A/N: For some reason is being an ass(for example the word " won't show up)so if some parts look a little weird that's why. This fic wouldn't exist without my co-author and best friend Bee and my beautiful beta Colleen! Please comment and I hope you enjoy!

What am I doing? Cas thought. He was walking down a sidewalk. It wasn't too late at night, but late enough that college students were roaming the town, out and ready to party. Cas prayed to God that he didn't see anyone he knows.

Because it would make front page news if someone found out that nerdy Cas Novak was headed to a strip club. To hire a male stripper.

But that's actually a much longer story.

Cas transferred to Concordia University for his third year in college. The school had a much better theology program and it was farther away from his hometown, so he'd have a better excuse for not coming home on holidays and breaks. His aunt was beginning to accuse of not wanting to come home. He has enough tact to try to not let her know that.

When Cas was little, about three or four, his parents died. They weren't married, and Cas distinctly remembered his dad disappearing for lengths at a time. But he knew they loved each other. No one knows why it happened or who did, just that one night there was a lot of noise coming from Cas's house and a neighbor came to make sure everyone was okay. He heard his aunt describing it on one anniversary of his parents's death when he was 12.

"I'll never forget what the police said to me," his aunt said quietly to someone on the phone. "Furniture was knocked all over the place. And not just lamps, couches and cabinets. They said my sister's-my sister's throat was slit, clean and simple. But her boyfriend was stabbed in the chest. They said murder weapon was still inside him. It was like a sword, like some fancy knife. And the boy, his room door was open and his was still fast asleep. Imagine sleeping while you're parents are being knocked about! And the worst part, the worst part, was the smell. Smelled like sulfur even when I came to collect his things…" Cas tiptoed back to his room.

Sometimes he has dreams. It's always dark and fuzzy around the edges, but there's a dark figure towering over him. Hands wrap around his neck and he hears a raspy whisper say, "Your grace will be mine N-"

It always ends there.

He doesn't quite remember what living with his parents was like, but he knew it had to be better than living with his ultra-conservative aunt. He spent most of his life feeling boxed in, used to suppressing any wrong emotions or feelings he might have. At his high school graduation he cried when he finally got his diploma. Not because he was going to miss his friends(none to speak of), or his teachers, or even high school. It was because he was finally getting out of this hellhole, and he couldn't wait.

Summer went by fast and his aunt surprised him with a Prius. "Don't do anything God wouldn't approve of," she said, helping pack the last of his bags. Cas waved one last time before speeding off towards the beltway. He rolled the window down so he could taste the freedom. He never tasted anything so sweet.

The first college he attended was quaint and the people were pleasant enough and the theology program was great. He got really close with his teacher, Ms. Milton ("please Castiel call me Anna") and she was his role model.

He was worried about her home life though. Some days would come to class a little weary, her voice strained. She didn't look a day over 30, but Cas could tell something was stressing her out.

There was one day where Cas was helping clean up the classroom. "I don't like leaving maintenance with a mess. Their job is hard enough as it is." she said.

Suddenly all the lights exploded and the room shook.

"It's an earthquake!" he shouted. A piercing noise filled the air. "Anna, get down!"

Cas can remember her calm face. "No, Castiel." she said.

The room was still shaking, so much that her bookshelf fell over. Cas began to make his way towards her.

The last thing he can remember is the regret in his professor's eyes. The last thing he hears is, "I'm sorry, Castiel." before everything turns black.

When he wakes up he's in the infirmary and she's there .

"Anna!" He tries to sit up but the sudden movement makes his head hurt.

"You took quite a fall. That earthquake was a rough one."

"What happened?"

"You tried to walk to me and you fell and hit your head on a desk. I dragged you to a corner far away from all the windows and waited until till the earthquake passed to take you to the nurse." She said this calmly, but Cas doesn't remember it that way.

"But-"

"I think you should transfer to another school."

"What?"

"Specifically, Concordia University. It has the best theology program in the country."

"Then why have I never heard of it?"

"It's...very hard to get into. Almost impossible."

"And you believe I can get in?"

"Yes, because I've called the dean, and he'd love to have you."

Cas just gapes at her. "I'm sorry, Ms.-Anna, but I can't accept that offer. You're the only one I want to teach me about religion."

Anna smiled. "So if I left, you'd leave too?"

Cas thinks that over for a second. "Well, depends on your replacement."

Anna laughs. "Oh Castiel, you're the best student I ever had."

Cas smiles. "Thank you, Anna."

