Summary: "You'd rather talk to a stupid survey then your awesome older brother?" Dean finally finds a way to talk to Sam.
A/N: I was bored, and I love MySpace surveys. This is my first one and it's a try so be gentle, 'kay?
Dean: .............how gay is this?
Sam-shrugs: Not the first time we've been accused of being gay.
Me: And it won't be the last. XD
Remember, reviews are love.
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Sam's eyes rebelled against his nightmares, snapping open in alarm. He lay there, body shaking and chest rising up and down heavily as he took deep breaths. Wearily he rolled over, and his eyes, which had returned to their normal size, sought out the alarm clock.
2:37.
He let out a small groan, leaning back into the pillow and scrubbing a hand wearily over his sweaty face. He then rolled off the covers and sat up, putting his feet out of the bed and onto the cold ground. Waiting a moment, fists clenched, pressed into the lumpy mattress, keeping his body upright, he stood up. He swayed slightly, breathed deeply until it passed, before continuing to the bathroom to wash away his fear and to help clear his thoughts.
When he had finished he walked over to the table and sat down, opening the laptop , knowing he was lucky that he had slept this long. He looked over at Dean as he waited for the laptop to start up. Dean rolled over, and Sam's body tensed, defensive: ready. Dean let out a little breath, and then all was still.
He started flicking through hunts, growing bored and restless, based from weariness as he came to no results. He then scrolled through his favourites, and his mouse hovered over MySpace surveys. He and Jess had loved to fill these out in the random times they had nothing to do.
Aw what the hell.
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name begins with J?
Oh that's just insensitive you prick.
Would you ever die your hair black?
Nope, because then Dean would keep calling me emo.
Your last ex says they never even liked you, you say?
She can't, she's dead. Do you feel good about yourself now?
Do you still pinky promise?
Uh...this is awkward. Yes.
If any of your bestfriends told you they were gay, what would you do?
Well I don't really have best friends, only Dean. And I highly doubt he's gay from what I've walked in on, and what I've seen.
Is love really worth fighting for?
Always.
Who's clothes are you wearing?
...my...own?
Have you broken the law in the last 3 days?
Have I not broken the law in the last three days?
What color under wear are you wearing?
....you sick little fuck
Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?
More like get their asses sent back to hell. And shot with the colt.
Which smells better Gasoline or Sharpies?
I remember sniffing sharpies with Dean when we were younger. Ah, my butt still hurts from Dad.
Do you eat whipped cream straight out of the can?
Whipped cream? It's been so long since I've had that.
Does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you?
My big brother Dean? Yeah, I would do anything for him, I would die so he wouldn't have to go to hell but he won't let me.
Has anyone said they love you in the last week and meant it?
Dean maybe?
How many times have you cried this week?
Well you would cry if the person who meant everything to you was going to Hell? Because of you.
Have you ever spent the night in jail?
I've spent more and it was horrible.
Would you go in public with no make up on for 1 month for $200?
Funny that...I'm a guy.
When was the last time you hit someone?
Last night until I got captured...
Has anybody told you that they miss you lately?
Honestly? I can't remember.
Do you hold grudges or forgive easily?
Want to ask that demon?
Who did you last cry in front of?
My older brother Dean...
Do people think your a good person?
Never can stick around long enough to find out
What's your latest problem?
My brother's going to hell because of me.
Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
I honestly don't give a fuck.
At the moment, would you like things in life to stay how they are or change?
Change...
Do you have condoms in your room?
Er no.
Whose bed were you on last?
The stupid motel's one...
Do you miss anyone from your past?
Is there 24 hours in a day? 12 months in a year?
Did anyone send this to you?
Nope
Say one thing, that one only person understands?
"funky town"
Who is the one person?
My older brother Dean
Something you do alot?
Fight the supernatural...screw up...watch people I love die.
Has anyone ever broken your heart?
Family.
Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Yeah I do
Do you like cuddling?
I did when Jess was alive
Are you hiding your feelings at the moment?
Nope, here it is, blunt, black and white, no shades of grey. I'm so glad I'm the only one who will ever read this...
Are you wearing pants?
What would you say if I said no? You sick fuck.
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
Dean would, but he won't be able to in a month's time.
Who?
See previous answer?
What are your plans for the weekend?
Do what I do
Do you have any siblings?
Only Dean
Who's your best friend?
Dean
Who's the last person you talked to before going to bed?
Let me think... Dean
Do you ever think about the past?
Every. Damn. Day.
