Author's Note: What started out as a angst drabble has turned into a full fledged story. Sometimes it happens. Not sure how long this will be, but it's going to get really complicated and fast. Let me know what you think! And I promise to have the next chapter of Getting Out of Heaven up very soon! Reviews are awesome!
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
She finds the ring later. After it happened and eight days went by.
She never imagined having to do this, so early in her life, before life actually happened.
Carol couldn't find the strength, and she really doesn't blame her. And truth be told, she would prefer not to be in here, but someone has to do it.
Everything smells like him and it's so intoxicating she finds herself inhaling her own perfume on her skin, just to drown it out.
His closet was where she started. Pulling old football Jersey's (she keeps one for herself) and hoodies off hangers, into awaiting boxes labeled with names of local shelters.
There are boxes high up on the shelves, some covered in dust, untouched in months. Most contain old papers from high school, another filled with sports awards. She's not surprised to find he's kept a box of items from his relationship with Quinn (it makes her wonder if he's got one for her). The important things are separated, everything else thrown away.
She pulls out everything under his bed, shoes, dirty socks, more boxes of miscellaneous items.
There are frames lined up all over his room. She recognizes the one of him and his father, in that old blue chair, and a few of the entire Glee club. The one that makes her stop and sit on his bed is one she's never seen before. Senior year, they're at the justice of the peace. The two of them standing in the hallway, smiling in pure unadulterated bliss. She's not sure who snapped it and why she's never seen it, but the image alone causes heavy sobs to push themselves from her chest.
This moment, here in this picture, will never happen again. And that thought alone, tears her into more pieces than she's in already.
Composing herself she sets the picture in a box saved for herself. The faster she's done, the sooner she can leave and never come back.
An hour later and a room that once held so much life, and so many dreams, is barren. The only spot remaining is his dresser. Opening the bottom drawers she throws jeans, shorts, and old sweatpants behind her, piling them into the boxes.
It's the sock drawer at the top that she's afraid of. Most people hide their most treasured items up here and she's not sure what she'll find.
He never mated his socks. Wearing two of whatever he could find. The memory makes her giggle, picturing him in one white and one pick the holiday of your choice. She's got all of this socks cleared when she finds his journal.
Never in the years that they had dated, did he mention a journal. It's leather bound, but unassuming. She wants to open it, discover a Finn she's never known. But hold's off, instead tossing it into her box. Waiting to read it stops any finality. She doesn't want to fully believe that it happened, not quite yet.
She can't contain her laughter when she's sifting through his underwear and finds a pair of Power Ranger boxers. (They go in her box too.)
There's a soft thump when she throws the last handful.
As she digs around for the object, her fingers surround soft velvet. She can't breathe, because she knows what it is.
Leaning back against his bed, knees pulled up, she opens it. It's not what she thought it was. This isn't hers.
The thought crosses her mind, that maybe he had someone else and it had gotten this serious. But she knows that there wasn't because Kurt would have told her. That's when her heart knows.
Her hand comes to her mouth, covering her pained sobs. This was meant for her. The box snaps shut, her hand squeezing it, praying it disappears.
When it doesn't, she throws the box against the wall, the ring bounces out. She can't lose it. It's the last piece of everything that was them.
Down on all fours, she finds it underneath his dresser. As she's putting it back in the box, the sunlight catches the inside of the band. There's an inscription. "Forever Yours, Fathfully."
For the first time she curses his ability to be so sentimental. And as she's sobbing again (she doesn't really ever think she'll stop), she can't help but wonder when he was going to ask her again.
The journal.
She had told herself she wouldn't read it until she was in the comfort of her own room, and not surrounded by him.
But something so monumental, so life changing, needs answers.
Reaching her hand into the box, she pulls it out, gently setting it in her lap. Flipping through, she finds his last few entries.
There's one dated a few days before it happened.
