A/N: This is set about nine weeks after the attack "The Ghost of You" (if you haven't read it, you might not really get this) and everything has started returning to normal, apart from Chantelle and Serena.
The song I used is "Darlin'" by Avril Lavigne.
Sarah x
"Ms. Campbell?" Hanssen's voice rang out across the ward. She turned to face him, rubbing the scar on her throat subconsciously. It had become a habit when ever she was approached by Hanssen, Michael or Ric in the hospital. A reminder, of sorts.
"Mr. Hanssen," she smiled politely.
"I was wondering," he began, "had you spoken with Miss Lane recently?"
"No," she said carefully. "She's been running around like a headless chicken for the past two months. Nobody's had a chance to sit down and speak to the girl. And not for lack of trying, either. I know Ric tried last week and got nowhere."
"Well, I've just passed her on the third floor stairwell, and she looks rather miserable," he explained. "To be expected, but perhaps you could have a word with her? You've been through the same thing before, after all."
She pulled her latex gloves off and sighed her consent. She wandered away to the stairs, and found, as Hanssen predicted, Chantelle sitting at the foot of the stairs, looking thoroughly upset.
Darlin', you're hiding in the closet once again
Start smilin'
I know you're tryin', real hard not to turn your head away
Pretty darlin'
Face tomorrow, tomorrow's not yesterday
Yesterday, oh, oh
"What are you hiding here for?" Serena smiled, and Chantelle looked up at her. Serena had been afraid of this. Chantelle had come from a sheltered background; she knew her parents loved her, and always did their best for her, and always protected her, even at this age. She sat down next to the young woman, knowing exactly how she felt. There was only one difference – unlike when Serena was first attacked, everyone around her knew what happened to Chantelle.
"Just had enough," she sighed, leaning her head against the railing. Serena watched as the tears welled up in her blue eyes.
"Come on," Serena said, taking Chantelle's small hand in hers. "Where's that world famous smile of yours?" She was trying to encourage her to learn how to smile again, and try and forget the nightmare that was the past nine weeks.
"I'm trying, but it's really hard," she confessed.
"I know."
"I can't even go in that store room. I always send someone else," she admitted. "It's like he's still there."
"Oh, God," she breathed, putting her arm around her shoulders. "He's not going to hurt you again. He's in the past, not the future. He's not in your future. He's almost certainly going to be sent to prison, both for what he did to me and what he did to you."
"I'm sorry, Ms. Campbell," she said.
Pretty please, I know it's a drag
Wipe your eyes and put up your head
I wish you could be happy instead
There's nothing else I can do
But love you the best that I can
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
"Don't be silly," Serena scolded her gently. "I've been where you are. I know how difficult it is to stand up straight and remind everyone of who you really are." Serena wiped the tears away with her thumb, letting a sad smile grace her lips.
"I hate this," she replied. Serena just pulled her head onto her shoulder, wishing the process would just speed up for Chantelle. She was the nicest girl she'd ever had the pleasure of coming across, and she deserved nothing less than complete happiness – something Serena knew must have felt totally out of reach for her just now.
"I won't claim to be a miracle worker, Chantelle," Serena said gently into her blonde hair. "All I can really do is listen."
It was the truth, because telling her how to feel wasn't going to help her. It would only confuse her. She had to do it for herself, and no pushing from anyone was going to help her. She'd watched others make this mistake with Chantelle for two months now; people kept prodding her for answers, wanting to know exactly what happened. It wasn't at all helpful. What Chantelle needed was support, not a game of twenty questions.
Darlin', I was there once a while I go
I know, that it's hard to be stuck with people
That you love when nobody trusts
"I just want it all to go away, and for everything to be like it was before. I want everyone to stop giving me that look, like I'm someone completely different," she unloaded, and Serena felt her heart break a little bit. She remembered how hard it was when she went through that after Ric and Michael and Hanssen found out. Chantelle had been the only one who, even when she first figured it out, still treated her as the charming but ruthless Serena Campbell. Ric eventually came around to see her that way again, but the past still had a heavy presence in their relationship.
"Oh, darling," she sighed. "Shall I let you in on a little secret?" She felt Chantelle nod against her scarred neck, and continued, "Ric had to wake me out of a nightmare in the early hours of this morning. I'm not over it, and nobody expects me to be. Nobody expects you to be, either. I know you don't like all these people asking questions and checking up on you. It feels like they don't trust you, doesn't it?"
"It's like they think I'm weak," she explained. "I'm not weak," she asserted.
"I know you're not," Serena assured her. "You're still here, aren't you? You're still Chantelle. No matter what," she smiled. "They do trust you. And even if they don't, I'll always trust you."
