Countdown to 2012 Farewell 2011
Category – I'm Thankful For –
Pairing – Bella & ? ( it gives too much away)
Thanks Comes in Many Ways
BPOV
"Welcome back to the VH1 Top 20 Countdown. We have Eclipse in the studio with us today. We will be showing their new video Breaking Dawn and if my informants are correct, one member of the band will be sharing with us what they are thankful for this Thanksgiving."
As I listened to Jim Shearer and looked at my band mates, I couldn't help the anticipation that was building. I probably should have warned them about what I was going to do, but the thought they may stop me had me holding my tongue. I needed to do this, for me and for us. Us, I was part of an us now and it felt great.
As the boys asked each other who had a surprise and looked at their girls questionably, I thought back to how everything started.
Eclipse started as a garage band out of Seattle. It consisted of Edward Masen as lead vocalist, Emmett McCarty on drums, Jasper Whitlock on bass, and James Hunter on lead guitar. They were just starting to make a name for themselves when James was sent to prison for beating his girlfriend to death in a drug induced haze. A friend of a friend told them about me and after an audition, I, Bella Swan, became the only female member. We played a Battle of the Bands, won, got a record deal, moved to LA and after three years are getting ready to release our second album and world tour.
"Bella, do you know what is going on? Bella?" Edward's question pulled me from my thoughts.
"Hmmm, I'm sorry Edward. I wasn't listening."
"That was Beyoncé at number 17 with Countdown. Now Edward, tell us about your new album that is coming out soon." As Edward talked I, drifted back to how things started.
I swear I fell in love with Edward Masen the second I saw him. Unfortunately, he had, still has, a girlfriend. Edward and I clicked on many levels but I have always been respectful of the fact that he is taken. The long hours in the studio caused us to grow close to each other, he is my best friend but there are times, I think he feels something for me too.
Our first tour is when I began to suspect that he might have felt more than friendship for me. Emmett's wife was our manager, Rosalie, and Jasper's wife, Alice, does our costume and stage design. They both went on tour with us and that threw Edward and I together most times. Edward's girlfriend of three years, Lauren, rarely joined us on the European tour and that left the two us to go to dinner, watch movies, or play tourist in whatever city we were in at the time. When Lauren did join him, he spent time with her but also made time for me, that confused the shit out of me.
The girls picked up on the fact that I was head over heels for Edward. He is freaking gorgeous, kind, a gentleman, what isn't there to love and they encouraged me to go after him. They hated Lauren and I had to admit she didn't fit well with the rest of the group, but I have never gone after someone else's man and I wasn't starting now.
As the months went by Edward and I were thrown together more and more, especially by the media. It was commonplace now for fans to comment on what a great couple we made or to ask how long we had been dating. We always made it a point to say we were just good friends. Edward used to tell them about Lauren but he stopped doing that and seemed to revel in teasing me about their statements. Rose and Alice took that as sign to step things up, nudging me to pursue him. I didn't understand why they didn't just confront him about things, they had known him a lot longer than they had known me.
I felt something smack my leg. "What the hell Bella, wake up." Emmett hit me with one of his drumsticks.
"What?"
"Are you even paying attention? Edward has been trying to talk to you for five minutes. We're on national television, try to look excited about it." He whisper yelled at me. I glanced at Edward and he had a concerned look on his face. He had become almost possessive of me over the last year. The more I pulled back, the tighter he tried to hold on and I found myself reminding him of the fact he had Lauren all too often. I offered a weak smile and tuned back in to my surroundings.
"… at number 13. Now, as we have done with other bands on the show since Halloween, one member is going to tell us what they are thankful for this year. Bella, I believe you were contacted about this?" Shearer looked at me expectantly. I took a deep breath, here goes.
"Yes I was." I said and quickly pulled up the text I had written earlier and hit send. "I am thankful for many things this year. I'm thankful that I get to do something I love and make a good living doing it. I am thankful for my family, friends and band mates that are like another family to me. I'm thankful for the fans, even if they get a little over zealous sometimes. But most of all, I'm thankful for this opportunity to set the record straight about some things and publicly claim the man I love. Get ready Jim, this is quite the scoop."
I saw the shocked look on everyone's faces. Jim looking at his producer, to make sure they knew about this, the band looking to Rose to see if she knew, she didn't, and the fans in the studio trying to figure out what was happening. My phone binged with a text. On my way. Rose was desperately trying to get my attention, she was going to be pissed.
"First, I know the fans, the media, and the record company like to see Edward and I as a couple but the truth is we aren't. We are good friends, as we have always said, nothing more. Yes, we spend a lot of time together, especially on tour but that is more because we travel with two married couples than anything else."
