A/N: Just a quick one-shot I wrote while taking a small break from my other fic, Show Me. (Sorry if you're waiting for that one. I promise I'll update soon!)
Mild swearing, and a mention of sex right near the beginning of this story, just so you all know.
Have you ever woken up with a terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach? That feeling where you just know it's going to be a horrible day, but don't know why? I had that once.
It was a normal morning as far as I could tell. I went down to breakfast, and sat with my friends.
"Morning," I said to them, and surveyed the room. Nothing seemed out of place.
"Have you seen Julie today? I need to ask her if we're still on for later," Sirius said.
"Julie who?" Remus asked him. Sirius looked at him as if he were crazy.
"Remus," he said, shaking his head. "I'm going to have sex with her in a broom closet. Not buy her flowers and take her out to dinner. I don't need or want to know her last name. I'm not like ol' Prongs here who's been pining after the same girl for years to no avail. I do a girl, and then get rid of her."
Remus just rolled his eyes and went back to eating, while I looked away. Sirius didn't understand why I still loved Lily after so much rejection, and I didn't think he ever would, so I usually just ignored his comments.
After breakfast, I went to my first class, Defense Against the Dark Arts, where we rigorously prepared for our upcoming N.E.W.T.s. It was sometime during that class that I noticed Lily and her two best friends weren't there. I didn't really think much of it then; I thought they were just skipping class or something. By the time I went down to lunch though, I was worried. I still hadn't seen Lily all day so far. Or her best friends, Alice and Charlotte, for that matter. I scoured the Great Hall for any sign of them, but found none. Alice's boyfriend, Frank, was sitting alone, which meant Alice definitely wasn't in here. She always sat with him.
"Do you know where Lily is?" I asked my friends. They all shook their heads.
Just as I was about to get up and search, Alice walked into the Great Hall. When I saw her face, I knew something was terribly wrong. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were tear stained. I quickly walked over to her and asked her where Lily was. She burst into tears at the mention of Lily's name. Frank suddenly appeared and put his arm around Alice. He looked at me sadly.
"Lily is in the hospital-wing," he told me.
I ran faster than I thought possible, and burst into the hospital-wing. An array of teachers turned in my direction, but I ignored them, and walked forward while the dread grew inside me. I finally came to Lily's bed. She was laying there, unconscious. Her skin was an unnatural shade of white, and she looked smaller than usual.
"Mr. Potter," a voice said next to me. I turned to see it was McGonagall. "You shouldn't be in here. You need to leave."
"What's wrong with her?" I asked, my voice breaking.
"Mr. Potter, I must ask you to lea-"
"What's wrong with her!?" I shouted. McGonagall looked taken aback.
"Please tell me," I whispered, and McGonagall's eyes softened with understanding.
"She has a disease. A rare blood disease. We have no magical remedy to cure it," she finally told me. I closed my eyes, prepared for her next words.
"It's fatal," she said.
I guess I wasn't as prepared as I thought. I don't really remember much of the next few hours, but they told me I fell to my knees and cried for a long time. They said I wouldn't let anyone touch me, and I wouldn't respond to anyone talking to me. Sometime after I stopped crying, I guess I crawled onto Lily's bed and laid next to her, my head on her shoulder and my arm over her stomach.
The next thing I remember clearly was my friends. They came to the hospital-wing after they found out about Lily. They knew I would be here, with her. They all looked incredibly sad, but managed to hold it together, for my sake, I was pretty sure.
"Here," Sirius said, handing me a napkin of food.
"Don't want it," I mumbled.
"James, you have to eat," Remus said, but he didn't force the subject further; he just set the napkin on the bed stand beside me. I nodded in acknowledgement.
They left after that, and I was left alone with Lily. The teachers had already cleared out, though I couldn't remember when. I listened to her shallow breathing, and felt tears threatening to spill again.
"Oh god, Lily. How the hell am I supposed to live without you?"
I woke up the next morning, still in Lily's bed. Madam Pomfrey was there, checking on Lily. She didn't say anything, but I saw the look of pity she gave me, and I knew that I would be allowed to stay, purely out of pity. I looked at Lily, and almost broke down again. She looked so much worse than yesterday. Her cheeks were sunken in, and somehow, she was even whiter than before.
