A Spark and an Ember
Post S3 V1
After what felt like an eternity and even though I did not feel ready, it was time to go back to work.
I still thought about Elvis every day and I still woke up covered in sweat after nightmares of his death. But I couldn't let the section down, they needed me on tour and were expecting me to be put together, so I had to pretend. I just hoped this tour would go without a hitch. I certainly didn't need any more distractions.
So, the first few days of the tour had not gone to plan. Being kidnapped with half the section and being rescued by the SF team had not been expected. Seeing Peanut and Spanner so soon after Elvis' death had been hard. When Spanner came in I half expected Elvis to follow him and announce he'd been alive all along! Instead it was that wanker Bones. He was a total asshole to the guys and would never be able to replace Elvis!
He was interesting though, I have never met a man with so much conviction in his orders and yet so much disdain for authority.
The next day though, I definitely had a new-found respect for him though. When we exchanged the boy for Adewole and found out about the explosive vest on the girl, everything became a blur, and suddenly I found my self screaming and Fingers and I were holding on to a woman who could explode at any moment. He, Bones took charge and even though he looked visibly scared he managed to cut the wire and toss the vest in time, and the first thing he did after the explosion was ask if I was ok. After only knowing me for a day.
I couldn't help but notice that I was feeling something in my body that I didn't recognise any more. A feeling I never thought I would have again. I hated him, that must be it.
Later that night the section went out to the club, I noted how hilarious it was that Maisie was so unaware of her feelings for Rab and hoped against hope that although it was against Army regulations, that she would realise tonight, they were just so sweet together.
Although it would have been fun to watch the drama unfold and laugh every time Brains, Fingers and Monk got rejected by a woman, I was too tired. And honestly did not see why I should be celebrating when Adewole was still in hospital due to my mistakes.
When Bones offered me a lift back to barracks I was a little unsure, mainly because of this unexplained guilty feeling I was getting every time I thought of him after the bomb incident. It was probably due to the fact that I had hated him before then. But sadly, he was right about travelling in Nigeria on your own late at night, so I accepted.
When he asked me to come back to his room I suddenly understood what that unfamiliar feeling that I had experienced the day before had been. Because I was tempted to go with him. He was sat so close to me and he had that cocky smile and he smelt amazing. Suddenly I was taken back to a simpler time in my life, where I was no longer the heartbroken fiancé of a dead SF officer, I was just a young woman who could feel all the same things that young women feel…and that was ok. He lent over with that cocky smile and whispered "If you want me to stop, all you have to do is say so" but I couldn't talk. His lips just looked so beautiful and when they touched mine all thoughts of protest were gone. We kissed for what felt like an eternity and I found myself straddling his hips and grabbing hold of his hair. When I pulled his hair a little harder than planned he moaned my name and I felt this fire in my stomach that I'd never felt before. It was at this point that I decided to run, it was too soon and if I let this go where it was going it would be disrespectful to Elvis's memory wouldn't it?! I broke the kiss and whispered "I'm sorry but I can't do this! It wouldn't be right! I shouldn't be feeling like this", and then I ran back to my bunk and cried in confusion over what had just happened. Before I left, I couldn't help but notice a look of sadness on his face that I was surprised by. He just wanted to get laid right? I could understand being disappointed but not sad.