Enjoy this random story.
Disclaimer- I do not own anything from Zelda.
Once in the forest of Hyrule, there was a boy named Link and his destiny was to save the world.
"Navi The Fairy, I need you to tell Link that he has to save Hyrule." The Great Deku Tree said as he was eating a bowl of chili. "But Deku Tree, I already found the mystery mushroom from Mario!!" Navi replied.
"Navi...you are the only one who can that kid that he needs to wake up and eat some chlii with meeee- er...I mean save Hyrule from sudden destruction." The Deku Tree ate his last bit of chili.
"Fine Deku Tree, I will get him. But if he hits me, I am NOT going to make more chili for you." Navi then went to Link's house and she started singing opera. "Link Link LINK!!!! WAKE THE HECK UP!!!!"
"Wha-what!?!? What are you doing in my house and why are you yelling?" Link said as he scratched his head. "I had to tell you that you have to go inside the Deku Tree and get that stomach virus out of him. We all think it's from Queen Gohma the Drunken Parasite."
"Fine, I need a sword and sheild so I can kill it." Link said as he jumped off his bed, ready for action.
Link and Navi left the house only to find a girl with green hair running straight at them. "LINK LINK LINK!!!! I just found out that I'm a She-male!!!" Link then climbed down the ladder and then went right past the she-male. He walked to the three stones leading to the shoppe.
"Link, you need to jump across the stones." Navi said floating.
"OKAY! FINE NAVI I WILL!" Link jumped across the first two stones and then found a blue rupee hanging above his head. "SWWEEET! I GOT FIVE BUCKS!!!"
He jumped across to the last stone and entered the shoppe. Just then, he stopped dead in his tracks.
"WAIT WAIT WAIT! I GOTTA GO TAKE A DUMP!" He murmered while squatting. He ran to the back room. "HEY I FOUND FIVE BUCKS IN THE TOILET!" Link then spoke to the cashier.
"WHADDYA WANT?!" The cashier said, speaking in a New York dialect.
"I need a shield." Link replied, still squatting.
"40 bucks for the shield."
"NO PROBLEM! I can just keep going in the crapper until I get 40 bucks!" Link did so and got the wooden shield. "SWEEEET! Now I only need a sword." He said as he was holding his shield in relief.
"Y'know Link...you still need a sword." Navi blurted looking at Link with stupidity.
"Navi, I already SAID THAT JUST NOW!"
Link walked over toward the Training Grounds where he found a hole and crawled into it. "OW! Why did I get hit by a boulder!?!?" Link said as he was laying on the ground in agony.
"I don't know Link, JUST RUN!"
Link ran like the Gingerbread Man and found a chest. "HEEEYYYY NAAVVVIII!!!!! I found a CHESSSSTT!!!!!"
"Then open it..." She retorted, while filing her nails.
He opened the chest, but for some reason, it had golden neon lights shooting out the top. "SWEEEEEEEEEETTT!!!!! I GOT A SWORD!!"
Link then journeyed toward the path of The Great Deku Tree only to find a dorky kid guarding it.
"Like, Hey Link. You can't pass unless you have a swo-" Mido stopped. "...you DO have a sword and shield?"
Link pushed him out of the way and went to talk to the Deku Tree.
"Link, you can finally eat some of that chili that Navi made." The Deku Tree said as he munched on some more chili. "Y'know Deku Tree, how can you eat food like that?" Link and Navi said as they were eating some Rice Krispies.
"Y'know....I have no idea. How can I even talk either? I mean, I'm just a stupid tree!"
"Can I just kill that stupid parasite already!?!?!!?" Link interrupted.
"Okay, but I must warn you-"
"JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME KILL IT!!!!!"
"FINE!"
The Great Deku Tree's mouth opened and they both went inside.
"DANG! How big is this freaking place? It even has a giant spider web in it!" Link said as he was looking around. They both climbed up the vines onto a large cliff.
"HEYYY!!!! LINK! Want some chocolate bars?" Navi asked holding some Hershey bars.
"Heyyy.....where did you get those?" Link questioned.
"I got it from the Deku Tree....well it was behind him......okay fine, it was in his chamber pot..." Navi confessed.
"Uhh....you can eat it yourself. But just make sure you save some for the spiders."
"Why would I give it to the spiders?" Navi said as she bit into a piece of the so called 'Chocolate'.
"TRUST ME. Just save some."
Link and Navi then, jumped across another platform onto a place where some grass was.
"Oooh! GRASS SEEDS!!!" Navi squeeled, her eyes dialating.
"Why are you so stupid Navi?"
"I'm stupid right now just to look cool in front of you....derp."
"...why did you say 'derp'?" Link said, stupidly looking at her.
They both jumped across another platform and came to a door.
"LINK! You can open the door by-"
"NAVI! I KNOW HOW TO OPEN A DOOR!" He angrily interuppted. Link went through the door and found a giant stone block floating in the air.
