Lady Grantham stood a few feet in front of Carson, her hands clasped in front of her, her fingers absentmindedly twisting her wedding ring around her finger. They'd been stood outside for nearly ten minutes and Carson could tell that the wait was making her impatient. Her ladyship had waited for three years for his lordship's permanent return from the front and no doubt those ten minutes had felt like hours.
Carson could feel the chilly wind whipping around them and he watches as her ladyship shivers, he can hear the chattering of her teeth from where he stands. But, despite the cold her ladyship's eyes stay fixed on the end of the driveway and he feels warm, knowing that true love does exist. A wide smile spreads across her ladyship's face. A smile Carson hasn't seen in a very long time. A smile that can only mean one thing: the car carrying his lordship home has just turned into the driveway.
The car stops and Carson smiles to himself as the new footman opens he door for his lordship with practiced precision and then proceeds to take the luggage from the back, but Carson's attention is quickly taken by the scene unravelling before him, a scene that almost seems to run in slow motion. Lord and Lady Grantham gravitate towards each other, neither of them looking anywhere but at each other. His Lordship's hands slip with perfected precision around her ladyship's waist and hers slide up his lapel, smoothing invisible creases, before one of them delves into his hair. The lips convey the words they don't speak.
In normal circumstances Carson would have left the room in which Lord and Lady Grantham were up to such inappropriate activities with mumbles of "what's happened to propriety around here?" But today he watches in total contentment. It's good, he realises to have a loving couple at the heart of Downton and in such a prominent position in the area and society. He'd rather see things he shouldn't than be covering up trials of their lovers and mistresses and delivering scandalous love letters; not that he hadn't done a fair share of that in the last three years. He had after all seen her ladyship blushing over such letters but, as far as he was concerned a husband sending a scandalous love letter is quite acceptable.
The couple break apart before him and neither seems embarrassed, despite all the downstairs staff having just witnessed their kiss. For this, he's pleased, they shouldn't be embarrassed about being in love. Her ladyship speaks for the first time during the exchange and Carson can just about depict the words "I missed you so much darling. I love you." Carson struggles to keep his poker face expression in place, all he feels like doing is letting a warm smile spread over his face, if only he thinks, there was such a woman who would love me and that I could love as much as Lord and Lady Grantham love each other. Carson hears his lordship mutter his own affectionate "I love you too," accompanied by a quick kiss before Lady Mary and Lady Edith come bounding out the front door into his lordship's waiting arms.
"Papa, we've missed you terribly," eleven year old Mary cries, Carson smiles. At eleven Lady Mary is becoming a fine young woman. Although perhaps her unladylike jump into his lordship's arms would not please the Dowager, he thinks it's all very loving and proves the Crawley's to be a happy family. He watches his lordship wince as he lifts his eldest daughter into his arms. He remembers with regret that apart from odd weeks of leave his lordship has missed three years of his children's life's, three years in which they've all changed so very much.
Lady Edith stretches out her arms to her father now exclaiming: "When Mama told us you were coming home we were all so very pleased." His lordship manages, much to Carson's amazement to lift his ten-year-old daughter into his arms as well and kiss them each on the cheek. His lordship's eyes then widen as the Dowager steps out of the front door, Lady Sybil at her side. He lowers his two eldest daughters to the ground, his eyes never leaving Lady Sybil's. She runs into her father's arms and plasters him with kisses. Carson feels a warm smile spread over his face and water fill his eyes. Lady Sybil was merely three when his lordship left and had seen him only a couple of times on leave. This was mainly due to her ladyship staying with his lordship in London during his leave, the reason being not to upset their children by constantly having to say goodbye to him again. Carson also realised that this allowed the young couple more privacy but he wasn't about to argue with that, they were after all correct in their thoughts to try and save the young lady's more grief. This made the exchange before him heart-wrenching, a six-year old girl plastering her father, a father she barely knew, with kisses was a joy, pure joy.
"I'm so pleased you're home." Lady Sybil squeals, "Not just for me but for Mama too. She's been sleeping on a chair in my bedroom since you left the last time. She said it was because she wanted to be there is I woke in the night but-" Carson doesn't hear what else she says, he just watches the pain and embarrassment that covers her ladyship's face, and the tears that fill her eyes as his lordship turns imploringly towards her, asking her with his eyes what Sybil means. Lady Sybil's shrill voice stop as her ladyship speaks.
"I'm just going to go and finish a letter I need to send in the evening post. It shouldn't take long. I'll meet you in the library the girls have something to show you." Carson can detect the lie, so his lordship must have done. Her ladyship has no letter to write, she is just about to burst into tears, no doubt from embarrassment, her youngest daughter has just announced to everyone that she is unable to sleep without her husband. Any servant that didn't know, which wasn't very many of them, now knew and she was probably mortified. His lordship stares blankly after her obviously not quite realising her reason for distress.
