A/N: Thank you everyone for all your reviews on the last oneshot. ^^ They really got me motivated, and I've been cranking out ideas left and right thanks to them, which is kinda why it took so long to get this one up. Besides that, I've sort of gotten half of a life. I know, I know, a terrifying thought, but it was bound to happen eventually.
Anyway, this story touches a veeeery delicate subject on the internet and I'm almost positive I'll get flames for doing this. In any case, there will be more in-depth thoughts on this subject in the authors notes at the bottom. Thanks again for reading. ^^ Also, feel free to flame. If you hate it then tell me, insult me, try to piss me off. I'm curious to see how some people will take this.
Disclaimer: I'm an American, not Japanese. I am a girl, not a guy. I am a high school student, not an adult. HOW WOULD ANYONE VIEW ME AS KAZUKI TAKAHASHI!!??
Bakura was a friend of fire. He liked it, it liked him. They were a perfect match, the bright passionate flames incinerated everything in its path and Bakura murdered everything in his path. However, they were an especially good match when the fire was burning something or someone that the white-haired yami disliked.
In this case, it was a book.
Not just one book, oh no, certainly not just one. Bakura was one to go all out when he wanted something done. It was a large pile of books and book-related merchandise.
Marik was dancing around the fire with an African drum, chanting loudly and grinning like a maniac. Ryou and Malik were sitting back in lawn chairs sipping sodas as they watched Bakura feed the fire. Normally they would have disapproved of all of this, but seeing as they were all in the same boat here, they didn't mind.
Bakura was burning the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer.
It had all started that morning at the breakfast table in the Ishtar household. The four item holders had gotten off punishment early due to good behavior and manipulation through usage of the Puppy-Dog-Eyes. They were thus allowed to have a sleepover, the albinos were surprisingly thrilled at this and had come over immediately.
It was on a walk through Downtown Domino that they had decided to see the new vampire movie. It was it's last day in the theaters and everyone had been talking about it. Unfortunately, going so long without TV they were unawares of exactly what it was about, but off they went.
The poor fools...
Exactly two hours later, all four exited Theater 11 with similar horrified expressions on their faces.
"That..." Malik began, running a hand though golden locks of hair.
"Was the worst movie..." Marik and Ryou continued, pinching themselves in an attempt to wake up from the nightmare.
"Ever." Bakura finished for them, venom lacing his voice where everyone else's had held disbelief. Ryou saw the warning signs of the oncoming rant and nudged Malik's arm to warn him. Malik didn't get the warning in time to plug his ears, and thus, neither did Marik, Ryou decided to suffer with his friends and the insanity began.
"I mean," The white haired yami started. "What sort of girl is that stupid? I know girls are morons but that Bella twit was just retarded. And the vampires sparkle!? What kind of cheesy care-bears shit is that!? And since when are deadly creatures of the night flammable!?" He looked about ready to murder someone. Upon reading several good vampire books up in Ryou's attic, he had developed a sort of kinship with the mythical bloodsuckers. Perhaps over his own love of the sticky red liquid or their fondness over shadows and night, but none had gotten enough out of Bakura to know for sure.
Marik was grinning widely at this rant's beginning, he had a feeling it would go on for a while longer, so why not join in? "What about the stalking? And the obsessiveness? Or the bad acting and cheesy special effects?" He fed fuel to the the fire that was Bakura's insanity. It was a fun sport.
"Don't even get me started on those!" He snarled. "Stalking's fine when you're planning on murdering someone but in a romance? The obsessiveness was just so stupid! Who the bloody hell makes a vampire fall in love!? And if highschool was so dull, why didn't he just get a job!? What the bloody hell happened to good movies!?" He fumed, motioning wildly with his hands and catching the attention of a small group of high school girls. They looked amongst themselves for a moment before striding towards the raging albino with a look of determination on their faces.