There were murmurings throughout the studio. No's and 'you and Edward should be together', along with 'why'. I waited for them to die down before I continued.
"Here's the thing, I love Edward, as a friend." I stressed. "What everyone seems to forget is that he has a girlfriend. He has had one for over four years now, since before I joined the band. She has toured with us some but, generally, keeps in the background, I decided it is time to change that. Lauren, come on out here and show everyone how happy you and Edward are."
As I watch Lauren walk across the stage I catch a glimpse of Rose and Alice, they look like they wanted to wring my neck. I look back to the band and Edward looks as if he wants to be somewhere else, I refuse to feel guilty about that fact though. As Jim asks questions about their relationship, I think back to a conversation Edward and I had more than a year ago.
For two years, I had been part of the band and in love with Edward. For two years, we had been dancing around each other and the obvious chemistry we had together. For two years, Rose and Alice had been on me to be more bold about my feelings and 'go for it' with Edward. For a year, he had been more obvious in his flirting with me and spending more time with me than her when she joined us on the road.
We were in London and after copious amounts of alcohol in the hotel bar I decided to lay my cards on the table.
"Edward I need to ask you something and I need for you not to blow me off but give me an honest answer." We were sitting in a booth, just the two of us.
"Okay Bella, hit me." He said with a wink.
"We have been circling each other for more than a year. We want each other, the looks and the chemistry, I know you feel it too." His shoulders sagged but he nodded his head looking at the table. "Are you ever going to act on it." His head snapped up. "You do realize you are the hold up? You are the one with a girlfriend Edward. Know that I want you to act on it but not until that situation is resolved."
"I do want you Bella, badly, but I couldn't ever leave Lauren. I know I'm giving you mixed signals and that you would never do anything while I'm with her, maybe someday, but I can't leave her now. I do care for her Bella." He looked despondent and I didn't want this to change our friendship, so I let him off the hook.
"Okay, still friends?" I asked and when he nodded, I leaned over and kissed his cheek before leaving the table.
Things were awkward for a few days and of course, the girls questioned me on it. I told them about the conversation and they encouraged me to wait it out, to wait for Edward. That pissed me off. I had been waiting for two years, and when I do ask him I get some lame I care for her and I can't leave her now speech. That was the night I decided to take back control of that part of my life. I did love him but either he didn't love me or it wasn't enough to leave Lauren. That was the night I asked myself when I had become a woman that put any part of her life on hold for a man, especially a man that was offering her nothing. That was the night I decided to truly open myself up to meeting someone else.
I came out of my thoughts and Shearer was done with Edward and Lauren and continuing the countdown. The others had stopped trying to talk to me, having finally determined that I wasn't going to say anything off camera about what was happening. My phone beeped again and I looked at the text. Almost there. Luv U. I couldn't help the giggle and that drew Jim's attention back to me.
"Ok Bella, so who is this mystery man?" Jim asked.
"Well, I'm not going to tell you his name yet." He groaned. "But I will say he is on his way here. He has wanted to go public for a while now, I told him about this appearance, and we have a bet about if he can get here in time to make the announcement with me, or if I will just have to tell everyone who he is?"
"And what exactly is the bet for sweet, innocent Bella?" He asked with a laugh.
"Part of it can't be repeated on TV, however, the part that can, has to do with if he moves in with me or we buy a new place."
"Move in together. How long have you been seeing each other? I mean most people thought you and Edward were a couple."
This was the hard part, I knew the guys would be shocked I had been able to hide anything. "Almost a year." I heard the gasps behind me and knew I would find their mouths hanging open if I turned to look.
"Judging by the faces of the rest of the band, you did a very good job of keeping things quiet." I nodded. "You're right, this is quite the scoop. Okay girl, start at the beginning."
"I first meet him over a year ago, when I filled in at a fundraiser in Chicago that Edward was supposed to attend." One sentence was all it took for me to be pulled back to the memory of first seeing him.
Rose called me four hours before Edward was supposed to board a flight to Chicago, for some celebrity poker game to raise money and awareness for different charitable organizations. Edward had been playing for SADD (Students Against Drunk Drivers), his brother had been killed in high school by a drunk driver and it was a cause close to his heart. Apparently, something had come up with Lauren and he couldn't go. I knew this was important to him so I agreed to fill in.