Pretty please, I know it's a drag
Wipe your eyes and put up your head
I wish you could be happy instead
There's nothing else I can do
But love you the best that I can
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
That I can
Oh, oh, oh
"Do you?" she asked, and it was the first time Serena had heard distrust in the blonde's voice. She buried her face in her golden hair, trying to comfort her. She could see she hadn't spoken about it with anyone before now. She suspected that perhaps she didn't trust anyone but Serena with it. After all, who knew what happened better than the woman who almost died in that room?
"Of course I do."
Serena just sat there with Chantelle, her arm holding the younger woman to her side, her head rested on top of hers. She hated watching Chantelle suffer. She was such a beautiful, vibrant, kind-hearted woman, and now she was confused and hurt and simply didn't know what to think. Serena knew what it was like.
There wasn't much she could tell Chantelle that she didn't already know. Unfortunately, knowing something wasn't the same as practising it. They both knew what it felt like, and they both knew that they had to push forwards and be strong. But sometimes, and Serena knew this better than anyone, it was difficult not to look back and remember all the reasons that people couldn't safely be trusted
All she could do was stick at Chantelle's side, and never ever give up on her.
You're not the only one who's been through it
I've been there alone and now so are you
I just want you to know
Want you to know, it's not your fault
It's not your fault
"You're not alone," Serena reminded her. "I've been there, and I'm still there sometimes. Sometimes I can almost feel him behind me. Sometimes I hear Ric move through the night and part of me thinks there's someone else there. Nothing they tell me takes that away. Don't let them tell you how to feel," she whispered.
"Sometimes I think it was my own fault. I was stupid enough to go after him, even though I knew what he did to you," Chantelle admitted. Serena had been afraid of this. She knew Chantelle would end up blaming herself for what happened to them.
"Hey," Serena objected. "It wasn't your fault. He used you. You were just doing your job and he used it against you to get at me."
If anything, Serena felt it was her own fault for not telling Hanssen the truth to begin with. She knew now that, despite their often strained relationship, he would have protected her and transferred him. Then none of that would've happened. Chantelle wouldn't have been hurt. Serena wouldn't have ended up an inch from death. Michael, Jac and Sacha wouldn't have had to step in and stop her running away.
Oh, oh, your fault, your fault
It's not your fault
Your fault, your fault, your fault
"It isn't your fault," she whispered again into Chantelle hair. "It was never your fault, darling," she repeated. She'd found a close bond with Chantelle through this; she had no problem with letting her weaknesses show to her, and she had no problem with being close to her.
Pretty please, I know it's a drag
Wipe your eyes and put up your head
I wish you could be happy instead
There's nothing else I can do
But love you the best that I can
She turned Chantelle around to face her and noticing silent tears falling down her bronzed cheeks. "I know it's hard," Serena began, wiping the tears away. "But you need to keep your head held high and be strong. Show everyone you're stronger than he was."
Serena gently placed held Chantelle's face in her hands, and the blonde's fingers fell to Serena's arm, tracing the scar sadly. She remembered the dark joke she shared with Ric when she woke up after surgery - "I'll consider them mementos."
"Don't worry about my scars," she ordered the nurse. "I'll get used to them. You need to look after yourself for once."
"You know what I'm like, Ms. Campbell," Chantelle replied.
"Serena," she corrected her.
"Serena," she allowed. "Everyone else comes first."
"Then let me look after you," she implored.
Pretty please, I know it's a drag
Wipe your eyes and put up your head
I wish you could be happy instead
There's nothing else I can do
But love you the best that I can
"I don't want anyone taking pity on me," Chantelle revealed. "I don't want to be babied. I want to find a way to put it behind me and be happy again."
"There is nothing I want more than for you to be happy," Serena answered her. "And I'm not taking pity on you. I'm trying to help you with something I'm going through as well. There's a difference."
Serena pulled her into a tight cuddle, kissing her hair lightly. It was all she could do to stand by her, and help her understand what was going on in her head. "Keep being strong," she whispered into her ear.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
That I can
Oh, oh, oh
Darlin, you're hiding in the closet once again
Start smilin'
She let Chantelle free, scanning her face for any indication she needed another talking to. Deciding she'd done all she could – for now – Serena ordered her, "Let me see that beautiful smile." It was the first time she'd ever seen Chantelle truly struggle to smile; she'd always thought it was the girl's natural response to pretty much everything. "Come on. I know it's still there."
Chantelle's lips didn't move at all, so Serena did the one thing sure to bring a smile to her face; she tickled her in the stomach, and Chantelle started laughing involuntarily. "Stop it!" she giggled. When Serena relented, the smile remained.
They looked at each other and started grinning, and Serena knew this was the start for Chantelle. This was the start of her remembering who she used to be, and hopefully she was on her way to being smiling, warm, kind, bright Chantelle Lane once more.
Hope this is OK!
Please feel free to leave a review and tell me your thoughts!
Sarah x