"Papa, are you listening?" Lady Sybil's shrill voice breaks not only his lordship from his reverie but Carson also. "But, you see Papa, I don't think Mama slept on the chair in my room because she wanted to be there if I woke. I think it was because she couldn't sleep in her room without you." Carson sees his lordship gulp as realisation hits him. Carson also gulps, how clever of Lady Sybil to have seen through her mother. His lordship lowers Lady Sybil to the ground.
"I'm sure it was because she was worried about you waking up. Mama wouldn't lie to you." But Carson knows Lady Sybil and his lordship both know that he's the one lying. His lordship exchanges a quick glance with his mother who still stands on the steps. She quickly takes the hint and gathers her heir of superiority, something that had gone astray since his lordship had been away, no doubt because she had been warned by her son not to make his wife's life any harder than it was going to be.
"How about you girls come with me and check everything is set up in the library while your father goes and freshens up from his travelling." The young ladies run, laughing inside. His lordship approaches his mother. Carson signals for the servants to depart. Carson steps inside the house after his lordship so he can close the doors behind him. He can't help overhearing the discussion he has with the Dowager, he starts by inquiring about her ladyship.
"Has Cora been really bad while I've been away? Is what Sybil said true?" His concern doesn't surprise Carson, his lordship is deep down a very emotional person and one who worries endlessly about his wife, particularly when she is ill, upset or pregnant.
"Of course she's been bad Robert. You've been fighting for your life. What did you expect, for her to sit around all day and not think about the fact she might never see you again? She spent hours with the girls, purely to stop herself from crying all day. Yes, what Sybil said is true." The Dowager replies honestly. She no doubt wants his lordship to realise that before he does anything else in his life he needs to bring his wife's confidence back, he needs to help her with the children, he needs to dedicate as much of his day to her and he needs to get her sleeping through the night again. Although Carson thinks that perhaps that last one won't rectify itself for a couple of weeks. On the other hand, anything is better than her walking the corridors at night and most of the early morning like a ghost before falling asleep at around four on the chair in Lady Sybil's bedroom. She'd be up again at eight, breakfasting downstairs in his lordship's absence rather than in bed, to avoid the loneliness and happy memories of his lordship that plaque her in her bedroom. The servants had all noticed her new routine but nobody said anything, most felt sorry for her, others liked the fact it proved she was happily married, as for where Carson stood, he didn't know. He was pleased that they were happy but sometimes he was jealous. He'd set his life in service and wasn't going to give that up for love but he thought it would have been nice to have experienced that feeling. As for feeling sorry for her ladyship, that feeling was mixed: yes, because it must be dreadful not knowing if someone you love is going to return to you. But in other ways, no, she had a house, plenty of money and three wonderful daughters, not many women could boast that.
The way she threw her time at her children while his lordship had been away was admirable. Every spare minute since the first days his lordship had left three years ago had been spent in the nursery. Carson and all the other servants knew, as did the Dowager that this was as much to fill free time in which her thoughts would wander to her absent husband as it was a strong desire to spend time with her girls. Her ladyship had always been a devoted mother and very hands on, but the last three years has been beyond that: picnics, trips to London, raiding the kitchens at night when one of them woke up hungry, even dismissing Lady Sybil's nanny before Lady Sybil was due to start with the governess, meaning she spent twenty four hours a day, for almost a year, with her youngest daughter. Not that it had affected the girl, Lady Sybil was bright and sparky and very like her ladyship. There was only one thing that she wouldn't tell the young ladies and that was stories about their father. Whenever they asked her she would be heard saying "How about you wait until he gets home and then he can tell you himself." They knew however that she was just trying to stay strong, to keep hoping.
He returns absentmindedly to the servants hall and collects the tray of tea that her ladyship ordered for this time in the library. She even joked that "His lordship might need something stronger, I'm not sure how a day of travelling and then his daughters array of handmade gifts and a play is going to mix." Carson had laughed, a smile brought to his face from the pure joy that radiated from her, pure joy that hadn't been there for three years. Now, as he carries the tray upstairs he imagines the scene that will greet him in the library. The sound of her ladyship's laugh probably coupled with her husband's as they sit and watch the play the young ladies had prepared for them, probably holding hands. Carson himself had been lucky enough to have seen the dress rehearsal of the play, Lady Mary had after all 'cordially' invited him.
But, the sight that meets him as he walks into the library was not as he'd just imagined. Instead, the Dowager is sat trying to speak sensibly to three young ladies as they throw costumes around and the two elder ones bicker over how best to arrange their handmade gifts. Both Lady Edith and Lady Mary think that their gift should have pride of place in the centre of the table. Lord and Lady Grantham are nowhere to be seen.
"Ah, Carson, there you are." The Dowager's commanding voice could easily be heard over the bickering of the young ladies. "Can you go and find Lord and Lady Grantham, it appears I'm too old for controlling children."