Would you ever get a tattoo?
It hurts like a bitch. Never again.
Who were you with last night?
You guessed it-Dean
Last people you rode in a car with?
" "
Are you nice to everyone?
I try to be
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Never, never could I hate him.
Is there someone you would do anything for?
Dean, if he would only let me
Do you get drunk every weekend?
Nope that's more Dean's thing.
If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for?
That Dean didn't have to go to hell....and world peace, oh and for Jess to be alive, so we could live a normal life.
xoxoxoxxoxooxoxoo
Sam leaned back, letting two tears fall softly from his eyes in slow motion. His heart was clenching, and his chest rebelled against it. He felt sick to his stomach. He minimised the computer, promising to go back to it and to sit down for awhile. He lay back down, rubbing his temples, and drifted slowly into a broken sleep.
Dean watched all of this through careful eyes. How Sammy could think he had slept through the noises...perhaps it was his lack of sleep.
Over the years he had mastered watching over Sam. From hiding in the shadows and watching his brother's every move, watching every line and emotion that crossed his sweet little face. His father had trained his ears to be observant in a hunt, but even more Sam had taught them how to be observant for the important things. When it came to his brother Dean had learned everything, reading his brother when he put the best facade on, seeing the truth in his lies, comforting him before Sammy even knew he needed it. It was now in his system, and their bond was tied even tighter with thicker strands because of it. It came to Dean as natural as breathing did.
When he heard Sam's breathing smooth out, he stood up, walking over. He stood over Sam, as a brother, but more importantly as a guardian. He ran his hand through Sam's shaggy yet soft locks, offering his comfort and love. Sam shifted, a small smile fitting across his lips. Dean patted his head before moving groggily over to the computer, hoping it would give him answers that Sam was tight lipped about.
Dean knew the nightmares had been getting worse, and it was taking its toll on Sam. Dean noticed all the cracks-the not eating, the headaches, the small secretive yawns, the clumsiness and the sleep that shone through Sam's facade, and relaxed his face when he thought Dean wasn't looking.
Sam refused to talk about it, and Dean could understand why. Sam's nightmares were not exactly visions, but nightmares that were to come true in a month's time.
When Dean made that deal, all he could think about was the reward for it, Sam. He hadn't thought about the consequences, of what it would do to Sam. Dean's deal now seemed to be ironically cruel-he had brought Sam back, but Sam was poisoned from the deal, dying slowly on the inside.
And that's why Dean needed to talk, expel it out of him, so he could demolish it.
Because if Sam was turning into this and he wasn't even gone yet, what would he be like after a month's time? A year?
And that's what haunted Dean, and scared him. It scared him beyond going to hell. Dean had always learnt to put other's before them, their hunts proved that. But with Sam it wasn't a burden, it just was.
Dean frowned as he saw the minimised MySpace tag, and opened it. His eyes hungrily ate it up, and by the time he was finished, his body was tight with anger and pain: a deadly mix that only produced dark feelings. Dean swivelled on the chair, watching over Sam, but everything melted as he saw how innocent Sam looked.
No matter what, Sam would always be the innocence of the family, the last gift from Mary. He felt the sensation of tears and hurriedly wiped his face.
The talk with Sam could wait until the morning. He barely got to see Sam looking so peaceful, and he didn't know when, if ever, he would see it again.
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It was a weird sensation, being unconscious and yet still able to sense a presence. Sam came to a wakening jolt, his eyes up and staring into the accusing eyes of his brother.
Crap, Dean was pissed.
Sam's face wrinkled in confusion as he blinked sleepily up at Dean, wondering what he had done now.
"De-"
"You want to explain to me why you'd rather talk to a stupid survey about what's going on with you but you can't talk to your awesome big brother?" Dean's voice trembled with his fury, though he managed to keep the pain and betrayal at bay.
Sam frowned, confusion tugging his eyebrows and he looked down, mind blank.
And then it came to him, and his head snapped at the computer before focusing a guilty look at Dean, who had his arms crossed around his chest.
"I...that was..."
"I know what it was. I was awake."
Oh, fuck.
Dean read the expression on his face and cut him off.
"No Sam. I'm sick of this. We are going to talk about it."
Sam stubbornly shook his head.
"You can't make me."
Dean's eyes narrowed at the threat.
"Oh yeah? Are you willing to bet on that, Sammy boy? If I have to beat it out of you then that's what I'll do. But we are going to talk about it." He hissed the last sentence out.