I wasn't out of my element playing poker, but I was not used to being around that much testosterone in a confined space. They could have warned me I was one of five women and that most of the celebrities were athletes. I noticed him across the room when I sat down at my first table. He was the first man in a long time to grab my attention. We were seated at the same table for the second round and talking to him was like talking to an old friend you hadn't seen in a while, but were still comfortable with. He went out in that round, I almost felt bad taking his money. I was out in the third round. He asked me to dinner and we ended up talking until the wee hours of the morning.
"And was it love at first sight?" Jim asked.
"No, we went out to dinner, had a great time but didn't expect to see each other again. The next weekend the band was in New York to perform in Central Park and we ran into each other again, we spent the day sightseeing and it was as if we had always known each other, very relaxed."
It had been too, that was the first time he kissed me and we exchanged phone numbers. We didn't expect more than to be able to get together when we were both in the same town, but neither one of us wanted to lose touch with the other.
"Okay let's get back to the countdown for a minute. Next up at number five is The Script with Nothing." Jim introduced the next video and I looked at the shocked faces of everyone.
Edward, I'm sure, was wondering about all the times over the last year he had called me to do something and I either wasn't at home or was unavailable. Emmett and Jasper were probably thinking about the times I just 'disappeared' on the road. I had no idea what Rose was thinking, but I was positive Alice was remembering our conversation and wondering if it had set things in motion, it did, it changed everything.
The band was in London, promoting the album and doing a photo shoot when I ran into him again. It was the sixth time in three months and on a different continent. I wondered how many chances fate would give us before she gave up.
I was waiting to board the London Eye, the last signing session had me reaching my fun level for the day quickly. I was tired of telling people Edward and I weren't a couple and hearing how much better he could do then me. He was coming off the Eye with his son, they were on holiday and had come to England see relatives. We laughed at the fact that something was obviously trying to throw us together and agreed to talk about it when we both returned to the States.
I talked to Alice the next day about the guy I kept running into in different cities and couldn't get out of my mind. Alice, Miss I'm all about fate, the stars aligning, and nothing is ever a coincidence Bella, shocked the shit out of me when she said I should forget him and concentrate on Edward. Edward, who had a girlfriend and told me he would never leave her, she talked about how she knew he had feelings for me and I just needed to stick it out for a while longer.
That is when I knew that while Alice was my friend, my good friend, she had known Edward much longer and her loyalty lay with him, not me. That was when I knew I needed to get over Edward, at least try to be happy with someone else. That was also when I realized I would need to keep any relationship to myself. I loved Edward, I did, but I had never put my life on hold for a man, any man, especially one that couldn't be honest about his feelings for me or the real reason he was staying with his girlfriend. I was tired of being patient, I was going after my happiness, even if that meant letting go of Edward Masen.
My phone binged and I'm sure my face held a big smile as I read the text. Parking the car now. Can't wait :) He could be so cute sometimes.
"I take it by that smile that your mystery man is close." Jim asked.
"Yes, he's parking the car."
"At least tell us something about him before he gets here." Jim whined.
"Well, he's an athlete and was traded to one of the LA teams recently."
"So, that's why you're going public now?"
"It's one of the reasons, but mainly, it's time and because of an incident last week when we were at dinner."
"An incident? This sounds good, come on Bella give us something more."
"Ok, we were at dinner last week when a female fan of Edward's came up to our table and started yelling at me for two-timing…"
"B…B…Belllllleeeeee," I heard being shouted threw the studio. I turned and caught him as he launched himself at me.
"Yeah Little Man, where's daddy?"
"He's coming, he's slow and I can run fast." He giggled and planted a wet kiss on my cheek. "I missed you B."
"I missed you too. Did you go to practice with Daddy?" He nodded.
"Yep, I couldn't miss this and it's good thing, the coach was yelling at daddy when he said he had to leave, but I told him we had to go get my new mommy. You're my new mommy now aren't you B?"
I felt the tears welling, "I would love to be your new mommy but I think you need to talk to daddy first."
"I did but he said something stupid 'bout scaring you and I told him what you told me about Lizzie. Suck it up Dad, girls are nothing to be scared of and you aren't scary Bellee. Why would he think you are scary?" I laughed but didn't have time to answer.
"Ethan. Ethan I told you not to run from me." He was calling for his son. "I'm sorry did you see a little boy, he's six. Thank you." I don't think he realized how close he was to us because within seconds he walked out onto the stage with us.
"Fuck me is she dating…" I heard Emmett ask one of the guys.
"Dammnnn he is fine." That came from Rose and Alice. A gasp came from the audience in general but Jim's reaction was good too.
"Holy shit, you're Carlisle Cullen, the new Center for the LA Kings." He turned to me in wonder. "An athlete? An athlete? You're living with Cullen?"