"How is that even possible?" Link said, scratching his head in confusion. He jumped onto the floating stone block and then jumped onto a platform. He then found a chest.
"Tch, I bet this one has even MORE golden neon lights in it." Link opened the chest. "Why are these chests trying to be gangsta?" He found a slingshot inside the chest and picked it up.
"LOOK AT THIS SLINGSHOT NAVI! It's floating above my head!!!"
Link targeted a ladder that was on the wall and shot a pellet at it. The ladder fell to the ground and landed perfectly in front of the platform. "Navi....why are you green and why is there a yellow arrow pointing at your head?"
"Link, I'm part of the Northern Lights, and the arrow....I can't explain that to ya. I'm just a glowing ball."
They fell down the platform and exited through the door.
"Umm, Navi, are those spiders wearing Hollow masks from Bleach?"
"Why are you always asking me this crap?" She retorted.
"Navi, remember, I have a speech inpediment and....well sometimes I get lonely. I have ADDDDDDDDDDDD times 10 to the second power."
"Link, I don't think ADD has even been invented yet."
"How can a disbility be invented? Oh wait, I'M THE TIME TRAVLER'S WIFE!"
"Well, who's your wife in the future?"
"It's Zelda."
"How do you even know about her? The Deku Tree hasn't talked about her yet." Navi replied.
"I overheard you and the Deku Tree talking about her. Oh and when I talked about the time travler's wife....I just made that up."
"Okay? Good for you." Navi rolled her eyes.
Link then, shot the Senora Verde spiders with a pellet. "NO LINK! They're called 'Menos Grande' not 'Senora Verde!'"
"Nope. I call em' Senora Verde. Take it or leave it glo-ball."
"HEY don't make fun of my glowyness! That's racist!"
"How is that racist?"
Link then saw another chest by the web. "I bet this one has MORE golden neon lights." Link said. He opened the chest. "SWEEEEEET!! MORE GOLD LIGHTS! Who ever thought the Great Deku Tree's belly was gangsta?" He took a look at the contents of the chest and held it up away from his face.
"Navi, why is there toilet paper in the Deku Tree's stomach?"
"Link, you're onlyin his stomach right now. Wait till you poke through that giant ground web. That's where his bladder is. Why do you think there's water down there? Oh no wait, that's his uterus..."
"HE'S A GIRL!?!?!? Oh so THAT'S how Saria became a she-male...."
Link then threw the toilet paper back into the chest and walked up the vines onto another platform.
"OH MY GOSH! 411!!! GIANT SENORA VERDE SPIDERS!!!!!" Link killed them and then jumped off the platform and through the giant ground web and into the uterus.
"I can't believe I'm in a womb. What happens when the Deku Tree gets preggers? I thought he was a plant not a animal. THAT'S JUST FREAKY!"
"Hey Link, wanna know what I watched last night on T.V.? I was watching OZ and the scarecrow was talking to his friends. Then out of nowhere, this Witch came up and shanked him in the stomach and hay came out."
"What's that got to do with anything Navi?" Link asked confused.
"It came out of nowhere. I was thinking of OZ."
Link then walked onto a platform and onto a switch. A torch lit up. "Great, now the Deku Tree's uterus has fire in it? Don't tree's burn?"
"He's immune to fire Link."
Link and Navi got a deku stick and lit it on fire then burned the web blocking the door. "Oh my gosh, why is a little scrub coming out of the ground with a flower on his head? And why is he shooting nuts at me?" Link shouted as he blocked the nuts with his shield. He got his slingshot out and shot at the scrub.
"NO NO NO PLEASE MASTER! SPARE ME!"
"We're playing bowling?" Navi asked.
"NO NAVI! SHUT UP SO HE CAN TALK!"
"If you let me go, I'll tell you the secret code to get to the queen. It's 'L-I-N-K'. Don't forget!"
"That's my name...." Link remarked rolling his eyes. Then the scrub ran away. Then a door opened and they entered. They then found a platform rolling across some spikes.
"TOLD YOU IT WAS OZ." Navi said.
"Navi, you never said anything about this place being OZ. You were talking about the parody of Wizard of OZ."
Link jumped into the water, hit a switch and made his way to another platform with a block and a spider.
"OH NO! SENORA VERDE SPIDERS AGAIN! AND THIS ONE IS HUMPING THE WALL!!!" He killed the spider and made his way to the uterus main room again. He burnt the web on the ground and fell into it landing in water only to be shot by nuts again. This time it was four scrubs.
"Okay, L-I-N-K....." He murmered remembering the code.
He did the code and then the scrub opened the door leading the the Queen.
"Okay Navi, time to get out those so called 'chocolate bars'." He waved for them in his hand as the Gohma came down in front of them roaring. He then threw the "chocolate bars" into her mouth and she choked to death.
"SWEET! A HEART CONTAINER!" He took it and instantly became more stronger. He then saw blue neon lights coming out of the ground. "Dang this place is so gangsta!!!"
A/n- R&R please.