"Madam Pomfrey?" I whispered, dreading my next question. But I needed to know.
"Yes?"
"How long? How long until-" I couldn't finish. She cast her eyes to the floor. Finally, she looked back up at me.
"Three days, at most."
I took a few deep breaths in attempt to calm myself. Three days. The girl I'd been in love with for years was going to die in three days. My deep breaths turned into ragged ones as I thought about life without her. A life like that didn't really seem like a life at all.
The day passed slowly. Both Lily's friends and mine came and went. Teachers came, a doctor came, the headmaster came, and one by one, they all left. I was the only one that stayed.
That night, I fell asleep and dreamed about Lily. I dreamed that she was cured. I dreamed that she told me she loved me. I dreamed about all the things I wished we could have done. But then I woke up. And I looked at the girl I loved that now had two days to live.
The day was much like the last. It passed slowly. People came, people left. At one point, Remus and Sirius came by. They brought me more food, and this time, would not leave until I ate it. I must have looked awful, because Remus suggested I go shower and walk a bit. I was reluctant to leave Lily, but Madam Pomfrey assured me that she would still be there when I got back.
"We'll stay right here, mate," Sirius said to me, taking a seat on the end of her bed while Remus sat in the chair beside her. I nodded, and walked briskly to the bathroom.
When I looked in the mirror, I saw how terrible I did look. There were huge bags under my rid rimmed eyes, and I looked a bit pale. After taking a quick shower, I walked just outside the main doors where the sunset was bouncing brilliant colors off the lake. I breathed deeply, taking in the fresh air. I didn't stray long though; I was too worried about Lily. I walked quickly to the hospital-wing and settled back beside Lily on the bed. Just as Remus and Sirius were about to leave, Sirius turned to me.
"I'm sorry, mate. I'm sorry for all the stupid comments I've made about you and Lily these past years. I think I finally understand."
"Understand what?" I asked.
"What real love is." He walked away before I had a chance to answer.
I stayed awake for a while longer, well into the night. I tried not to let my mind wander too much, but I couldn't stop it. I thought of Lily when she was happy. I thought of her bright smile. It was the kind of smile that made everyone who saw it smile in return. I thought of her laugh. If you made her laugh too hard, she would snort just a little, which only made her laugh harder. Mostly, I thought of her eyes. They would always betray her emotions no matter how blank her face became. I drifted to sleep, still thinking about Lily, and I dreamed about her again; the exact same dream I had dreamed the night before.
Reality- in the form of a loud doctor-woke me up. He was looking at some test results, muttering to himself with a confused expression on his face.
"What is it?" I asked nervously. He looked up, startled to see I was awake.
"I'm not sure. It seems as if..." He shook his head, as if what he was thinking had been utterly ridiculous. "I need to run more tests."
He left without another word. Throughout the day, he would come back and run more tests, looking confused all the while. I wanted to know what was going on, but every time I asked, he would ignore me or wave away my question, so I stopped asking. I figured he needed to concentrate anyway.
By nightfall though, he didn't seem to have anything figured out.
"I'll be back tomorrow," I overheard him saying to Madam Pomfrey.
"Will she make it until then?" she whispered back, concern clear in her voice. It was silent for a moment.
"I'm hoping," the doctor replied finally.
He left, and Madam Pomfrey went to her bedchamber around the corner from the hospital-wing. I looked at Lily in the pale moonlight, and that's when the realization fully hit me. This could be my last night with her.
I began talking to Lily, telling her what had gone on the past few days. I vaguely remembered someone telling me once that people in a coma could hear the people around them. But I didn't really believe it. I talked to Lily because it was easier for me that way. It helped me cope. I told her all the things I had never had the courage to before.
"I remember the first time I ever saw you. In the train compartment on our way to Hogwarts for the first time. You were sitting there alone, crying against the window. I remember wishing there was something I could do to make you feel better. Sirius came in, and I thought, maybe if we talked about something funny, you would laugh or at least smile. But you didn't. And then Sniv- I mean, Snape came in, and he made you smile in a matter of minutes. I was so jealous. That's why I always picked on him, you know. Because I was jealous that he got to have you, even as a friend, when I didn't at all.
