Title: Ello Gov'nor
Summary: Ian decides to rent a horror movie for his and Bryan's movie night. When the old cheesy movie gives Ian a very real and morbid fear of British taxis, Bryan is forced to find a way to cure Ian's phobia just so he can sleep at night.
Disclaimer: Beyblade does NOT belong to me, however much I might wish it does.
The plot is inspired by this freaking brilliant episode of The Regular Show, so if anyone's reading this and thinking, 'Heyyy, i've seen this somewhere before' then well, yeah, that's why. I'm not claiming it's brilliance! DDDDDD:
Thanks: to chocolatexloverx16 who is an absolute riot and has inspired me to write a little outside of my comfort zone. : D
1. Nightmares.
"That'll be $2.99, sir."
Ian handed the girl at the till the money with a flourish, and a cheeky wink, and then began to walk towards the door with a skip in his step. Tonight's movie night with Bryan was gonna be awesome. He'd picked out the best movie, Bryan was making the popcorn, and it was gonna be sweet.
He left the movie rental store and ran right into a miniature skyscraper in the middle of the sidewalk, falling on his rear end when he was bounced backwards on impact. Rubbing his ass and grumbling slightly, Ian began to stomp over to the building and let it have a piece of his mind. Stupid building, getting all in his way like that. Only, when the skyscraper turned around, Ian realised it wasn't a building at all, just some loser kid in a costume. He looked a little familiar, but Ian didn't have the time to figure out where from.
"Ha," he taunted with a smirk on his face, "nice outfit!"
"Hey! It's not an outfit, it's a costume! My boss makes me wear it!" said the loser kid, jabbing an accusatory finger towards the rental store. But Ian wasn't listening, he was already at the other end of the street. He didn't have time for loser kids in stupid outfits, he had a kick ass movie to watch.
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"OH yeahh, movie night!" Ian was dancing on the living room sofa, waving his arms around in celebration. "Hey Bryan, you got the popcorn?"
"Yeah, yeah" Bryan grumbled, walking into the room with a huge bowl of popcorn in his hands.
"Sweeeet! And I got the movie!" Ian said, brandishing the video around.
"Huh?" said Bryan, putting the bowl down on the sofa, his face falling as he pulled out another video from behind him. "But I thought we were watching Twilight?"
Ian narrowed his eyes at the stupid sucky vampire romance movie. Ha, sucky. Because they were vampires. "Ugh, Bryan, you've watched that like ten thousand times!"
"But it's a good movie!" he whined, folding his arms and sulking. "You just don't understand." Bryan quite liked the vampire series, thank-you-very-much. He thought that, if he was in it, he'd be a vampire. After all, he was pale, impossibly handsome, and had muscles like freaking concrete blocks. He definitely was not one of those stupid stinky werewolves that were always topless because they had something to prove. Edward didn't need to take his shirt off every two minutes to prove how hot he was, and neither did Bryan. And by hot, he meant cold. Like, ice cold. Like, the arctic-fucking-circle ice cold.
"Whatever Bryan, we're watching this."
"What is it?" he said, squinting at the box as Ian held it up. "Ello Gov'nor? What the hell is that?"
"It sounds sweet, man! It's foreign, too. Here listen, I'll read the back." Ian then cleared his throat very dramatically and began to read, "A British taxi is possessed by the soul of its driver, and seeks revenge on the scummy gang members who murdered him." Ian then put on a very menacing voice, saying, "Pay the fare, or pay the price."
"Ugh, a horror? No way, Ian. Last time we watched a horror I had to walk you to the bathroom for three weeks!"
"No, Bryan, this time's gonna be different! It's old and cheesy – it won't even be scary, just hilarious!"
Bryan narrowed his eyes at the purple haired midget. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah man, totally sure. Pffft, it's even in black and white."
"Well, okay, put it on then." Bryan agreed, already stuffing his face with popcorn.
Ian watched as the movie began with a young guy sitting in a classroom, looking bored out of his face. Ian didn't blame him. School was lame. Suddenly, the boy opened his notebook, and inside the first page was the print of a tyre mark. Ian grabbed a pillow to cover his face as the boy began sweating and looking around the room in a panic. Ohmygod ohmygod, he thought, peeking over the top of the pillow, something's going to happen.
Then the boy looked outside the window, and underneath a tree was a horrible, menacing black British taxi. It had its headlamps on and they were glaring right at the boy. Suddenly, the radiator grills on its front opened up into a huge mouth with spiky teeth, and the taxi grinned said menacingly, 'Ello Gov'nor.'
Ian watched in utter horror as the taxi sped down the hill and into the classroom, breaking through the windows and massacring everyone in sight. On the sofa next to him, Bryan was watching with his arms folded and laughing, "Oh my god, this is so lame."
"Hehehe," Ian joined in weakly, "yeah.. lame."
The rest of the movie continued on in the same manner, with the evil British taxi following and murdering random people. Some kid doing a newspaper round; A young woman in the shower; An old man walking his dog. Each time the taxi appeared, it would smile evilly, show off its spiky radiator-grill teeth, and say 'Ello Gov'nor.' And then it would mow them down mercilessly, and eat them, and then spit out their bones through the exhaust pipe! It was horrible!