Hey Journal (I should really name you, right? It's only fair),
I came to an important decision today, a life changing one. After Glee club I went straight to that Jewelry store on Main Street and found it. The perfect ring. I'm not exactly sure when I'll give it to her but, there's no question that I will. You're probably wondering why. Considering the whole marriage thing didn't work the first time. It's easy really. She's Rachel, simple as that. When I told her we were endgame, I meant it. Which is also why I started applying to schools in New York. Not NYU or anything, just small ones that have the right program. If I want this forever thing to work out, I can't be in a different state. So hopefully come September, things will be different, better. And after her first show (I know she'll get the part) I'll meet her at her dressing room. We'll go get drinks with her cast, and I'll pull her away when the time is right. I'll take her back to the theater and ask her to marry me again on that stage. Because stages are our thing. And she'll say yes and we'll live happily ever after. Sounds nice doesn't it?
I can't wait.
Finn
She would have said yes. Without a second heartbeat. Finn was always it for her.
The thought that he was planning all this, so happy, so excited, makes everything all that more tragic. And she wants to scream, hit things, because some asshole had to cause that freak accident.
It wasn't supposed to happen, not to Finn. There wasn't even a body. An empty casket was buried deep into the earth.
Everything happened so quickly, they said. One minute Finn was under a car, working at the shop like usual, when a spark or a leak from somewhere caused an explosion. The entire shop was in ruins, and all that was found was a single cigarette lighter.
She's wondered about that day, constantly wondering how and why it happened .Finn had worked on cars numerous times…but the local police had done nothing more than conclude it was a freak accident. And maybe that's what it was.
After pulling herself off the floor she gather's the donation boxes, setting them at the top of the stairs (Finn had the basement), before lifting her own and shutting the door.
Carol was in the kitchen, sipping on another cup of coffee. Rachel knows it's nothing but a distraction, she prefers wine though.
"It's all done, I even swept. All the boxes are ready to go, and I think I'll come by tomorrow to take them up to the rescue mission. If that's alright."
"Of course dear, I really do appreciate it. I just can't go in there, not yet."
"It's okay, not a problem."
Carol's arms come around her, hugging her gently.
"You take care of yourself okay? And let me know if you need anything. Don't hesitate."
"I will, classes start in about a month so I should be kept busy."
"What about Funny Girl?"
"I still haven't decided. Without him there, I just.."
"You know as well as I do that he would want you there, on that stage. He told me once that's where he fell in love with you. So don't give it up, just yet."
She knows Carol is right, Finn would want her up there. It's being there that's the problem, holding it together.
Giving Carol one last hug, she heads out the door to her car, box under her arm.
A week later she's back in New York. She calls the director immediately, accepting the part. Finn sent her here to live out her dreams, how can she say no?
It's when she gets of the phone and start's emptying her suitcase, pulling out the items from his room, that she falls apart.
Kurt is still in Lima and she's not sure where Santana is, so she can cry as loud as she needs to.
She falls asleep clutching the journal.
A month later, rehearsals start. She puts on a strong face and finds that when they're dismissed and everyone is telling her how great she'll be, it's a little better.
One night after a particularly grueling dance rehearsal, she decides to take a night walk through Central Park. Most would call her crazy, but she carries a rape whistle around her neck and pepper spray in her purse.
She immediately heads straight to Bow Bridge. The water is still, illuminated by the lights of New York. Closing her eyes she imagines she's at the lake in Lima, lying on a picnic blanket. Finn is next to her, whispering in her ear, things only God and the stars above can hear.
Opening her eyes, she's back in New York, alone. But she's got her dreams, and that's enough for now. But she'll never move on, because the idea of moving on is completely impossible, no one ever moves on. Especially from a love you lost.
Turning away from the water, she begins her walk to the subway.
The evening subway crowd is less, no one's going or coming from work, it's just the stragglers of the day.
She takes a seat by a window, because it's free and she's too short to reach the upper railings. As the train starts, her eyes glance out the window. Watching the people waiting for the next train.
Her eyes bounce from person to person, until they land on someone. She almost shoots out of her seat, because it can't be? It's just her mind playing tricks on her and heart wishing for things. In her panic she takes her eyes away. When she goes to look again to prove it's not true, the person is gone. Whatever she saw did not just happen. It's impossible.
She did not just see Finn Hudson.
A/N 2: There you have it. This kind of story is a first for me. But I think the outcome will be fantastic.