You Are The Reason For The Words 'What If'

Written by WickedSong

Disclaimer : Glee belongs to FOX (I would not have firetrucked up as much as they have now, if I owned it, but more on that in my author's note at the end), and 'If I Knew Then' is the song used, performed by the wonderful Lady Antebellum and originally from their album 'Need You Now' so I do not own that either.

This was it. The New Directions were at Nationals, ready to perform, ready to take the judges by surprise and win this whole thing. It had been a year since they had performed on this stage and while members had came and went their resolve to win had simply grown stronger and stronger until finally they were sitting in the audience watching the other choirs before their own.

Mercedes leaned back in her seat, smiling, as she gripped her boyfriend's hand. Shane smiled back at her, telling her, reassuring her, "We'll be great," before returning his attention back to the stage, where the curtain for another choir would be going up in only a moment's time. As she continued to hold his hand, Mercedes thought about Shane and how the two had met in the last month of summer at Breadstix, with Kurt encouraging her to give him her number. Shane was tall, chocolate skinned, with piercing blue eyes and brown hair which was cut short.

They had went on three dates before they had taken the titles of boyfriend and girlfriend to one another and her surprise was very evident when he arrived on the first day of the new school year to Glee Club, auditioning. He had a great voice and could play guitar, something which she found undoubtedly sexy.

Everything, you could say, was perfect and yet...

Yet there was always a voice in the back of her head, which continued to pester her with the what ifs, the what could have been. She didn't entertain that voice often. Going into the past and the first weeks of the summer of 2011 did nothing but bring up old hurt.

She had Shane, she should have been, in no way thinking of anyone else, no matter how adorable, or dorky, or gentlemanly, or good-hearted this someone else had been.

"All the way from Nashville, Tennessee, please welcome, the Country Courters!" the announcer shouted and a polite round of applause went up as a boy walked onto the stage, back turned.

As he began to play the guitar slung around his shoulder, he turned, "The first time that I saw you looking like you did, we were young, we were restless, just two clueless kids, if I knew then, what I know now, I'd fall in love."

A collective gasp was heard throughout the New Directions and Mercedes, who hadn't dared looked up at the stage, as the voice she recongised began singing did so for the first time, and even though the hair was shorter and not as blonde as before, she recognised him immediately, and she would deny it, but her heart did a little jump.

"On a bus in Chicago, three rows to the left, you know my heart was racing for you, we'd never even met, if I knew then, what I know now, I'd fall in love."

"Is that-"

"It can't be-"

"It is-"

"So that's where he went," said Finn, who sat behind Mercedes, as Sam Evans continued to play his guitar and sing.

"Cause love only comes, once in a while, knocks on your door, throws you a smile, takes every breath, leaves every scar, speaks to your soul, and sings to your heart, and if I knew then, what I know now, I'd fall in love."

Mercedes couldn't listen to the song, she didn't even hear Shane when he asked if she was okay, as the grip on his hand she had been holding so tightly slackened. All she could was think that Sam was there. That adorable, dorky, gentlemanly, good-hearted guy she had opened up her heart to briefly was standing on stage and it was affecting her.

It was definitely affecting her as she felt her pulse speed up, her palms become sweaty. She tried to think rationally. She hadn't seen this guy in a year, and now she was becoming a nervous wreck just staring at him as he sang a slow country song on stage.

They had only dated officially, or as officially as a secret relationship which they had both wanted it to be at that point, for three weeks. But she remembered that it seemed longer than that, their relationship building at prom, into something that went past friendship and being in Glee together.

Then his family had been kicked out of their motel room mercilessly by the owner because they couldn't keep up with the rent in their financial situation. That day they had to pack up their belongings, get into their car, and head for Tennessee to stay with family as they had no other choice. He had come by personally to tell her that. They mutually decided that they would just pretend that nothing ever happened but that logic was harder and harder to see now that he was right there, in front of her, singing a song about second chances in love.

"Oh, I used up a lot of chances, I can't get them back, but if again it comes calling, I'm going to make it last, cause love only comes, once in a while, knocks on your door, throws you a smile, takes every breath, leaves every scar, speaks to your soul, and sings to your heart, and if I knew then, what I know now, if I knew then, what I know now, I'd fall in love."

Everyone, except Mercedes, Shane and the other newest members of the club who didn't know Sam, jumped up, in rapturous applause, the newest members not knowing why the rest of the club were going crazy at a random guy from a random choir in Nashville.

"You go, Trouty!" shouted Santana as the others laughed and Mercedes couldn't help but smile when she noticed Sam's face change suddenly into confusion at the nickname but her smile was short-lived as the 'what ifs', the regrets piled up in her head. She was performing soon, after this choir, after his choir.

She had to pull herself together. Sam Evans was nothing more than her first dalliance with a real relationship, there could not have been enough time for her to feel anything for him but she had to combat that with the fact that before he left, they spent a lot of time together, smiling, laughing, going on walks, going to the park, babysitting his siblings, things that brought them close together.

She was with Shane now, she loved Shane, she did love Shane, she told herself over and over again, as the Country Courters finished their uptempo group number. She clapped for them, for Sam, before Rachel had everyone up and filing backstage, in an orderly manner.

"Can you believe he was there?" Kurt said to Blaine, the two who stood behind Mercedes and Shane.

"I know, small world, isn't it?" was Blaine's reply to his boyfriend's question.

This seemed to be the topic of conversation for the members of New Directions before their performance started, Mercedes singing solo, Shane smiling kindly to her before she began, taking a deep breath, blowing the roof off of the place with her song as had been predicted.

The group then proceeded into their group number, led by Rachel and Finn. They had decided to cover songs this year after their less than productive original songwriting the previous year.

