Title: The Night Weights Heavy

Author: Lawrence Payne Gunn.

Timeline: Angel Season 5: After Shell (5x16).

Setting: Lincoln Memorial Hospital in Los Angles, California. Room 509.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own nothing. A whole slew of other people own these characters and concepts.

Comments: Constructive feedback is always appreciated. :)

Archiving: If you want to, sure. Feel free. Just tell me if you do.

Summary: To sleep. Perchance to dream. Gunn tries to recuperate from his wounds but things seem to get in the way.

Charles Gunn sat in his hospital bed staring at the blinking lights on the medical equipment as they rhythmically danced across the screen. The pain from the stab wound in his stomach was gone, but the pain in his heart was sharper than ever. The high-pitched sounds of the heart monitor beeped in cadence, a constant and steady rhythm that matched the dancing lights of the other monitors. Charles hated that sound. It was a constant reminder of his continuing life. The smell of powder and antiseptic alcohol mixed with a light scent of pine was yet another constant throughout his hospital stay. Charles hated that too. The constant cleanliness was a prison in and of itself. He was stuck, confined to a room that had been scrubbed free of all life, creating a sterile and bland world within which nothing new could grow. A fitting prison for someone who had committed his crimes.

As he stared at the IV in his arm, he wondered why it was there. Why was he still here? Why was he still alive? And why did she have to...

Charles stopped staring at his IV and leaned back. He knew his bed was pressed up against the wall, but he did not care. He let his neck go limp while he fell backward in the bed, intentionally banging his head against the hard concrete wall. The pain gave him an odd kind of comfort. As he lay in his hospital bed, his eyes focused on the ceiling, he tried to remember what happened. He had no problem recalling the factual events of the last month. He remembered them clearly. Charles spent most of his waking hours reliving them. The problem was his inability to make sense of it all. As real as he knew it was, it all still felt like he was starring in someone else's bizarre dream.

Then it happened. Again.

"My, My! MY! How the mighty have fallen?" A female voice taunted. As usual, it came from the darkest corner of the room. These little visits were yet another hated routine in his hospital stay. It was odd that she came around now. She never visited him before. Before everyone hated him. Before the man he thought was his friend tried to kill him. Before he got her...

"Go away," Charles said, his tone more of a plea than a command.

"Why should I? You never left me alone. You used me to justify everything you have ever done. Even this."

"That is not true."

"Isn't it? I am the reason you started hunting vampires. I am the reason you sold your soul. The first time. I am the reason you ditched your old gang and ran with Angel. And I am the reason you decided to join Wolfram & Hart. Everything in your life has evolved from what happened to me."

Charles said nothing.

"Come on Charley!" the mystery voice taunted, "You're Mr. Big Shot Lawyer Man now. You have to say something."

"So what?"

"So what? So What? They put all of those law school smarts and demonology stuff in your brain and the best comeback you can think of is 'so what'?"

"So what if you're right?" Charles blasted back. "Yeah, my entire life has been about what happened to you. And yes, I never let you go. But I killed a hell of a lot of vamps and helped a hell of a lot of people. I did some real good. Until..."

"Until now. What happened this time?"

Again Charles did not respond. He just stared at the ceiling.

"Wooo! Stunned into silence again. Am I batting a thousand today or what?" His mysterious guest finally showed herself. She emerged from the darkened corner. His visitor was Alonna Gunn his younger, and long dead, sister. She looked exactly the same as she did the day Charles found her body. The day a soulless monster drained her life away just so it could go on living.

She was hollow. Her smooth, dark skin was pale and dry. She had two large puncture wounds in her neck with tracks of blood on her t-shirt and jeans. Her eyes, which were once vibrant pools of life, were open and empty. Those same eyes now stared straight into his soul.

Charles sat up in his bed again. He stared at his hands as they rested in his lap.

"Don't go blaming them," Alonna scolded, referring to his hands. "It's not their fault."

"I know," Charles said.

"Then whose fault is it?"

"It was Knox. He did this."

"Wrong again big bro. Try Another!"

Try Another was a game he and Alonna use to play as kids. It was a lot like 20 Questions only with people. One of them would think of someone who lived in the neighborhood and the other would try to figure out who it was. It was one of the few truly happy memories from his childhood. When Charles saw the kids in his old neighborhood playing it, it always made him happy. Now it caused him nothing but pain.

"Knox!..." Charles began. He was finally breaking out of his 'zombie mode'. His voice showed real emotion for the first time.

"...Did exactly what he wanted to do. What he was always going to do. He was planning this for years, bro. Years! He had to be. All he needed was the right time, the right girl, and you."

Once again, there was nothing but silence from Charles. His eyes stayed fixed on his hands. Alonna moved from the corner. She sat on the edge of his bed and looked her big brother in the eyes.

" 'If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything' ", she said. "Isn't that what Mom use to say to us? 'You have got to keep your head screwed on straight.' Well. Did you listen? Have you kept your head screwed on straight? Have you bro? Naaa. You haven't. You let a bunch of demons mess with your head. Why? Because you thought you were stupid? You're not stupid bro. Let me rephrase that. You weren't stupid before, but you are now. Now, you are just stupid enough. Just stupid enough to abandon everything Momma ever taught you. Just stupid enough to trust that thing in the White Room. Just stupid enough to get another woman who loved you killed. And you are just stupid enough to help Knox create..." At that moment, Alonna face, body, and voice transformed into the evil blue visage of llyria. "Me!" Illyria said in an ominous tone.

Charles Gunn awoke from his nightmare in a cold sweet. He quickly sat up in bed. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears. He was out of breath, gasping for air like a fish out of water. As he struggled to catch his breath, he searched the room for his sister. She was nowhere in sight.

The hospital intercom clicked on. The voice of one of the female nurses asked, "Are you alright Mr. Gunn?"

"What?"

"Are you alright? Your heart rate is at a very high level."

"Fine... I'm... I'm fine."

Charles wiped the sweat off of his face with his hand.

"Would you like a sedative to help you sleep?"

"No," Charles replied. "I've slept enough for one... for one lifetime."

END