Anna stands up and kisses his forehead. "Be brave, Cas."

She walks out without a sound.

When Cas woke up the next morning, he headed to the theology classroom to talk to Anna. There was a large crowd around Anna's classroom. When he pushed his way to the front he finally saw what all the commotion is about.

The classroom's huge windows, the windows with a beautiful view of campus, were now reduced to shards on the grounds. The desks were upended, and the room was in ruins. Cas's favorite classroom was now reduced to nothing.

The dean pushed through. "Move along, move along, nothing to see here."

When Cas saw the dean he turned to him. "Where's ?" he asked.

The dean scrunched his eyebrows. "Didn't she tell you? Professor Milton gave her two week's notice. Though if she had anything to do with this vandalism I'm going to have…"

But Cas couldn't hear him anymore. All he could hear in his head is, Be brave, Cas.

That was how he ended up transferring to Concordia University. The dean of admissions admitted him with surprisingly little persuasion.

"Professor Milton gave you a glowing recommendation, Castiel. We'd love to have you."

He rented a tiny studio apartment and began taking theology classes. He wasn't surprised that the theology classes at Concordia were really, really good. The teacher wasn't as good as Anna though. He sometimes he'd put his own input into the lesson (just like Anna used to, like they were actually there). But overall it was a good fit.

And oddly enough, he felt like he belonged there, more than he had ever felt anywhere else.

College still took a lot out of him, and he'd be lost without without his morning coffee. There's a cafe on his way to class that's not to far from campus called The Garrison.

It was at this cafe that Cas met his two best-and only- friends.

Cas walked into The Garrison one rainy morning. His trenchcoat(which he got for a cheap price at the thrift store)was wet and he closed his umbrella as he stepped in the he was immersed by the of herbs and the chatter of other patrons. He made his up the counter, already tasting the coffee on his lips.

"Excuse me, I would like a-"

"Black coffee with a splash of cream." The barista says, placing the cup of hot steaming coffee in front of him.

The barista wasn't that tall, had curly brown hair, and hazel eyes filled with mischief. He knew that his name was Gabriel from looking at his name tag every day.

"Oh. Thank you." He pulled out his wallet, but Gabriel waved him off.

"On the house."

"Really?" He had been coming to The Garrison for months, and not once did Gabriel offer him coffee on the house. In fact, this was the longest conversation they ever had.

"Really. On one condition."

Now Cas was intrigued. "What?"

"Tell me your name."

What an odd request, he thought. Suddenly he felt a little cautious. He was about to throw a five dollar bill on the counter and rush out.

Gabriel must have sensed it because he said, "Relax. I'm not asking you for your phone number or anything, just a name."

"Castiel," he said slowly.

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it? I'm Gabriel."

"I know. I can read a name tag." Cas said wryly.

At first Cas thought he sounded a little snarky but it caused Gabriel to let out loud laugh that made some of the other customers look up.

"I like you, Castiel." And those were words he had not heard spoken to him a lot.

A customer behind him rudely cleared his throat. "Hey asshole I'm coming. Don't you see me talking to someone?" said Gabriel.

"That's okay. I really need to get to class." said Cas.

"Alright, see you around Cas." Cas waved a hand in goodbye.

That should have been that, but strangely it wasn't.

Whenever Cas came by to get his coffee, he and Gabriel talked. He was enjoying their talks so much he started coming in the evenings to do homework. He told Gabriel about his interests, his major, and about how weird his college is.

"I know, I go to the same school." said Gabriel.

"Really?" Cas said. He assumed he would have noticed him if he saw him around campus.

"Why is that so surprising? My only goal in life isn't just to make coffee, you know."

Cas blushed. "I know, I just-What are you majoring in?" he asked.

"Psychology. It's interesting to see what makes you humans tick."

Cas laughed. "'You humans?' What are you then?"

He swore he saw something flicker Gabriel's eyes. Then he smirked. "I'm an alien from outer space and I've come to take you to the mothership!"

Cas rolled his eyes. Classic Gabe.

Cas overslept one morning and had to go to class without his coffee. So the rest of the day he was kind of in a pissy mood, especially since he banged into the corner of a desk and he forgot to type up his Lit paper,which was due today. He could have cried with joy when his last class ended.

He pushed open the door to The Garrison, relieved to hear the familiar bell ring as he walked. He walked up to the counter, ready to tell Gabe that okay, today he will have a pumpkin spiced latte, when he saw that the man around the counter was most definitely not Gabe.