"Dean please...I can't..."
"This is killing you man!" Dean exploded out, the pain now clear and evident in his eyes. Sam closed his mouth.
"Man if we don't talk about it it's going to kill you. And I can't have that, Sam. I refuse to let something of my doing kill you."
"What did you expect?" Sam stood up, holding out his arms wide to enhance his anger.
"You're going to hell! What am I supposed to do? Laugh? Be happy? Well I'm not man, you may think I'm stronger but I'm not. I don't want to live without you man. Remember the hole dad left in you?" Sam's voice broke and he turned.
"Don't turn from me."
"I can't do this." Sam murmured and grabbed his coat. Dean had better reflexes of the two, and blocked the door.
"Get out of my way." Sam's tone was cold, and all traces of Sammy were gone.
"No."
"Dude!"
"No, Sammy."
"It's Sam." Sam spat. Dean just stared at him, breathing through his nose.
"You can't fix what you did, man. Either way I'll be dead."
"Stop being selfish Sam!"
"You wanted me to talk-I told you, you wouldn't like it."
"Because what you are talking is absolutely bullshit, and I don't do bullshit."
"Of course you do." Sam said bitterly,
"You made that deal-"
"And I would do it over and over again, Sam." The finality that rang from his tone made Sam stop, and look at him, really look at him. And he didn't like what he saw.
Dean looked worn out, both physically and mentally. Sam swallowed the guilt and focused on keeping his anger up.
"I need a drink."
"Oh you're not going to do this." Dean huffed out, pointing a finger.
"You're not going to go on a down spiral when I'm gone. Or else I'm come back from hell and kick your ass, do you understand me? You're. Not. Doing. This."
"Stop me." Sam challenged. Dean shrugged and let his hunter's mode and anger tumble out, and he grabbed Sam around the waist, tackling him down. Sam, who had prepared himself, smashed his fist twice into Dean's head, and while his guard was down, Sam grabbed the beer on the table and brought it over Dean's head, knocking him out cold.
And then he left.
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Sam stopped at his door. Before he had left he had cleaned up and put Dean on the bed, before taking a shower. He had then patched Dean up as best as he could, not just out of guilt but out of love. He had then disappeared, not drinking but participating in whatever he could to take his mind off things. It was now well into midnight, and another day had gone and disappeared. Sam pushed open the door, waiting for Dean to charge at him, and knock the shit out of him both verbally and physically. But all he was met with was stormy silence and darkness.
"Dean?" He whispered, fumbling for the light. He flicked it on, to see Dean sitting at the table with the laptop. He stopped, shifting as he stared at his stone-like brother. He was embraced with defeated anger, and he squeezed his eyes shut.
"Come here." They snapped open when he heard the tender words.
"What?" He was so shocked, that that was all his brain could think up of.
"Come here."
Sam didn't move, just stared at Dean, who wasn't looking at him.
"Aren't you going to beat the shit out of me?"
"I should. But I'm not. Now, sit."
Sam shuffled over, still in shock though keeping wary eyes on his brother.
"Is this a joke?"
"Dude just shut the hell up and sit." Sam complied, taking a seat beside his still stiff brother. Dean finally looked at him, and Sam gasped at the face that was now stripped bare, naked and vulnerable. Dean nodded and pushed over the laptop. Sam couldn't tear his eyes off his brother.
Dean however nodded in the direction of the computer.
"Read it."
Sam blinked, and slowly and reluctantly turned his sore neck over.
It was the MySpace survey. He let out a groan, which was halted as he realised the answers had been changed.
Sam rose an eyebrow.
"Dude?"
"You won't talk to me in person. Maybe you will through computer."
Sam looked at him, tears in his eyes.
"Man you hate chick flicks, and you..."
"Sam." Dean's voice was now strained with weariness.
"I think I have proven to you I would do anything for you. Now please, just read it."
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name begins with J?
I'm Dean Winchester.
And if I ever meet you I will kick your ass.
Would you ever die your hair black?
Oh hell yes! Imagine coming back from hell (and I will do it Sammy) with black hair. I could full on do an ACDC impression of "back in black."
Your last ex says they never even liked you, you say?
You're an insensitive little bastard aren't you?
Do you still pinky promise?
No man, I'm twenty eight. But Sammy, if it helps I pinky promise I will get out of hell.
If any of your bestfriends told you they were gay, what would you do?
Sam? Well that would be very awkward indeed.
Is love really worth fighting for?
