Step One
When Kakashi returned from his very first ANBU mission, he was grateful for only a small number of things.
Firstly, he silently thanked the man that had designed his uniform. As he stumbled through the village gates, he was acutely aware of the way that the bone-white armor he was wearing clung to him, squeezing his chest tightly. If not for the form-fitting vest, he probably wouldn't have been able to walk straight.
Secondly, he would admit to being attached to the porcelain mask that hid his identity so well. Streaked with blood, he supposed it made him look more like a proper assassin. …Exactly like someone who'd just killed his entire team on a fluke.
Their screams were still ringing in his ears even as he greeted a fellow ANBU member in the streets with a simple nod. If anything, the screaming only became louder with the slight movement.
He grabbed a handful of his own hair and tugged half-heartedly, continuing to walk until his feet carried him to a small apartment complex. Outside, in the empty courtyard, he maneuvered his way to an ordinary looking tree and fished inside its knothole for a flat, silver key. It sparkled in the sunlight as he carried it, open-palmed.
As he neared the double doors to enter, he tried to pay little attention to the details that had damage potential. There was absolutely nothing about the monster of a mission he'd taken that he actually wanted to recall. He doubted he'd ever want to remember. …He was past remembering now; he wanted to drink himself into a head-spinning stupor and then count the colors off, one by one, as they disappeared from his vision.
Shaking his head wearily, he blinked and continued at a slow trot.
When he glanced at the gutters on the rooftop, he found that they were littered with a mixture of pink and white petals from the blooming apple blossom trees. Some were colored as fiercely as cherry blossoms, and others resembled soft blooms of dogwood, faded as white as snow. They lined every open windowsill and had scattered through the uncut grass.
He knew it shouldn't faze him to realize that a petal from an apple blossom tree had been his first indication of shock during the mission. When he'd woken up in a strange clearing in an un uncharted forest and had turned over only to face his dead teammates, the only thing he could recall was the sound of an explosive note going off. Yet he stood up as casually as ever and failed to pause upon seeing their faces drained of life and expression.
One man had had his chest ripped open with the force of the impact. Kakashi had gone to his side at a slow, slow pace, checking for a pulse when he was sure there would be none, and he hadn't been at all surprised when his suspicions were confirmed.
Then he withdrew his hand and stared at it for the longest time, watching as it shook in place. At the time he hadn't thought it odd to do such a thing. (Hands were supposed to shake, right? Right?) The only thing that he'd found even remotely "odd" was the fact that an apple blossom petal had worked its way underneath one of his fingernails.
He'd pried it out and stood up, intent on heading home.
Later, when some sense of understanding had finally dawned on him and he was able to comprehend just what had happened on the mission (his teammates were dead? …And still laying on the ground somewhere?), he formally apologized to the Hokage and then formally excused himself from his presence.
…He had a lot of drinking to do.
Fin.
Author's Note: I have no idea what age Kakashi is supposed to be in this one - you'll have to pardon my inattention to his history as a child prodigy. :P
I know for certain that he was ANBU sometime around 17, but 17 was probably fairly late into his ANBU career considering that he made Jounin at 13 and I can't see him waiting that long to join the Black Ops. …But feel free to excuse my poor speculation here, by all means. I rarely if ever write anything concerning Kakashi anymore. It seems I only read Naruto for Itachi these days, and I'm still waiting for Sasuke to get bitch-slapped for…uhm…doing that "thing" he did to his brother. T.T
It was just really, really, REALLY tough love, okay?! Damn Sasuke. :(