"Who are you?" he said bluntly.

The man's head snapped up. "Welcome to The Garrison, may I take your order?"

Cas blinked. Gabriel was really the only employee, and he never said things like that.

"Um, may I recommend the um-the pumpkin seasoned latte. I've been told it's a 'knockout'."

Pumpkin seasoned? Whoever this guy was, he was the weirdest person Cas had ever met. "Yes, I'll take a pumpkin spiced latte please."

The guy looked like he was going to have a heart attack. "One latte, coming right up. These are fairly easy to make, right? I am sure I can complete this task without error."

Before Cas could try and take back his order, Gabriel burst out from the back room door.

"Zeke! You didn't break anything, did you?"

Then Gabe saw Cas. "Cas! Where were you this morning?"

"I overslept," he said, eyes still on the strange man. Gabriel followed his gaze.

"Oh, where are my manners? Cas, this is Ezekiel, my brother. Zeke this is my friend, Cas."

Friends. He's never had a friend before, so he felt uncomfortable putting that label on their relationship without confirmation. Now, he knows, the feeling is mutual.

Ezekiel sticks his hand out. "Nice to meet you, Cas."

Cas shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you, too."

"Loosen up a little Zeke," he hears Gabriel say under his breath.

"I never knew you had a brother." Cas said. He always imagined Gabriel as the perpetual only child, spoiled with toys and sweets.

"Yeah well, I do. He's going to be staying with me for while and helping me around the shop."

Ezekiel looks at Gabe. "That is correct."

It was silent.

"So...did I hear you say you wanted a pumpkin spiced latte?" said Gabriel.

The rest is history.

"Gabe, how did you know you were…"

He was over at Gabe and Zeke's apartment, playing video games. Cas never really played them growing up which Gabriel had declared a travesty. Zeke was tending to the coffee shop. After staying with Gabriel for several months Zeke finally had enough hands-on experience to manage the on his own.

"How did I know I was what?" Gabe said, furiously pressing down the buttons on the controller.

Cas was known for his bluntness, but he was having trouble getting the word out. "Gay," he finally said after moment's pause. "How did you know you were gay?"

"Well, I thought about having a dick in my ass. Most guys would scream, but-"

"Gabriel, please." he said softly.

Gabriel paused the game. "What's up, Cas?"

Cas has never had as much freedom as he has here, at college. He is constantly seeing attractive, funny, smart people. But the thing that scares him is that it's the men, that garner his attention more than women. He was always good at suppressing those...feelings he used to have in high school, but now it was becoming something he can't ignore.

"Maybe it's just a phase I'm going through but I'm starting to find girls...not particularly attractive. I don't know what that means, so I thought I'd ask the only person I can trust with this information."

Gabe smiled. "Well, you came to the right place. Look Cas, just because you thought about a guy or two doesn't make you gay. At the most you might just be bisexual."

"How would I know?"

"Everybody experiments, at least once. I say you do it the way I did it: go to a strip club. The male strippers are guaranteed to be hot, and it's the perfect test. Get a lap dance, see how you feel. If you're uncomfortable maybe guys aren't your thing. If you have a boner, then maybe we can talk some more."

That's how Cas ended up at the entrance of Hell's Angels, the nearest strip club he could find. Gabriel hadn't given him anymore instructions, just to go to a strip club. He seemed to think the rest was self-explanatory.

He found himself sitting on a plush couch while women in highly provocative clothing strutted around the club. He sits there quietly, unsure of what to do. Finally, he catches the eye of one stripper and she sashays over.

"Hey handsome, you look a little lost." the stripper says in a sultry voice. Cas finds the stripper attractive, sure. But she doesn't make him feel...anything. She does nothing for him.

"What's your name?" she asks. Before Cas can respond she says, "You look like a Clarence."

"My name is-"

"Since you're so handsome Clarence, I'll tell you my real name. It's Meg."

She begins to straddle him. He says, in the nicest way possible, "I request a male stripper."

She blinks and says, "Oh. Well, I never liked taking it up in the ass anyway. I guess it's Righteous's lucky day." She climbs off him. "Wait here, Clarence."

She struts away, catching the eyes of some of the other patrons. Cas is ready to walk away and figure out his sexuality on his own terms, and then he comes out.

Sun tanned tan skin, washboard abs, and lips that would drive a nun to sin. He's got a bow tie around his neck, black dress pants, and sharp black shoes. That's all. Also, he's heading straight for Cas.

"You Clarence?" the god asks.