Always
Who's clothes are you wearing?
My own fuck face
Have you broken the law in the last 3 days?
Have I not broken the law in the last 3 days? I guarantee I break it every day.
What color under wear are you wearing?
Well you're a sick puppy...do you get a reaction from these questions, perve?
Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?
Sam, for knocking me out.
Which smells better Gasoline or Sharpies?
Ah Sam those were great days. I did tell you to stay in the room you dumbass.
Do you eat whipped cream straight out of the can?
Oh man it's been too long...... best shit.
Does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you?
I'm only going to say this one...he's the world to me, as we need the sun to live on earth. And damn it Sam, no, no and for the last time, NO.
Has anyone said they love you in the last week and meant it?
*Sigh* That would be Sam.
How many times have you cried this week?
Oh come on! I'm entitled to.
Have you ever spent the night in jail?
I've spent more. Hell yes I am a badass.
Would you go in public with no make up on for 1 month for $200?
Sammy you're a pretty boy.
When was the last time you hit someone?
The other night. Boy it was awesome.
Has anybody told you that they miss you lately?
Sam.
Do you hold grudges or forgive easily?
Grudges.
Who did you last cry in front of?
Sam...
Do people think your a good person?
Nope. But when I save them and they find out what I do their opinions change pretty quickly. I only care about what one person thinks of me.
What's your latest problem?
Sammy not talking to me and talking to you instead. I hate you.
Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
I guarantee it.
At the moment, would you like things in life to stay how they are or change?
Change.
Do you have condoms in your room?
Yes, Yes I do. Sam you're just a prude.
Whose bed were you on last?
My one at the motel. Thank you Sam...
Do you miss anyone from your past?
Are these questions meant to pull on your heart strings?
Did anyone send this to you?
Nope
Say one thing, that one only person understands?
Funky town
Who is the one person?
My younger brother Sammy
Something you do alot?
Save lives, fight the supernatural...look out for my pain in the ass little brother
Has anyone ever broken your heart?
YED, Dad and Sam.
Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Only every day of my life.
Do you like cuddling?
I'm not a girl.
Are you hiding your feelings at the moment?
Not anymore.
Are you wearing pants?
No you fucking idiot, I'm sitting out here in nothing.
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
Sam would.
Who?
" "
What are your plans for the weekend?
Fight the supernatural.
Do you have any siblings?
My younger brother, Sam.
Who's your best friend?
Sam is.
Who's the last person you talked to before going to bed?
(sarcastically) Let me think. Sam.
Do you ever think about the past?
Am I good looking?
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Oh hell yes. Sam, quit being a pussy, bitch.
Who were you with last night?
Some hot chick and then Sam
Last people you rode in a car with?
Sam...
Are you nice to everyone?
Nope
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Fuck you.
Is there someone you would do anything for?
Sammy. And no Sam you're not going to do anything about it, you got me?
Do you get drunk every weekend?
Ha, ha. My weeks don't really consist of weekends.
If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for?
Sammy and me could live a normal life, and dad and mum were alive, and Jess was alive.
xoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo
Sam looked up at Dean, tears streaming down his face. Dean's face was now soft, all anger gone.
"I'm sorry." He choked out. Dean looked at him for a long moment.
"Me too," he said. Sam looked down, pushing the laptop away, unable to stand the sight of Dean's feelings so clearly displayed. Dean scooted his chair over and placed a strong hand on Sam's shoulder, and the other on his face.
"Look at me man," he said, cupping his cheek. Sam did, his whole body shaking as he kept in the sobs. Dean wiped the tears away gently with the soothing stroke of his thumb, and Sam leaned into the comforting touch.
"If this is the way you want to talk about it, then we can do that. But sooner or later, and preferably before I go to hell, we are going to have to talk about it, okay buddy?"
Sam let out a gasp and nodded.
Dean then roughly pulling him into a hug, and Sam almost fell off his chair. Dean wrapped his arms tightly around the younger man's thinner frame, his arms offering security. Sam sunk into the embrace, the warm feeling of love whispering comfort and fixing his broken heart slowly but surely.
Dean had slipped into brother mode again, holding Sam close to his chest, to his heart. Sam clung onto him, as he would when the time came.
Dean understood.
"No." He whispered, voice soft and yet tone firm.
"I love you man."
"I love you too Sammy. I don't tell you because you should already know."
"I do know."
"Good. Oh by the way...I always knew you were a pussy man..."
"Shut up...asshole."
"You love it...bitch."