His hands are trembling. Strange, he thinks, that in this situation, the only thing I'm noticing are my hands. He brings down his gaze to stare at the slowly congealing pool of blood that puddles around his bare feet. Too strange, too strange. The only sound he can hear is the slow and steady tick of the clock behind him. Sakumo had hung it there four years ago, at the request of his wife. She said the silly little picture on the clock face would brighten up the otherwise bare living room. Kakashi had been fascinated with it ever since he was three; what child wouldn't be? A distorted face, large eyes bugged out, splashes or purple and cyan clashed hideously with the slime green, and round numbers that seemed to pop. Maybe not every child would be fascinated the same way he was. Maybe they would be horrified. Little seven year old chunin wouldn't be horrified. And he isn't horrified at the sight in front of him. Of course he isn't. (count the seconds until he realizes. count them with me: eight, seven, six...)
He dropped the book he was carrying earlier. It lays there on the floor, previously angel white pages greedily drinking the lusciously scarlet liquid that stains the wooden floors. It would be a pain to clean up the tatami mat later on. (five, four...)
He takes a step closer. The stench is unbearable. How long had the elder Hatake been lying there? He sees a hand reach for the tanto that sticks out of Sakumo's stomach, and it is much later that he realizes it was his hand. His pale, slim hand that mechanically jerked the sword out of his father's guts, his hand that held the final suicide weapon. He had known for a while, of course, but he didn't _know_ until he was sitting there on the roof, the handle clenched tightly in his fist and wondering whether it would be easier to let himself drop off or maybe if beheading himself would be simpler or maybe seppuku like his father because after all who would want to be associated with a traitor like him? (three, two, one...)
"Father?" The voice is small and tiny, and he doesn't know what to do except to stare at the corpse. He doesn't look at the walls because the sight is permanently burned into his mind: Hatake Sakumo's death poem carved into the wall in a shaky hand, possibly using his own fingernails because of the delicate lines of blood that trail down the smooth surface.
i hear the singing
of birds higher in the sky;
they shall forever
be higher than me, even
as my summer passes by
(time's up)
_______________________________
Kakashi returns home after his first day at the Academy. He is frowning. The house is empty, but the house is alive. He can feel the pulse in the walls, he can hear the soft breaths and the groans of the floor as he gently steps on the wooden planks. He removes his shoes and enters the living room, setting his book bag on the table. His teachers assigned him texts to read, but he knows them all by heart already. The couch sighs in contentment as Kakashi's tiny body sits on it, sharing its warmth with the small boy.
It is two in the afternoon and four year old Kakashi is alone.
Kakashi waits for a while, but doesn't think of much. He wonders, only for a little while, where his father is. But then, he remembers that time two days ago- it was six in the evening and the two Hatake were sitting at the kitchen, ready for dinner- when his father told him that he would be leaving on an A ranked mission and he had no idea how long it was going to take so just be a good little boy and remember that classes start in two days at eight in the morning so be there and be a good little shinobi for me, okay Kashi-kun?
It is two thirty in the afternoon and Kakashi is done with waiting. He grabs his bag and goes up the stairs to get to his room, the room he insisted on getting when he was three years old because he was already a big boy and all big boys had their own room. He reads the scrolls over and over again until he's sure that he memorized every single detail of every single one, like the blotch of ink where Sususmu-sensei was pushed by his son when he was very carefully copying down every little kanji and the part in the upper left corner where the paper is just a teensy bit thinner than the rest, so he can sort of see through and maybe if he just puts a little bit of pressure on that spot he can tear a hole through the scroll.
It is four in the afternoon and Kakashi is waiting. He is back on the living room couch and sits there, legs crossed. His stomach rumbles, but he reminds himself that it was only four hours ago that he ate and that a shinobi will have to face hunger on his mission. This is good training, he tells himself, as he waits for his father to come back home.
The clock does not unnerve him. Of course it doesn't.
It is seven at night and Kakashi is reading. He doesn't need the scroll, of course, but he is comforted by the feel of just-a-little-too-coarse scroll in his hands, the flat black ink, and the little rustles and crinkles he hears whenever he moves his hands. Hatake Kakashi has been waiting for two days and nineteen hours, and he is reading aloud.
"Shinobi rule one: A shinobi's duty is to protect his kage and village."
He wonders. Shakes off his strange feeling and continues.
"Shinobi rule two: A shinobi must be willing to die for the safety of their kage and village.
"Shinobi rule three: A shinobi's allegiance lies solely with their kage and village.
"Shinobi rule four: The mission always comes first, unless it is a danger to their kage and village.
"Shinobi rule five: The secrets of a shinobi's village are to remain within their village."
He stops, pauses to think once more. The scroll is filled with many more rules, all the way until one hundred and four. Does he really want to read all that out loud? His father always said that if he talked too much, his throat was going to start to ache and that wasn't good.