And the first time I realized I loved you. It was in third year. That was the day I asked you out for the first time. In the Great Hall, remember? You threw a glass of pumpkin juice at my head, and told me 'never in a million years!' I laughed it off in front of you, but I was really crushed. I don't think you realized how much I cared about you. How much I still care about you.
And that day after the O.W.L.s. When you called me an 'arrogant, bully toe-rag'. That was a wakeup call for me. I only ever showed off for you. The Snitch, hexing people, running my hands through my hair... It was all to get your attention. And then to find out that you hated it. That was a hard blow. But it made me realize how stupid I was being. How could I have ever thought you would fall for that bullshit? You, who went out of your way to help others, who would cheer others up when they were upset, who always did what was right... You could never love someone who acted like I had.
So, I changed. When we came back our sixth year, I hoped you would notice how mature I had become. I think you did, because we never argued that year. Not even once. And you talked to me as if you didn't hate me. We even started to become friends. In half a year, I made more improvement with you than I had the entire three years previous. I was so much happier. And it just got better as time went on. It didn't feel so hopeless anymore. It seemed like, maybe, I would actually have a chance to be with you.
Then, this year, I thought you were giving me signs that you wanted to be with me. So I asked you out for the first time since the O.W.L.s day in fifth year. But you said no. That was the worst rejection. It killed me knowing that you like me as a friend, but nothing more. You seemed so sad when you told me no; you probably knew it would break my heart..." I stopped talking. There was nothing more I had to say to her.
I closed my eyes, and hoped that sleep would take me. I didn't want to watch her fade away anymore. I didn't want to hear her breathing stop. I didn't want to be awake when it happened. The fates granted me that one small wish and I fell into a restless sleep.
I awoke to a peculiar weight on my chest. Groggily opening my eyes, I looked down. Lily's head was lying on my chest. Her finger was tracing lazy circles on the exposed skin of my stomach where my shirt had ridden up. I closed my eyes, just taking in the feeling of this. It was an excellent dream.
When I opened my eyes again, Dream Lily was staring back at me. She gave me a weak smile, which I returned.
"I have to say, I expected you to have a bit more of a reaction," she said, giving me a puzzled look.
"Reaction to what?" I asked, wondering why Dream Lily was giving me such a strange look.
"Me being awake..." she said slowly. I sighed.
"Because I know it's just a dream. In reality, you're probably-" I stopped short, taking a ragged breath. It was too painful for me to say, even in a dream. A look of understanding dawned on Dream Lily's face.
"James," she said, struggling to sit up, "You aren't dreaming. I'm really here. I'm really awake. I'm not dead," she told me, and I wanted to believe her so badly. I searched her eyes for some kind of verification that this was real, but found none.
"This will prove it to you," she said. She leaned in, and kissed me full on the lips. That's when I believed her. After imagining this moment for years, I knew that this was no dream or fantasy. They would never be able to compare to this, the real thing. She pulled away, and I looked at her as if I were seeing her for the first time. I hesitantly reached my hand up and stroked her face.
"Lily," I breathed. Then I smiled so big I was sure I looked ridiculous, but I didn't care. Lily was awake!
"That was more the reaction I was looking for," she said, as she smiled at me.
"You're awake!" I shouted.
"It's a miracle, really," the doctor said, coming from around the curtain to the bed. "537 cases reported since the start of the 20th century, and she is the only one to have survived it. How are you feeling, Lily?"
"Okay. Really tired, and a bit weak, but otherwise fine."
"Wait," I said, still not comprehending, "the disease is gone?"
"Completely. I noticed it yesterday, but the number of replenished healthy cells was barely significant, so I couldn't be sure. Somehow, overnight, all the diseased cells disappeared. Strange, really," the doctor said.
Madam Pomfrey came scurrying over to Lily's bed, carrying a big bowl of something steaming.
"Here, try and eat this. It will help," she said, handing it to Lily. Lily took it, but I could tell the weight was too much for her. I gently pulled it out of Lily's hands, and held it up so she could spoon some of the liquid into her mouth.
Almost as soon as she finished, Alice came running in, with Charlotte following close behind.
"LILY!" Alice screamed, giving Lily a big hug.
"Oh my god, Lily!" Charlotte exclaimed, and reached for a hug as well. I thought I should let them have their time with Lily, so I got up to leave.