"I told you it would be a scoop." Carlisle came up and gave me a quick kiss before moving to stand with his arm around me. Jim introduced the next video before asking Carlisle about the move to LA and how he liked playing with the Kings?
I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I looked around the studio and at the band. Rose looked happy for me, Jasper and Emmett were looking at Carlisle like he was some type of god, Alice looked pissed, and Edward looked defeated, but gave Lauren a small smile when she nudged him. Looking at Edward, I remembered the conversation Carlisle and I had when we decided to really try to have a relationship, even it was long distance.
The Blackhawks were playing the Flames in Calgary and I flew up for the game. The game was less than a week after I talked to Alice and I couldn't get that conversation out of my mind, Carlisle noticed I was distracted. I decided if we were truly going to try this I needed to come clean with him. So, I told him everything about the last two years, including my talks with Edward and Alice.
"Bella, as much as it pains me to say this, because I do want to see where this thing between us leads, are you sure you want this. It sounds to me like he does have feelings for you, strong feelings, even if he is giving you mixed signals. He may have a very valid reason for staying with her."
"Honestly, I'm sure he does have a good reason, but whatever it is, he isn't sharing it with me. If he had said to me that I need to wait or explained things to me, I probably wouldn't be here now, but he doesn't trust me enough to tell the truth and that hurts. I'm tired of the way we are billed as a couple, which he encourages, but we aren't. He gives me just enough to keep me waiting in the wings and I have had enough of that shit. The fundraiser in Chicago was the first time, since Edward, that I have been attracted, really attracted, to a man. You, Carlisle, I was and am attracted to you. Then fate kept pushing us together and I refuse to ignore that. I want to see where this goes Carlisle, but felt you have a right to know why I may pull back sometimes. Edward has really done a number on me without meaning to and given how closely he and I work, I don't ever want you to see him as a threat to us."
"I don't know how well that will work Bella." He said with a chuckle. "He is closer to your age and the man is considered the 'sexiest man alive'."
"You make that list as well, Carlisle, and the age difference isn't that big for us, it doesn't bother me at all. Like I said, the media love to promote us as a couple but what we are is friends that do things together sometimes. What I'm trying to say, and doing a bad job of, is that I don't want you to see pictures of he and I in the papers and wonder if there is anything going on between us. I am a one man kind of girl and if we do this, I'm all in, just you and me."
"If we are really trying this then I need to tell you about my ex-wife and my son."
"Was it hard for the two you to maintain a long distance relationship? You are both in high profile jobs and the fans probably don't make things easy either." Jim asked us, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"It wasn't easy, especially in the beginning." Carlisle said and smirked at me. I knew we were both thinking about Philadelphia.
It had been five months since Calgary, we text, skyped, called each other several times a day, and made certain to physically see each other at least twice a month. It was hard but very worth it.
Carlisle was getting ready to go on the road to play the Flyers, some disturbing pictures of him and his ex-wife were published in the Chicago paper. They had been divorced for two years but the story with the pictures alluded to the fact they were getting back together. I hurt and I was pissed. It wasn't the first time this had happened but for some reason it bothered me more this time. We talked on the phone before his flight and for the most part he was able to reassure me that the article and quotes she had given were not in any way true. Life was good, until he landed.
I received a text when he got in to Philly ok, which was odd because he normally called and the text was short and to the point. So, I called him.
"Is everything okay Carlisle? I'm sorry I got so upset about the article. I just didn't expect her to say the two of you were trying to reconcile."
"I know Bella, it's just hard sometimes to laugh things off."
"Too hard?" I asked. The tone of his voice had me worried, he sounded pissed.
"Well, first I get a call from my girlfriend accusing me of wanting my ex-wife back. Then I fly half way across the country for work and as soon as I get off the plane I have to see pictures of my girlfriend with fucking Masen on the front page of the Star, laughing and looking like he is getting ready to kiss her. What the fuck Bella?"
I was shocked at the venom in his voice. "I haven't seen any pictures Carlisle. I mean, I told you we went to lunch but it was not in any way intimate. I'm sorry…"
"Listen, no pun intended, but I need to get my head in the game Bella. I just can't do this right now. I'll call you when I get back to Chicago." Then he hung up on me.
I went on line to see the pictures and they were bad, but they were also old, not from our recent lunch. I didn't like the way Carlisle was acting. I had a feeling his ex-wife was making a play for him and he didn't want to tell me. Add to that the fact that he felt threatened by me still working with and seeing Edward most days, I had a bad feeling this was much more than a simple misunderstanding. Thankfully, nothing was scheduled for the next few days and I hopped the first flight out of LA to Philly.