Upon closer inspection, all three seemed to be fans of the movie and were decked in buttons, pins, shirts, necklaces, accessories, and bags displaying the face of the lead vampire Edward and his klutz of a cliche girlfriend, Bella. Two of the girls were brunette, one had on an Edward shirt and a small ring with his face on it. She appeared to be the tallest (about six feet) and was dressed casually, though her face was a mask of anger. The other brunette was about a foot shorter and much shyer, she stood a few steps behind the other girl as if hiding. She wore a modest black skirt saying 'Team Edward' on the bottom hem with an apple beside it. Her shirt was of the entire Cullen family and her hands were clasped in front of her chest, rubbing each other nervously. It was obvious she didn't want to be there.
The last of the three bothersome females was a redhead, she was about in the middle of the other two girls heights as well as the most determined of the trio. She had her hands on her hips and a stern frown on her face underneath a pair of glasses, her frown was accompanied by a glare from a pair of round gray eyes half-hidden by the glasses. It was a Friday and she appeared to have not bothered to change out of her uniform, though a Twilight messenger bag was slung over her shoulder and a variety of pins were on its strap.
"Excuse me," she hissed, not polite in the slightest despite the typical usage of the phrase. "But are you dissing Twilight?"
Bakura rounded on her, quickly followed by the others of their group. Both Marik and Bakura glared at her. "I don't see how anyone could praise such a bloody fuck-up of a movie." He growled at her.
She merely rolled her eyes at him. "It's a new take on vampires, it's just original is all. It's a step away from all those gory horror-fests that other vampire books and movies are. Sure it strayed a little from the book, but-"
"That shit-fest came from a book? Gimme the author's name and I'll gladly show them how real vampires act."
At this point it was obvious to all that a full-blown war was about to erupt, several people gathered on either side of the verbal battlefield to support their similar minded comrades. Bakura and Marik picked up on this and (through recently reopened mind-links) so did their other halves, not only that, but the plot that the two dark sides were hatching quickly invaded the other boy's minds and suddenly they joined in. While this caused a bit of an upset in the minds of all four, the dark halves were pleased to see that they would not be ratted out this time around. While they plotted, insults and points were made by both sides.
"Stephanie Meyer can't write! Stephen King even agrees with us!"
"Then he's a moron who doesn't know anything, it's extremely well written!"
"So she used a thesaurus, there wasn't even a plot!"
"Who cares, anyone can see that Edward is totally hot!"
"What does hotness have to do with anything?"
"It's just supposed to be a light read!"
"Then why does she not take criticism? And why does it carry so many hints of pedophilia?"
"Your mom carries hints of pedophilia!" (A few scuffles broke out at this particular comment while the rest of the argument continued.)
"All that's between them is a good smell and good looks, that's it!"
"But they're madly in love, that's just a bonus and a way to draw Bella into him so the plot can start!"
"What plot!?"
And so on, some of the points on both sides were rather intelligent, though many were just insults and hasty declarations with no real thought put into them. As it all went on, the Item Holders darted over to the nearest bookstore and (with a few stolen credit cards combined with some intimidation and puppy-dog eyes) bought up a large truckload of Twilight books and merchandise.
This brings us to the current situation of Marik dancing around a pile of burning books while Bakura fed the fire and Ryou and Malik looked on.
Ryou blinked from behind sunglasses, "Huh." He said, mildly disbelieving. The others looked over at him, Marik paused mid-jump and glared gravity into submission to let him stay there before looking over at the smaller of the albinos. This would cause mass pandemonium a block or two away when an old man watching a group of small children began screaming about a witch and the devil's magic, but that's another story for another time.
"What?" Bakura asked him as a book smoldered in his hand.
"Nothing." Ryou said after removing the sunglasses. "Just that we all finally agree on doing something, and it ends up to be burning books."
Malik and Marik looked at each other and Marik returned to the ground with a soft tap. "Yeah," Malik added, removing his own glasses. "That is kinda weird..."
"Completely out of character for us."