Cas can't even answer. The absence of arousal Meg gave him is the absolute opposite of what Righteous stirs up inside him.

"I'll take that as a yes." Dean smirks. "Meg told you were sexy, but hot damn. I almost want to take you home." The thought of going home with a man like Dean makes his cock twitch. He can't even remember what girls look like. Dean has captivated him so thoroughly, and he can tell Gabriel he has his answer.

He's not sure though, that he'll ever meet a man that can compare to Righteous.

Righteous doesn't waste time and straddles him immediately. "It's so hot in here. Let me take off your coat, Clarence."

That's not my name, Cas thinks. But he's barely able to think a coherent thought under Righteous's dark gaze. He knows this is just a job to him, but he can't help but imagine that something more is going on between them.

Righteous starts grinding down onto his cock, running his hands all over Cas's body. When their eyes meet he sees desperation and a tinge of regret underneath the dark lust.

"You're beautiful," he says. Righteous stops grinding, and his hands freeze over his chest. He stares at him with wide eyes.

Cas blushes. This is the first thing he said since Righteous walked over and stole his heterosexuality and it was a dumb compliment. Of course Righteous knows he's beautiful. How could a god like him not know?

"Clarence," he says softly. "That's not even your name is it?"

Cas shakes his head. He opens his mouth to tell him, but Righteous covers his mouth. "No, don't tell me. I don't deserve to know."

Cas furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Righteous looks sad, regretful. Cas wonders what he would look like smiling a real, genuine smile.

"Clarence, I'm sorry." Righteous says. For what, Cas can't imagine.

He wraps his hand around Cas jugular, warm fingers pressing into his throat. He closes his eyes and Cas just stares up at this beautiful creature, having the sudden urge to kiss Righteous.

Cas holds his breath, waiting to see what he'll do next.

Righteous opens one eye. He closes his eyes and presses down harder, almost choking Cas. "Um, Righteous? It's getting a little hard to breathe."

Righteous's eyes open in childlike surprise. "Fuck," he says quietly. "Holy shit." Just when Cas starts to wonder what Righteous was planning to do to him he hears a noise on the other side of the room.

A female stripper has a hand around a man's neck in a similar fashion to Righteous's. Except this time, the man's head tilts back and his mouth falls open. A light, flowy substance comes out of him, and he slumps forward, dead.

The stripper smiles. "Alastair! Hurry while it's still good!"

Black smoke rushes into the room and disappears down the dead man's throat. Instantly the man's eyes open. "Thanks, Ruby. Hopefully this one lasts longer than the other one."

Fear replaces his arousal. Before Cas can scream or run, Righteous covers his mouth. "I have to get you out of here."

Righteous's eyes dart around the room. "Cas, follow my lead."

How do you know my name? Cas thinks as he's being pulled up. Righteous grabs his hand and entwined their fingers, causing Cas to startle. "Just go with it," Righteous whispers.

As Righteous stirs them to wherever they're going, Meg sees and walks over. "Where are you two going?" she asks.

"The back room. Clarence and me really hit it off."

Meg stares at Righteous, and Righteous stares back. They have a silent conversation. Then Meg says, "All right! Try not to make too much of a mess."

He pulls Cas into a back door. What was that all about? Cas wonders. Though, seeing as he just saw a man being resurrected, that can't be the weirdest thing he's witnessed.

Righteous pulls him to the right, walks a few steps and then pulls him roughly back towards the left. "She thinks I'm going to fuck you before I take your soul." Righteous says plainly.

"What?" His erection flagged under the sheer terror of watching a man die, and only the thought of the man's gaping mouth stops him from getting hard from the thought of Dean's words.

"What the hell was that? That man was dead and he-the smoke-he came back to life! This isn't normal-"

Righteous chuckles darkly. "You're right, Cas. It's not."

They came to a door. Righteous opened it and pushed him out. Cas turned around, surprised.

"Run. Run far away from here and don't come back. Don't tell anyone what you've seen, in fact, just forget you saw anything."

"But-"

"I'm serious. Don't bother telling the police because they can't help and when my boss finds out she will find and kill you."

There's silence between them for a few minutes. Then Righteous turns to leave.

"Wait!" Cas says. "Tell me your name. I want to know your real name."

Righteous smiles. It's a small smile, but it's real and it looks breathtaking on him. "Dean." he says. Then the door shuts, leaving Cas in the cold.

Cas runs, quite literally, for his life. Dean, he thinks.

Dean.