Radiant Eclipse

Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does. Although I wish I did. I do not own the characters. I only own the plot.

Chapter One: Home

My depression was getting to the point when I knew that no matter how much Jake tried to cheer me up, or no matter how much the sun shined; nothing was going to work. All I wanted to do was see him again. Failing that, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never come out.

My Dad was worried. That was plain to see, it was clear on his face like the sky in Phoenix was clear of rain. My Mom was worried. She came down to take me back to Florida with her. I think that was first time I ever truly broke down and cried. I didn't want to leave, not now, not ever.

When he left and took everything with him, he left behind one thing. Sitting in my truck was the stereo Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie had given me for my 18th birthday. Along with the pain, it was the only thing that reminded me that he was real, that they all were, and for that I'm thankful.

I don't blame Jasper for what happened. I don't blame Edward. I don't even blame Alice for throwing the party in the first place. I blame myself and how stupid, uncoordinated and careless I can be. If I hadn't of gotten a paper cut. If I hadn't of been so clumsy in the first place, maybe he would have stayed. Maybe he wouldn't have found that he didn't love me anymore. But it happened and I guess I'll never know if things would have been different if I'd opened that present without a hitch.

I hardly eat. I hardly sleep. I never talk, unless I'm asked a question. My only expression is… well I don't have one anymore. I don't go out, apart from to go to school and work. To tell you the truth, I'm grieving.
They say that when you grieve, you need to go through five stages.

Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.

If I went through denial, I was oblivious to it. I didn't convince myself that he was on a hunting trip with his brothers and would be back in a few days. He was gone. I couldn't deny that.

I got angry when my Mom came to take me back to Jacksonville with her. I'm definitely not going to deny that. I throw my clothes everywhere. I shouted. I swore…. I cried.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I was willing to make a deal with Hades to bring him back to me. I know I bargained. I'm still bargaining. I would do anything to have him back.

Depression is an understatement. I've heard my Dad and Dr. Gerandy talking downstairs. I know that I'm currently in a Catatonic state. I should have been hospitalized weeks ago. I should be on medication. But I don't want my state of mind to change. I want to feel the pain. It means he existed.

I don't think I'll ever get to stage five. I've accepted that he's gone, yes. But I don't want to accept that he'll never come back. I've accepted that he doesn't love me anymore. But I don't want to accept that there won't ever be a chance that he could fall back in love with me. I want to hope. I don't want to accept failure.
…..I want him back.

I do want him back. I want to see him smile and know that I was the cause for it. I want to go to the meadow and have him sit beside me holding my hand, sparkling in the sunlight. I want him to kiss me. I want it to be a kiss hello and not a kiss goodbye. I just want him back. I want to be able to sleep at night, knowing that he's lying next to me, his arms around me, keeping me safe. I want to see those golden eyes of his every morning when I wake up. I want him back. I want him back. I want him back.

I want to see Esme and have her tell me all about her next big renovation. I want to see Carlisle and not purely just for medical reasons. I want to see Emmett, even if it's just so he can make fun of how human I am. I want to see Rosalie even though she doesn't like me. I want to see Alice, even though she'll turn me into Guinea Pig Barbie. I want to see Jasper and let him know that it's not his fault. I want to see that immortal family. I miss them. Desperately.

I'm tired of just sitting down on my bed staring at the window, knowing that it will never open to have a vampire climb through it. I'm tired of listening to music. If it's not my lullaby or him playing the piano, I don't want to hear it. I'm tired of being human. Of being clumsy. Of having bad equilibrium. I'm tired.

Today I cooked New York Chicken. Which is Chicken with Barbeque sauce, bacon and cheese on top. Charlie loved it, but I couldn't eat a bite of it. I just didn't feel hungry. I earned a worried and reproachful glance from Charlie. Maybe he might change his mind and hospitalize me now.

And again I couldn't sleep. If I sleep I know I'll see the same thing I always do. An empty forest and silence. I can't stand that silence. I kept screaming out for him but there was never any reply. He'd left me.

He's still gone. I'm all on my own. So here I am, sitting down in my Rocking Chair, staring at the window, still looking for the vampire that will never come back to me.

It was dark out, which is normal for Forks. There were no stars, the clouds never allowed them to appear. It was cold, but not the cold I wanted.

"Bella!" Charlie called. I walked out on to the landing and replied in my lifeless voice.

"Yeah?"

"Have you been sitting in your chair watching the road?" He asked me. What for I had no idea.

"Yes. Why?"

"Did you see a Mercedes pause outside and someone get out?"

"No. Are you imagining things?"

"No Bells. I swear, a Mercedes just dropped somebody off outside." He tried to convince me.

"There's nobody out there, Dad."

"I'm just seeing things aren't I?"

"Probably." I heard him mutter something downstairs. He couldn't have seen a Mercedes. They left. They weren't coming back. It was impossible. It was his imagination. It had to be. It had to be. I went back to my room and froze...

My window was open, with someone standing in front of it. Impossible. Impossible.

"Impossible." I realized I said out loud. He flinched at the sound of my lifeless voice. There was something different about him. He wasn't as pale as he normally was. He looked tired, like visibly drained. Even his eyes were different. They were green, not gold. "Edward?"

"Hi Bella." He made no move to come closer to me. I guess I could understand that. I took a small step forwards.

"You look different." I said. It was an understatement. His eyes were green! They hadn't been green for 87 years.

"As of 2 hours ago, I am different." Even his voice was different. It was more human. I stumbled toward him. He steadied me. Even his hands were warm. It was a long shot but I put my hand on his chest, over his heart. I gasped. It was beating.