"Indeed."
The two yamis watched the exchange with mild interest before returning to their respective activities. A few minutes later, they stood gaping at a large shadow descending upon them from above.
"Aw shit..." Bakura groaned.
Above them was a large pack of Twilight fans, each armed to the teeth. Ryou and Malik were still oblivious to their presence leaving the job of rescuing up to the two dark halves. Under normal circumstances they would have hightailed it out of their or summoned a monster to ward them off using shadow magic, unfortunately being off of grounding put them on a sort of parole and they were banned from the Millennium items until further notice.
So Bakura's statement summed up their situation quite well.
The two yamis looked at each other warily before nodding, they dived for their respective hikari's and ran like there was no tomorrow, which when the circumstances were considered was a pretty accurate assumption.
The crazed pack of teens followed them, jeering and threatening the four's lives. Malik and Ryou finally caught on as a few bullets whizzed by their heads and began to run, greatly speeding up the escape.
Thus was how Ishizu found them huddled in the branches of a large oak in the park, clinging to the trunk and each other for dear life and babbling gibberish about sparkling vampires.
Her left eye twitched at the sight of her younger brother and his yami accompanied by their best friends. The combination (without proper supervision) typically resulted in a nice fat lawsuit and its brood of prison sentences and therapy bills, so she called out to them and prepared for a migraine. "Brother, please explain to me what it is this time."
Malik looked at the ground upon hearing Ishizu, and then hid behind Marik in panic. The tanned yami looked at him with a large, stupid grin on his face. "We're gonna die?" He asked, far too cheerful for the situation at hand. The hikari nodded and Marik grabbed him before scurrying up to the topmost branches. He paused on his trip and looked at Bakura, who had Ryou in a sleeper hold to keep him from panicking, and motioned for him to follow.
Ishizu tapped her foot as the darker halves scrambled up to the top of the tree in an attempt to escape her wrath. She began counting down the seconds under her breath. "Three... Two... One..." There was a cracking sound and two branches at the tip of the tree fell to the ground with a crash. Four dazed boys upon them, one of whom was grinning like a maniac. Ishizu grabbed the two biggest troublemakers by the ears and fixed Malik and Ryou (who were still on the ground) with a firm glare. "Now I ask again. What is it this time?"
The four looked at each other before chorusing with the sweetest of faces, "Nothing Ishizu."
The elder Ishtar slammed Marik and Bakura's heads together, eliciting yelps of pain from both yamis. "Care to try a different answer?" She asked none-too-sweetly, a hidden promise of pain in her words.
All the boys looked at each other, wondering who would be the first to crack under the pressure of the Older Sibling Stare of Doom.
A/N: So that's the 'delicate subject,' Twilight and it's cult-like followers. This was sort of inspired by the anti-twilight forum here on ff(.)net and a particular thread on it. That thing about Steven King is in essence a paraphrased little something I saw a Twilight lover put on there as an argument (sort of) for the book. I know that's not what every person who loves the series is like, but if you take a step back and take away the 'love' ideal that's plastered on there, what exactly is the theme of Twilight? Is there any symbolism?
I'm not trying to murder it, hell, I read the entire series in a little under a week and liked it plenty before I went back to reread it a little while later. You have to take a step back from the worship and analyze the book and the message it gives (unless it's total crack like the above story) S. Meyer made a bestseller, but that doesn't mean it's the greatest series of all time. Honestly, it's not the book of the century. There are many more reasons than just those stated in this that it's not a great series. Google search if you don't believe me.
Anyway, thanks to Got No Trouble With Tribbles for helping feed my first (passable) multi-chapter plot bunny, you rule!
Lastly, I know the fans are stereotyped. This is because all the people I know who like it aren't worshipers of the series, they at least want something to change. (For example, an actual description of Edward. All we get is a vague notion and the description of 'hot' that's all. 'Hotness' is relative Ms. Meyer, someone didn't do their homework.)
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