"I'll be back soon," I promised. I headed to my dormitory first, wanting to tell my friends the news. When I walked in, I smiled and greeted them brightly. All three boys turned to look at me with concerned expressions.
"Erm... Are you alright?" Sirius asked me. I couldn't help but chuckle at my friends' expressions.
"Lily is okay," I told them excitedly. "Her disease is gone!" Sirius' concerned expression turned into one of pure happiness, Remus breathed a sigh of relief, then smiled, and Peter gasped and clapped his hands happily.
"Thank god! I thought you were off your rocker when you came in here, smiling like that!" Sirius said, and we all laughed. After a few minutes, I went to take a shower, and then headed back to the hospital-wing. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were already down there, talking to Lily. I slid easily next to Lily on the bed, and she smiled at me. Before I had a chance to say anything, Madam Pomfrey came in.
"Alright, everyone out. Lily needs to rest now. That means you too, James."
"I want James to stay," Lily said quickly. I looked at her, surprised. Madam Pomfrey seemed unsure of whether to let me stay or not, but finally allowed me to.
"Everyone else out!" she said sternly. Sirius gave me a thumbs up before leaving, which I just rolled my eyes at.
Once everyone was gone, Lily snuggled up to me.
"I heard you talking," she said as she leaned against my shoulder. I froze, hoping it wasn't what I thought it would be.
"When?"
"When I was sick. I heard you telling me about the memories you have of us. Like when you first saw me, and when you asked me out for the first time..." she trailed off.
"Oh," I said, feeling my face heat up with embarrassment.
"You said you noticed how sad I was when you asked me out the last time. I want you to why. It wasn't because I was breaking your heart, James. It was because I was breaking mine. "
"Yours?" I asked, unsure of what she meant. She took a deep breath.
"I found out I was sick the day before we came back to Hogwarts. The doctor who diagnosed me told me not to go back to school. He said I should live life until I couldn't anymore. But I was selfish. I knew my sister didn't want me around, and without my parents, there would be no one to force her to let me stay. So, I came back here because I didn't want to die alone. It was all right for a while. But then I started to fall for you. I tried to hide it, but you noticed anyway. And you asked me out. How could I have said yes when I knew I would die within a few months? So I told you no, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I had to say no then. But now I don't have to. I love you, James."
For the second time that day, I smiled a ridiculously big smile.
"I love you, too!" I nearly shouted. Lily laughed at my enthusiasm. We simultaneously leaned in, and our lips met. Somehow, it was better than the first time. My head became clouded, but I managed to hang on to one clear thought: Lily loved me. She pulled away entirely too soon.
When she smiled at me, I could see the tiredness in her eyes.
"Let's sleep," I suggested, and she nodded her head, snuggling up to me again. We both fell into a restful sleep. Voices woke me up the next morning.
"There is no explanation," the doctor was saying behind the curtain.
"Oh, there is. It is just often times overlooked or dismissed as irrelevant." The second voice unmistakably belonged to Dumbledore.
"What is it?"
"Love," Dumbledore stated.
"Love?" The doctor clearly thought Dumbledore was insane for suggesting such a ridiculous notion.
"Yes, love," Dumbledore continued, seemingly unfazed by the doctor's disbelief. "It is more powerful than any magic I have ever known. You say there is no explanation as to why Lily's disease disappeared, but there is. That boy lying next to Lily is the reason she is alive. The two have a love so strong, it gave Lily the strength to fight off a fatal disease."
"Surely you must be joking," the doctor said incredulously.
"On the contrary. I am quite serious. Now, if you will excuse me, I have important headmaster business to attend to."
I heard retreating footsteps that I assumed belonged to Dumbledore. I thought about what he had said. Was our love really the reason Lily was alive? I looked over at her and was startled to see she was awake.
"He's right, you know," Lily said, looking at me earnestly.
"He is?"
"Yeah. When you were talking to me, I knew I had to fight as hard as I possibly could to be with you. And I guess it worked."
I looked into Lily's eyes, and I suddenly knew everything would be okay. We were going to be together. We were going to get married, have kids, and grow old together. I could only hope that someday, our children would understand how powerful love is, and that they never took it for granted. Because love can save a life.
Sorry if the end was cliché. Reviews are appreciated!