Mind made up, he goes into the kitchen and grabs a glass. Fills it with water, scroll tucked under one arm, and toddles back to the couch. He shifts until he is in the same position as before and continues reading. The glass remains untouched.
"Shinobi rule twenty-five: A shinobi must never show emotion."
"No, Kakashi." The four year old is startled; he jumps off the couch and watches with wide eyes as his battered father enters the room. He is absolutely still as his father sits down on the couch beside him, taking the scroll from his son's hands. He gives the boy a smile (and Kakashi can see it through the black mask he wears, yes, he knows his father's face even though he can only see half of it) and pats him on the head.
"A shinobi cannot show emotion when he is on a mission, because when he is on a mission, he is a tool for the village. That is rule twenty-four: A shinobi is a tool for his village. But when he is not on a mission, he is a human. He is no longer a tool, but he is a man with a family and with friends." Hatake Sakumo takes out a blank scroll from one of his pockets.
"Father?"
"Kakashi, do you have your calligraphy set?"
Kakashi nods, confused. "Good. Get it." Little Kakashi hops off the couch and wanders up to his room, grabs the prized ink block and brush that used to belong to his mother (back before the Shadow Man hit her on the head with a kunai and then burned her body in front of her two year old son) and heads back down. His father smiles at him again and picks up the brush. He speaks as he writes.
"A long time ago, back when Konoha was just founded, the shinobi rules came into existence." Sakumo doesn't stop writing, though he stops talking for a while. "The first shinobi of the Hatake clan- yes, the Hatake clan existed for as long as that- came up with their own shinobi rules. This is the Hatake nindo, and it has been passed down from one generation to the next. This is my nindo, my shinobi rules."
The Hatake Nindo
A shinobi's allegiance is to his kage and village
A shinobi must complete all missions unless it endangers his kage or village
A shinobi must never reveal the secrets of his village
To betray is to be forever shamed
A shinobi's team is his family
There are no more rules
Kakashi looks up to his father, and stares. Sakumo stares back, clearly waiting for a reaction. Neither of them speak, but there is no need for them to do so. Kakashi slowly, almost reverently, takes the scroll and rolls it up. The ink is already dry. He hugs it to his little chest and leans against his father, closing his eyes. And Sakumo ruffles his hair, and gently carries his only family back to his room and tucks him in. There is a smile on Kakashi's face, and when he wakes up two hours later, dinner is waiting for him.
_______________________________
Haseo-san's eyes are steely as they watch the battered teenager in front of him. He has just passed the jounin exams. Thirteen! Though, he supposes it is no surprise. The kid was a chunin at six, genin five, entered the Academy at four. Genius. No other explanation.
"Do you swear upon your life and your honor as a shinobi to forever protect the village and the kage?" The speech is the same in every one of the Hidden Countries. "Do you swear to uphold the standards of the village, and do you pledge yourself as a tool to the kage? Are you willing to die for the sake of your village? Answer me these questions as jounin."
"I swear upon my life and my honor as a shinobi to forever protect my village and my kage. I swear to uphold the standards of the village, and I offer myself as a willing tool for the kage. I will do whatever it takes to ensure the safety of the village, and use whatever means to protect it until the day I die," comes the answer. The Hatake brat's eyes are blank.
"Then become jounin and become our tool." They both bow to each other. When Haseo-san turns to leave, Kakashi smiles.
A shinobi's allegiance is to his kage and village
_______________________________
Kakashi stumbles back, hand pressed against the hole in his shoulder. Dammit, this was only supposed to be a C rank!
His target is ahead, completely unaware of the fact that his guards have been killed. Of course, his guards were chunin. But Suna chunin were going soft. That last one actually lowered his weapon when he saw how young Kakashi was, and when he saw the injured shoulder. And of course, that was when Kakashi struck, kunai slashing viciously across the man's neck. The blood had splattered onto his shirt.
He'd been careless earlier. Underestimated one of the guards. Shuriken plus a wind jutsu, and then he'd been pinned against the wall, and then a kunai and a hand twisting but he didn't scream, of course he didn't because then he would have failed the mission and he couldn't fail because he had to complete it. Ten minutes in and it was obvious the guard was playing with him. Kyou - Kakashi doesn't know the bastard's name, but Kyou is as good as any - grabs his arm, and Kakashi feels the twinge of pain as he stretches his already hurt shoulder, and he knows that Kyou is probably getting some sadistic delight in watching Kakashi in pain, and knows that Kyou wants to break his arm and then finally finish him. Maybe toss his body to the scavengers that frequent the outskirts of Suna, where bodies are dumped everyday.
He can't let it come to that.
So then he uses his left hand and pushes off the wall, trapping Kyou's neck between his ankles and then violently twists to the side, and he feels a wave of grim satisfaction as the snap tells him that Kyou's neck is broken. No more reason for him to stay. He drags the body into the shadows, and then hurriedly finishes off the other guards because he knows that Kyou's yelp of surprise would have alerted them to his presence.
