The Host Club Gone Wild
Part One: Friday Afternoon
Deep within the bowels of Ouran, Haruhi Fujioka slaved the day away at the hands of demanding teachers and equally demanding friends. The weight of the heavy books preparing her to be a brilliant lawyer harried her slender frame; the frantic tugs from the twins tossed her like a turbulent ocean; and Kyoya's mocking additions to her debt dragged her wallet to the ground.
Yet, somehow, at the end of each and every day she pushed open the opulent doors that led to Ouran's courtyard and the world beyond the flippancy and frivolity she witnessed day in and day out. Haruhi stood straight and strong as the fresh air cleansed her nose of her classmates' expensive perfumes and the spicy odor of old books. It was a crisp spring afternoon, threatening playfully to get warmer from the early summer sun. Each step she took towards the majestic wrought iron gate released stress and annoyances from her body like dying leaves from a tree. She opened her eyes and everything seemed bright.
Things should always be this peaceful, she reflected blissfully, shedding her formal blue blazer. Hints of liberation often flooded her when she was free of the article of clothing that marked her as a boy. The jacket went on, and though she wasn't a different person, everyone perceived her as one. But, as it stood, she did it for friendship now, nothing more. Yet, voluntary or no, she felt relief to be free of it at the end of the day. Here I am, she thought. It's so stressful to have to hide. But now, things are just…a little bit too quiet.
Her simplistic commute route ran through her head as she carelessly walked through the gates. Joyfully, she waved at some of the chauffer's she was familiar with. Two days of blissful weekend accompanied by her studies and her coveted bed awaited her at home.
She stepped onto the street. Before she could even turn her head in reaction to the noise, a jet black Rolls Royce skidded to the curb just before her step, causing her to fall back to the concrete with a shriek and a condemning curse.
"What's the big ideee—HEY!" Haruhi shrilled as what felt like a rich leather sack slid over her head, darkening the bright world in a single dark shadow. Over her muffled protests she heard two dreaded voices say in unison, "Got her boss!" Haruhi froze and groaned. All thoughts of a serene afternoon vanished in a sad puff of smoke now that she was in the hands of the twins.
"Well get her in, then," Tamaki's smooth voice emerged from the car's interior. Without a second thought, Hikaru and Kaoru pushed her onto the velvety seat as if she were a hardened criminal rather than their best friend.
"You guys are going to pay for this," Haruhi snarled as they snapped the door shut. She waited until the car began to roll away to rip the sack from her head. Once fresh air hit her lungs she coughed lightly, and then growled before spinning on Tamaki. She glared at the fool who was sitting complacently across from her.
"You idiot," she began heatedly, "How many times do I have to tell you not to kidnap—"
Tamaki simply raised a cool hand to command her silence, then looked down his nose at her with frighteningly critical eyes. Haruhi's insides froze; never had she seen her senpai look so severe. She quieted and sat attentively.
"You're in a lot of trouble, young lady," Tamaki said in a low voice. "Now put that bag back on and sit quietly." A slight hint of humor snuck back into his voice as Haruhi did as she was commanded with little more than a disgruntled glare. "If we are going to do this right, we must all play the part. Right?"
Haruhi groaned.
"Ok, Miss Fujioka, what do you have to say for yourself?" Kyoya Ootari mused, unseen in a dark corner. A singular lamp stand broke through the infinite black room; Haruhi winced at the brightness after she allowed the twins to remove the blindfold from her eyes. Slowly, six sets of intimidating eyes came into her view from the darkness. She scoffed and shook her head.
"All I have to say is that I think you all have finally lost your minds!" Haruhi scowled. She rose from her seat, prepared to lash out at her hidden friend when two small, sticky hands grabbed her wrists and forced her non-too gently.
"You've gone too far this time, Haru-chan," Honey squeaked before retreating once again into the unknown like a floating ghoul.
Haruhi folded her arms and rolled her eyes. She was used to role playing with these fools, but usually she got the memo. Even more often, Tamaki made sure she was the "princess" of the show. The accused seemed a little bit too drastic. "What? Did I buy you guys the wrong kind of instant coffee? Once again, if you want a specific kind then you have to go buy your own!"
"Why didn't you tell us Haruhi?" She could practically hear the twin's mischievous sneers. One said, "After all this time!"; and the other: "We trusted you."
Haruhi's eyes narrowed. This had gone far enough. "Tell you what?" Harauhi exploded. " I don't know what you are talking about and I'm sick of the games! I was actually hoping to be in bed by now, but nooo! You guys never know when to quit."
She was met by a disapproving silence. After a crisp pause, Kyoya stepped into the light, pushing up his glasses with a dainty finger. "Haruhi, why didn't you tell us we are your only friends?"
The lights turned on, but as soon as Haruhi saw her friends' faces filled with pity for her, she wished the lights had stayed off. It was just too ridiculous for her to take!
"My only friends!" she shrieked. Damn obnoxious rich people, her insides cursed. "I have lots of friends! Are you guys so conceited that you think you own me all to yourself? What about Arai! You met Arai; he's my friend."
"Wrong!" Tamaki and Hikaru snapped simultaneously. Tamaki continued, "Though spurned lovers may be defaulted into the 'friend-zone', they really belong to your awkward acquaintance category."
"What about the kids in my neighborhood! I see them almost as much as I do you guys."
Kaoru snickered. "Who are you talking about; the kid who stuck gum in your hair or your nosy landlady? Oh yeah, they just love you!"
Haruhi paled. "Uh," she stuttered weakly, "the girls at the Host Club?"
"CLIENTS!" the king and the evil doppelgangers snarled like rabid dogs.
As if her skeletal system melted into a lifeless puddle, she sunk deeper into her chair with a defeated sigh. In a civilized mien, Tamaki lowered himself on a knee next to her. Like a shining knight, he took her limp hand in his and held it close to his heart. "Dear Haruhi, you mustn't hide your truest nature from your beloved friends as you do with the world! It must be exhausting you poor thing!"
Haruhi straightened, tugging her hand away. You have no idea, she grimaced.
Tamaki went on, "Daddy tries to put you in dresses Haruhi! Daddy tries to keep his little girl just that: a little girl! But you keep resisting me to the point that Mommy says you are going to grow up," he paused for a moment as tears began to spring to his eyes, "gender confused!"
The twins wrapped their arms around a sobbing Honey and wiped the mock tears from their own eyes. "It's just so sad!" Honey wailed into Usa-chan's fluffy ears.
Haruhi almost fell out of her chair! "Gender confused," she roared, nearly causing Tamaki to shoot across the room. "You are not turning me into a dyke!" The twins covered Honey's ears defensively. "And you are the last people that I would figure to be homo-phobic!"
Kyoya stepped before Haruhi's chair, his shoes slowly clicking against the concrete. "Most certainly not, Haruhi, you are right. But as our friend we need to look out for your best interest, since you obviously cannot do so for yourself. Don't be ignorant, Haruhi," Kyoya gave her an accusing glance down from his great height. "If you spend all your time with us boys, then you have to time to be a girl. And we wouldn't be gentlemen from Ouran's acclaimed Host Club if we stood in the way of such an important feminine feat!"
"Indeed," Tamaki chirped, smacking away the dust his fine blazer accumulated from the garage corner. "Which is why, effective immediately, the Host Club will be participating in the epitome of a "girls' night". Tonight, the Host Club will have its first ever official sleepover!"