I went to the game. The Flyers were an aggressive team and Carlisle was normally an aggressive player but this was ridiculous, it was Carlisle with roid rage. I could tell he was distracted and angry, very angry. To top it off, his anger was not improving his game. The Hawks won, but it was an ugly game. I waited until the team had left the stadium before going to the hotel I knew they stayed at. With some flirting and a hundred bucks I was able to get out of the guy at the counter what room he was staying in, I was not going down without a fight.
When he opened the door he was shocked and not happy. "Bella, why are you here?" He asked without asking me into the room.
"I'm here because this feels like a defining moment in our relationship and I am not giving up easily on us Carlisle. Those pictures are old Carlisle, taken over a year ago. I have a feeling there is more going on with your ex-wife then you are telling me but I trust you. If you say she isn't a threat to us, then I believe you. Can you believe me when I tell you Edward isn't a threat to us either?"
"Not a threat." He scoffed. I was still in the hall and doors were starting to open around me as our voices got louder. "You loved him, you work with and see him almost every day. He is the sexiest man alive and not almost ten years older than you, he wants you Bella, he may not act on those feelings but I see them in the pictures, he fucking wants you."
"Well fuck him," I yelled. "I don't want him. I don't want someone who has feelings for me but is too afraid to tell me or act on them or explain why he won't act on them. I want a man who will grow some balls and fight for me, for us, no matter how hard it is, who believes that as long as we have faith in each other we can get through anything." Some of his teammates had moved into the hall, openly watching the drama we were putting on for them.
"I am fighting for us." He yelled back at me. "It just gets so fucking hard sometimes and he is a threat. If you see it or not, I feel threatened by him. Fucking Masen." I felt almost defeated.
"I can't reassure you any more than I already have. I. Do. Not. Want. Edward Masen." He wasn't looking at me and it scared the hell out of me. "Damn it. I fucking love you Carlisle. You are the only one I want. Why won't you believe me?"
His head snapped up. "What did you just say?"
"I said I fucking lov…" I gasp and put my hands over my mouth. Oh my God, I love Carlisle. I thought about it for a moment and it felt so…right. I love Carlisle.
"I love you too Bella." He whispered and grabbed my wrists pulling me close to him. "I fucking love you too." He shouted before kissing me hard. He was running his hands over my ass before we realized we were still in the hall with quite the crowd clapping at our display.
He pulled me into his room and I wish I could say the first time we made love was sweet and romantic but that would be a lie. It was hard, rough and primal. From the moment we tore each other's clothes off we didn't stop until we physically couldn't move. It was a claiming by both of us and exactly what we needed.
"No it wasn't, we had several heated talks about different things printed in the tabloids, but all you can do is trust each other and that's what we did." I smirked back at him because that is what we do, now.
"Yes it is," Carlisle said and leaned in for a kiss. "We also tried to see each other as much as possible. She would fly to my games or Chicago, I would fly to her concerts or LA. We made it work and when there was talk of a trade, due to the salary cap, I made it known I had no problem moving west."
"Daddy got to see B a lot more than I did." Ethan said with a pout.
"Not now though, you'll see her every day." Jim told him.
"I know." Ethan shouted as he scrambled onto my lap.
Jim played the last few videos as I introduced my men to the band. They looked a little hurt that I had kept this from them, but that was a discussion for another time. They had made it pretty obvious over the years they didn't want me with anyone but Edward, and that hadn't worked for me for quite a while. I did love Edward, as a friend. Carlisle and Ethan were my world, my heart beat faster for them and only them.
"Ethan, I asked Bella earlier what she was thankful for this year. What are you thankful for this year?"
"Thankful?" Ethan asked and looked at his dad confused.
"It means what are you happy about or something that is going to happen that you are glad about." Carlisle told him.
"Ooohhhh, I'm really glad that B will finally be living with us and not just having a sleepover. But I heard daddy and B talking at night and the thing I'm most happy 'bout is…" He leaned into Jim Shearer and whispered loudly. "I heard them talking 'bout loping and how to tell me I'm gonna be a big brother."
"Oh, shit." Carlisle and I said together.
"Ooookay folks. That's it for this week folks. I doubt next week will be this interesting but have a great Thanksgiving and we'll see you next weekend on VH1's Top 20 Countdown."
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended on Twilight, VH1, or any of the cities or organizations used in this story.
This was my entry for the Countdown to 2012 – did you guess it was me? I also have one for the Christmas countdown so be sure to check that out too.
Thanks for reading and please review.