What was it like? What was it like to lose Harvey?
It was like saying nothing as everyone who you have ever loved slowly faded away. It was like standing and watching your entire life burn to the ground. It was like jumping into the deep end of the ocean and forgetting how to swim.
It was an endless pain. It was a numbing grey. It was static in his head. It was screaming in his ears.
It was everything and it was nothing.
Harvey. His smile. His laugh. His voice. His eyes. His mind. Him.
The last time that they had been near. The last time that Mike had seen him -- it had been the night that Mike had walked away.
Curled up on his side he had main, wrapped up tight in their blankets. He had looked so peaceful.
The sight of him had nearly urged Mike to stay -- an urge that he had forcibly ignored.
He loved him, and that was the only he was leaving. If he could he would have stayed holding on to Harvey forever.
A sad smile flickered across his face, disappearing even as the pain of the memory lingered in his eyes. Already so many others were beginning to fade but he willed himself to hold onto that one.
You would think that when the love of a person's life -- the man they gave up everything for; the man they'd give up Earth, Heaven and Eternity for -- walked out on them in the depths of the night with barely a word of explanation they would be beyond sanity with rage. You'd be wrong.
Don't give up on us.
I'll always find you.
A single message like this posted every week to his old accounts. Sent with no guarantee that they would ever be seen. Often, Mike wished that Harvey had given up. That he hadn't tried so hard. That he could have made it easier for himself to move on.
He closed down the website, hesitating before shutting down then laptop. A sigh escaped from him, the screensaver of him and Harvey filling him with pain. Everyday of his life he would miss him, but the aching was slowly growing more and more bearable.
The hands on the clock ticked away into the morning. Soon the sun would cast its spell upon the sky, creating a kaleidoscope of colours in the heavens.
Awakening the world in all its splendour.
He settled into the chair at the window. Spain in the morning was beautiful. Breathtakingly so.
The fresh air from the open window filled his lungs to the brim. He inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a long time before letting it out. He shut his eyes, trying to concentrate. He shut his eyes, trying to concentrate on all the little sounds. Everything was so much purer.
A beep from his laptop worked in bringing him out of his reverie.
"Two damaged people, trying to heal each other is love."
--R.H Sin
He checked Harvey's location immediately, his entire being stilling as the words appeared on screen -- Barcelona, Spain.
It seemed that he would have to move on again, he shook his head sadly. He had just begun to fall in love with the city.