Then Ian jumped as the movie ended abruptly in a load of static. He was staring wide eyed at the tv screen with a traumatized expression on his face.
"Huh?" Bryan snorted as he jerked awake, "Is it over?" Ian just nodded faintly, his eyes still stuck on the static filed screen. "Dude," Bryan continued, yawning slightly, "I don't even know what that was. I mean, was the taxi just evil, or was it possessed by an evil ghost or what? Aaanyway," he said, getting up to stretch and yawning, "it's late. We should get to bed."
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That night, Ian was tossing and turning and mumbling in his sleep. He woke up in a sweat, and realised he was just having a nightmare. He glanced over to Bryan's bed on the other side of the room to make sure he wasn't awake. Bryan was such a grouch if something disturbed his precious beauty sleep.
Quietly, Ian got up and walked to the window. It was dark, and raining outside. Then, under a flash of lightening, he saw the British taxi under a tree.
"Ahh, shit!" he squeaked. The evil British taxi was coming to get him! "Bryan!" he hissed across the room. "Bryan, wake up!" He looked back outside, and suddenly the British taxi was somehow hanging right outside his window, grinning at him with his horrible spiky teeth.
"Ahhhh, Bryan!" He ran over to the purple headed blader's bed and tried to shake him awake. "Bryan, please wake up, man. It's the British taxi! It's come to get me!"
Slowly, Bryan rolled over, and Ian saw with horror that his eyes were not eyes at all, but a pair of headlamps. And they were glaring brightly at him. Ian screamed like a girl and backed away into the opposite wall, terrified. "...Bryan?" he whimpered.
Bryan sat up and twisted his body around to face him, saying, "Ello Gov'nor!"
Then the evil British taxi came bursting out of his friend's face, speeding right towards him. He was going to die.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH –" Ian's scream was cut off as a pillow hit him on the side of the face.
"What the hell, Ian?"
Ian looked around him disoriented, and realised he was still in bed. It was just a dream. "Bryan," he said, still panting in fear, "I keep having nightmares!"
"Ugh, I knew we shouldn't have watched that stupid movie!" he said, rolling over to face away from the annoying little runt. "Just dream about something else instead. Dream like you're a tough guy or something."
Ian rolled over in bed and brought the covers over his head. "I'm a tough guy." He said, chanting to himself as he fell asleep, "I'm a tough guy, I'm a tough guy."
Ian dreamed that he was walking down a rough city street at night. He was wearing a long trench coat, a detective style hat, and he was playing with a snake shaped lighter in his hand.
People said this city was pretty tough. But Ian was tougher.
As he walked down the street, he passed a tough looking biker guy, with scraggly white hair and a scar down his face. Ian noticed that this guy started following him. He knew what he was going to try and pull, and so he formulated a plan.
He turned left down a narrow dead end alley, and waited for the man to catch up. He did.
"You've picked the wrong alley to walk down, Papovski." sneered the criminal, as he pulled out a knife.
With reflexes quicker than anyone had ever seen before, Ian spun around and knocked the knife out of the man's hand, before taking him by the scruff of the neck and throwing him up against the wall. "The name's Snakes," he said with narrowed eyes, as he prepared to punch the man in the jaw with a pair of snake like knuckle-busters he'd been wearing the whole time.
Suddenly, however, the alley way was flooded with a blinding light.
Oh no.
Reluctantly, Ian turned his head around, and was staring face to face with the British taxi. It was leering at him, and flexing its spiky horrible teeth. "Ello Gov'nor!"
Ian let go of the man he was holding and tried to make a run for it to the other and of the alley - but it was a dead end. Terrified, he turned around to see the British taxi speeding towards him. Before he could do anything about it, he was thrown up into the air by the impact, and –
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH –"
"–ARRGHH!" Bryan's own frustrated scream cut off Ian's terrified one. "What the fuck man, Ian?"
"Bryan," Ian whimpered from his bed, "It's that stupid British taxi, it's inside my head!"
"Get up, Ian." Bryan twisted round in bed and threw his legs over the side of the bed, throwing his Twilight bed sheets to the side.
"What? Whyyy?" he whined, still clutching his own blankets around his head.
"Because, your stupid baby nightmares are stopping me from getting my full nine hours of beauty sleep!" he said, narrowing his eyes threateningly. "So, we're just going to have to desensitize you. We're going to watch that movie over and over again until you stop being scared."
"What?" Ian whispered, dread filling every fibre of his being. "No, no - I can't man! You can't make me!"
"Yes," said Bryan, grabbing the scaredy midget's arm and dragging him out of the room, completely ignoring his flailing arms and legs, "I can. Now come on."
"NOOO! Bryan please, you can't do this to meeee!"
A/N: Well, there you have it, guys! I'm gonna turn this into a mini series of sorts, so it'll be about four or five chapters long. HAHA, apologies for the slight Twilight bashing – I am actually a huge fan, but I also find it really funny to bash, too.
Next chapter will be out sometime next week, with Spencer, Tala and Kai making an appearance, so I hope you've enjoyed this, and don't be shy - you'll find the review button just down there! :3
Next chapter: Friday