Shae: Hey there! Yeah, I know I haven't updated for a SUPER long time…but still! I thought you guys deserved one. (I know, right? There are like four of you that

actually read my stuff.) Anyway, this one's another songfic; this time it's about Axel. Not necessarily how he died – you can imply that if you want – more about his

life before his other died. The song is called "Slow Burn" by Atreyu. The name Shay I kind of stole from SharleaNorth…I hope she's not mad at me…sorry, I couldn't

think of anything else! And since it's Axel, I didn't figure you'd be too upset with me…so. Yeah. You still love me, right...?

Disclaimer: I don't own Axel or Atreyu.

--

It begins with a dark glowing ember.

"I really need a drink."

Something black burning its way out of me.

"Axel, can't you stay home tonight?"

Pain is the only thing I feel, scars all I see.

"I really need a drink," he repeated.

Oh no, the fire's burning my insides again.

She sighed, folding her arms. "You've been out every night this week…"

What can I do to silence my desire tonight?

He almost felt bad. She was right, he knew, and she deserved something that she wanted for once.

Flames consuming reason, leaving only ashes left.

But that could wait. He would take her out for dinner tomorrow, or something like that.

You will catch me regretting my decision.

"I promise, Shay, I'll only be out for a couple of hours. Okay?" There, he could compromise.

I can't keep telling myself what I want to hear.

She frowned. "You've said that for the past four days!"

I can't just close my eyes.

"Axel, aren't you listening to me? This isn't good for either of us!"

I know that it's killing me.

"I know, Shay, I'm sorry! I can't help it anymore! I've tried. You know I've tried."

And it's poisoning the best of me.

"You can't have tried very hard, or you would have been able to stop! You can't even stop for me!"

What I see I don't want you to believe.

"No, I can't stop! That's what an addiction is, Shay!"

So let me tell you more, tell you more about the lies I lead.

"You act like I don't know that you can get help! If you really wanted to stop, you could. I know that."

That is how I chose to douse the flames in gasoline.

"Don't you know how worried I get when you come home from bar fights with bruises like that?"

Broken teeth replace the blackout memories in my head.

"But I can't…"

Wreckage from the past haunts me, shakes me to the bone.

"Please, Axel, don't lie to me." She looked like she was about to cry.

I know it's over, but I can't go home tonight.

"The worst thing you could have done for me right now was make me feel worse." He slammed the door in her face.

And after this, I feel as empty as the night before.

She really only made things worse…

Feel the pain, and then I'm still begging for more.

Like he didn't feel bad enough already. He really had tried to stop drinking.

Masochistic, nihilistic, urging backward thought.

It's just that every time he'd thought about actually stopping, he was afraid to. It was his escape.

My life's a mess and I can't find a way to fix it.

Maybe he should go home and apologize.

I can't keep telling myself what I want to hear.

But he was always afraid that he'd get upset and hit her or something. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

I can't just close my eyes.

He couldn't win. There was no way out of this.

I know that it's killing me.

When it came down to it, he would either lose her or the alcohol.

And it's poisoning the best of me.

He didn't know which he needed more.

What I see I don't want you to believe.

And that didn't help things any. It made them worse.

So let me tell you more, tell you more about the lies I lead.

It made him realize just how bad he'd become.

Calling, calling out…

He would lose the alcohol for her in a heartbeat, of course.

The darkest reaches of my soul are riddled with self-doubt.

He just didn't know if he could.

Crawling, crawling out…

He had to try. It was better for both of them that way.

My will to fight will more than suffice when others would lay down.

Alcohol was no good for him anyway.

It's only as dark as you make it.

But he loved the buzz.

I know that it's killing me.

He could go without that…

And it's poisoning the best of me.

As long as he could still drink every once in a while. That wouldn't be a problem.

What I see I don't want you to believe.

He could do that. Probably.

So let me tell you more, tell you more about the lies I lead.

Maybe.