.
But she can see exactly how unnecessary those gestures would be when laughter bursts bright and deep and forceful, straight into her face.
It doesn't mean she wants to do them any less, her heart aches with how very much she wants.
Kate huffs as he shudders above her, his open mouth falling into the sweat ladden crevice of her neck. His teeth bite down as he tries to reign it in, not wanting the hysteria to overwhelm them and he feels her tense under him, the moan that greets the slide of his teeth.
His fingers glide between them, testing, teasing and his laughter falls away when he hears her gasp, feels her shudder, "Still wet..." He breathes and her nails scratch long rough lines down his back with each curl of his fingers, "Still horny..." She doesn't deny, doesn't laugh or shrug or pull away, just rolls her hips tilting her head back and leaving the long naked length of her throat exposed, waiting for his tongue. "Never cold." He states fiercely his mouth chasing her racing pulse.
"I need you in my life, but wanting you in it?..." she breathes slowly, heavily as his fingers move again, "I...want you in it...so..."
His mouth closes over hers, his hands lifting from her hips to map her body, memorising every dip and curve. The tender skin across her stomach that ripples against his fingertips, the rib that catches his thumb, makes her arch up from the bed.
Tripping up and over her skin until he slides through her hair. "I need you in my life too Beckett." He whispers, his lips dancing across her ear, feeling her vibrate at his touch. "I want you in it, in every possible way." He finds the edge of her lips, barely touches them with his own. "I love you in my life Kate."
Her eyes blink wide and rapid in stunning disbelief and wonder.
Lucky, she feels just so...
Her mouth opens, lips part and Castle falls forward, devoid of choice, as she tries to say it back, make it known in whatever way she can. He steals her words and her kisses, letting his own leave messages in their wake.
Weaving love letters across her lips.
I know, I know, I know.