He has a hole through his shoulder and his arm is nearly broken but he managed to throw a shuriken and strike his target in the forehead and as the blood spurts and his target slumps to the ground and as the alarm starts rising up in the surrounding people (invisible killer, panic, help helpidontwanttodie, shinobi) Kakashi runs. He stumbles more than once, but he runs, and he knows that he's going to make it back to Konoha with his mission complete.
He tells himself to ignore the sight of his target's young daughter standing beside him, trying to get her father to wake up.
A shinobi must complete all missions unless it endangers his kage or village
_______________________________
oh my god it hurts my leg my leg what the hell happened to my leg? shit, bone, bone and blood its so goddamn painful that he wants to scream but he cant scream because that would mean that they won he cant let them win because he is shinobi he has to be stronger than them.
who are you what is konoha planning what are your secrets who are you what is konoha planning what are your secrets who are you what is konoha planning what are your secrets what are your secrets
i am shinobi i am shinobi i am shinobi i have no secrets i have no secrets i have no secrets because i am shinobi i am shinobi
my leg hurts but now my head also hurts i think it was kunai but maybe it was senbon i can't see anymore too much red so tired so sleepy maybe i should just finish it now maybe i should go to sleep because father always said sleep was good sleep is nice it is black and blank not like now and i dont like now so yes ill go to sleep
no i dont want to wake up let me go let me go letmego letmegoyoubastards no i wont answer your questions because i am shinobi because i have no secrets because i am shinobi
ow whered my tongue go
A shinobi must never reveal the secrets of his village
_______________________________
It is sunny at Hatake Sakumo's funeral. There are only three people there when the coffin is lowered into the grounds just behind the Hatake estate. Of those three people, only two have spoken. Of those two, there is none who is sorrowed.
Kakashi glares at Fujiwura Kaede and Kimihiro Tomoko and wishes that Sensei didn't have that mission and that Jiraiya-sama wasn't out of town and they'd be here because he'd know that Kaede and Tomoko wouldn't be here if they didn't have to watch Kakashi. Kakashi watches as Kaede spits onto the coffin, and then watches as Tomoko does the same. Kakashi watches as the two leave, and then watches the uncovered coffin. He glances to the shovel, and decides that there's nothing he'd miss if he'd stay here the rest of the day.
He grabs the shovel and starts tossing dirt onto the coffin, but not before he goes into the house and grabs the tanto and throws it down into the grave on top of the coffin. As Kakashi toils in the sun, the only thing he can think of is the fact that seppuku still doesn't make up for the fact that he killed himself. But then, he pauses to look over his thoughts again and decides that he's thinking too much. So he digs. Maybe his father would meet Kaede and Tomoko in the hell reserved for the shamed.
To betray is to be forever shamed
_______________________________
Namikaze Minato waits for Uchiha Obito and Kimihiro Rin to arrive. Privately, he is worried. Sakumo never had good a good relationship with any member of the Uchiha clan. Anybody with the surname Kimihiro or Fujiwura would definitely be a sore spot. Namikaze Minato waits and prays to whatever god is listening to please let Kakashi be fine.
Hatake Kakashi is not here yet. Uchiha Obito is not here yet. Kimihiro Rin is not here yet. Hatake Kakashi is here.
He arrives silently and suddenly that Minato thinks he has been here the entire time. Maybe he has. His face is blank.
But then, twenty minutes after the supposed meeting time, the two genin show up, the black-haired Uchiha panting, the girl walking demurely next to him. The two are talking. Kakashi notices. Minato notices that Kakashi notices. He prepares himself for the storm he's sure will arrive.
"Sorry I'm late Sensei!" Obito announces. "I lost my goggles and then found out that my cousin threw them away so I had to go and get a replacement!" Then, Obito notices the pale (everything's so pale: pale skin, pale hair, pale mind, pale soul) boy beside the supernova bright jounin, and then smiles.
"Hi! I'm Uchiha Obito!"
"Good morning," Rin says. She has a shy smile on her face. "I'm Kimihiro Rin. It's nice to meet you."
Minato closes his eyes and very pointedly doesn't look at Kakashi.
"It's good to meet you. My name is Hatake Kakashi." And Minato can't help his look of shock because is Kakashi smiling? Kakashi looks at his sensei weirdly before extending his hand to the newcomers, and Obito shakes his hand enthusiastically while Rin does so a little more shyly. Rin is never shy around anyone.
And when Obito starts chattering and Rin starts yelling at him to be quiet while Sensei tries to digest what the hell just happened, Kakashi smiles and joins in the argument like he's known them his whole life. And he has, of course. Of course he's known them.
A shinobi's team is his family
_______________________________
When Kakashi opens his eyes it is dark and he sees a campfire and he sees his father sitting in front of it and when the man turns Kakashi sees that he is smiling and he isn't wearing his mask and when he goes up to see Hatake Sakumo the man laughs and says-
When Kakashi opens his eyes it is dark and he sees his father and he says-
When Kakashi opens his eyes.
There are no more rules.