"Of course m'lady at the risk of being impertinent may I suggest something to the young ladies?"
"Goodness Carson, of course, particularly if it will stop them from bickering." He puts the tea tray down and heads over to where Lady Mary and Lady Edith are still arguing over the layout of the presents.
"M'ladies, might I suggest you put Lady Sybil's gift in the centre of the table. And then I think you should neatly fold up the costumes you do not need until later in the play into three neat piles, one for each of you. Finally, you should sit quietly and talk with your grandmother until your parent's come back. You want to show what grown up girls you have become since your father left." The girls nod and set to their tasks, their earlier disagreement evaporated. The Dowager gives Carson a grin and a nod of the head, proving her satisfaction at his impertinence. This grin and nod of the head mean much to Carson. They make his day, they prove to him that these people are his family and this is his home as much as theirs.
He strolls from the room, a spring in his step, in search of Lord and Lady Grantham, or as they are nicknamed downstairs, the 'lovebirds.' He smirks to himself, that they most certainly are. Although, he fears that today will not be one of those day in which he has to knock loudly and try not to turn crimson as he happens upon the couple. He's fully aware that Lady Grantham left the side of her beloved husband only minutes after his return because she was close to tears. He only hoped that when Lord Grantham had abandoned his mother with his children he'd managed to find Lady Grantham and comfort her.
He walks along the gallery in the direction of Lady Grantham's bedroom, the first place, he thinks she'd go to be alone. Sure enough, as he draws near the door to knock he hears muffled sobs, she's still crying then.
He sighs, about to turn and relay the news to the Dowager when he notices the door has been left slightly ajar. Through it he can see Lord and Lady Grantham sat on the chaise longue, both their backs to the door. Curiosity gets the better of him as he watches Lord Grantham gently massaging his wife's shoulders and embed kisses into her hair. His love expressed merely in tiny actions transfixes Carson. Equally transfixing is her ladyship's sorrow. Everyone from the Dowager to the scullery maid presumed his lordship's return would result in an easier and happier time for her ladyship, but it appeared not.
"I don't like seeing you like this, my dear, particularly when I've been away for so long. Now, come on, what's the matter?" Carson very nearly gives away his position at the door as his lordship speaks, such a loud sound against her ladyship's continuing sobs. Her ladyship doesn't reply and Carson realises, despite no personal experience in matters of love or marriage, that she wants her husband to guess what the problem is, and thus prove he's been paying attention to her in the short time he's been home. His lordship, Carson is pleased to observe, seems to realise this also. "If this is to do with what Sybil said-" Her Ladyship's sobs seize only to be replaced by her tearful, distraught voice.
"The servants, everyone, must think I'm so weak; Lady Grantham the woman who can't sleep without her husband." She begins sobbing again, causing his lordship to pull her closer to him.
"My dear, youre not weak, nobody would think that. The servants know you've only been putting on a brave face for the girls. Everyone understands that you were trying to distract yourself from the fact that your beloved husband was fighting for his life and that he may not win that battle." Carson's eyes stay transfixed on the scene before him. His lordship is correct the servants all understood her ladyship's methods of distraction and the reason for her lack of sleep, but none of them judged her for it. It wasn't even talked of, it was just a new routine , something as servants you note but don't comment upon. As far as Carson was concerned anyone who had dared utter a word about her ladyship's inability to sleep without her husband would have been dismissed immediately. His lordship strokes his wife's cheek and rubs her shoulder before planting another kiss in her hair, all of which Carson watches with a tinge of jealousy, how nice it must be to be loved.
"It's not that the servants know, I couldn't care less what they think." Usually Carson would have found such a comment from Lady Grantham a little bit snobby, the family downstairs are after all running their house and looking after them. But today he doesn't care, today he just wants to see her ladyship smile, that same smile that covered her face when his lordship's car turned into the driveway about forty minutes earlier. "But the girls...they must look at me and think I'm so weak; a mother who can't sleep without their father. What a joke."
"My dear, I think they admire you for it. I think they're thankful for how strong you've been, how much time you've spent with them, even when they knew you were missing me."
"You really think that?" There's hope in her ladyship's voice which relieves Carson, the first glimmer of possibility.
"Yes I do. The girls probably expected you to avoid them and keep yourself to yourself when I went away. But you didn't, you spent even more time with them. And, if it means anything, I'm immensely proud of you. You've stayed strong while I've been gone; you've looked after my girls and taught them how to be strong in the race of uncertainty. And I'll tell you now, there's not a man out there who's as proud of his wife as I am." Carson's cheeks are wet and he looks up thinking perhaps there is a leak in the ceiling only to discover that the source of the water is himself. It appears his lordship's words had touched him almost as much as they'd touched her ladyship, who was presently being kissed senseless by her husband. Carson turns away, not wishing to intrude on their private moment any longer. His cheeks are still wet and it pleases him that they are. His tears signify his love for the family. His family.