The music ended, they stood with their heads down, and suddenly everyone was hugging each other and Mercedes felt like it was a year ago and it was Sam seeking her out, going from right across the stage over to her, hugging her. Only this time it was Shane hugging her and she felt awful over thinking about last year and Sam, of all people, hugging her.

She had managed a year without thinking about him, at all. Okay, so that was a lie. She had thought about him but she had never imagined that she would see him again.

Waiting for the results of the top ten was as nerve wracking as it had been the previous year, no one wanting to experience the heartbreak of not placing yet again. This was when Mercedes came face to face with Sam yet again, ironically, as she had left her friends not wanting to discuss the shock of seeing him on stage. None of them were aware, not even Kurt, of the relationship and as per the 'pretending it never happened', they never would know about it.

What was there to know? That since prom she had had a crush on him, and even if it had been only three weeks, it had been three very happy weeks, three weeks where she had found herself smiling more, feeling generally happier, whenever she heard from him or was with him.

She was walking towards the bathroom when she banged into someone.

"Sorry, that was totally my—Mercedes?"

Mercedes looked up to see Sam staring at her, concerned eyes focused on her and she couldn't help but feel herself blush slightly at him, but luckily he couldn't see that. Thank God he can't, was all she could think.

"Hey there, Sam," she replied quickly, awkwardly.

They both stood there.

"You were awesome by the way."

"You were really really really good up there."

They both spoke over one another and laughed at the other when they noticed this fact. The awkwardness still lingered around but wasn't as present as it was before. Again, Mercedes wondered what the hell there was to be awkward over but she guessed that even three weeks with a guy like Sam would leave a girl with some feelings. She figured he was that kind of person.

"No, but really, you've been deserving of a solo since last year," he said to her, nervously shuffling from foot to foot, like he did when he had asked her to go out with him the previous year. She realised with a start that it had been a year. That was a long time. It was a long time to get over someone and yet, here she was, feeling very much not over him.

She couldn't help but think it was a stupid thought. It was the stupidest thought ever. It was down to the what ifs again, the what could have been between them. In the short time she had thought there could have been something good, maybe even amazing. It was hard to let that go so quickly.

"Thanks," she smiled. "You should go over and see everyone, you know? They all wondered about you..."

"I know, I left so quickly. I'm sorry by the way, I really am, I really wanted things between us to-"

"To work out?" she asked, trying to find a smile, and surprisingly she did, but it was very forced. "Hey, it was only a couple of weeks, no one was hurt, were they?"

She didn't know whether she should have been happy or upset at the expression on Sam's face that said otherwise. It had been how she had felt since he had come to her home, at nine o'clock at night, that Wednesday, told her the full story and then they had shared a quick kiss goodbye, before he walked out of her door, drove out of Lima and effectively her life.

"I guess," he replied, a shred of awkwardness in his voice and she wondered, for one split second, what would have happened had he never left. Would they have stayed together, told their friends, be a couple right now. There was every chance that could have happened.

The prospect of every chance was what made it so hard now.

"But still, everyone else will want to see you. How's life been though? How's your family been?" asked Mercedes, genuinely wondering if things did get better for the Evans' family, God knew they deserved a change in luck.

"Well, my parents both got work, eventually. We moved out of our grandparents' house a few months ago when they did," he answered, nodding his head, smiling as he thought of the improved situation.

Mercedes couldn't help smiling when she heard this. "That's great!" she enthused. "How was your new school?" she questioned, with a smile now. "As good as McKinley."

"Not as much drama," mused Sam, shrugging his shoulders. "Have to say I kinda missed everyone though. Even Santana and the lip jokes."

Both of them laughed at this and Mercedes knew that Sam had heard Santana when she had cheered for him earlier.

"So you're seeing someone then?"

This was the awkward question that Mercedes hadn't wanted to ask but she was struggling with thinking of any other topic.

"Yeah actually," he said back to that. "I don't know where she's went but she's in Glee," he said, looking around obviously trying to find this girlfriend. "She's great. What about you?"

"Yeah, yeah," Mercedes told him. "His name's Shane, he joined at the start of the year. I met him a couple of months after you, you know, left."

"Well, I'm happy for us," Sam said, but Mercedes couldn't help see the doubt cross his face and she figured that he was as caught up in the what ifs as she was. It was nothing though. Sam would walk away after today, she'd never see him again and her life would resume. She wouldn't feel this way again because she never would be forced to properly look at and examine how she felt about those first weeks of summer.

"Go on, everyone's probably dying to see you, they can't stop talking about you."

Mercedes pushed him towards the group who stood at the side of the room, in a circle discussing important things, as she turned to go back to the bathroom.

"It was great to see you again," he said, smiling at her, before walking away to the New Directions.

She replied, "Same," as she walked into the bathroom, smiling at him.

She just guessed over time, she wouldn't have to live with the words what if.

Or maybe not... I have another part of this planned already, not written, but planned. I am breaking tradition and posting this without marking the story complete because I feel like something is needed to deal with the recent news. Samcedes are my OTP of Glee and I don't care what's happened, I am going to continue to read/write about them, regardless of what happens.

Onto this whole mess, I have my own opinions about what happened. I believe Chord was initially fired, then brought back for talks after the fan backlash but got a crap deal and walked/or the whole 'we want him back' was only done to make him the bad guy. I'm not one to believe what the writers/producers on this show say because everything changes. Take the backpedaling about Lea/Chris/Cory leaving. RM clearly said THEY WOULD NOT BE BACK for season 4 but now we're being told that's not true.

Samcedes will live on in my fanfiction and I hope others do the same.

Hope you enjoy, and till the next update,

WickedSong x