AN:

Hey guys, I am now attempting to write a IchiRuki fanfic on my own. FIRST TIME EVER! I hate writing but people say I'm decent at it so I'm going to give it a try since I believe there needs to be stories that haven't been touched out there.

This is going from Orihime's POV on Ichigo and Rukia's separation after Ichigo lost his powers. Just a warning, it's kinda angsty but I hope to make it happier later on.

So far this is what I got, hope you guys enjoy…

Disclaimer: I dont even own the font...

Uncomfortable Understanding

"This is farewell… Ichigo…"

"Seems so"

The replay of their goodbye was stuck in Orihime Inoue's head like a broken record that wouldn't stop.

"Give everyone my regards"

"I will"

'Stop, stop, stop!' Orihime thought smothering her head into her fluffy bed pillow as if to wipe away the memory.

The pain in Ichigo's face haunted her; the look in Rukia's eyes told her everything she needed to know.

"Bye, Rukia" Ugh, she could hear the dejection in his voice, see the hurt in his eyes.

Once those last words were expressed, and the unsaid ones of timid intimacy-Orihime knew she would have a heart attack if she heard, flashed between the two in her mind, she sat upright in a huff. Looking as bad as her hurricane of emotions that racked her every night.

For two months, it took toll on her now exhausted and defeated body.

It happened continuously after Kuchiki-san left and wasn't getting any better.

The dreams in the beginning were bearable, she didn't think too hard on them when they started because she regretfully choose to ignore the pang in her heart that told her to look away when Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san said their farewells. But her stubbornness stayed grounded and told her to look, absorb, read word for word, and to see the poorly hidden but still unspoken feelings and desires the dense couple covered with casual words.

She saw what they didn't see, felt what they concealed, and longed for what they had. This hurt her, hurt her so much. Much more than any other time their feelings weren't subdued well enough, especially Kurosaki-kun's. She knew how much he loved Kuchiki-san…ever since the beginning… But still she hoped, hoped endlessly, that he would somehow reciprocate her feelings… just for a moment.

That moment changed everything and the pain of her feelings flashed in her heart every night like a phantom pain after getting in a traumatic accident. It was an accident all right, but it wasn't physical no matter how much her body protested otherwise.

In the beginning, it was light, normal that her brain would replay the events of something as heartbreaking as losing a friend. The scene didn't seem to focus on that one point either, but glossed over her entire day as if she was watching a movie on fast forward. After a couple days though, the memories became shorter, to focus of Kurosaki-kun finally awaking after his long slumber and learning that his powers were gone. The first person he acknowledging of course being the black haired Shinigami...

It saddened her to see the boy she loved looked so hopeless and defeated. At that moment she remembered the harsh and drowning feeling of wanting to hug him then and there, and tell him 'it was going to be okay', or to 'not be so sad' like her dear brother would do for her whenever she got hurt. She stopped herself though because she knew that, that wouldn't help him; wouldn't make him feel better, but instead make him frustrated with himself even more. She knew only Kuchiki-san could bring him out of his stupor and whip that melancholic smile off his face that he wore around herself every time they talked. It was as if it was a reminder, something that taunted her and let her know that he was unhappy and depressed and that she, she couldn't fix it.

"Ah!" She screamed out of exasperation. Every day since she understood her feelings for this man, has she wanted to be his rock, his partner, his lover….his Kuchiki-san…

Sometimes when she saw him and he made that face, she wanted to get angry! But she quickly felt guilt afterwards for thinking such a way towards a friend, let alone the man she gave her heart to.

After two weeks, the images finally slowed on the scene she was battling with now. Slowly, she was able to analyze the scene in her mind and see the underlying feelings in the gestures and in their eyes, those same feelings that made her heart squeeze like a sponge and kept her up for hours to try and forget.

After a month of having to deal with the drowning pain it tortured her with, and the once numb compulsion to throw up turned into something that was made active, causing her to lose an unhealthy amount of weight. Something even her special bean paste, sardine, and red pepper ramen with avocado and wasabi couldn't fix. Ironically, she started to see why people thought her cooking was so disgusting when she couldn't even stomach it. Her physical appearance started to show signs and people started to notice. As usual, she would play off her feelings with a nervous smile and a hand on her neck. Sometimes she felt she was trying to comfort herself more than the friends that were worried for her.

Even Tatsuki seemed like someone who wouldn't understand.

Kurosaki-kun's depression affected her like malady. When he felt pain she also felt it. Everything she did reflected him in it and it burned her up inside.

Orihime looked to her side to see the alarm clock flash 2 am. She decided to get ready for school early, which became a norm with her erratic sleeping pattern.

She jumped off her twin bed and into her fluffy slippers and shuffled to the bathroom.

Once she reached the sink, Orihime looked at her reflection to see the pitiful image of her once brazen and bubbly self. The uncanny bags under her bloodshot eyes, and fresh tears that, even though the dream was over, continued to run down her face as she hurried to wipe them away with her hands.

She had started wearing make-up to cover this and eye drops to clear her vision. The brunette cleaned her face, relieved herself, took an extra-long shower in which she drifted off twice, and prepared toast with wasabi paste as her breakfast.

She mournfully pulled on her shoes, and after years of practice, put on a bubbly and happy façade across her weary face. Ready to conceal and try not to feel the dread and torment that she faced alone every day when she saw Kurosaki-kun, along with the guilt that suffocated her as usual. But she wouldn't let him know, wouldn't let her friends know, she'd even try to forget it herself. She'd be there for Kurosaki-kun when he needed it, comfort him when he looked down, and ask to hang out with him every time the chance came. She'd almost religiously come to his house every Wednesday with baked breads as an excuse, but truly just wanted to be in his presence. 'How disgusting', she thought…

Sometimes she truly hated herself.

Maybe it wasn't the scene of Kuchiki-san leaving than haunted her dreams, but self-loathing at the hideous desires she tried to suppress. Whishing instead of Kuchiki-san being the one to get those looks from Kurosaki-kun but herself, she being the one to save HIM, she being that close to HIM, she getting HIM in the end,

and she finally stealing HIM away since Kuchiki-san's gone.

AN: Dont be afraid to give me a review and leave a comment, I need to know what I need to improve on. If you believe you can write it better than by all means PLEASE write it from your perspective. This is probably going to be a one-shot anyway depending on how many people like this. I mainly want to put ideas out there anyway not really write them -like I said I hate writing-.

Anyways thanks to all who have read, it makes me happy to know it's interesting enough.

COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT!

Even though I dont like to do this kind of stuff -no offence to people who do it's just not my taste- I still want to get better :)

Sayonara~